Feb 1

Should write Lucius with that suggestion. "Dear Lucius - your son looks oddly good in heels and a leather corset. I highly suggest buying a better pimp cane with which to rebuild your fortune. Love, Harry"

later: did! Look forward to response.

Feb 2

Still waiting on response from Lucius. Always returned letters promptly before - except for tea, I suppose.
Wonder if can get away with wearing skirts to class. Except maybe to potions. Snape finally left off and do not want to fight that battle again. Might have to ask Sir Sirius to stab the Snapey dragon at next meeting, if necessary.
Do have the perfect skirts for it, though.

Feb 4

Lucius's response came. Asked if knew where to buy a good pimp cane.

Feb 5

Wore skirt for first time to class. Lavender asked where I got it. Told her at Tiger Lily's, and she ran off to owl them for a skirt. Did not actually buy it there (its previous incarnation was the trousers from Shacklebolt). Tiger Lily's, is, in fact, the bondage shop Draco's gear and heels were purchased from. Does have skirts, but are mostly dragon leather with studs and spikes on inside. Also only come in tackiest of colors. Would not be caught dead in any of them.

Feb 7

Oooh yes. Think may have won the universe - large delivery of Tiger Lily goods came for Draco this morning, when did not buy any for him. Also possibly won some brownie points with Hermione. Lavender showed up at breakfast in one of Tiger Lily's subtler skirts, which, given the amount of time Hermione spent feeling her up under the table, is appreciated. Hermione denied it, but am familiar enough with feeling up to know the effects when see them.
Caught Snape staring at arse yesterday. Cannot blame him, as it is a fine arse, but will watch him. Sirius would enjoy a reason to go after him.

Feb 10

Must decide what to do for Remus and Sirius for Valentines. Horrible singing dwarf gram, though desirable, not possible, as Sirius is still wanted criminal and dwarfs are talkative little bastards.

Feb 14

Best Valentine ever. Dobby, in a school girl skirt and knee high socks, singing worst quasi-love poem was possible to find. Wrote it down for the horror of future generations.

Before I met you, the sun looked like a grape.
Now the sun looks like a mass of flames.
Speaking of flames,
Have you felt the heat of the flames
Of my love for you?
Assuming you have, did it make you uncomfortable?
If not, would you please fan those flames
With the constant reasurrance that you also love me?
Although you probably don't love me,
Because nobody ever has,
I have this irrational hope that perhaps you could be the one,
To finally bring a little light to my pathetic life,
To love me for who I am,
And believe in me,
Even though I don't believe in myself,
Because I'm not actually sure if I exist
Or if I'm the figment of someone else's imagination.

Look forward to mortified letters, as asked Dobby to sing it in front of other Order members.

Feb 15

Am being threatened with no sex for Dobby's song. Doubt threats will be carried through. Have little wool skirt, after all.

Feb 19

Letter from Molly. Expressed concern about my mental health and health of relationship with Remus and Sirius. Will not respond because she has already made up her mind. While Molly v Sirius show downs are often things of awe, should probably avoid causing them. Last one, over little wool skirt, resulted in blue hair and Sirius belching soap bubbles for a week. Made blow jobs interesting, apparently.

Feb 20

Will avoid answering owl. Answer will not change anything.

Feb 24

Snape broke down and made a pass at me. Oh, must remember to ask Remus for a play-by-play after I tell Sirius.


A/n: I genuinely didn't write that poem. I'm not sure who did, since the source (nathoniDOTus) didn't say.