Part 8
Ever the sameEver the same.
Buffy stood out the front of Spike's place as she knocked on the door waiting for someone to answer it didn't take long for Spike to open the door she looked up at nervously knocked on Spike's front door. She could hear her heart thudding against her chest and she was sure it was going to explode from the anticipation of the situation. However, it didn't take long for the door to swing open with Spike standing there, fitted with a blank expression. It was almost like he was expecting her.
"I'm sorry I called you dense," Buffy blurted out, not really thinking. Relief washed over her in waves whenshe said quickly a small smile appeared on Spike he lips as he stepped a sideaside in the doorway.
"Come in," he gestured. she Buffy walked inside, stopping to wait, not really sure where she was meant to go. Her stomach felt squeamish. Spike shut the door with a soft thud, turning to her.
"There is, err, no one home, would you like to go sit?" Spike gestured to the lounge room. Buffy nodded, her mouth seemingly stuck together with superglue. However, the second she sat, the words she wanted to say began to flow. in as he lead her up to his room they sat next to each other on his bed as she looked at him
"YourYou're not dense Spike. In fact, I think you're great. it'sIt's just, I wasn't ready."
"And you are now?" Spike lent forward, just out of reach. She looked into his eyes, knowing that she was ready to tell him everything about her tourturous time with Parker, taking a much need breath she began her story.
By the time she finished, Buffy could see tears glistening in Spike's eyes. He said nothing; instead, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Then, her own tears falling softly, being absorbed by Spike's shirt. He held her until long after her tears were gone.
All too soon it was time for her to get up from Spike's embrace and get ready for Spike's gig at the Bronze. With one last hug, Buffy left, knowing that for once in her life, things I felt right.
~~~*~*~~~
"I don't know but I know I don't want to turn out to be this bitter old women all alone cause all my friends couldn't stand to be around her, I know I don't want last year the be the centre of my whole life, I know I can trust you" Spike smiled at this but didn't say a word just sat there and gave her time to say what she need too.
"I meet Parker at a frat party not long after I started uni… we where friends, I felt like I could talk to him about anything… after a few weeks of hanging out we started dating and everything was great for the first few months but then he started to get angry cause I wouldn't sleep with him… I was a virgin I am a virgin…" he smiled nodding for her to continue
"The first time he hit me was because I wouldn't sleep with him… I had always promised myself that I would never be one of those women… one of those women who let there boyfriends beat on her so I left him… but he kept sending me flowers saying how sorry he was and that it would never happen again and I believed him so I went back to him… it was okay for about a month until he saw me having lunch with Xander and he yelled at me saying that I was cheating on him and he hit me again but this time it was worse he had broken a few of my ribs and I had to go to hospital… I told everyone I feel but they knew I was lying I would of left then but he said if I left him or told anyone he would go after Dawn and I couldn't let that happen"
"What else happened?" he asked softly she had tears running down her checks as she looked up at him
"He never raped me or tried to until the last time but he… um… he made me do other stuff… to um… pleasure him… I never wanted to do that stuff but I didn't want him to hurt Dawn… he cheated a lot so that kept him off my back most of the time but one day I went home for my mum's birthday and she walked in on me in the shower and saw my bruisers and scars and she put two and two together… I told her what had been happening and what he said about Dawn and she said I had to leave him that her and Connor which is Dawn's long time boyfriend would take care of her… once I knew she would be safe I told Willow that I was leaving him so she waited for me at our dorm room… when I told him it was over he got really mad i had seen hime mad before but never like this… he um… through me into a glass cabinet um… and then he through me onto the bed and started hitting me… I thought my face was going to explode… it hurt so much…. And then he started to chock me and ripping my cloths off… but I had promised my self that, that was the one thing that he could have so I um… hit him is the head with a marble lap he kept beside his bed and I ran… I got to Willow and passed out and then I woke up in hospital … I was sure I was dead, i took off the L.A a week later… he went to jail and I finally came home I promised my self I wouldn't get involved with anyone ...and then I meet you" She finished looking into his eye, He had tears in his eye how could someone have her and do that to her. He rapped hie arms around her whispering sweet nothings in her ear and he tried to soeth her trembling tears, he would hold her forever if she let him.
Buffy sat at a tTable with her friends at the Bbronze. Iit was almost 11 pm now and she was happily listening to Spike and his band perform. They had been performing since 8 pm, only taking a short break in between sets. and theThey were finishing up soon as the club was closing early tonighttonight; the owner was in the middle of doing renovations. As the song faded out, Buffy looked up at Spike, who gave her a quick wink. something about renovations Spikes band had been playing since 8 and so far they had been a hit Spike walked up to the mic Buffy looked up as he begun to talk.
"Just so you guys know, tthe Bbronze will be closing early tonight. for renovations and tThis will be our last song. I hope you all enjoyed our band," The crowd cheered and whistled wildly. "I wrote this next song just yesterdaybefore the show after talking with the most bravestbravest women I know. Buffy, tthis is for you. Buffy, Iit's called ever the same." she Buffy almost feeltoppled off her chair in surpriseseat. But she didn't have time to think as the beat started filling the room. She saw the band members exchange a knowingly look to each other, small smiles gracing each of their features. Buffy could see Spike tapping his foot in time with the song as well as Xander grinning behind his drum set. Then, Spike moved up to the microphone, his voice filling the room. when he said her name
We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now
Buffy could feel almost the entire room staring at her in awe. Everyone was looking at her, sShe could feel her face going bright red but and her heart was pounding against her chest. But as embarrassed as she was, she concentrated on Spike's sweet message, blocking out the so hard looks of surprise and jealousy the crowd was giving her.
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you so we both fall down
Spike's eyes found hers, locking with them instantly. These words, were only for her.
Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same
A small cheer rose up as the rest of the band played and Spike smiled. He felt it too she had always knew that in a way but after Parker she had always seemed to doubtcould see in Buffy's eyes she still doubted her selfherself. He wanted to show her that trusting him but she knew it would be okay. Sitting there, Buffy could feel that too and decided right there that tonight at the house party would be the time to tell him just that. she knew she could trust Spike and tonight at there celebration party she would tell him just how she felt
We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end
Spike looked into her eyes god knows knew he was taking a hugea risk with her, knowinghe knew this could back fire on him and end badly. Bbut by the look in her eyes as she looked up at him, he knew somehow everything he was going to be okay.
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you so we both fall down
Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Buffy could feel the fear tingle at the base of her spine as she watched the rest of the band fully submerged in the musical melody they put forth and sheShe felt like she should be running scared. She remembered after all the she promise she had made tod herselfherself, which was she wouldn't get involved with anyone ever again. Ibut it had all happened so fast though, all theirre time together at the beach, parties and it had just happened she had., This was something she knew she had no control over. It was her heart guiding her now, not her head. it
You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love
Oz's voice backed him up perfectly and Spike watched Buffy swaying slightly to the song. He knew he had to thank the rest of the men in the band for putting this together so quickly. He spared a quick glance around at the rest of the crowd, which were also swaying, some even with their arms above their heads. His gaze washed back over to Buffy and he realized he had not been surprised when he found himself falling more and more for this girl everydayevery day. they spent together but Hhe knew he couldn't walk away from her nownow; he was already so much in love with her.
Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Buffy felt herself mesmerized by the words spilling from Spike's lips, her eyes only for him now.
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Forever the same
Yes, Spike realized, he was so very much in love with Buffy and he hoped when she saw that and she wouldn't run in fear. He could see the fear in there still, his will power not strong enough to make it disappear like he wished. Vaguely, he watched Angel step forward and take control of the song, his face lighting up at his chance to be noticed. Still, Spike's eyes were only for Buffy.
Oh yeah
Spike bowed his head, sparing a glance back at the rest of his band as Riley played the last chord out on the keyboard. He was grinning he realized, not being this happy in so long. The crowed went wild as the song finishedfinished giving them a standing ovation. Spike smiled sheepishly out at the crowd. they had really been a hit and Buffy had to admit they where really good
"Thank you guys for coming. use have been great I hope you alluse enjoyed yourselves. Hhave yourselves a good night!" With that, Spike said she watched him jumped down off the stage and walked directly to to her Sshe stood to meet him, not thinking, her breath catching in her throat.
"Hey," he said as he reached her. His smile was wide, warm and inviting.
"Hey," she replied looking down, shy all of the sudden. beifliey
"Are you coming to the after party?"
"Yeah,"
"Cool… um maybe we could talk when you get there."
"That would be great."
"See you there then,Cool" he smiled, turning back and walking back up to the stage. Buffy hung her head, her face scarlet. as he turned to walk away s She could see all the girls giggling out of the corner of her eye. Just then, she laughed softly then she felt a finger under her chin. Moving her head upward she could see Spike before her, his eyes soft, inviting. He cupped his hands around her cheeks, drawing her in. As their lips touched, Buffy could feel her head spinning. All too soon Spike pulled away, leaving her longing for more. she looked up facing Spike who was now standing in front of her again his hand cupped her face as he leant in kissing her softly she felt like she was dieing he pulled away slowly Ssmiling at her softly, Spike turned once again to the stage and Buffy watched as he walked off. His walk was confident, happy. Buffy sighed contently as he walked back on stage, ; knowing thattonight would be interesting later would be worth waiting for.
When Buffy arrived at the boy's house, she could see that the party was already in full swing. Music blared noisily from unknown speakers and people were bunched together, talking and laughing, some with red plastic cups in their hands. Of course they were late, Cordelia insisted on going home to change her outfit for the party. Willow, who was driving, reluctantly agreed, knowing that she wouldn't have heard the end of it if she didn't. But the moment they were out of the car, Buffy found herself all alone. She knew both girls had made a bee line straight to their men and she couldn't help but feel a slight tingle herself. Stepping inside the crowded doorway, she scanned the crowd, looking for Spike. However she couldn't see him anywhere. Just as she was about to give up, she spotted Riley out of the corner of her walked into the guys house to see it was packing people where every where she had court a ride with Willow and Cordy but the had made a bee line straight to find the boyfriend she was looking around for anyone she knew more then anything she wanted to find Spike and have that talk. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Riley she walked over to him.
"Riley!" Buffy gushed with relief. His familiar face soothed her some.
"Hey Buffy," he greeted her, his voice light.
""HeyL looks like the parties in full swing."
"Yeah, you're telling me. Ttell you the truth I have no idea who half of these people are."
Buffyshe laughed at that.
"Do you want aWant a drink?" he asked her. Something to calm her nerves would be good or, something to give her courage.
"Ah, yYeah that would be greata drink would be great. Got any tequila?something with tequila in it"
"On the waySay no more," he replied. Riley swiftly made his way to the as he went to the bar and moments later he was back, handing her a glass of tequila and orange juice.
"Thanks" ." Buffy toasted the glass into the air before taking a sip. The orange juice and tequila caressed her tongue as she swallowedshe said taking the drink, the familiar burn forming at the back of her throat.
"So, how did you like your song?"
"It was beautiful," she gushed."
"That it was," Faith said interjected, coming up from behind, seemingly out of nowhere from the crowd and Riley wrapping her arms around Riley. him
"I have to wounder why you never sing to me," she cooed,said looking up at Riley, her eyes dancing with mischief.
"Well babe that's cause I can't sing. Besides, but you know you're the most beautiful thing in the whole world to me," he repliedsaid sweetly to heras Faithshe lent up to kissing him.
"I'll leave you guys to it," Buffy blushed, feeling bad for interrupting the couple., d"Do you know where I can could find Spike?" they brokeok away brifilybriefly.
"Yeah, just seen him, hhe i's in his room getting ready. you can go up there I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you go up there to see him." Riley nodded knowingly.
"Thanks Riley," she replied, turning away but not fast enough to miss the couple locking lips once more as she headed up the stairs.
"You behave B," she hured Faith called out after her. sheBuffy turned around and pockeding her tongue out playfully at her friend, Faith of course just laughed and turned back to her as she watched Faith laugh.
It didn't take Buffy long toShe reached Spike's room. As she approached the closed door when she could hear muffledured noises coming from inside. Sshe started to wounder whetherif he was talking to himself and then she huredwhen she heard a loud thuoud. Panicked, she swung open the door she was confronted with Spike laying on the floor with Harmony, half naked, laying on top of him, their lips locked. walking in thinking something had happened to him only to find him on the floor with a half naked Harmony laying on top of him as they kissed.
"Oh god," Buffy whispered as her glass felel from her hands, and shatteringed on impact. Both faces immediately snapped to her. It was Harmony that first spoke. the floor they looked up at her
"If you don't mind, whe're in the middle of something," her voice came out like venom. The words seemed to snap out Spike out of his stupor however as he tried to push Harmony off him. He managed to get loose, tossing Harmony a side and scrambled up to Buffy. Harmony grinned at herself, her face smug as she re-adjusted her shirt. spat at her Spike struggled as he pushes her off him walking over to Buffy
"Buffy itsit's not what it looks like, please luv luv believe that. sShe through threw her self on me. I was trying to push her away when you walked in," his eyes were pleading as Buffy's stung with tears. Pushing the hurt down, she morphed it to anger, directing it straight at looked up at him tears in her eyes and fire quickly following behind them
"Oh please, like your gods gift," she hissed, finally finding her legs and walking off down the hall. She didn't get far when she felt Spike grab her around the arm. He was careful not to grab her too hard as he didn't want to frighten back down the hall he grabbed her arm before she got to far turning her to look at him
"Buffy I'm telling the truth."
"Was it all just a big joke to get me to trust you? Tto feel for you so you and your buddies could have a big laugh latter poor stupid little Buffy?" Buffy could feel her voice rising, threatening to crack but with all the noise coming from downstairs, people didn't blink twice.
"No luv, it's not a joke. I really do care about you," Spike ran his hand though his hair, frustrated. s"She walked into my room while I was getting dressed, I told her to sod off but she just jumped me like a wild animal."
"I've hured heard enough," Buffy whisperedshe turning once again to the heSpike turned her back to face him but Buffy yanked she pulled her arm free.
"Don't touch me, just stay the hell away from me I have better things to do with my time then to waste it on you," she spat ,at him as she storminged off down the stairs and faded into the party, her mind fixated on the bottle of tequila down at the bar.. She did have better things to do she was going to find that tequila bottle and finish it off.
Buffy and Faith had been sitting at the bar slowly doing shot after shot for the last three hour and a halfs. The brief periods where they did leave, it wasn't far only to dance to a song that caught Buffy's attention. Unlike Buffy, Faith could hold her liqureliquor pretty well. She was watching Buffy well though and when they come to sit down from dancing again, Faith seized the chance. but Buffy was now very drunk
"So come on B, what's going on? I mean you're not actually the drinking kind," Buffy looked up at her friend, swaying slightly even though she was seated on a stool.
"He, him, I. I Wwalked in and he's with her… that dumb blonde."
"He who? And what blonde?" If Buffy hadn't been so drunk, Faith would have been amused.
"Him!" she yelled slightly swing around to point at Spike, only to have her hand smack him right in the face. Buffy collapsed into a fit of giggles, slumping into the bar.
"Thanks for that luv," he was standing behind her looking unamused with RileySpike murmured, remaining still. Riley had just found Spike up in his room and had brought him down to help find out what was going on. Riley was none too pleased with the present situation. Finally, Buffy's giggles subsided enough for her to speak.
"You deserved it," she retorted, her tone cold and flat. she slurredBuffy tipped the shot glass up to her mouth, disappointed when she found it empty. She made a sour face and shoved the shot glass back to Faith. Spike looked at Faith who lightly nodded her head.
"Okay luv, I think you have had just about enough," he said putting his arms under hers lifting her off the chair. Buffy she pulled free wiggled from his grasp.
"I'm not talking to you remember? Nnow just buzz off Mr kisses face," she replied, as she stumblinged through the crowd and before she realized it, up the stairs. . Spike was right behind her and he almost laughed when Buffy pushed his door open and stumbled into the room. He got to the door just as Buffy threw herself on his reached her just as she headed into his room she throwing herself onto his bed
"Good bed, just got to stop everything spinning," he heard herBuffy mumbled, her eyes heavy. It wasn't long before she fell asleep. Spike smiled, covering her with a blanket and removing her shoes before shutting the door and making himself comfortable on the computer chair. as she fell asleep he smiled at her before covering her with a blanket and taking a seat on his computer chair.
Buffy awoke the next morning with hera pounding head ace, head pounding. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes, trying to figure out where she was and what happened the night before. She tried re-tracing her steps in her head, remembering being at the Bronze, coming to the party and coming to look for Spike. She gazed up at the ceiling; the images came back so clearly now, her walking into Spike's room finding a half naked Harmony all over Spike. Spike trying to apologize but instead she chose to drown her sorrows in a bottle of tequila. Buffy rolled her head to the side, groaning before spotting Spike asleep in his computer chair. How on earth did she end up in Spike's bed??
she adjusted her eyes to her surroundings god what had she done last night, she remembered going to the bronze and the going to the party but what had happened? And the she remembered going into Spikes room seeing him on the floor kissing a half naked Harmony and then drinking tequila shots with Faith for the rest of the night, god why had she been stupid enough to take shots one or two mixed drinks she could take but she had never had shots before and for good reason Buffy and alcohol just didn't mix.
She sat up silently in bed, looking over at a sleeping Spike, not daring to breathe. She pondered for a moment on how Spike was able to sleep in the computer chair before sliding out of the bed and silently picking up her shoes, quickly slipping them on. She glanced at Spike again; contemplating that he might have actually been telling her the truth.
Then, an all too familiar voice filled her head, instantly flattening her hope in one fatal swoop.
'Get real Buffy, like he would be interested in you. Like anyone would be interested in you,' Parker's voice rang in her ears as she bolted out the door, not even bothering to look back. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment and her eyes stung with tears as the devil in her chastised her all the way back to her dorm.
NOTE: Don't forget to credit Rob Thomas in other your Author's notes or the end note. OMG, did I really make it 8 pages long?? And that is with cutting almost a whole page out! OMG!! Hope you like what I did to stood up slowly careful not to wake him but she wondered how he could sleep in a computer chair anyway, she walked across the room slipping her shoes on how could she be so stupid thinking Spike could really like her, maybe he was telling the truth maybe Harmony had taking him by surprise and thrown herself at him "Get real Buff he's a man and he could never be into you look at you be realistic beside you have always been naive" Buffy hured Parkers voice ring in her ear she grabbed her hand bag off the table taking one last look at him before walking out the door.
