"Rachel was beautiful Max" a small, tainted smile surfaced on his face, his eyes dreamlike. "She made me feel normal. She didn't care about the visions. She didn't believe them, but it didn't scare her either. She made me feel so special. Just being around her was intoxicating. The way she laughed, the touch of her skin." He breathed out dreamily.
"My dad hated her, of course" he muttered.
"He kept telling me not to trust her and that lots of people wanted to worm their way into our family but she wasn't like that. I know she wasn't"
"He kept pressuring me to stay away from her. He said that he was trying to protect me. That my mind was too 'fragile'. That I was ill and I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. That she was taking advantage of me"
"I didn't want to be a Prescott anymore. I didn't want to keep seeing what was going to happen to Arcadia Bay. I just wanted to leave. To escape. Rachel. She didn't understand about the storm, but she wanted to escape too."
He took a slow, deep, breath, staring out over the bay.
"I thought I was crazy. No one was listening to me, but I knew it was true. I saw the whales dying on the beach. They were telling me the world was ending. I kept seeing people die. I saw the light house fall. I saw you." His eyes snapped up to meet hers briefly before he carried on "I kept trying to tell them. My dad, Principal Wells, but they just kept shoving these pills onto me. They didn't believe me. I told Rachel and she made everything feel like it would be okay, but I knew deep down it wasn't. I knew she didn't see it.
Then one day, in English class, I saw Rachel." He looked up to meet Max's face. "I saw her body in the ground. I saw her beautiful face, and it looked so scared. I knew she was going to die. I knew and I didn't know how to stop it. I freaked out, started throwing things, muttering on about the storm and Rachel. Everyone else wanted to drug me and send me away. Everyone except Jefferson. He told me he believed me. That he saw the lighthouse fall. For the first time I felt like I wasn't alone" he whispered it.
"He told me he was looking for answers. He was trying to find out what the world wanted. He was trying to find out why we all had to die." His leg was shaking uncontrollably. He sneered "I thought. I thought he was trying to help" another tear rolled down his face and he quickly brushed it away, sniffing "He told me he was trying to capture terror in his photos. He said it was helping him understand."
He shook his head.
"He wasn't what I thought he was" he bit his thumb, his leg still tapping at the muddy ground below.
"He said he'd convinced my dad to build a bunker, for photographs. He said it was a cover. That he needed to tell him something he would believe."
"My dad…" his voice faltered "he's always looking for ways to keep people under his thumb. He gave Jefferson the dark room, and Jefferson kept me under control. They let me put all of the food and water there, to appease me. To keep me quiet. Jefferson said he had to take the photos. That he was looking for something. That it was the only way my dad would agree to the bunker. That was the deal. That's what he told me"
"He told me to bring Rachel there"
Nathan laughed bitterly into his hands. "I'm so fucking stupid" he sneered at himself, his eyes burning, flames flickering behind them.
"He told me that we needed to keep her safe. I really thought we wanted the same thing" he sighed.
Max listened. She didn't know what else to do. She needed to know.
"When we got there. Rachel freaked out. She kept telling me not to listen to Jefferson. That this wasn't right, but I told her it would be okay" The tears fell freely from his face.
"Jefferson said we should drug her. He said we needed to keep her safe. She wasn't listening to me. I was just trying to keep her safe. I didn't know what else to do" his voice trailed away into nothing. So I did it with her. I told her it would be okay" He lowered his head.
"When I woke up, she was gone" He whispered.
"Jefferson said we had to call my father. That he was the only one we could trust" He laughed at that, at himself for believing it.
"He was so nice to me Max" He lifted his head to meet hers. "He hugged me. Do you know how long I have waited for him to do that?" He asked her painfully.
"He told me it was okay. That it was a terrible mistake. That he forgave me. That I was sick and needed help. That he would help me. He would protect me"
"I wanted him to look after me so badly. I'd been waiting for him to help me for so long, I wanted to believe him so much."
He sucked a bitter breath in, searching the bay again for some sort of answer.
"It was all my fault"
