Chapter 8: A lecture in wolf-ology

I got bored with just sitting there on the fainting couch in less than 10 minutes. I started to think about things I could do, and let me tell you; the choice was damn limited. Adam sat in the armchair and looked amused as I was restless, snapping my fingers, jumping with my leg, whistling, and some other small movements, just to do something.

"Do you want me to get you something? A book, perhaps? Or something else, like a cell phone, computer…" Adam finally asked

I thought quickly. I had two choices: to swallow my pride and ask Adam to get me something or die of boredom.

"It would be great if I could borrow a computer, thank you." Adam seemed surprised by my politeness, or perhaps was it the fact that I answered or asked for something? Regardless what it was, he rose from his seat and disappeared into the house.

It seemed the more I got to know about him and other people here, the more confused I got. Before, I had some rules in my life, rules I followed and that kept me sane. Sane from the craziness of the world and the people in it.

I always heard from my mom, father, and other members of the family, what a burden I was, how much I cost, how much better their life would be without me. I was therefore independent, getting a job as soon as I could and the only thing my family did for me was offer me roof over my head, though that was only because they couldn't kick me out.

From the outside, my family was the normal family you meet every day. A single mother with a boyfriend, and 3 siblings, all girls. No crimes, maybe an unpaid parking ticket or something like that. The mother's pay was totally average; the daughters were nice and polite, with one exception of a "rebel child" who would surely grow out of it in the next couple of years. The regular next-door family.

The inside was totally different, with an abusive mother with pervert boyfriends. Since I was the youngest, I was the one they lusted after. My sisters ignored everything that happened, pretending it didn't happen right in front of their eyes and hugging and loving stepfather after stepfather. Ignoring everything.

My thoughts were cut off, by Adam who came with an ASUS laptop. I thanked quietly and started the computer. As soon as it started, I groaned. It was a Windows Vista 2007, and a one totally filled with viruses and cookies. It took it about 10 minutes to start and open the Webb.

I decided to check my mail. It took me about an hour to sort thru the mail, what was total crap (like reporters asking for a couple of words) or commercials and could be thrown away and what was worth reading.

My reading was interrupted by Adam who was leaning forward in his chair and clearing his throat.

I raised my eyebrow as an answer.

"We are alone in the house now. Is there something you would like to tell me, that you haven't said before? Perhaps more details that happened, something like that?"

Oh, he was thinking I would spill the beans now. I doubt that. "No thanks. I have told you everything, even more then I wanted to share."

He sighed

"How about your scars? You have scars on your body, like someone would hit you, but also ones that look like you've made them yourself. Like you were self-destructive. Suicidal."

I groaned on the inside. Great, he saw both sorts. "I'd rather not talk about them. They are private, you know."

I tried to continue reading but he interrupted me.

"Everything about you is private, like even your existence was a secret." Wow, I gotta admit it hurt, even from the mouth of a stranger.

"You know shit about what happened to me, and I think until you know everything, you cannot judge or criticize. Butt off."

He raised his hands like he was giving up, but he continued to prod

"Perhaps I know more than you give me credit for. You could perhaps share that little bit of information… I promise I shall stop bugging you then."

"Will you stop bugging me?"

"For now" I was probably the best I would got from him

"Fine, it was both sorts." Adam opened his mouth, but closed it again when I glared.

I returned to reading emails.

Half an hour later, when I was reading a mail from some of my friends, Ben came in with a huge grin. That grin scared me a bit. He was carrying a black board under his arm, the kind of you see at preschools and sound awfully.

I raised my eyebrows and looked at him. I realized Adam did the same and glared instead.

"Before you ask! I was thinking, since the kiddo is here to stay, she might need to learn some rules. You know, to keep her just a tad less likely to get into trouble." Ben explained, still grinning. I glared harder but Adam smiled.

"Seems like a good idea."

He took the laptop from me and left me with Ben and his tortures.

Ben started to fight with the board, trying to make it stand without falling. It was hard to keep from laughing, especially when he broke a vase with one of the legs and Adam came in to check out the noise. When he finally managed, Ben made a small stick figure at the top of the board.

"This is Adam." I raised my eyebrows again.

"Looks more like a child's drawing, but ok."

Ben pretended he didn't hear and continued his lecture

"He is the boss around here. He is called the Alpha, you remember that word. His word is law, figuratively and literally. If he gives a direct order, no one in the pack can break it. However Mercy…" a pause to draw another figure (this one had a dress and boobs) "can change his orders. That is because she is his mate.

If Adam is the first one in the pack, then she is like… 1 and a half, cause Darryl is second. His mate is Aurielle, you know the long haired Hispanic woman. The third is Warren, and it's still being discussed if his boy toy is his mate.

These are the "most important" ones in the pack, to put it simply the bosses. Any questions?"

I changed position so I wouldn't get stiff and asked

"Why are they bosses? Why not… Honey or you?"

He slapped his face with his palm and swore. Adam cleared his throat very loudly from upstairs and Ben apologized.

"Sorry, I just forgot you don't know this kind of stuff. They are the bosses because they are the most dominant."

My puzzled expression made him smile.

"Dominance… Now that's a bit hard to explain. Umm… it depends on many things. Your personality for example. I don't know exactly, but strength of will and fighting skills and some kind of other is messed in there to. It's both how protective you are; a dominant wolf's instinct tells him to protect the weaker and anyone else whom he considers "his". Boss! You got a better way to explain this?"

He paused to get Adam's answer but Adam just chuckled and said

"You got yourself into this mess, you explain it."

Ben ran his hand thru his hair and sighed.

"Umm… Well, some people say it's how close you are to your wolf. It's a rumor I heard back in England, but a guy claimed the closer you are to your wolf, the more of the wolf instincts you got, the more dominant you get. I mean… okay, I don't know how to explain this."

I waved my hand at him, getting the gist. Apparently he didn't know the full shit either.

"Move on."

He looked relieved and continued

"Well… the pack has the dominants, but the ones actually keeping the pack together, the ones everyone protects are the submissive. They can fight just as well as the others in the most cases but it isn't their answer to everything like the dominants."

He smirked and looked on the ceiling, probably where Adam was currently sitting.

"The pack is there to protect, to be there for its members. In a well run pack, like this one, we are there for each other, even when some members are hurt, or… something. We can feel everyone in the pack. Now, since u hasn't been a member of a pack it's hard to explain. It's like… a buzz in the background. If I focus extra I can shut it out or make it "louder" but no one but the first 3" he made a circle around Adam, Mercy, Darryl, Aurielle and Warren "can hear it exactly.

The boss of every single wolf in the North America is the Marrok."

He drew a small figure above Adam.

"Every Alpha is the NA is bound to the Marrok and therefore he can boss everyone around. He is the super, über dominant, the most dominant in the whole NA. Most Alphas meet him once a year, when there's a meeting, but since we got Sam and Mercy here, he visits every month or every second month. He was here once since you came but had to run because of some emergency in his own pack.

The Marrok's pack is a pack mostly for wolfs with… problems, wither with control, or some other stuff."

Ben continued his lecture for another 2 and a half hour. When he was finished, my head was aching with too much information. Dominance, submission, Alphas, Marrok, Omega, packs, mates, bonds, and every normal person would have gotten a headache.

When he finished, he stood with the chalk in his hand pointing at me and asked.

"Any questions?"

I could see he was tired. I wasn't a good student at most days, not to mention my crappy leg. Bout' an hour ago, he stared to glance at the clock, tapping his leg and cracking his fingers.

"Just one."

He groaned and stared to say something but stopped when Adam started to get down the stairs. Ben waved his hand as a sign for me to continue.

"If it is as you say, that all packs are controlled by the Marrok, that no one may attack an human, and people can only keep other wolves" I glared at Adam "against their will when the Marrok sais so. Have I gotten this right?"

I got two nods in response

"In that case; what the hell was I in when you got me? Didn't seem such well organized, controlled, no-hurting policy you talked about. And if it was twisted somehow, why did you kill them all?"

Ben cringed and Adam answered

"Pack war. But they weren't really pack, because a pack must be "registered" at the Marrok. He gives out territories. A bunch of lone wolfs, ones with no pack decided to create their own pack. Since they made a lot of trouble, and it was in my, our, territory, we had to take care of them. You got somehow stick in the middle, with them capturing you. Not even the worst pack in the NA would be like that, not under the Marrok's rule.

You have got my deepest apologies for not going in faster, but I didn't know you were there."

He looked at me, shame and sorrow in his voice. I nodded and zoned out of reality. I was skipping on the memories of that time when Adam's voice broke thru.

"The Marrok is also apologizing to you; he says he should have handled the threat sooner. He shall be visiting soon and wants to meet you."

I nodded.

The rest of the day was a blur. I kept zoning out to the memories that now haunted me. The look in their face, the pain in my limbs. Their laughter, the handcuffs. The whips, the Tasers.

When someone snapped their fingers on front of my time for the x time, I was so in the memories I actually bit the finger. Samuel cursed in pain and I released his finger immediately. God knows where it might have been.

"Sorry. I was distracted."

I apologized with no real emotion. He had it coming!

He glared and said "I was just telling you your leg is ok now. You can use it and all."

I actually smiled and stood up. My body was stiff after all that time sitting down. I nodded at him and went down to the basement.

Someone had cleaned it up; there were no traces of my little outburst.

I Changed as fast as I could and suddenly felt lonely. As much as the thought frightened me and made me think someone had changed my brain; I wanted a hug.

A real hug, from someone I liked, someone who's smell made me feel calm and safe. In this country it meant one thing; Kyle.

I trotted up the stairs and found Adam. He raised his finger when I came as a sign I should wait. Since I was asking a favor, I waited.

Finally after 3 minutes and 38 seconds (there was a clock in the kitchen) he raised his head from the laptop.

"Yes?"

Now, how to communicate. I barked and tried to make him follow. He rose from his seat and followed me out to his backyard, only stopping to open the door.

Finally outside, I wrote "KYLE" with my claws.

It was wobbly, but readable.

"Warren left me a message. He and Kyle won't be coming in today but promised to come tomorrow."

I felt my mood drop. My head and tail actually hanged which made Adam add

"I'm sure they got a reason for not coming. If you want something from Kyle, just ask me, perhaps I'll be able to get it."

Hmm… after all this time, show a weakness and ask for a hug? Don't think so.

I shook my head and ran back inside. Adam sighed behind me and followed me into the basement. Since I was lying on the couch, he sat down right next to me. I moved so we wouldn't be touching and he moved closer.

I growled when his hand came closer to my body.

He sighed

"You know you have to let go of the things that happened there sometime? I have sworn over and over that neither I, nor any of my wolves mean you any harm. We have let you have everything you have wanted, space, meeting Kyle, anything."

I didn't move or make a sound. I knew accepting help from them would come and bite me in the ass some day.

"You smelled of sorrow and loneliness when you came to me. I know these things must be hard for you, but perhaps if you talked about them with someone. You still reek of loneliness, and I'm guessing that's what Kyle was for.

Have you ever thought of coming closer to someone else? Maybe not one of my male wolves, but Aurielle? Mercy? My daughter when she comes back from her mother's?"

I shook my head and slowly crept away from him.

"Fine, tell me if you decide otherwise."

Adam rose to his feet and went upstairs.

I went to sleep.

Unfortunately it wasn't nice, dreamless sleep I hoped for.

It started with Joshua, Floyd and the rest of them. It felt like I was going thru all of it again. I felt the knives, my flesh burned from the silver, I heard their laughter and couldn't move from the Tasers. When Floyd raped me for the fourth time that night, someone woke me up.

I was panting and gasping lying on the couch in (surprisingly) my human form. Adam and Mercy were right by the couch. Both of them looked worried and Mercy covered me with a blanket.

I wrapped the blanket around myself and shook my head trying to erase the images. I put my face in my hands and noticed with horror that they were tear streaks on my face. Adam put a hand on my shoulder but I moved away as fast as I could.

I couldn't stand people right now.

"Shhh… You are safe now… Nothing is going to happen to you here… Just calm down..."

Adam tried to calm me down with his power but made me even more wary. He soon noticed and repeated the words without the power.

I caught a glance of my reflection in the TV. I looked… horrible is the less you can say. My eyes wild, whites showing, I was panting with panic, more tears were visible and the blanket barely covered me.

I had enough.

Without a word to Mercy and Adam, I Changed.

They backed away as soon as I started the Change and only came closer when I was finished.

Adam continued with the crooning while I thought. The wolf gave me calm I desperately needed right now. What else did I need? Someone I liked and almost trusted. Translating: Kyle.

Busting on him would be damn inappropriate, but he did tell me to come anytime I wanted. That tipped the scale. I shook myself as if I were wet and run upstairs.

Mercy and Adam shouted things after me but I didn't stop until I was in the kitchen. On the fridge there were addresses to some members of the pack. Under Warrens address, in small letters, was Kyle's name and an address.

If only I knew where Richland was.

I decided not worry about that problem; I memorized the address and ran outside as soon as Adam and Mercy ran into the kitchen.

I heard Adam scream "FUCK!"just before I ran outside and towards (what I hoped) was Kyle's home.

I know, I know. I'm the worst updater EVER and it would be very nice if u guys didn't strangle me for it.

I'm deeply apologizing for any "u" instead of you and other similar mistakes.

I want to thank you ALL for the wonderful reviews; without them I would have deleted the story a long time ago.

I'll try to update soon. Love/ Martyyna