A/N: I'm pretty sure this is called one step forward...two steps back.


8. Rufus

Wyatt walked down the drive, then crossed the street, breaking into a light jog as a misting of rain began to fall. He hadn't even been surprised when Rufus had texted him earlier, inviting him to grab a drink with him at a pub local to Wyatt's apartment that the two occasionally found themselves at. Like the entire previous week, his friends seemed reluctant to leave him to his own devices. He shook his head as he ducked under a building overhang to stay dry. Crazy thing was….he didn't even mind.

This morning had been….interesting, he mused, knowing there was a slight smile on his face. He'd woken up reasonably early, feeling pretty decent, and had set to work making pancakes and frying bacon in Lucy's kitchen. She'd emerged from her bedroom just as he had been plating them—looking decidedly less fresh than he felt. It hadn't been lost on him—the comfort level they had….that he would just make her breakfast, even though he doubted she'd be up to eating it….that she would give him a fond smile, and comment that she liked finding him in her kitchen….and then go right back to holding her no-doubt pounding forehead in her hands. It was like they did this all the time. After eating, he'd left for the gym—after first wrapping Lucy's breakfast and putting it back in the fridge for whenever she felt like eating, and then getting her a Tylenol and making her some tea.

He'd texted her a couple of times since then to check in on her—late that afternoon she'd even admitted to feeling well enough and being hungry enough that she had re-heating the pancakes. They had been lucky that Emma hadn't decided to go for a spin. It was nice, though unusual for the three of them to get a quiet Saturday to themselves….and besides, he wouldn't wish time jumping with a hangover on anyone, and especially not on Lucy.

He took a right, headed down a steep hill toward the pub, Rufus should already be there. He continued along the sidewalk, ducking under overhangs and awnings to avoid the rain as he was able. What was he supposed to think about last night, anyway? He knew there wasn't much point in denying the fact that Lucy…..awoke things in him. Last night….they were so comfortable together…..and he was happy when he was with her….he could barely remember the last time he'd felt that sense of….contentment. Contentment….except when other thoughts, other more X-rated thoughts, would enter his brain when she was near….and then that wasn't contentment he felt….but something else entirely. Yet, before he'd recklessly raced off to her apartment last night, he'd told himself not to talk to her until he'd cleared up how he was feeling about Jess' return—and there was a reason for that. Lucy deserved better than for him to still have question marks regarding Jessica bouncing around in his head when he was spending time with her. So, he'd told himself that was the best option….and then had been fully unable to take his own advice. He'd reached the old pub, and headed up the stairs to the main door.

He pulled open the door, and squinted into the darkness. He caught Rufus wave at him from the far side of the bar, already nursing a pint, and headed in that direction. The bartender was on him just as he was sitting on the stool beside his friend.

"What can I get you, hon?"

"Nah-Nothing for me, thanks….maybe just a water, for now."

"Whoa…'sa red letter day, here, or what?" Rufus said, feigning shock and clutching at his heart.

He chuckled at him, "Had more than enough last night."

The waitress returned with his water.

"More than enough last night, eh? "Do tell." said Rufus, his eyebrows raised.

Wyatt ran a hand through his hair. "I did something that was probably really stupid last night."

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad…."

"No—it was….really stupid. I went to Lucy's…..and then we drank way too much."

"Holy shit."

They stared at each other for a beat.

"Exactly what are you trying to say here, Wyatt?"

"I guess….I'm just annoyed with myself….for going there, for letting that happen."

"'Kay, before I completely lose my mind here….you're gonna have to spell it out for me. What exactly happened between you and Lucy last night?"

"What? I told you…." he trailed off, as he noted how far forward Rufus was leaning in, and the shocked expression on his face….and he suddenly realized what Rufus was thinking.

"No, no. Nothing happened….not like that. We just….talked. And drank too much…..and eventually Lucy fell asleep on my shoulder."

"And?"

"And what? I put her to bed and crashed on her couch….and made her breakfast this morning."

"Ah…ok." Rufus pushed himself back, sitting straight on the barstool again. "Soooo, can we return to your original statement then, Wyatt? What was the really stupid thing that you did?"

Wyatt scrubbed his hand across his face. "I don't know….everything. All of it. I'm supposed to be figuring things out….figuring out how I feel about my dead wife being alive again, and being my ex-wife….remember? It's supposed to be one problem at a time….and going to Luce's place last night? That just made things more complicated. I'm supposed to be…. I don't know what….but I sure as hell shouldn't have been doing that….and I knew it, too."

"If you were so convinced it was a bad idea, then why did you go?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time? I mean, I told myself I wouldn't, and then I did….it was just a childish impulse….just being self-indulgent or something."

"Dude, what are you on? If you want to spend time with Lucy, spend time with Lucy. Don't give me this 'I was being self-indulgent' crap."

"No, you don't get it. I have to figure all this stuff with Jessica out….before I complicate things by talking to Lucy….she deserves that. I mean, you saw how I got, in that conference room—"

"Seriously, Wyatt, stop it. Lucy. You like her—"

"So what's that supposed to mean? You like her too."

Rufus rolled his eyes, and leaned forward, to clap his shoulder. "You like her….so spend time with her—outside of work. Besides," he started ticking off his points on his fingers: "You're both adults; I'm pretty damn certain the feeling is mutual; and-I'm sorry man, if this one hurts—but you also happen to both be single."

Wyatt took a large swig of his water, slamming the glass down on the bar with force.

Rufus laughed, "Sorry—but that would have been a whole lot more intimidating if it had actually been whisky, my friend."

They sat in silence for a moment, then Wyatt shook his head. "The problem is….it's bigger than all of that. I mean….what do you think I would have done….if in this timeline Jess and me were still married? Or….what do you think I'll do, if we enter a new timeline where Jess an' me are married, still?"

"Seriously, we're on this again?"

He nodded.

Rufus took a sip of his beer. "I dunno….i mean, well, I do know—you would have probably tried to do the right thing….tried to make things work with Jessica….but I don't know how long it would have lasted….not when there are so many….differences between you two now….not with our Time Team work…."

"So you're saying we never would have worked—because of my job?"

"Well…."

"Well what?"

Rufus tilted his head to the side, staring at his pint, and then back up again at Wyatt. "If it was just the job….then maybe you would have made it work, maybe you would have left the mission….I don't know. But you would have had a much bigger problem, my friend."

"What?"

"You know."

"No, I don't."

"Oh, good grief….of course you do."

Wyatt threw his hands up in the air, "Okay, hotshot….enlighten me."

"It's just that, I'm pretty sure you're a one woman kind of guy. I know you well enough to know that when you finally make a decision and give your heart—you give it completely."

He stared at Rufus. "So….?"

"So I don't see how you would have ever made your marriage work….when you've already given your heart to someone else."

"You've lost me, Rufus."

"No….I don't think I did. I think you know exactly what I'm talking about."

Wyatt stared some more, until Rufus looked away uncomfortably.

"Right. So, not knowing about future timeline shifts that could be coming our way….that's yet another reason why I should distance myself from her, until things are more….clear."

"Would you listen to yourself?" Rufus said, his voice rising for the first time that evening. "I mean you don't even believe you when you say that….that an' it makes absolutely no sense. You don't get to use timeline changing 'what ifs' as excuses—I mean, what would you do if you entered a new timeline where you were a tightrope walker in the circus? You can't let what might happen hold you back….or you'll never move forward….and that's not just advice for time travelling, my friend."

Wyatt scoffed, "What, you get that from a Hallmark card? I know that didn't come from the mind of the guy that took years to ask out Jiya…."

"Hey, I've evolved."

"Have I?"

Rufus nodded, silently, then a grin spread across his face, "Hey, maybe not as much as yours truly….but you have definitely evolved."

They sat in silence for a moment, as Wyatt weighed his options of what to say next….how much to reveal. But—it wasn't as though Rufus didn't already know what was what…..he probably understood better than Wyatt did himself. He took another sip of water, and decided to take a minor leap of faith….in the spirit of evolution:

"You're not wrong, you know."

"What?" Rufus swiveled on the barstool to face him.

"I mean…." Wyatt shrugged. "So maybe I like Lucy."

Rufus' eyes nearly bugged out of his head, and his mouth hung open for a moment. Eventually, he sputtered "But….if you already know that….if you'd already figured that out….then what the hell were you so worked up about, when you came in here, going on about being self-indulgent, and everything else?"

He sighed. "It's like I said….Lucy deserves better then to have me all confused while I'm trying to let her know….how I feel. It's one problem at a time…."

Rufus shook his head. "Do you really think it matters?"

"What?"

"Once you finally sort through your feelings about Jessica….which, by the way, I think you are waay closer to than you think….well, will that affect your feelings for Lucy in any way?"

He took another long drink of water. He shrugged. "I don't know." He turned to face Rufus. "But….it's more than that. It just….seems safer, to not focus on this right now. Besides, none of this is fair….to her."

"You liking her isn't fair to Lucy? That doesn't make any sense."

He shifted uncomfortably on the barstool. He said, more quietly, "So what if I do like her? That should be my problem, not hers."

"Why is it a problem at all?"

"She's got so much going on….her mother—her whole family….her sister...Lucy needs a friend right now, not a complication. I can be a good friend to her, but, if I let myself get all carried away with….those other things….then it won't work."

Rufus blew out a breath. "Have you actually asked her what she needs right now….what she wants right now?"

"No."

"Don't you think you should?"

He didn't reply to that question, instead saying, "Besides, it's not like my track record is very stellar lately."

"Meaning?"

"You were there in the conference room—yelling at her like that, just because I was confused? That's not good."

Rufus nodded, "Well….no. But you said yourself it wasn't your best moment….and that you've apologized, and I imagine she forgave you…..and sometimes…..we do stupid things to the people who are closest to us."

"Okay then, what about the divorce thing?"

"Wyatt…."

"I know, I know….I wasn't even here….but what if it had been me who was here then? Your girlfriend told me, no matter what version of us she's interacting with….we're not different in the important ways. So—by her logic—in the important ways….I'm still the guy that wrecked his marriage…..and Lucy deserves better than that."

Rufus stared at the ceiling for a moment, then looked back to Wyatt. "First of all….can we just both acknowledge the fact that you're apparently concerned about wrecking your marriage to Lucy when you're not even dating yet? And second of all….Jiya told me all about that conversation. She said those things because she wants you two to be together….she thinks you're good together….and 'cause I'm pretty sure she's got this week in the office pool again. So, given she said that to encourage you two to be together….she'd be pissed if she knew you were using it to justify the opposite. Please don't make my girlfriend pissed, Wyatt. Somehow she'd decide it was my fault….which, going back to my original point, is stupid, but is just what happens in relationships sometimes—like you yelling things across the conference room. There'd be an awful lot of lonely people in the world if relationships couldn't navigate a few bumps like that along the way….and I think, no, I know that you and Lucy….together….are made of strong enough stuff to get through those types of things."

Wyatt rubbed at the back of his neck and took a drink. Then he stared down at his water, and sighed. "Maybe I do need something stronger."

"I'm pretty sure I'm the one that needs the hard stuff tonight, Logan—after trying to talk to you! You admit that there are aspects of being married to Jessica that would suck—hell, you admit to liking Lucy Preston….which is some kind of crazy 'Rufus better check that he's not asleep and dreaming' type of admission….and yet….you still don't seem convinced that you're on the right track. You know, it's not much longer before I start charging you by the hour—you know, 'the doctor is in' and all that." he laughed.

Wyatt just looked at him—and Rufus' laughter quickly faded, with whatever it was he saw in his friend's eyes.

It was Rufus' turn to sigh, and take a drink. They sat in silence for a moment, then Rufus cleared his throat.

Wyatt was shocked by the steel in his voice—the flash of almost anger—in what he said next.

"I have something to say. Through this whole thing—with Jessica coming back—you talk about not being able to get your head on straight, but it's no wonder, Wyatt. You keep swingin' it around behind you, staring at the past….at your past. Since like, the day I first met you. You want your head on straight? Take my advice-try looking ahead of you, just for a bit. You might be amazed by the difference it will make, when you really see what's right in front of you, for a change."

Wyatt just sat there, staring at him. Was that what he really believed? Then he saw Rufus' face change, as his resolve faded.

In a quiet voice, "Look, man, sorry about that. I probably got a little carried away…."

Wyatt waved the apology away, and raised his glass of water to him, in a silent toast. He was about to say….something. He didn't even know what he should say….thank him, yell at him, apologise to him….things were jumbling in his head again. Instead, without another word, he pulled bills out of his wallet, placed them on the bar, to cover Rufus' beer, then got up, and walked out.

He'd made up his mind. He knew what he had to do.