Thank you Kmpcarter, Taylor9901, catgrl, MageVicky, YankeeGirlNJ, CethlennBalor, sarae32, Sassy Mami, hstevens08161, .7334, MammaNita4, GomezAddams1,Coolestbee and the guest reviewer for your reviews.
MageVicky: I totally agree with you. How can your singer be your mate? Wouldn't that put you at a risk of killing your own mate? On the contrary your mate, if she is human should be the one person whose blood doesn't call to you at all so that you don't accidently harm her. Like you said a singer is like a perfect meal and her being a mate too makes absolutely no sense.
Chapter 8-
DECISIONS ARE THE HARDEST THING TO MAKE,
ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS A CHOICE BETWEEN WHERE YOU SHOULD BE
AND
WHERE YOU WANT TO BE.
- Unknown
Making a decision is easy, implementing it is the tough part. I had made the decision to stay away from one Sam Uley almost six weeks back and every minute of these six weeks had been difficult to bear. There were many moments when I just wanted to run into him arms and stay there for all of eternity but I would take one look at the family photo in my room and change my mind.
I had been wrong when I had told him that being physically near to one another would be enough for our imprinting bond because it was not. Like a clockwork every third day I would go to the clearing after work and he would be waiting for me over there in his wolf form. We would sit a bit far away from one another and no words or ever acknowledgement would be passed between us. I would read a book or listen to music and would try to not see the longing and love in his eyes. The very eyes, that tormented me every night and spoke to me, telling me everything about him. As they say the eyes are windows to the soul. We would often just stare into one another's eyes contemplating how different our lives would be if such hurdles would not be in our way. But at the end of those two hours I would return to my house pretending that I had just pulled an overtime.
School had started again and so had the monotonous routine of classes and homework. Juggling School and work was difficult but I was glad for the distraction that it gave me. Leah was slightly better and was trying to move on but I often caught her staring at the walls with tears running down her cheeks. The news that Sam and Leah, the star couple of La Push had broken up had spread like wildfire and everyone had their own guesses on the reason why. Some said Sam had cheated, some said Leah was unfaithful and some said Sam was just wasting time till he could find someone better. Nonetheless Leah had to bear all the gossipmongers who came and pestered her to know exactly what had happened.
Seth had been furious when he found out how Sam had broken Leah's heart and he wanted to go and confront him for behaving like this with Leah but he had stopped when Leah had shouted at him that she did not need any more drama in her life. Irrespective Seth had made his hatred for Sam very clear and even Hazel had picked up on the tension and sour mood of everyone around her though she did not understand much of the reason why and after Leah had accidently shouted at her once she would be stuck to Sue whenever she was home not leaving her side at all.
When I had told Leah of my quest to find a boyfriend she had made it her personal mission to find me a guy. She had said that it would let her focus on something else and take her mind away from her own pain even if it was for a short while. I had had a boyfriend before when I had been thirteen. He had been my first and last boyfriend and we were more of handholding friends than girlfriend and boyfriend. We had 'dated' for two months before we decided that we had absolutely nothing in common and decided to part ways. Since then I had been on a couple of dates but it had never progressed beyond that.
The first boy who I had gone out on a date with was one of the popular jocks from school named Chris. He had recently broken up with his girlfriend and was now single and when he had asked me out a few days after school reopened I had said yes. We had gone to Port Angeles for a movie followed by dinner date and at the end of the night I had regretted every minute of it because he had spent every minute of it talking about himself and boasting about his own accomplishments not even giving me the chance to talk. Somehow I had convinced him that we were better off as friends and should never go out on a date again.
The second boy who I had gone out on a date with was from Forks and attended Forks High. His name was Mike and he and his friends often came to First beach to have bonfires. He reminded me of a golden retriever, loyal and obsessively following random people and ten minutes into our date at the local diner in Forks he told me that he was only doing this to make his ex girlfriend Jessica jealous who was watching us both from one of the tables behind. That had been my second failed date.
The third and last boy who I had gone out with was named Jared and was a year younger than me in La Push High. He was a genuinely nice guy and I could relate to him but somehow he reminded me of Sam too much and at the end of the night the both of us knew that there would be no second date. He had confirmed it when he told me that not to take offense but somehow he could only think of me like a sister as if something inside him was telling him this and even I had told him that I saw him like a brother and nothing more.
After my third failed date I had given up on trying to find someone else so that my feelings for Sam would change because they did not. I knew that I was hopelessly in love with Sam and even though I wanted to hate myself for feeling this towards him I just could not hate myself.
Today was Sunday and I was lying down on my bed reading a book when someone knocked at my door.
"Hey can I come in?" asked Sarah opening the door slightly
"Yeah of course" "Come sit"
"I was here to give Sue my recipe of Beef Stroganoff and decided to see how my god daughter is doing" she said sitting on the rocking chair in my room
"I am fine" I said nonchalantly
"Yeah don't lie to me" she said raising her eyebrow "I know you as much as I know any of my other kids and I know when you are saying the truth and when you are lying"
I sighed loudly "I tried Sarah. I tried damn hard to stay away from Sam, stopping myself from having feelings for him, dating other guys so that I would not be in love with him anymore but whatever I do at the end of the day he is the only person on my mind and he is the first person I think about when I wake up. Whether I am awake or dreaming I am always thinking about him. In a fit of anger I told him to stay away from me but I don't know if I can stay away from him."
"Bella do you remember when Billy had told you that the Alpha's imprint is the strongest?"
I nodded my head
"The bond is trying to get you together and every minute you spend trying to fight this gift it will become more and more difficult."
"I can't accept it Sarah" I said looking at the floor
"Bella, do you realize how much pain you are putting yourself and more importantly Sam in because of this. He rarely gets to see you, the one he loves and you think he is happy seeing you date other men"
"I have no choice. Leah loves him"
"You are just being stubborn about this. Don't you think if he was meant to be with Leah, he would have imprinted on her? He imprinted on you, you both are meant to be together. You are just prolonging the inevitable"
"But…"
"Bella answer me honestly, do you love him? Not because of the pull of the imprint but because of who he is"
I nodded my head
"Say it. I need to hear it from you"
"Yes" I whispered
"Good now stop punishing yourself for what is not even your fault and for heaven's sake stop punishing Sam. It is not even his fault and he is suffering from the past six weeks"
"What about Leah?"
She took a deep breath "We all feel bad for her but the spirits know what they are doing and we need to trust them. Maybe she is supposed to be somewhere else with someone else"
"He lied to me. He deceived me by listening to my innermost thoughts by being in wolf form and pretending to be just an animal"
"Bella all of us make mistakes. We are humans after all and making a mistake is a part and parcel of life and sometimes you just have to let it go and move on giving that person a second chance to improve himself, to not make the same mistake again. Imprinting is a beautiful experience. Just close your eyes and go with the flow"
I nodded my head "I need time to think"
"Sure take your time but don't take too much time. That boy is already a mess right now. Do you know for a wolf there is nothing more painful than his imprint rejecting him? Sam is stronger than he looks and is not letting anyone know of his pain"
Was she correct? In worrying about Leah and myself had I completely disregarded Sam and his feelings causing him pain? I looked at the floor.
"Now Bella, none of this, you had to make your own set of mistakes in life."
"I should get going now but always remember Billy and I are there for you if you ever need us and I have a feeling you will need us very very soon" she said before walking towards the door.
"Thank you" I whispered as the door closed behind her
After spending some more time thinking about all of this in my room I decided that I needed a change of place. I told the others that I was going to the beach for a while and left the house walking to the beach. Our house was near second beach and the beach was at a five minutes distance. I walked towards the cliffs near second beach and sat down looking at the waves in the water.
I didn't know what to do ahead. With every passing minute my decision faltered to stay away from Sam. Yes I loved Leah and my family but could I do this my entire life? Could I be unhappy so that someone else would be happy? What about Sam? This was unfair to him too.
These past six weeks had nearly killed me with the need to be near him. Could I do this any longer?
"What is on your mind?" asked a gruff voice, the person sitting next to me on the cliffs
I shook my head
"Come on you can tell me, people say I am a good listener"
"Dad, how do you know what to choose heart or mind"
He was quiet for a few minutes "Depends on the decision which has to be made. Sometimes you follow logic and sometimes you follow the small irrational part of your mind which tells you to follow your heart even if the odds are not in your favor" He said with a small smile "Do you know the story of how I met Renee?"
I shook my head and looked at him curiously
"During my first summer as a cop I met Renee Higginbotham. She was driving up the Pacific Highway with a group of her friends and they stopped to camp at First Beach in La Push. I was visiting Billy at that time and it was love at first sight. We spent a few days together before she left promising to come back again soon. In her absence I realized how much I loved her. When she came back three months later she got the news with her that she was pregnant and you were going to be born. Her mother was not happy and had wanted her to abort and when she refused she asked her to leave and never come back, though the timing was not that great I was ecstatic. I was going to be a father. I built a house for myself and Renee moved in with me. She was impetuous and romantic and our small little world was perfect.
Then a few months later you were born and I did not think life could get any better. When you were two years old Renee and I got married in a small courthouse marriage. A few months after our marriage Renee found out that she was pregnant again"
I looked at him in shock. I had a younger sibling.
"It was a difficult pregnancy and it ended in miscarriage. We were devastated and Renee fell into depression. At the same time my parent's health condition worsened and my father needed my help with my mother every day. I spent lesser and lesser time at home every day. Renee hated her life and she kept telling me to leave Forks but I just could not. She wanted to move to somewhere sunnier. Around your fourth birthday she finally gave up and asked for a divorce. She wanted to leave but she did not know what she wanted ahead from life and could not take you with her. She had not completed her schooling and could not go back to her mother's. I begged her to stay back but she refused only telling me to look after you. Six months after she left my parents expired a few days apart"
"She loved me?" I whispered
He nodded his head "Enough to give you a secured future" "She was flighty and hardly managed to look after herself. She did not want you to grow up and be burdened by the responsibility of looking after her as well. She felt you would have a better future living over here"
I nodded my head not knowing what to say ahead
"When you were 7, Harry expired leaving Sue and two small children behind. He was one of my best friends and all of us helped Sue in recovering. We both started off as friends but soon life gave us a second chance and we fell in love. Now tell me if I hadn't listened to my heart at that time would I be going back to a happy house with four kids and a beautiful wife today. Sometimes you have to just listen to your heart and jump when it tells you to"
"But what if your decision is going to hurt someone else?"
"Bella there is no decision that can be taken without affecting atleast one person in this world. Someone or the other will get affected and will be hurt. You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love"
"What if it is a family member then what do you do?"
"Bella you remember Greg Young right?"
I nodded my head. Greg was Sue's cousin. When Sue's parents died at an early age, Greg's parents had taken her in. Greg and she were very close growing up and I had met his daughter Emily a few times too when they came to visit.
"He was my good friend too. When Sue and I decided to marry, he did not approve of our relationship. He felt Sue was making a mistake by marrying outside the tribe. He refused to attend the wedding. Sue had been heartbroken. She had seen Greg like a father figure and it hurt me too that my friend would think so low of me"
"Then how did you patch up?"
"A few years later when he saw how happy the both of us were he realized his mistake and came to apologize and with time Sue and Greg's relationship became like it had been before all of this. Time heals all wounds Bella."
"So are you saying I should follow my heart?"
"Everyone deserves happiness and if your heart is leading you to happiness, follow it"
"Some people will get hurt" I whispered
"Sympathy is a good emotion to have but empathy is not always good. If you start thinking about everyone else when will you live for yourself?"
I nodded my head "Does it make me a terrible person to choose myself over someone I love?"
"No it doesn't" "Everyone deserves to live for themselves. The fact that you care about their happiness is more important."
I gave him a tight hug "Thank you daddy"
He kissed my forehead and we sat on the cliffs for some more time in silence.
After going home again I cooked dinner for everyone and happily chatted during the entire meal. I knew that my decision was going to change everything and this could be my last family dinner before a long long time. I hugged both of my parents, Leah and Seth and kissed Hazel on the cheek before sleeping. If they noticed my weird behavior they did not question it.
The next morning I woke up before everyone else and drove my truck to one end of the reservation to the only house that stood there. I would have to leave for school in a while but before that I had something important to do.
I knocked at the door and a half asleep Sam opened the door.
"Bella" he looked at me in shock "Come in"
I followed him in the house. The house looked unkept and he himself did not look any better. He had not shaved in days and he had dark circles beneath his eyes.
"So what can I get for you?"
"Sam" I whispered. I did not know how to tell him the next part so I decided to just blurt it out.
"I accept the imprint"
He stared at me with his mouth open for a few minutes before pulling me into his arms.
"I love you" he mumbled in my hair
"I love you too"
"I am never letting you go"
I hugged him tighter "Me too"
We stood there in each other's arms for I don't know how long. I knew the journey ahead would be difficult but whatever came our way we would pass through it together.
