Lars hadn't been asking for all that stuff. Did he need to know it? Any of it? It didn't really matter, though, because Steven needed to tell it.
"Ugh, you dumb kid," he said, already standing and crossing over to where Steven was sitting and sobbing again. The hug he gave seemed to calm Steven down eventually, leaving him hiccuping and clingy.
"You're cold," Steven muttered, voice muffled from where it was buried in Lars's shoulder.
"You're warm," he said back, uncertainly rubbing Steven's shoulder and very aware of Connie's eyes on the two of them. (When he glanced at Connie, she seemed positively gleeful at the emotional catharsis, which made Lars even more self-conscious.) "But, okay, that accounts for a little while after I left. What else did I miss? Like, are you two, you know?" He pulled away enough to look between Connie and Steven. They looked back, waiting for him to finish the sentence. Lars scowled. "Are you together ? Married with a bajillion quarter-gem babies or whatever?"
Connie sat up straighter with a smile. "Oh! Yes and no."
Steven wiped some runny snot and tears off his face (ew!) and nodded. "We live together and we fuse a lot. We haven't really talked about… kids?" His voice got uncertain as he looked to Connie for confirmation.
Connie's eyes sparkled like Steven's had a few minutes ago. "It'd be really interesting to see! The last few decades, humans have done some revolutionary studies on how gem bodies and human ones interact-you should really let me look at you sometime, Lars, do some tests-It would be revolutionary to do some studies on gem chromosomology and trait heritability! But," Connie blushed. "That's probably not the best reason to decide to have kids."
"Plus," Steven said to Connie. "I don't know if I would wind up turning into my kid like my mom did."
"That's a good point. I wonder if we did traditional human virility tests-"
Lars loudly cleared his throat, nonplussed. The startled couple looked back at him. "Gross," he said, returning to his seat.
"Yeah, I guess that's a discussion for another time," Connie admitted.
"It's kinda hard to sum up two decades of stuff," Steven said, twiddling his fingers. "I bet most of it you already know. Like, your family's moved. Oh, Sadie wound up working with my dad for a while! She does a singing podcast thing online. Uh… You already know about the truce with Homeworld and everything, that's something we've been working on a long time. Oh, uh, Buck got together with Sour Cream, I think that's still going on."
Whatever Lars had expected to hear, it wasn't that. "Ahahahahahaha, that's great! That's AWESOME. GOOD FOR THEM. Ahahahahahahahahahahaa." Once he realized he was laughing too long, he shut up, but Steven was either ignorant or kind enough to act like he didn't notice.
"But honestly, I think that's all the big news. Now!" Steven drummed his hands on his knees. "You gotta tell me what Homeworld was like."
"It doesn't change as much as Earth society, I'm pretty sure," Lars said, slumping against the back of his chair.
Right, so after you left, it was just me and the off-colors. "Us off-colors stick together" and everything, right?
Good news though. I don't know what weird gem-magic you did to me, but it didn't make me any easier for the robonoids to pick up. So it was a win-win for us. I got to hang out with gems who turned out to be cooler than most of the humans I knew here on Earth, and they got Lars the Human Shield.
They were pretty concerned about you, by the way. Kept wondering if something happened to you. I told them you were good at getting yourself out of scrapes and you were probably living it up on Earth surrounded by pretty clouds and donuts and donut-shaped clouds and whatever.
We kept hiding for a long time there. I know with all your diplomacy stuff I should have gotten in contact with you when you visited Homeworld, but we weren't on the surface that often, especially not for those first few years. I think, anyway; it was hard to tell time down there.
Right, and you were asking about the food thing? You know how when you came back through my hair, you asked if I was hungry or thirsty or tired? I just don't get like that anymore, Steven. It was weird at first, like half my body had gone numb or something. I mean, I could still feel stuff, but further away. Like all my senses were covered by an oven mitt. I dunno. It wasn't good but it wasn't bad either.
The off-colors and I had a lot of time to just talk when we were hiding from robonoids and the other gems. I got to tell them about Earth, they told me all about Homeworld. Which came in handy! Because for a while there-I'd guess five years-ish?-I actually lived topside.
Us off-colors were close but I didn't stay with them the whole time I was there. See, I found these reddish pink rocks that weren't gems but looked almost close enough, and I spent some time trying to polish one of them up. Check it out! Yeah, once it was a good enough fit I started wearing it as a plug in my ear. Then suddenly I could walk around like anyone else.
I'm sure I looked pretty trashy. With gems able to make their own clothes, there weren't any stores I could replace my wardrobe with, and obviously my "gem" looked pretty makeshift. But gems expect to see other gems more than they expect a pink zombie Earthling human whatever-I-am, so it worked out pretty well. For a while there, I got away with calling myself a Larzite from "the old Earth colony," until some higher-ups got suspicious as why there was a gross old failed Earth gem walking around on their planet. So yeah, last few years were on the run again.
But it's not like it was bad. It probably sounds weird, but, ugh. Homeworld is more home to me than Earth is, you know? I've been there the most. I don't fit in, but I fit in with the gems who didn't fit in.
And it's all because of you, Steven. Don't beat yourself up about it. Honestly, I'm just glad to knowyou're okay. Always sticking out your neck for people like a moron, it's a wonder you've survived this long. So, um, yeah, I guess that's what I've been waiting to say for twenty years or whatever. Thanks. Thanks, Steven. I owe you a lot.
