A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Additionally, the title and lyrics at the end are "One Step Closer" by Linkin Park, which I also don't own. I'm sorry this is so late... life's enjoying running me over. Also, I promise you that Sam will start to get better... just not here. But, fear not, I always come true on my promises. :D I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and please review.
One Step Closer
Castiel and Bobby watch as the two drenched Winchesters make their way into the motel room. Despite their lack of communication at the moment, Bobby and Castiel can tell that a new level has been reached in their reconciliation. It isn't yet complete, as that will take more time than a few weeks, but it's a start.
It's something they can use.
"Find God yet?" Dean grunts, walking toward the back of the room.
"It's not that easy, Dean," Castiel replies.
"Find anything?" Sam asks softly.
"I'm sure He is not far from here. He would not let His creation be ruined like this."
"You being sure isn't exactly good enough right now," Dean says.
"I did find something," Castiel continues, ignoring Dean's attempt at an insult. "There is a very special amulet that acts as a… well, what you might call a 'God Detector'. It glows whenever God is near."
"Okay, where do we find this amulet?" Dean looks over at Bobby.
"I ain't ever heard of it," he says.
"You have," Castiel comments. "You just do not know it yet." Castiel turns the page in the book in front of him, showing Dean a picture.
"My necklace?" Dean asks. Sam's eyes widen as Bobby furrows his brow.
"The very same."
"This can tell us if God's near?"
"Yes."
Dean turns to Sam, who shrugs and looks at Bobby.
"Don't look at me," Bobby says. "I didn't know. I was sure it was for protection."
"Well, I guess in a way, it is," Dean comments, shrugging.
"Yes, it is," Castiel says.
"Great, well, I'm gonna take a shower and change. Then we can grab something to eat."
Sam grabs some clothes out of his bag, jumping into the bathroom before Dean can. The older brother grumbles. "I'm gonna kill you for that," Dean says.
"Go for it," Sam mumbles. Yet, his words aren't heard by anyone other than him.
Dean grabs clothes out of his own bag, shivering lightly. "Well, what else have you guys come up with?" he asks Bobby and Castiel.
"Got a place we might be of use," Bobby replies. "We might be able to stop the threat there."
"Good. We'll head there after we eat."
"And let's get Cas a salad this time," Sam remarks, exiting the bathroom.
"Let's let Cas decide what he wants to eat," Castiel replies, looking at Sam.
"Your lunch was a bag of chips and a candy bar," Bobby reminds him.
"And a bottle of water."
"You need something healthy," Sam says, curling up under the covers of the bed while Dean stakes his claim on the bathroom.
"Water is healthy," Castiel tries, before earning a stern look from Bobby. "What?"
"You better not take all day in there, Princess," Bobby calls to Dean.
"Yeah, whatever," Dean calls back from the bathroom.
*~*~*~*
The four men walk into a nearby diner, sitting down at a table. After the waitress takes their orders, Bobby turns to them. "A town not far from here," he says. "In Colorado. Rufus called and told me about these omens."
"What kind of omens?" Dean asks.
Before Bobby can respond, the waitress comes back with their drinks.
"He didn't really say what they were," Bobby says once she's gone. "Just said that they're overrun with demons."
"Alright," Dean says. "So, we chow down, and shag ass."
"I think I need a dictionary," Castiel says, half-joking.
"Eat fast and get the hell out of here," Sam translates.
"Thank you."
The younger Winchester nods in acknowledgement.
"I thought you were gonna eat healthier," Bobby says, nodding at Castiel's soda.
"What?" Castiel replies. "I ordered a salad."
"And mozzarella sticks," Dean comments, smirking.
"What is wrong with that? It has dairy, bread products, cheese, and vegetables in the sauce. Four of the major food groups Sam told me about." Castiel smirks.
"You keep bein' a smartass, and you're not getting dessert."
Castiel rolls his eyes.
"Excuse me," Sam says, standing and walking away. The three men at the table watch before Bobby and Castiel turn to Dean.
"I thought you talked to him," Bobby says.
"I did," Dean replies. "Even I can't get through to him right now. I don't know what to do, Bobby."
"Give him time," Castiel says. "He will find his way again."
"You keep sayin' that, but I don't see it happening."
"It is not an overnight process, Dean. You, of all people, should know."
Dean glares, but says nothing.
"Emotional pain and the weight of fate is not something you can just shrug off," Castiel continues.
"You've been human, what?" Dean starts. "A grand total of a month and a half? Don't try to lecture me on what it's like to be human."
"Dean, I may not have been human as long as you, but I have watched humans for millennia before you were even thought of. I have seen a lot. I have noticed how much fate can hurt people."
"Look, last thing we need right now is you two at each other's throats too," Bobby grunts. "So, knock it off."
"Okay," Dean says, maintaining his somewhat angry eye contact with Castiel.
Castiel's face is expressionless.
The waitress comes over, disrupting the tension in the group by giving them their food.
"I'll go get Sam," Bobby says.
"No, it's okay," Castiel says, standing. "I will get him. Eat while your food is hot." He walks away, following the path that Sam took minutes before.
*~*~*~*
It doesn't take long for Castiel to find Sam, considering the diner's small and Sam's in the bathroom. The younger man splashes water over his face, sighing and looking at his shaking hands.
"How can I help?" Castiel asks.
Sam jumps slightly before looking into the mirror and seeing Castiel behind him. "I thought you lost that ability to pop into places," Sam says, having not heard the man come in.
"I did. I have learned instead how to be sneaky. How can I help?"
"Help with what?"
Castiel stares.
"You can't, Cas," Sam says, splashing water over his face again.
Castiel walks over to the dispenser on the wall, retrieving and handing the young Winchester a paper towel. "You are not alone, Sam," he says.
"I know. I also know that you guys have no idea how I feel."
Castiel holds his tongue in lieu of placing blame.
Sam sighs, drying off his face. "Dean told me he started this," he says softly. "Is that true?"
"Yes," Castiel replies, leaning against the wall to face Sam rather than stare at him through the mirror.
"How?"
"When he jumped off the rack and started torturing souls."
"Why him?"
"Because your father didn't break."
Sam looks down, tears threatening to form in his eyes. He blinks rapidly to keep them back.
"When Azazel got John's soul in exchange for Dean's life, the demons planned on using him to start the Apocalypse," Castiel explains softly. "Alastair tried for Hell-years, but John would not jump from the rack."
"But I died," Sam says sadly. "And Dean sold his soul for me."
"Yes. And with John having clawed his way out of Hell when the gate opened, there was no one else who could break it. Not for another Earth-year. Not until Dean got there."
"Because I couldn't save him."
"No one could have."
"You did."
Castiel shakes his head sadly. "Not until it was too late."
Sam sniffs.
"The only person at that table who's blameless in this Apocalypse is Bobby," Castiel continues. "But, none of us are to blame."
"Fate?" Sam asks.
"Yes."
"And your part was…?"
"Not getting Dean out of Hell before he broke the seal."
Sam sighs, shaking his head. "Not your fault. If I had broken the deal…"
"You would have died."
Sam closes his eyes, saying nothing.
"Sam, as much as you think you are worthless right now, you are not," Castiel says, stepping closer. "You have a part in this."
"Don't I know it," Sam mumbles.
"In stopping this. We will win, but we can't without your help."
"My 'help' is what got us into this mess."
Castiel exhales slowly, trying to keep his emotions in check. A feat that is becoming increasingly difficult.
"Look, Cas, I get that you're trying to cheer me up," Sam says, looking over at the fallen angel. "And, I appreciate that. But, nothing that any of you do or say is going to make me feel better. Because words can't make this better. We can't just ask Lucifer to stop. The world's ending, and I'm the reason it is. I caused this. So, I'm sorry, but you guys need to stop trying to make me feel better. It's not going to work."
"Sam," Castiel tries.
"Stop. Just… stop, okay? I appreciate the sentiment. I do. But right now, you can't help me. No one can. And all these pep talks just keep reminding me of what I've done. So… just stop with them."
Castiel looks down to the floor as sadness sweeps over him, along with the realization that Sam Winchester is possibly worse than any of them thought.
*~*~*~*
Dean quietly picks at his food, which consists of a cheeseburger and fries. Bobby eats his own dinner while Sam and Castiel's salads sit forgotten. Bobby looks as Dean takes a bite of the fry he'd been holding, swallowing it down as if it is poison.
"You know, if you don't eat your dinner, you won't get any pie," Bobby threatens gently.
Dean shrugs.
"Okay, somethin' must really be wrong if you're refusing pie."
"Just worried," Dean says softly.
"Give Castiel some time," Bobby replies. "He's a better counselor than the rest of us. Been around a lot longer than the rest of us."
Dean shakes his head, chewing on the rest of the fry. "He's my brother. Why can't I get through to him?"
"Because he's a Winchester. Can't get through to any of you."
Dean glares at him from across the table.
"What?" Bobby says. "It's true."
"What if we can't help him, Bobby?" Dean asks. "He had Ruby's knife with him in the park. How are we supposed to fight if I can't trust him around the weapons?"
"Dean, Sam's not gonna off himself. He can't do that to you. He hurt you bad enough by startin' the damn Apocalypse. He ain't gonna make it worse."
Dean says nothing, taking a bite out of his cheeseburger.
"He'll be okay," Bobby says. "Just give him some time. Castiel ain't that stupid. Sam knows he's got all of us. But what Sam's dealin' with… that ain't just a bad day. That ain't just one little mistake. It's huge."
"I know," Dean says softly. "Believe me, I know."
"We need to focus on stoppin' this. Not on each other. If we're gonna have any chance at all, we gotta focus."
Dean nods.
"And keep our strength up, which includes eatin'," Bobby says. "So, eat up, boy."
"Why's everyone jumpin' on Cas's food choices?" Dean asks after a moment of contemplation. "I eat like that, and I'm fine."
"Yeah, well, he can't always eat what you do."
Dean smirks. "He's getting pie."
Bobby rolls his eyes.
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
