Ah, the pains of these formalities... Erol is Naughty Dog's. Jance, Kyra, Kaen, Valen, Cayden, and any unnamed but otherwise used characters belong to us. Knives are mine.
On with the show.
Jance could never remember being happier in his life. He was sure that there must've been some point in his life, but he couldn't recall. The three months he'd known Kyra were the best he'd had in years.
Kyra had to agree wholeheartedly. Each day seemed happier, brighter, more full of meaning. If she'd had her way, she would have spent every spare hour with him.
Jance took a deep breath, letting the fresh air fill his lungs. He'd stopped wearing his jacket the previous month deciding to sacrifice his skin for comfort. Outside still seemed to be a strange treat for him, after seven years of captivity...He looked at Kyra and grinned.
"What's that grin for? The weather again?"
"Yeah, it's nice out. I like it." Even if he had been burned by the sun a few days previously.
"I do too. It's gorgeous."
"I can think of something else that's gorgeous."
"Can you? So can I."
"What are you thinking of?" he asked.
"You say first."
"You. You're gorgeous."
She smiled and blushed. "And I was thinking of you…"
He laughed, and slipped and arm around her, "I've said it hundreds of times: you're sweet."
"And I've said it a thousand times; you're going to give me a cavity."
"I haven't yet."
"No, not just yet, but you have a long time to work on it."
"I know I do." He leaned down and kissed her.
She kissed him back, feeling quite pleased with her life.
He pulled her close to him.
She kissed him again, rather surprised by his willingness. Usually he wasn't very into touch, mostly as a precaution against his other side. But who was she to complain?
He had a tight rein on his animal half, nothing would happen. He kissed her again, "I love you."
"I love you too." She brushed her lips against his neck.
He felt his control slip, just for a second, just a second, then he had it back. His lips pressed to hers gently.
It was so unreal, like she was currently living in someone else's life. She kissed him again.
Quickly, almost tentatively, he pressed his lips to her neck.
Her breath caught. He really was stretching himself.
He wanted this so badly. Wanted to be normal, to be able to go about this in a normal way; it was harder than he'd been expecting. His animal side had flared the moment he'd come into contact with her neck, but he refused to let it have control. If he did… There was no telling what could happen.
It seemed like he was half hesitating. "Something wrong?" Kyra asked.
"No," he rubbed his nose against her cheek, deciding to tone it down anyway, it was too dangerous.
"Okay," she didn't totally believe him, but let the topic go.
He kissed her forehead and let her go somewhat reluctantly.
She grinned at him. "That was interesting."
"Wasn't it?"
"Indeed it was. What shall we do now?"
"No clue."
"That sucks. Well, we'll figure it out eventually."
"We always do."
"Yep."
"How about we just wander around for a while?" They seemed to do it an awful lot.
"Sure, I'm good with that."
--
Erol slipped an arm around his wife's shoulders, "What're you up to sweetheart?"
"Finishing cleaning up my office. Then I'm planning on going to the conservatory to find some fruit. Why? What are you up to?"
"Finding out what you're up to."
She rolled her eyes.
"Want a hand?"
"For this?" she shut a drawer. "Nope, cause I'm now done. For fruit searching? Sure."
He smiled - not smirked – smiled, and kissed her cheek.
"Was that a smile?"
"Yes actually."
"I haven't seen you simply smile for a long time."
"Probably cause I haven't."
"You have a nice smile."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. To the conservatory then?"
"Of course."
Kaen shifted one more stack of papers, then headed for the door.
Erol followed her, "So how're you feeling?"
"I've been feeling okay. I seem only to get sick when I eat eggs."
"That's good." He said, his eyes flickered down to the bulge on her abdomen for a moment. It was slowly getting more noticeable.
"What are you looking at?"
"Just you."
"Oh, okay." She rested her hand on her stomach. A theory had come to mind, but she refused to believe it. Not her, not yet.
He noticed the movement. He had no doubt anymore, well next to no doubt, there'd always be some until it was officially confirmed. Aaric would be pleased about this…
They reached the conservatory. It was a room her forefathers, meaning Aaric, had build an age ago, their attempt to preserve a beautiful environment that would be lost. It was like walking into a forest, mostly subtropical, and it was Kaen's favourite place to go when she needed to relax. Like a second cell, except this one had fruit, plants and ponds full of fish.
"Alright, we're here," Kaen said as she placed her hand on a palm lock. It was keyed only to fit her family's hands, small and delicate. The lock clicked and the door swung open. "Fruit time."
Erol glared at the palm lock.
"What? Has the lock offended you?" she asked, amused.
"No…" he continued to glare.
"What then?"
"Call me stupid but I don't like it."
"Okay stupid. Why don't you like it?"
He rolled his eyes, "You could lock yourself in there with that thing." And he wouldn't be able to get her out. It annoyed him.
"One of these days I'll get it fixed, don't worry." She went inside and was hit by a rush of hot, humid air. "Are you coming?"
Naturally, he was. He followed her in, repressing a shudder. Damn heat.
"Oh, it's not that hot." Kaen started down one of the paths in search of mangos. She loved chocolate covered mangos.
Erol pulled a face. He preferred things cool.
"Just cause you live in a permanent ice cube…"
"And you'd live in the furnace if you could…"
"I've actually been enjoying a slightly cooler temperature recently!"
"I know, but normally…" when she wasn't- he cut off the thought. He was definitely not ready.
"Normally? It's totally normal!" She found some of her delectable fruits. "What are you not saying?"
"Nothing."
"Erol, just tell me!"
"Look…I…no…"
"Erol!"
He sighed, if he verbalized the concept would become altogether too real, and it was bad enough in his mind. "Forget I said anything."
"Fine," she glared at him, "Be that way."
"I'm just worried about you."
"I swear, you don't need to be. I'm totally fine." But she couldn't help but think on the weird things her body kept doing.
His eyes flicked to the bulge again, "Fine. If you're sure." He said, turning to look very pointedly at a fruit tree. "What kind of fruit do you want anyway?"
"Mangos, cherries down in the lower garden, watermelon. Anything you want?"
He shrugged, "Not that I can think of at the moment."
"Alright. Then let's go fruit hunting."
Erol nodded, "Lets."
--
"Well, we've been wandering for about an hour. Shall we stop here?" Kyra said, pointing a nearby bench. Somehow they'd made their way back to the university.
"Sure, I don't see why not."
She went over to the bench and sat down, enjoying the shade of the tree behind it.
Jance sat down next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders. Shade was nice.
She snuggled up against him. "This is refreshing."
"Very." He nuzzled her, purring in the back of his throat.
"You sound like a cat." She smiled, pretending to scratch behind his ear.
He grinned, unable to actually stop. He almost felt like a cat.
"You're so weird sometimes."
He nuzzled her again, it wasn't possible to talk and purr at the same time.
She rolled her eyes. He was a mystery to her.
His lips brushed her cheek.
Her smile widened and she kissed him. Would he dare?
He kissed her back, strangely at ease.
He seemed to dare. She pulled him closer to her.
His lips met her neck with barely a second's hesitation. He was fine. What had he been stressing out for? The purring resumed.
Her lips brushed his cheek. It was becoming much more normal, easy, perfect.
He relaxed, lips pressing to hers.
She let him kiss her, enjoying the feel of his lips against her own.
He felt his attitude suddenly shift and his eyes narrowed as the purr changed to a low growl.
There was a change and she could feel it. Kyra pulled away from him for a moment. "Jance? What's wrong?"
He bared his teeth, the growl increasing in intensity.
One thought was running through her head. 'Shit.' Apparently, the animal part of him had been turned on or whatever made him go crazy.
Jance pounced on her, the only thought in his mind loud and clear: prey.
Kyra knew trying to defend herself physically would be useless – he was too strong. So she tried to use her voice to bring back her sane, sweet boyfriend. "Jance… Don't do this…"
His fingernails raked down her face, tearing through her skin. He let out an angry snarl.
"Please Jance. This isn't you. You aren't an animal. Please."
His mind was back in his cell with the guards; there wasn't a hint of recognition in his dark eyes.
Finally instinct kicked in and she tried to push him away.
He refused to budge, snapping at her hands.
She was bleeding quite profusely. "Please don't kill me Jance. You'll regret this your whole life."
Her words seemed to finally crack through his animalistic barrier, the deranged look fled his eyes, "Kyra?!"
"Hey." The blood was obscuring her vision. "Well, now I'll have some epic scars."
"Kyra!" What had he done?
"Yep?" She was about to pass out and she knew it.
Why? How? He got off her quickly, "I'm so sorry."
"Mhmm…It's okay. You couldn't help it." And she passed out. "Kyra!" Tears stung his eyes as he fumbled around for his cell phone. It slipped twice from his bloody fingers before he managed to dial.
"Hello?" Valen said on the other end. "Valen speaking."
"Val…" his voice was panicked, "I attacked her…"
"What?! Oh, dammit…Um, call the hospital. Get her there. 911 and all that. I'll meet you there."
Jance nodded even though he knew Val couldn't see it. "Okay…" What had he done?
"Call 911. Now." Valen hung up.
Jance did, panicking even more.
"911 emergency."
What was he supposed to say? Terror was ruling his mind.
"Hello? Anyone there?"
"Yes…" his voice shook.
"What is your emergency?"
"It's my girlfriend. She-" he looked at Kyra, "She was attacked."
"What is your location?"
"The university."
"We'll be right there. Keep her breathing." They too disconnected.
He looked at Kyra, "Hang on. Please."
Obviously, since she was unconscious, she didn't respond.
The ambulance was there soon enough and Kyra was soon being rushed to the hospital. It was in the vehicle that Kyra woke up.
"Where's Jance?" were the first words out of her mouth.
"I'm right here."
"Good. I thought you might have left." She licked her slightly bloody lips. "Eww…my blood tastes nasty. It most likely would have poisoned you." Her eyes flickered closed again. "Don't leave me; I might not make it if you do. If I lost you…" she shook her head, then winced.
"Kyra…" he reached out and gently too her hand giving it an extremely gentle squeeze. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise. Try not to move too much." He looked at one of the paramedics, "Are we very far?"
"About ten minutes tops. Just keep her quiet 'til then."
Jance nodded and turned back to Kyra, his stomach doing flips. He rubbed her hand, "Please hang on."
"I am. Or trying to at least."
"Try not to talk."
She glared but didn't say a word.
He brushed her hair away from her forehead, "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. You didn't mean to hurt me."
He pressed a finger of his free hand to her lips, "Shh."
Kyra rolled her eyes.
"Right, only a minute more," the driver said.
Jance nodded, not saying a word, his mind reeled as the concept continued to sink in.
They pulled up in front of the emergency room doors and the poor girl was rushed inside by two doctors and one of the people from the ambulance.
He just stood in a daze. He had attacked her, wounded her.
A doctor poked his head out of the doors. "You Jance?"
He nodded.
"Two requests for you."
"Two?"
"One from some blonde guy, something about your mental state. The other was from the girl. 'Tell him to hurry up,' is how she put it."
"Where is she?" Valen could wait.
"I'll take you to her."
"Thanks."
The doctor opened the door wider to let Jance in. "She's in a bad state, but a few blood transfers and some stitches will fix that. Might have some scars, but nothing too noticeable."
Jance nodded and went to follow the man, "But she'll be okay?"
"Pretty sure. What happened anyway?"
"She was attacked." If he said he did it, they wouldn't let him see her.
"Ouch. Such a pretty little thing too." They stopped in front of a door, which the doctor opened. "In here."
Jance nodded and went in, walking over to where she lay.
Kyra lat on a hospital bed, pale as death itself. "Took you long enough," she muttered.
"Sorry." He brushed a hand down her face gently. She was paler than him.
"Whatever – you're here not. And I'm not sure what to tell the doctors. I've been telling them a dog attacked me, but they're not buying it." She whispered the last part.
"They have to know what really happened."
"I refuse to do that to you."
He'd have to do it himself… "Still as sweet as ever. "
"I'm not too hurt. Nothing's changed except I'm in the hospital."
"I know…"
"So why the trail off?"
"Why not?"
"I dunno."
He managed a weak grin, but couldn't seem to speak.
"I'll get out and life will go on. You told me this would happen. It's not big deal."
"No I warned you that it could. It wasn't supposed to."
"Would, could, should. They're all the same word with a letter difference."
"But I'm supposed to have control," he protested.
"Everyone slips up now and then – I'm telling you, it's okay. I still love you."
"I still love you too." It was not okay. There was no way it was.
"I know. So just put it behind you. Talk to someone if it bugs you."
"I'll be okay…" Val was still waiting for him…
The door opened and two people entered. One was a doctor. The other was Valen.
Jance hadn't even glanced up; his attention was fixed on Kyra.
The psychologist came up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey Jance. Hi Kyra."
"Hey Val." He didn't even react to the fact that Val was touching him.
Kyra tried to wave, but failed.
Jance glanced at Valen, his eyes pleading.
"This isn't a dream Jance. This is real. Your girlfriend really is in the hospital and you will not be waking up to find her arms around you."
"Damn…"
"Sorry."
He tried to repress a shudder and failed miserably.
"So," the doctor walked up to them, "Is someone going to tell me what happened? Kyra's story about a dog is an obvious lie and I need the truth."
Jance chewed his lip for a moment. "I did it."
The medical man blinked. "You did it? You were able to do this?"
"He didn't do it!" Kyra snapped. She was not going to let him turn himself in.
"I did. Stop trying to hide it Kyra, it obviously wasn't a dog."
"I don't want to lose you!"
"I don't want to lose you either, but…"
"But? But what? If you tell them what happened you could go to jail. Remember what it was like last time you were there? I will not be the cause of that! It would kill me."
He sighed, "If I go back, I go back." He turned back to the doctor, "I did it."
The doctor nodded slowly, "Why?"
"He has a split personality problem. We're working on it." Valen said. Again the doctor nodded, obviously assuming it as total truth.
"He can stay then. I'll be right back." The doctor walked off.
"See? Nothing to worry about." Yet…
Kyra was unconvinced, "Not yet maybe. You'll still face assault charges!"
"Only if you press them."
"No, the government presses them in cases like this. I will not let that happen."
Valen slipped out of the room. He had to call Kaen.
"It'll be okay."
"I hope so."
So did he, he wasn't nearly as sure as he sounded, but he'd accept the consequences.
"You know, sometimes I wonder what I'd do without you."
"No idea." No matter what, she'd probably be finding out soon. Even if he got off…he couldn't be with her. He couldn't.
"I hope I never have to find out." It was inevitable and she knew it. Being him, Jance would probably decide to cut it off. But that was only a 'probably' – nothing was certain.
He leaned down and kissed her forehead. He obviously wasn't stable enough for this, not by a long shot. It'd have to end.
She smiled at him. Even when he was about to leave her he was sweet.
"Kyra…" it was going to be the hardest thing he ever said.
"Yep?"
"I love you. I love you more than I knew I could," here it came…
So he was going to be noble. "And I love you too."
"But I'm not stable enough for a relationship, this proves it, I'm sorry."
Dammit. "Mmm…"
"I don't want to risk hurting you again. As far as our relationship goes, I think this is our stop."
She nodded, "I've been waiting for you to say that." It broke her heart, causing a pain so indescribable she couldn't even start. "You're being noble."
"Ky…" he couldn't get beyond that. It hurt too much.
"Can you pass me my coat? It's on that chair over there."
"Sure," he did, "Why do you want it?
She began to search through some of the pockets, "Because."
"Because why?"
"Because a long time ago you said something to me that caught my interest."
"What?"
From one of the pockets, Kyra withdrew a beautiful journal with a pen attached and handed it to him. "Write it down as I like to say."
"I…" he stared at it. "Thanks. I'll think of you every time I use it." He pulled her into a gentle embrace.
She hugged him back. "Don't dwell on me. I'm sure another girl out there will eventually take my place."
"No one could ever replace you." He kissed her and pulled away. "I hope you can find someone who'll give you the life you deserve."
"Yeah…" But she knew that no one could replace him. "So now you're going to leave…"
"'Fraid so." He straightened, "Goodbye Kyra."
"Bye Jance. See you later."
Tears stung his eyes as he turned away. It was agony.
Kyra closed her eyes. When would she see him again?
Would he ever see her again? It seemed unlikely. He walked out of the room and the tears began to fall.
Valen saw Jance leave but decided not to approach. He'd have to figure this one out on his own.
--
Jance walked back to the manor. It was raining and he was drenched by the time he got there. The journal Kyra had given him stayed dry, still in its plastic. He cradled it to his chest as he walked in the door, rain dripping down his face.
Cayden was leaning against a nearby wall when Jance came in. "So the dog drags himself in."
Jance glared and, not helping his case, walked over to the bodyguard to shake himself off like the animal he'd just been compared to. He sent icy rain water in all directions, but managed to make most of it go to Cayden.
"Just like a dog," Cayden paused, then smiled, "I've been recently informed of your little slip up. I always knew you couldn't keep a girl, not one who genuinely liked you. And you never will."
"Fuck off."
"Still an animal. You know, I hate to say this, but I told you so." Cayden's eyes drifted to the journal. "What's this?" he said, grabbing it.
Before either man was really aware of it, Jance's teeth were up to the gum in Cayden's wrist.
"Shit!" he dropped the journal on the floor. "Let go you freak!"
Jance wrenched his teeth out and went to go retrieve his precious possession.
"Freak! What the hell is your problem?" Cayden tried to stop the bleeding. "Why are you ever so protective of that journal? I doubt Kyra gives a damn about you!"
Jance didn't dignify the comment with a reply.
Cayden stared at him in disgust, then turned away. "She'll forget you even existed."
"Bastard."
"Animal."
Jance bolted from the room. On his way to his room he slipped into Erol and Kaen's and stole Erol's yellow eco knife. The eco to make it feel like blood was on fire.
He walked into his room and put the journal in his guitar case, before setting it in a corner of the room and covering it with a sheet.
He let out an agonized how and collapsed to his bed.
Jance lay there, hating himself. How? How had he let himself lose control like that? It didn't matter; she was gone, free for another man to snatch up. His heart ached for her. He bit his lip, but a rogue tear escaped and slid down his cheek, despite his attempt to keep it from falling. It hurt so much. He missed her so badly. The tear was followed by another.
He adjusted his grip on the eco knife he'd stolen and raised his right hand. He placed the tip of it on his palm and slowly, agonizingly, carved out a letter, then another, and another, until her name was in his hand.
Tears spilled from his dark eyes. He'd loved her. Had loved her with every heart in or on his body. And now…now she was gone and his heart had been shattered into a billion little pieces. He wanted her back. He'd give anything…Anything.
Jance twisted and brought the bottom of his right foot into clear view. Starting at his heel he slid the knife under his skin and began to carve the negative space around a letter 'R'. He was not going to forget. He was not. Next came 'E'. And so it continued until the only undamaged skin on the sole of his foot was the word 'remember.'
Blood splattered across the sheets as he continued his self mutilation. A seemingly endless stream of tears spilled from his eyes and a few hours later, the bloody knife slipped from his hand to the floor with a clatter. Jance let out an agonized howl as he collapsed, cut and bloody, down against the mattress. He began to sob.
Every tear was for her was for her. Every cut a reminder not to lose control. Every breath agony to draw. Every beat of his heart one that he didn't deserve. He was a monster, an animal. He deserved to suffer. He'd never deserved her, and now…Now he definitely didn't. Breaking up had been the right thing to do. It had to have been.
It still hurt like hell.
