Disclaimer - I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.

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Grocery Store

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Chapter 8 - Happy

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Thursday morning he braked for a red light four blocks from her work. Kaoru glanced at her watch. Ten minutes before eight thirty. She'd be on time.

"Last night went well," Kenshin told her. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of a classic hip hop song. This was how he woke up on work days: fast lyrics, infectious beats. The first few minutes of him driving, before the music had its effect, had been unsettling. He'd driven normally, but she'd known, simply by looking at him in profile, that his mind was on autopilot.

"Sano started flipping out about the wedding," Kenshin continued, "so none of Hiroshi's attention was actually on me."

Kaoru froze in the act of reaching for her purse, which was on the floor between her feet. "Sano's supposed to be happy to get married. If he gets cold feet I'm knocking him unconscious and dragging him to the altar," she said darkly. "He's not getting out of marrying Megumi."

"Relax," Kenshin said. His voice was soothing, and in spite of herself, she did relax. The song on the radio ended and a commercial came on. Kenshin stopped tapping out the beat with his fingers and turned the volume down a little. "My brother calmed him down. Hiroshi told Sano that his girlfriend won't let him marry her because she doesn't ever want to get divorced, so after six years of living together, she's still not sure she'll stay in love with him, and she'll probably never be sure, so they'll never have kids or get tax exemptions. Sano can't wait to marry Megumi now."

"Did he care more about the kids or the tax exemptions?"

Kenshin was silent for a moment, and instead of worrying about Sano's response, which she should have been doing as Megumi's best friend, she wondered if Kenshin cared more about kids or tax exemptions. "I'm pretty sure it was the kids. Sano wants kids."

Men usually wanted kids. Kaoru wondered if Kenshin wanted kids. Hell, she wondered if she wanted kids. Kids had always been this vague idea that had loomed somewhere in her future. Far in her future, as in not an actual possibility. Wondering if she'd ever have kids was like wondering if she'd ever win the lottery. She never played the lottery, but one of these days she might. She tried not to develop a mental image of the children Megumi and Sano would create. The worst part was that she knew she'd be the babysitter.

Then the story Hiroshi had told Sano really sank in and her eyes widened. "I'm sorry about your brother."

The light turned green and Kenshin started the car moving again. "It's okay. Hiroshi made most of it up, but Sano believed him, and that's the important part. There even was one ten minute period during dinner when Hiroshi didn't drive me crazy. You know, I think he does do it on purpose."

Kaoru was glad to get her mind of the subject of children. "Are you two still going to the baseball game tonight?"

"Yeah. I'm not going to risk disobeying one of your direct orders."

Kaoru laughed. "You've learned well, Kenshin."

"Well you are a black belt. I try not to mess with black belts."

"Especially physically intimidating ones."

Kenshin took his eyes off the road for a moment to glance doubtfully at her. "Yeah…"

Kaoru laughed again and they were silent for the last few minutes of the trip. Having Kenshin drive her to work meant she didn't have to park in the employee lot, which was a good five minute's walk to campus on a sunny spring morning. But this morning was overcast and drizzling, although the weather was supposed to clear up by the afternoon. She wouldn't have enjoyed walking in the rain.

Kenshin drove the car to a stop at the curb beside the administrative building where her office was located, which was set a good thirty yards back from the road. The drizzle was a faint mist drifting through the air, too light to cause any real damage to her hair or the skirt suit she wore.

"Thanks, Kenshin. You know what time to pick me up, right?" she asked as she got out of the car, trying to ignore the thrill she felt at the thought that Kenshin was picking her up in that Mazda sports car that she'd still trade for her car.

"Five. I'll try not to be late."

"Good. I'll see you then," she said, and waved a little before she shut the car door and turned to walk to the building. Ten steps and she shifted her purse to a more comfortable position on her shoulder. Kenshin had never driven her to work before. Fifteen steps and she hoped Linda wasn't looking out the office window, because then she'd bug Kaoru about Kenshin again and Kaoru wasn't in the mood for that because there was nothing for Linda to bug her about. She hadn't minded when there wasn't anything before, and that was the difference between then and now. Now she did mind, and she was growing exasperated with herself because she couldn't take one of the million opportunities she had to just reach over and kiss Kenshin. Twenty steps.

She couldn't do it unless she absolutely positively knew Kenshin wasn't going to freak out, and sure it seemed like he liked her as more than a friend, but what if it was all in her head?

"Kaoru, wait a minute," she heard Kenshin yell from behind her.

She turned around in time to see him shut his car door and jog over. He was on his way to work himself, so he was wearing a suit, charcoal gray. She loved men in suits. Why did men have to look so good? Why did Kenshin have to look so good?

She forced herself to ask a rational question. "Did I leave something in the car?"

"No," he said as he came to a stop in front of her and just stood there.

She began to feel uneasy. Was that it? Was she afraid of a real relationship? Hell yes, she was afraid of a real relationship. She was quivering in her boots… er, heels. Scared. Scared. Scared. Scared to come out of her little world of denial and start living. Scared to trust Kenshin. God, she had issues.

The look on his face was intense concentration, as if he'd heard every word that went through her head. That was silly. Kenshin couldn't read minds. But he was a compassionate person. He'd probably put himself in her place a thousand times. He didn't know what she was thinking, but he certainly knew what she was feeling.

Kaoru realized that she was standing there like a deer caught in headlights, probably sending out the strongest 'don't come any closer or I'll scream' vibes in the entire tri-state area. And that was ridiculous, because this was Kenshin Himura, for God's sake, and he'd become as close a friend as Megumi, and the last thing Kaoru wanted him to do was stay away.

So she let go of both the breath she'd been holding and her horrible commitment issues, for the moment at least, and the result was that she relaxed. And that felt so nice that she sent out a last prayer to God and put her trust in the man standing in front of her.

"Is everything alright, Kenshin?" she asked with a smile that was completely genuine and nothing like the half anticipating–half fatalistic gaze she knew had been on her face when he'd almost kissed her at the beach.

His violet eyes narrowed a little. He'd caught the change in her, although he didn't know what had changed or why it had changed. "Just… have a good day at work."

She looked down at his hand. All she had to do was reach out and take it, and then… Well, then he'd know. She reached out, but he brought his hand up and tilted her chin up. Startled, she met his eyes. If he didn't have those surprising violet eyes, maybe none of this would have ever happened. Maybe if he'd had blue eyes, or green eyes, or brown eyes she wouldn't have smiled at him in the grocery store. Maybe if he'd had gray eyes she wouldn't be standing here, practically aching for their second kiss. He let his hand drop from her chin, but otherwise they both stood motionless.

Just do it, her inner voice screamed in frustration, so she kissed him or he kissed her and the stereotypical sparks flew and the fireworks went off along with all the bells and the whistles. And the crazy thing was, she wasn't even touching him, and he wasn't touching her, except for their lips. She had to pull back first because she hadn't breathed since he'd told her to have a good day at work.

But Kenshin didn't know that, so of course he took it the wrong way, she could tell by the way his body tensed next to hers, but then she kissed him this time and he relaxed and pulled her close and the noisemakers went off in her head again and she felt way more turned on than she had in a long time. This wasn't an awkward first kiss, and it wasn't a second, and she swore that kissing Kenshin got better and better the longer it lasted, but after a while she didn't know because she couldn't really think anymore.

"Kaoru, I –"

But then about twenty car horns beeped because Kenshin's car was blocking half the road and she realized they'd probably been beeping for a while.

He laughed and let her go only to reach out and grab her wrist. He looked at her watch. "You're late."

Had she mentioned before how much she loved his voice? She laughed too, because she was happy and there was nothing else to do. "You're going to be late."

"I know," he said, and smiled at her as he released her wrist. "I'll be here at five."

"Okay," she said, and he kissed her again, sweet and quick and everything she'd been missing out on.

"See ya," he said, his voice low and sexy and Kenshin, and he turned and walked back to his car. For his sake, she hoped none of the people beeping their horns had road rage, and apparently none did, because he yelled "sorry", and gave her a last look before he got in his car and drove away. And that was it.

Kaoru turned around and faced the administrative building where she worked and saw Linda standing there, grinning. Kaoru had finally given her something to gossip about. Linda could grin all she wanted, and the whole building would think Kaoru and Kenshin were engaged by ten a.m., but that was fine, because distractions would make five o'clock come faster, and she couldn't wait to see Kenshin again.

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At five oh nine when she walked to the door, he was standing outside with his back to her and the nerves and the uncertainty came flooding back. He was nervous too, because he was holding a cigarette in his left hand. Unlit. He turned it over in his fingers, and then over again.

She stopped with her hand on the metal bar and looked at him for a moment through the glass door. He was tense. If he'd been regular Kenshin, he wouldn't have bummed a cigarette off one of his coworkers. They all smoked at his company; it was a wonder that he hadn't started smoking again when he started working there. She wasn't about to let him start now.

She pushed open the glass door and Kenshin turned around, saw her.

"Hey," she said. "Sorry I'm late."

He shoved the cigarette in his pants pocket. "No problem. I just got here."

And then they just stood there for a moment. He'd smiled when he first saw her, but it had been strained, and now the smile faded altogether. What was wrong? What was wrong? She'd been waiting for this moment all day and now there was something wrong. She fought down the urge to panic.

"How was work?" she asked when she realized it was her turn to say something.

"Not my best day. I was distracted," he said, and then froze up, probably because they both knew perfectly well why he'd been distracted. The whole conversation was disappointing and frustrating, because he kept looking at her like she was supposed to do something. Kaoru had no clue what that something was, and this was Kenshin: he wasn't going to give her hints. Apparently, he was going to stand there and watch her warily, as though she might flip out on him any moment. She would if he kept acting like this.

"That's nice," she said absentmindedly while she thought furiously, or tried to think furiously. Damn it all, this was precisely the reason she hadn't kissed him before. Did Kenshin think that this morning had been a horrible mistake? He'd had over eight hours to think about it. Was that the conclusion he'd come to? If it was, could she live with that? Maybe. If they could get past this awkward conversation. She knew she didn't understand men, but she'd thought she understood Kenshin. And so, God had informed her that she was wrong again.

"I'm parked over there," he said, and pointed.

No, no. This was not happening. She wasn't going anywhere until she figured this out.

She watched Kenshin turn to walk to the car, assuming she was following. Not following was only going to make things more awkward, make her think quicker before he started asking her what was wrong and then there'd be no way she could think.

He realized she wasn't following, stopped, and turned around. "Kaoru?"

Why? Why? This hadn't happened the first time they'd kissed. There hadn't been an awkward conversation; they'd simply finished watching the movie.

"Kaoru?" he asked again, and took a couple hesitant steps towards her.

If he wanted to take it all back, then there was no way she was getting in the car with him. She'd ask Linda to drop her off, and then she'd face Kenshin tomorrow. How was she supposed to fix this?

"I left my phone in the office," she said abruptly, and turned and fled back inside the building. How the hell was she supposed to fix this? She felt a little sick to her stomach now, and made an abrupt left turn to shoulder her way into the women's bathroom. There was a little waiting room before the actual bathroom, so she sat down on the couch.

She listened for a moment. She was alone. She sighed and let her purse fall on the couch cushion next to her. The sick feeling in the pit of her stomach didn't go away.

Kenshin burst in through the door.

Kaoru stood up in a hurry. "What are you doing here?" She wasn't ready for this yet. Just a few more seconds, that's all it would've taken.

He stopped a few steps inside the door. "I'm following you." He was frowning and his eyes were narrowed and he stood entirely too still. "What's wrong with you today?"

"Me?" And like a switch, he'd turned her temper on. "You're the confusing one! You didn't even look happy to see me."

He looked at her incredulously. "I smiled. I told you it didn't matter that you were late. That's happy."

"You didn't mean any of it," Kaoru told him, and strode forward and shoved her hand down his pants pocket.

He was too shocked to do anything but stare at her with those wide, violet eyes. She pulled her hand out and held up the cigarette between them. "This isn't happy."

When she dared to look up at him, he was staring at the cigarette. He didn't deny it, just stood there for a few seconds. Then he reached up and took it from her hand. She watched him put it back in his pocket. Then she gave up.

"Just say it, Kenshin."

Silence.

"Say what?"

She wanted to look up at him, but she didn't want to see his reaction, didn't want to see any relief. She kept her eyes trained on the floor. "Tell me to forget about this morning, and I will. I'll do it." I'll try, she added to herself.

"Is it easier for you that way?" He sounded angry. But anger was fine. Anger, she could handle.

She met his eyes. "This isn't easy for me."

He shook his head, closed his eyes for a moment. Then he opened them and focused on her. "Then forget it, okay?"

Kaoru nodded. She was going to cry in a few seconds. "I'll get a ride with Linda." Her voice was steady, but she could feel her eyes start to tear.

He turned away just as her eyes welled up and the first few tears slid down her face, but it didn't matter because he never looked back before he left.