"An Unhealthy Obsession with Cherries"

7:11 pm

Late. Late. Late. Late.

7:12 pm

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

Why do these things always happen to me?

7:13 pm

Late.

7:14 pm

At last. Make way, folks, I've arrived!

7:19 pm

So here's the deal: I'm approximately 50 feet away from the cubicles and Tifa. And here's the other deal: I've been standing here, rooted to my spot, for the past 5 minutes.

I feel nauseous. Is that normal?

'Are you going to go or what?'

I winced for a moment, taking a large breath. 'But… but I'm scared…'

'Okay… I'll hold your hand… Do you want me to sing you a lullaby as well while we go across the room?'

That did it for me. With the steely determination of a crazed jihadist on a suicide mission, I marched straight through the rows of bookshelves and out into the study area containing the cubicles. I scanned my surroundings briefly and felt my heart drop.

Damn. No Tifa.

Some douches who were probably either friends or relatives of Urkel occupied several cubicles. Their noses were rooted deep within the pages of their textbooks, soaking up every possible piece of information as if their lives depended on it. There were other random people scattered around; some working in groups of two or three while the rest studied alone. Oh, and there was one kid discreetly picking his nose.

Still, no Tifa.

Making my way past all the visible cubicles, I couldn't catch a single sign of her anywhere. I stopped and circled the area with my eyes. My heart sank even further. Had she gotten impatient and left? But I'd only been about 20 minutes late! That wasn't that long, was it?

'Would've only been about 10 if your sorry ass hadn't just stood there like a mortified statue for over 5 minutes.'

I really didn't have time for this. The asshole ripping into me, coupled with the fact that Tifa had ditched me, left a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Goddamnit…" I muttered. Blew my chance. Once in a lifetime, too. It had been so perfect!

'Yo, guess what?'

I ignored him.

'Yo!'

The prick persisted but I wasn't going to give in.

'Yo. Yo, dude. Dude!'

Goddamnit... 'WHAT?' I nearly screamed out loud, almost earning myself a free trip to the psyche ward.

At first, there was a still and unfamiliar silence for several seconds, one that I seriously could've gotten used to. But then it came. And it came hard.

'Dude, you just got stood up for a studying session! Ahahaha! You. Are. Pathetic!'

Must control urge to pound fist against the side of temple. Must. Resist. Urge.

'Yeah, go for it, smartass. Real clever. Knock both of us out, why don't you?'

Just before I could snap and publicly declare my conscience to be my greatest of all time enemies (greater even than a certain cereal mascot who'll currently go nameless) I felt a light tap on my shoulder. It was a light tap that was accompanied by a soft yet familiar female voice that made my heart flutter.

"Um, Cloud?"

I turned around slowly. Very, very slowly. No exaggeration here. It was so weird, how slowly I turned around. I might as well have been one of those deli carousals that revolved at a snail's pace to make food more appealing.

And now, Cloud 'The Carousel' Strife has just come face to face with Tifa Lockheart. So much for the theory of her standing me up on our studying session.

I smirked.

'Whatever. This isn't over. You just got lucky, dipshit.'

I continued to smirk proudly. I was proud. Tifa smirked back, misinterpreting my smile. "Hi."

"Hi."

It was then that I finally stopped thinking about Internal Satan and took notice of her attire. She'd changed from earlier that day, currently wearing a tight turtle-neck sweater and a matching tight black skirt with knee high brown boots.

Tight clothes plus curves equals frothing from the mouth.

'Please don't... We don't need more wrongly administered rabies shots.'

Wow. Is there anything this girl can wear that doesn't make her look any hotter and make me want to rip off her clothes? Damn. Curves! Sweet, sweet, luscious curves! Man's favorite shapes come in curves.

Of course, since I'm a guy, and since I've perfected and mastered the art of discreetly checking out females, my up and down sweep of her entire body happened in less than a second. That's how good I am, folks. I am fucking good. Casanova who?

"So, how are you?" she began, looking to break the awkward silence.

I was kind of dazed, still mesmerized by her close presence. "O…kay…" It came out so pathetic and dry. Well... better than nothing, right?

Cue another brief moment of silence. God, what was up with these ridiculous moments?

Tifa's smile widened and her face came to life, eyes sparkling. She clasped her hands behind her back in the most adorable fashion and gently started rocking from side to side.

It. Was. Fucking. Adorable.

I wanted to kill myself at how cute she was being. The woman was a tease and she didn't even know it. Or maybe she did? "Um… so… you wanna go and grab a table?"

She stopped rocking and nodded once. "Kay..."

I quietly drew in a large breath before exhaling just as quietly. We then proceeded towards a secluded cubicle as I grabbed an extra chair nearby.

As Tifa set her bag down on the table and began unpacking her things, I tried my hardest not to make an ass out of myself in the process. More specifically: no creepy ogling.

The simple rules of successfully maintaining positive interaction with an attractive female:

1. Do not stare at her breasts.

2. Genuinely listen to her incessant babbling.

3. Do not stare at her breasts.

4. Always smile and appreciate what she has to say.

5. Do not stare at her breasts.

6. Always offer to help even if she can easily do it. Chicks dig that kind of shit, trust me. I'm all knowing.

Follow these universal 6 rules, and you'll be the girl's dream guy sometime soon. Unless she's a stalker, of course. In which case you don't really have to do much. Except perhaps get a restraining order and an unlisted phone number. And some night-vision goggles for those long scary walks home in the dark. Hey, you never know when those crazy bitches will jump you.

As I began to get out my stuff, I stopped and noticed that she was still standing over me, just watching me.

Did I froth earlier and not realize it? "What?"

Her eyes fluttered. "So how come it took you so long?"

I was confused. On one hand, I assumed she was referring to my late arrival. On the other hand, I dreaded the possibility of her having seen me rooted to the same spot earlier for a full 5 minutes, looking like a terrified jackass. Let's hope it was the former. "Uh... well I was tied up with something... That's why I got here kind of late. I'm sorry if I made you wait."

Her eyes narrowed. "No…" she began teasingly, "that's not what I meant."

Crap. Crap, it was the latter.

'Didn't I tell you that you shouldn't have done that, moron?'

"Why didn't you come here right away when you got here? I saw you standing on the other side for a few minutes."

I felt myself shrink under her gaze. What the hell was I supposed to say? "Tifa, I didn't come here because I was scared since you're so outrageously hot and sexy and intimidating?" Oh, yeah. Real smooth. Chicks really dig that: a guy with boatloads of confidence and self-esteem.

"Are you intimidated by me?" She asked, carefully taking the seat next to me. Wow she smelled good. Really. Really. Damn. Good. Like cherries or something.

I stared at her, wide eyed. "Wh-what?" I was at a loss for words and wasn't sure if it was due to the intoxicating scent or what she'd just said. Both. Definitely both.

Her head tilted sideways in question. "I asked if I make you nervous. Do I make you nervous?"

Should I lie? 'What do I do?'

'You're on your own for this one.'

Useless jackass. Note to self: return conscience on grounds of being defective and ask for full refund.

Okay, here goes... "No. No, you don't make me nervous."

True sign of a coward: someone who lies when he should have told the truth, even if it would've been difficult to do so. Truer sign of a coward: when the lying idiot can't even look the other person in the eye.

She regarded me sceptically for what felt like forever before finally smiling. Her beautiful smile lit up her face, and mine. (Ok, ew. Too mushy. I apologize.) "Okay. Good. I just wanted to get that out of the way. Please don't be nervous around me. I want you to be relaxed."

Oh, I can be relaxed. Kind of. It's Johnny down below that has trouble. He's as stiff as they come. I produced a weak smile. "O-kay..."

"You ready?"

"Yeah..." It just occurred to me how close she was and that we'd be seated like this for the next couple of hours. Her sweet cherry smell wasn't helping either.

"Great!" she chimed. "So, where should we start?" She opened up her textbook.

"Uh, we can start on the cherries," I said without even thinking.

'Earth to dumbass. Hello?'

Her eyes widened in amusement. "Excuse me?"

I shut my eyes tightly and face palmed, both out of frustration and to hide the spreading blush. "I'm… I'm sorry. I was just thinking about something else."

"Right…" she purred playfully. "Like a certain fruit fragrance?"

God, this was going to be tough.

9:47 pm

I just realized we'd been going on about it for over two hours. Closing time soon. Damn.

Time really, really does fly when you're seated next to the object of your extreme infatuation. On top of that, she wasn't too bad at chemistry either.

I mean, she had a basic grasp of the fundamentals and electron characteristics. It was the different orbital shapes she got confused with and me, being the knight in shining armor that I was, happily obliged to serve. And aside from several inappropriate thoughts of her from time to time, coupled with a few random mental images of cherries, I stayed on course for the most part.

Good job, Cloud. Good job.

"So yeah, you just gotta remember that an atom isn't restricted to the conventional circular shape," I pointed out with my pen, circling over a diagram in my notes. It looked like a cherry. Damnit, Cloud! Snap out of it!

Tifa peered down at the picture, twisting a lock of hair around her finger.

Her scent was killing me. I just wanted to grab her and hug her, squeeze the life out of her, until I could satisfy my insane need to just hold her. Restraint. Restraint.

Tifa's warm eyes met mine. "Thanks, Cloud. I really get that part now."

I think I just suffered a stroke.

'You didn't suffer a stroke, retard. It's called "your heart skipping a beat".'

'I love everybody right now... even you.'

'Yeah, well… Oh just screw off!'

Tifa put her pencil down. "What do you say we call it a night? We've been studying for a good two hours."

I nodded, inwardly disappointed. "Yeah, okay..."

Tifa got up and stretched briefly, grabbing her purse out of her bag. "Hey, wanna grab a cup of coffee on the way out?"

No way! No. Fucking. Way!

Tifa was actually asking to do something social? With me?

No fucking way!

'I think she's just suggesting coffee because she's tired and needs to continue studying.'

No fucking way!

'Please. Stop.'

I have to admit, I was mere seconds away from shouting "NO FUCKING WAY!" if it wasn't for his intervention. Bless him sometimes. Only sometimes, though.

"Coffee? Uh, sure." I smiled and stood up, noticing our difference in height. Curiosity got the better of me. "Hey, how tall are you?" Bold, Strife. Bold.

She stared in question for a second. "5'5". You?"

We grabbed our stuff and headed out.

"5'10"," I replied, sounding pathetically proud of possessing such average height. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Rufus of all people hunched over a cubicle, reading an engineering mechanics book. I must've been hallucinating. Rufus? Studying? That was a first. Especially considering how much he despised engineering and Cid's class in particular.

As we passed him, he looked up and the two of us made eye contact. Tifa didn't see him but I delivered the cockiest grin I could muster. Damn, it felt good. "HOW DO YOU LIKE DEM APPLES NOW, BITCH?" I wanted to shout.

With a mild frown, he buried his head back down into his book.

"5'10" huh?" Tifa asked, completely oblivious to the dick size comparison exchange that had just taken place. "Not bad."

Wait, what? Not bad?

9:56 pm

Seriously, what the heck was she implying by saying "not bad"?

"Cloud?" Tifa interrupted my thoughts as we walked outside, each with a cup of coffee. She'd bought mine.

"Yeah?"

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Whoa. Line drive up left field, folks.

I practically choked while sipping my coffee. "Wh-what?"

Her chocolate eyes became soft under the light of the moon. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

I swallowed and thought hard for a second.

'What the hell is there to think about?'

'Quiet. This is a difficult one to answer.'

'The answer is NO, genius.'

'What is it with you and being so obvious?'

'Are you deliberately being stupid?'

"Well?" Tifa pressed, holding her coffee to her chest.

I felt warm. Warm and uncomfortable. Yet I didn't know why. Oh no, wait. I did know why. I knew that if I responded and said I didn't, she'd question why, making me feel like a loser. On the other hand, if I lied and told her I did, I'd simply be shooting myself in the foot, inviting her to ask a series of questions about my 'special' lady friend. It would also of course, completely diminish my chances of possibly hooking up with Tifa.

'No. Not diminish. "Completely shatter and destroy" is the term I believe you're looking for.'

'I got it...'

"No," I finally said.

She quirked an eyebrow. Here it comes: "Why not?"

See? You see? I told you. Did I not tell you? I shrugged. "Dunno. Never really found anyone I really liked. I don't really approach women and just ask them out."

Her curiosity piqued, she asked, "Well… why not?" as we began to head towards the dorms.

What could I really say? That it was because I was a chicken shit and had a fear of being rejected? "I just… don't…"

After a long pause on her end, she nodded softly. "Okay. That's fair. I'm sorry if the question bothered you."

I shook my head. "No, it's okay... Really. I just don't have one."

"Well, would you like to have one?"

My heart rate picked up, beating madly. "Uh…" What the heck was going on?

Was this it? Could I go for it right here? She was practically inviting me to go for it! Wasn't she? It was hard to tell.

'GO FOR IT, YOU FUCK! IF YOU DON'T, I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!'

My mouth hung open for a moment as I contemplated my options, Tifa kept her eyes glued to me with interest as we approached the entrance to the dorms. Crap. This was too intense. Chickening out, I closed my mouth at the last second and just shrugged.

Tifa's expression reflected disappointment for the briefest of seconds before she broke out into a faint, radiating smile underneath the dim moonlight. She stopped, placing her warm hand on top of my wrist. The area burned from her tender touch.

I couldn't move. Couldn't think. Couldn't feel anything except the heat.

Taking a long sip of her coffee, Tifa's sparkling eyes regarded mine. "Thanks a lot for the help tonight," she whispered."

I nodded, unsure of what to say.

Standing for a moment longer, she let out a short laugh before letting go. She turned and headed towards her section of the dorms. "Good night, Cloud," she sang over the side of her shoulder. "Sweet dreams..."

I stood there entranced, my jaw hanging open.

What. Just. Happened?

11:01 pm

God, what have I done?

Smashing my head in between my pillow, I let out a muffled scream of frustration at my stupidity.

The fucking opportunity had been right there! Right there! Why hadn't I gone for it?

1:39 am

"WHY?!"

'Shut the fuck up and go to sleep already, you emo bastard! You're worse than Linkin Park.'

1:55 am

I wonder if there's an open night market anywhere. I suddenly have a desirable craving for cherries.