Partial Confessions

It was still early in the day, so after changing out of her traveling robes and washing up, Hermione sought out Ron and Harry. They were in the Room of Requirement, sitting at a large table surrounded in parchment and books, their notes scattered about haphazardly. Not even noticing Hermione's entrance, the boys seemed to be deep in discussion about Hepzibah Smith's Hufflepuff cup and if it was indeed where they thought it to be. Smiling at how the boys looked with their heads down, brows furrowed in concentration, a wide smile spread on the young witch's face. Impressed and proud of herself for rubbing off some of her study habits onto the two wizards, Hermione giggled causing Ron and Harry to jump in the air.

"Blimey, 'Mione! How am I supposed to defeat Voldemort if I'm dead of a heart attack?" Harry pushed his glasses back up his nose to sit properly, and tried unsuccessfully to look mad. A huge grin was plastered on his face as he realized how he and Ron looked to Hermione. "Yeah, you have been a good influence on us, Hermione. Just don't tell anyone," he whispered jokingly. "You'd ruin our reputation!"

"Your secret is safe with me boys, I swear. Well, I must say I am impressed! Now, I wouldn't want to disturb your train of thought on this - shall we get to work?" Hermione pulled out the research that she and Severus had done, and sat down with her best friends.

Ron moved over so she had room to sit at the table. "We're so glad you're back, 'Mione. Is it right down to business, or can you tell us where you were now? And who you were with? I'd like to thank whoever was working with you, that's just excellent!"

Hermione's face dropped a little at the request but she quickly recovered. "Of course. But first, let's go over what we have here, and then we can talk about everything later. We'll have a nice dinner," the voice inside her head was screaming 'Yeah right, nice dinner! Not after I tell them I've been with the man whom they think murdered Dumbledore in cold blood,' "And then we can go over this some more. How's that?" she looked at each in turn.

"Sure Hermione, sounds good to me." Harry replied, returning Hermione's smile. In the back of his mind though, Harry knew that something was different with his friend. She had changed, he thought. 'Ah well, maybe being away for awhile has caused her to grow up a bit, that's probably all it is. We've all had to do that recently.'

The trio got down to their studying.

It was 5 o'clock before anyone had looked up to check the time. Hermione had been the one to notice, and when she did her mind filled with a mixture of warring emotions. Dread filled her insides, and she was so nervous she thought she was going to be sick the way her stomach was churning. Sighing, Hermione put down her quill and stood up. The boys looked up at her, and thought it was their cue to get up and take a stretch, but then they saw the look on her face.

"Oy, Hermione, what's the matter?" Ron looked at her curiously, fear tingeing his words. It looked like someone was about to kill her, she looked completely on edge. "Are you feeling alright?"

She shook her head, "No Ron, I don't feel alright. And the reason why is that I have to tell you both something that I know you don't want to hear. You're both going to be very upset with me, and probably won't talk to me for a good while. You're going to hate me and call me a traitor and neither of you will understand easily."

Harry's face twisted in confusion and worry. "Er…Hermione we both love you, you know that. Yeah I know I tend to lose my temper at things – I'm working on that, but I know that you never do anything without good reason. We both trust you. Right, Ron?" He looked over at his friend, a wordless warning reflecting in his eyes.

"Uh, yeah Harry. Right." Ron didn't look that sure though. In fact, he looked down right suspicious.

'I can do this,' Hermione thought, remembering Severus, and how important this was. 'I'll just keep secret the feelings that Severus and I have for each other for the moment. Too much at once, and I could really freak these guys out!'

"Ummm, alright then. I'm telling you something that the Order knows to be true, and that was put into action by Albus Dumbledore himself. Please listen fully to what I have to say because this is really serious. Try not to blow up; after dinner, we are sitting down with most of the Order, and you Harry are going to talk with Dumbledore's portrait," Hermione nervously raked her hands through her hair, gauging the boy's reactions so far. Confusion reigned supreme on their faces as she continued on hurriedly.

"I haven't gone mad. I just put two and two together. You see, that night that Snape killed Dumbledore?" Hermione saw Harry bristle immediately. His hands balled into tight fists, his knuckles sharp and prominent under his skin. She took a deep breath before continuing on, pacing back and forth quickly.

"Severus did what he did because Dumbledore ordered him to. He gave him direct orders so that his role of a spy for the Order could be maintained. He loved the professor like a father and had been living in torment since that night. Snape is still on our side, and is under deep cover at this very moment. He is working to find out the exact time of Voldemort's final attack, and he is in position to kill Nagini when we are ready," her voice lowered to a whisper, pleading.

"Ron, Harry, he was always on our side. Believe me please, because I saw it all; there was no way he could hide from me in his mind and soul."

In stunned silence they sat, as Hermione's words made their way into the boys' minds. Hermione watched them without speaking, feeling better that she had spoke the words but not entirely sure how they would be reacted to. She sat down and rubbed her eyes. Suddenly, she was very tired; tired of this war, of running, fighting, worrying, and above all tired of not being free of fear. Under her robes, the ruby amulet was warming against her skin, and she felt a comforting sensation coming from it. She'd have to ask Severus if he had charmed it to make her feel better when she was down, or if it was part of the connection between the two of them. She was roused from her thoughts by the slow scraping of chair legs against the floor - Harry slowly stood up. He was looking at her in a way he had never done before; she rushed to speak.

"Harry, I-" she began as she nervously stood wringing her hands, but was stopped by his waving her off.

"I just need some time, 'Mione. I need to be alone for a bit to think. I'll see you in an hour for dinner." Harry turned, and walked out.

She let her breath out as she had been holding it while Harry spoke. "Ron?" Her voice was small, quiet. He still hadn't looked up at her, and it was starting to worry her.

"Why, 'Mione? Why did you think it was your job to go to him?" His eyes were still down, his hands tightly grasping the arms of his chair.

"I don't know. No one else was doing it, and I thought that - "

Ron slammed his fist down on the table, making Hermione jump. Getting up too quickly his chair went flying backwards, hitting the floor hard with a loud crash. "What was the real reason?" he hissed, staring her in the eyes and advancing on where she was standing.

She took a step back but remained calm, fighting to quell the panic rising within her. She knew Ron would never physically harm her, but he was really scaring her at the moment. "I thought that it was unfair to leave him alone after what he's sacrificed."

Ron turned scarlet, and turned to leave; he knew he was about to snap. "Whatever, 'Mione. There's more to this, and you damn well know it!" he threw over his shoulder as he slammed the door behind him.

'Well, that wasn't that bad. Oh, who am I kidding? It was bad.' Hermione groaned inwardly as she sat back down, rubbing her temples.

Now more than ever, she needed her wizard's arms wrapped around her, comforting her, and reassuring her that all would be well. Although Severus held no love for Harry or Ron, he still understood that they were Hermione's friends, and she would always keep them as such. She sat for awhile, just breathing and thinking. After calming herself down, Hermione stood up and went off to her chambers to get ready for dinner. Harry would come around, he did just need a little while to assimilate the new information he had heard this evening. If Dumbledore had willingly sacrificed himself in order for Snape to be in a better position to help the Order, then it was logical in a way – but completely shocking. But then, Dumbledore had known things that many didn't…and who could ever assume to know what was in his mind? Yes, Hermione was confident about Harry coming around, understanding the immensity of the situation.

Ron was a whole different story however. His parting words rang in her mind, filling her with worry that somehow, he knew the secret she held close to her heart. The Weasley stubbornness was not lost on Ronald; he would be angry for awhile, then aloof for a time after that. Hermione had a pretty good idea that Ron had plans to try to make her his own, and that really didn't help matters at all. He had had years, and had only shown any interest when Krum did. It didn't matter anymore though. And it would never have worked; it would have been like settling for second prize – however harsh it sounded, it was the truth.

Hermione went down to the Great Hall, not really knowing what to expect anymore.