A/N: I want to thank everyone for the reviews and Pm's. The response on the last chapter was outstanding. I hope everyone considers this chapter as good as the last one.
"Thank you for coming so quickly and late at night." Alex said as she opened the door not bothering to hide the fact that she had been crying.
"It's not a problem." Huang said stepping in shocked to see Alex in such a disheveled manner. She was always so put together and never showed emotion like she was now.
"Can I get you something to drink?" Alex asked as she stepped back allowing Huang to enter and motion for him to have a seat.
"No thank you." Huang said looking around "May I ask where is Olivia?"
"She left, in truth she walked out on me." Alex said breaking down again as she took a seat.
"Alex, can you tell me what happened?" Huang said truly concerned for both his friends. In all the years they had been together neither had walked out on the other without letting them know where they were going. No matter how heated the argument would get and some of theirs were legendary.
Alex looked away unable to meet Huang's eyes.
"I really need you to tell me so I can help you." Huang said in a voice he reserved for his clients. One that was soothing and calm.
"Olivia was fuming because I am paying for Sam's medical bills."
Huang cocked his head to the side and looked at Alex. He knew there was more to the story. Olivia could care less what Alex did with her money. He remembered a time when Alex showed up at lunch stating she had just bought a new Mercedes SUV. Olivia had just laughed and said as long as you're happy I don't care.
"I need you to tell me everything and Alex I need you to be truthful with me."
"I started paying Sam's medical bills about two weeks ago. After all it is my fault as to why he's in the hospital. I figured I could try and lessen the burden some on the family. I never told Liv about it and Linda Cavanaugh came into the precinct today with the paperwork showing Olivia what I was doing."
Huang nodded encouraging Alex to continue.
"When Olivia came home she confronted me about it among other things."
"What other things?"
"Just things."
"Alex I need to know if you want me to help you."
"I haven't been handling the Cavanaugh case too well." Alex stated looking away "I've been lying to Olivia about it and hurt her in the worst way possible."
"I need you to explain how you have been lying to Olivia?"
"Damn it Huang I just have." Alex sneered out as she faced him with one of her historical icy stares that made her a legend in the courtroom.
"So tell me." He said not phased by the look.
Alex growled wanting nothing more than to send him out the apartment but knew if she wanted to remotely save what she had with Olivia he needed to be here.
"Did you just growl at me?" Huang asked laughing. In all his years he had never heard the illustrious Alexandra Cabot growl or anything remotely symbolizing a growl coming from her. She had always been prim, proper, and professional.
"I hate this. I don't want to do this."
"Then why did you call me?"
"Because Olivia walked out. For the first time ever I have no clue where she is. Not to mention she told not when but if she decided to return. IF, Huang, IF. That woman is my life and means everything to me. If I have to sit through five sessions a day with you confessing my darkest secrets to bring her back damn it to hell I will. If she wants me to buy her the Empire State Building I will have the title in her name tomorrow by lunch. I have hurt her in the one way I swore to both her and myself that I would never hurt her. I've become her mother."
"Whoa Alex, I think you're a little extreme there. You have not become her mother." Huang said thinking that she was equating her lying to Olivia as that of what Olivia had endured growing up. Even though Huang did not know the full extent of Olivia's past he knew enough there was no match there."
"Oh really." Alex said as she stood up and began pacing "The last time I remember being sober to where I felt something was about two weeks ago. Since then I have done nothing but hide my drinking and lie. Isn't that what Serena did on a regular basis. So tell me how the hell I have not become her mother."
"Because there is no way on earth you would ever put her through the mental and physical she endured for close to sixteen years of her life."
"Mine as well have. Huang for weeks she has come home to find me crying on the couch. When she asked me what was wrong I would look at her and tell her I was watching a sad movie that brought me to tears. Want to know what's wrong with that picture?"
Huang nodded yes
"What's wrong is the fact I wasn't watching tv but replaying what happened to Sam in my mind over and over again. Instead of telling her how bad it was effecting me I lied to her. I did it at night too. She would wake up to find me on the couch asleep. When asked why I was sleeping there I told her I fell asleep watching a movie. Again a lie. I hadn't been watching tv. I just couldn't curl up next to Olivia."
"Why?"
"Because after she went to sleep I would take the bottle of tequila out of my hiding spot and drink it until I passed out. Although somewhere in my mind I had the sense to hide the bottle under the couch. The next morning while she was at work I would take it to the compactor and go buy another bottle sometimes two. There was times she would come home I would be so drunk I couldn't tell you which way was up."
"Olivia never said anything till tonight?"
"No. I guess the final straw for her was finding out I was paying the Cavanaugh bills."
"Why do you think that was the final straw?"
"Haven't you been listening? Because she finally called me out on everything and made me face up to the truth."
"Which is?"
"I haven't faced the guilt I've felt. Instead I've tried to forget it, bury it, whatever you want to call it by paying the bill, avoiding Liv at times, and ultimately burying myself in the bottle." Alex smiled as she spoke next "You know from the beginning Olivia tried to get me to talk to you and channel my guilt. She knows all too well how it can destroy someone."
"Those of us that carry the badge do know all too well Alex. Sometimes it leads us down the path of destruction other times our fellow co-workers. If we're lucky someone catches it before it has us swallowing our barrels."
"What is it with cops and the barrels of their guns?"
Huang smiled he could try till the cows come home to explain the significance of using their service weapon and how their weapon is an extension of them. Right now was not the time. He could tell Alex was in a fragile state and the last thing he wanted to do was give her ideas although something tells him it wouldn't be the first thought of suicide in the past month unless she fully accepted his help it wouldn't be the last either.
