Quick note before I start, due to stuff coming up and other obligations updates on this may slow a bit. I hate to be inconsistent but I will only really write well when inspiration strikes, rarely so now real life has recommenced.
Reviews, follows and favourites make me smile :))))
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It's evening, and all are in their finest ball gowns and jewellery for this special dinner and dance to commemorate some new union in planets or an anniversary or any of the senate's excuses to throw a party. Four young boys dash through the mingling politicians and socialites in a wild game of chase. They duck and dive and weave through the crowd bumping and sliding all over the place in their fancy too-big-for-their-feet shoes and little suits that are already stained and scuffed from the rough games the night has inspired.
Trailing behind is a pale dark haired boy, slightly younger than the rest but taller and more gangly and awkward. He runs slower to avoid the adults who give him condescending looks and tut at the children's wild behaviour.
He would tell them it was not his idea, that he would happily sit and talk to the one of the great archive librarians of the republic and pick her brains on anything he could think of. His mother had always told him the only truly wise people in the galaxy were those who observed and remembered. But alas his father would not have him left out of the 'fun' and suggested this childish hunt.
But even at such a young age, the boy was in touch with the force within him. He stopped running, closed his eyes and searched for the others with his feelings. Within minutes he found their hiding spot and calmly walked to the closet where they hid and swung the door open.
"I win." He had said, bloated with the power he felt that he had something these boys did not.
"you cheated didn't you Ben. That's not fair, what's the point in you playing if you won't do it right?"
"I wouldn't be so proud of being a freak Ben Solo, my dad says the force users only cause trouble and that one day people will realise that and put a stop to them all." The chubby ginger boy was ridiculously spoiled and had something mean to say about almost everyone different to him in the entire galaxy.
"You're father is a fool Hux, if he thinks that the galaxy would even survive without force sensitive people. We bring balance and peace."
Ben quoted his uncles words but they felt alien on his tongue. What use was there arguing this with these boys who dreamt of battles and great warriors? Peace was for girls as far as they saw it.
"If you're so powerful Ben then you can get out of the cupboard, if we lock you in. Its only a little lock, see?"
The sliding bolt on the closet door did look old and rickety, thought Ben. He had faith in his powers, and thought a little showing off would gain the respect of these boys. Not that he particularly wanted their friendship more his father would be happier to see him the center of this little group.
So he climbed inside and listened to them lock the closet door. It was only when within Ben realised this was one of the Coruscant vinewood cabinets build to hide ones most precious possessions. And somehow the boys had worked out how to deadlock it with Ben trapped inside.
They squealed with laughter at their little trick. How foolish he was, to have fallen for something such as this. Why did he not sense the lie? The falsehood of these evil boys, he was a Jedi after all. Well not quite yet.
The closet seemed to be growing smaller and Ben struggled to control his breathing as he slammed his hands onto the doors. He would not call out for them to release him, they wanted that. But his head was spinning and he felt sick to his stomach at the woody smell and dusty air of the cabinet. He kicked and punched and felt his own hand crack against the impenetrable wood of the door. The pain was intense and Ben found himself doing something his uncle had warned him never to do. He drew from the pain, letting it fuel his power along with his fear and anger. He tried to control this energy and willed the doors to swing open but it was too hot and too small and Ben hated how the entire world was in that closet with him crushing him leaving him to space to even think.
He threw himself at the door and felt the cabinet lurch forward slamming into the marble floor with a loud bang. This did not shatter the wood and allow him freedom but transformed the tiny space into a coffin. Ben screamed out then letting his arms flail out and explode around him. Cold air rushed into his lungs as the high ceilings and long hall returned. But it was a scene of carnage. There was blood, his own and that of those who had been near when the extremely rare vinewood decoration had fallen to the ground then combusted before their eyes. Splinters of wood were everywhere and many had been hit .
It was a miracle no one was killed.
Ben knew it was all his fault. That the shock of what he had done would soon wear off and people would realise only something dark and sinister could have given a seven year old the power to blow up an entire hallway with just his own force manipulation.
The darkness was planted then. There had been tines before when it had... Called to him... but he had never actually used it. Master luke would figure out how Ben did it. Master Luke was already wary of Ben.
He stood from the wreckage of the cabinet and ran away from the injury and fear out to the back steps of the grand hotel they dined and danced in. He sat in the cold and waited for his mother to find him. She would know he would hide outside, with the stars.
"You were scared Ben, we all get scared sometimes." she had said "theres no shame in fear." She had said, with the more sincere smile and comforting hug Ben could wish for.
"Mother... will you live me even if I become a dark sith lord like grandpa?" Ben had asked, his voice wobbling fearing the answer.
"of course I will, but you won't Ben. You're too much of a softy to be a sith" Leia smiled at her small son who giggled back at her. He was not like a bog should be but he secretly didn't mind. He prefered the soft voice of his mother and quiet reading to his fathers loud sarcasm and need for speed.
"Plus your grandpa wore a big mask and suit Ben, a lot of them did. Helmets and claustrophobia aren't aren't a great mix honey."
They laughed and sat together, their strong bond in the force glowing around them invisible yet visible to all who saw them.
Ben Solo never overcame his fear of confinement...
And neither did Kylo Ren.
But they had very different ways of dealing with it.
,
I stare out into the depths of space and watch as Hoth disappears into a blur of colour when we enter hyper space. The ship shudders and shakes and I am reminded how little I care for speeds like these. When there is such beauty and power in the untamable abyss why rocket past them missing all the wonders of the universe to behold? I digress, speed only appeals to me when time is of the essence, and in this case it most certainly is. Rey has been sedated and is locked in my personal meditation chamber at the heart of the ship with no access to any outside communication. She would be fine.
I, however, may not.
A child? I am no father, I am no loving creature that would protect and care for this child the way it should be. But then Solo men are not known for their paternal nature. Dysfunctional family structure runs in my veins.
The ship suddenly jolts forward and gains rapid momentum. The floor beneath me shakes and I see crew members rush in little flurries failing to remain calm.
"What has happened lieutenant?" I ask a short stocky man with glasses too large for his face and an expression that indicates he may vomit in the near future.
"Sir, well, we seem to have entered an asteroid field Sir, unexpectedly and the internal communications systems seem to be malfunctioning at present but-"
I silence him and head straight for the lower deck where the little Jedi sleeps. If chaos has ensued no doubt she is behind it.
I barrel past the idiotic storm troopers who guard the chamber and begin unlocking the intricate system that holds her captive. The spherical room opens itself to me and a very awake Rey sits cross legged in the floor.
"what's wrong with the ship Ben?"
"This is no time for your games Rey, you are saying this is nothing to do with you?" I ignore her use of my old name, but cannot help the stir in my chest when her eyes meet mine. These are not my emotions, I do not feel this way.
She shakes her head and continuous to search my mask with her keen stare trying to penetrate its guise. Letting myself drift I find Commander Kache's thoughts and despair at what he sees. The fault in communications systems has hidden the extent of the damage to the ship which is now rapidly deteriorating in the current airspace. The rumble underfoot is caused by massive chunks of debris pummeling every inch of the ship and with the current momentum there is no way to safely navigate out of the field.
"Come with me. Now."
Rey is confused and startled at my tone but I don't wast time in grabbing her arm and pulling her along with me to the nearest shuttle hatch. I quickly put her in a flight suit and full space walk harness. She sees this and gasps holding the round helmet to her face.
"Is it that bad?"
I simply look at her and she knows. This has been no accident, there are obviously traitors on the bridge who have flown us straight into this mess. The ship is not large and there are few detaching fully automated shuttles. Two actually. I round up as many storm troopers as I can fit onto the shuttle and begin to dress in my own emergency suit. In involves removing the mask, an unpleasant task when surrounded by subordinates. Nevertheless I set the course for the nearest planet and turn back to where I told Rey to stand and await instruction.
But of course she is not there. Feeling her strong force signature, even more stark to me now, I follow her trail of emotion round to a blaster bay and controls unit.
"You either leave with us or die on this ship Rey and I will not allow the second. It will be so much easier if you comply, for you as well."
"I will not be your prisoner Kylo Ren. I would rather die on this ship. Its best if I die on this ship."
There is no time for this, not now. The morals of our...mistake, can be argued later. I quickly close the gao between us and in one swift movement have her over my shoulder, conscious of being gentle on her stomach. She kicks and punches and may or may not manage to crack one of my ribs with a sharp boot to the chest before I get her in the shuttle. The troopers stand and I stand over her, forcing her to remain seated and stuck in place. The shuttle is maneuvered in and out of meteoroid after meteoroid and Rey grumbles at the pilots apparent incompetency as the little ship is struck twice by smaller chunks of space rock.
The blast is sudden and sharp. My ears ring and chest burns as darkness and a sickening spinning sensation leaves me struck and unable to comprehend what has happened. I cling on to the little body beneath me. We fly and fall and explode from the shuttle, no air enters my lungs as I begin to make out the scene before me. With Nothing but spinning blackness in my vision I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe.
I never liked small spaces. I hated being confined and squeezed and shoved and oppressed. Sometimes even a large room felt miniscule when it was full of people who didn't understand you. Being anywhere like this was horrifying and filled me with such fear I would sit for hours in darkness afterward trying to calm myself after an ordeal. Small spaces were scary.
But out here in the great expanses of space with nothing around me for hundred of miles, I am more terrified than ever.
