A.N. Hi everyone! I am so happy that people are still reading my fic and I hope I am keeping you entertained. I was going to have this chapter out sooner, but I got caught up reading everyone else's stories and lost track of the time :-(. Anyway, here's the next chapter.
XXX
Eiri entered the dark hotel room, closed the door behind him, and collapsed on the queen-sized bed. His eyes were heavy, the exhaustion of both the flight and his encounter with Shuichi crashing down on him. He was devastated that the boy refused to talk to him. Maybe I shouldn't have been so accusing. He sighed, angry with himself, and moved so that he leaned against the headboard, legs stretched in front of him. He pulled his cell phone out of his jacket pocket. He knew that he should call the others to let them know that Shuichi was, indeed, where they had hoped. He opened up the phone and dialed the long-distance number.
"Moshi moshi."
"K-san, it's Eiri."
"I'm surprised to hear from you so soon. Did you find him?"
"Yes," he answered tiredly. "But it didn't go so well."
"What do you mean?"
Eiri rubbed the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes tightly. He could feel the first touches of a headache. "Let's just say that it's going to take a little persuasion to get him to come back. I don't know what made him so mad. I can't place anything I did..."
There was a pause on the other end of the phone before K spoke again, uncharacteristically hesitant. "Well, I'm not sure exactly why, either, but I think it has something to do with those two men he was with before he left."
Eiri furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean by that?"
"I spoke with Seguchi-san and found out some things about those two." He cleared his throat, not sure what to say. "I don't know much, but I don't think Tohma knows much more than speculation, either. All I know is that Katsuki and Aki were involved in some...illegal businesses. There seems to be some connection with Shuichi, but I'm not sure what. A kid like that doesn't seem to be the type to hang around them."
"What do you mean, 'illegal businesses'?" Eiri questioned suspiciously.
"Drug trafficking and prostitution...that's all I know about anyway. I tried to get more information but, unfortunately, their boss is a big player and covers his tracks better than I'd hoped."
Drugs and prostitution, Eiri thought. "What does that have to do with Shuichi? Just because he was related to one of them doesn't mean that he is somehow involved."
"I hope it doesn't, Eiri-san. I have the utmost faith in the boy. I haven't been around him for long, but I trust my judge of character. Anyway, I will continue looking into it, and I will let Hiro-kun know that you found Shuichi. Don't give up on him."
"I don't plan to. I will try to see him again tomorrow. Maybe if I am persistent enough, he'll give in. I will call you again when I have better news. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
Eiri set the phone back on the receiver. In truth, he wished that he had as much confidence as he sounded. He desperately wanted to get closer to the boy. Their encounter, however, only fueled his lingering doubts. All of the progress they had made, all of the trust he had somehow earned, seemed to have vanished and the boy seemed even more hostile than when they had first met. His heart ached when he remembered those timid kisses, the feel of running his hand through that smooth hair, the eyes filled with emotions only he could decipher...
He felt his eyes grow heavy and he laid down on the bed, pulling the covers over himself. Closing his eyes, he promised himself that he would meet with the singer tomorrow, but he would not be so forceful for answers. He knew that he needed to gain the boy's confidence back, although he did not understand why he seemed to lose it in the first place.
Nicole rounded the corner to her apartment, carrying a large brown paper bag full of groceries. She was frustrated that her uncle was not at the hardware store like he said he would be, but rather than wait around for him to voice her disappointment, she decided to pick a few things up at the grocers. She thought of the wonderful dinner she was planning for Shuichi as she turned to key in the lock and let the door creek open. She frowned seeing the dark apartment. Is he asleep again? She had thought that seeing a friend would lift his spirits, but the quiet atmosphere indicated that Shuichi was holed up in his room...again.
Sighing, she flipped on the kitchen light and set the bag on the table. She stopped in her movements, a chill crawling up her spine. Something wasn't right. Cautiously, she walked towards the hallway, turning on the light. Shuichi's door was open. She walked towards the door, a feeling of dread weighing on her stomach. Peering into the dark room, nothing seemed out of place. She turned, looking towards the bathroom. The door was closed. She glanced at the small crack that separated to door from the floor, but did not see any light leaking out. Her stomach twisting painfully, her breath catching in her chest. She could not hear any water running, either. Something's wrong.
She walked up to the door and knocked quietly. "Shuichi?" No answer. She knocked louder, in case he didn't hear her. "Shuichi, are you in there?" Again she met with silence. No response and no sound of movement. The silence was deafening to her. Holding her breath, she placed her hand on the doorknob and tried it. It was unlocked. Slowly turning the knob, she opened the door. It was too dark at first, but once her eyes adjusted, the shock of the site overwhelmed her.
Shuchi lay on the bathroom floor, a puddle of crimson surrounding him. He was slumped over on his side, shards of glass surrounding him. A quick glance and she recognized the pieces to be from the mirror on the medicine cabinet. He was pale...too pale...which was exaggerated by the vivid color of his blood.
Her legs felt like lead when she stumbled towards him, tears distorting her vision. "Shuichi!" she screamed, falling to her knees in front of him. Her jeans quickly absorbed the blood on the floor, warm and sticky. "Shuchi...no. Why?!" she sobbed. She cast a glance at his wrists, which held brutal, jagged slices at least six inches long on each arm. Trying to clear her mind from the shock of the situation, she noticed that he was taking shallow, very shallow, breaths. She felt his neck and was relieved to find a faint, unsteady pulse. She found her footing and ran to the living room, leaving crimson footprints behind her. She quickly dialed an ambulance and hurriedly answered their questions. She returned by her friend's side, phone in hand. Taking off her over-shirt, she ripped the garment and wrapped the cloth over his wrists tightly. The make-shift bandages quickly became moist from the blood, but she continued to apply pressure to the wounds.
In her hazed mind, she did not hear the paramedics enter her apartment. All she could see was Shuichi's ghostly-pale face, smeared with blood, and red trails leading from his closed eyes, the remnants of his tears. She did not hear the medical team as they asked her questions while they lifted him onto a stiff red board and carried him out of the bathroom. She ran after them blindly as they hurried down to the ambulance, secured him onto a gurney, and lifted him inside the vehicle. She, of course, followed after them, her hand resting gently on his damp hair. She watched, detached, as they inserted needle after needle into his arms and inserted a clear plastic tube into his mouth. She heard the beeping of the machines, but only in the very distant part of her mind. This can't be happening, she told herself. This has to be some sick nightmare. My Shuichi would never do this. She sobbed, allowing the tears to flow from her eye as she watched one of the men attach a breathing device to the broken boy. How did it come to this...
...Shuichi...
XXX
There were not many people in the large room, and she was grateful. Panic had long since left her, leaving her with a calm sense of detachment. She stared at the wall, not really seeing it. Somewhere in the background, she could hear the news coming from the television in the corner, but the words evaded her. All she could think about was the pink-haired man who managed to have such an impact on her life, even if he didn't know it.
She had been living alone since her parents moved to Florida years before. The only person she really talked to was her uncle, although her brother visited when he had a break from school. Once and a while she regretted her decision not to go to college, but then she realized that she liked her relative freedom, and she did not want to complicate her life by adding more to it. She resigned her self to helping her uncle run his hardware store, and she couldn't have been more content.
That was, of course, until that day she found the broken form of a teenager trembling near her car at the airport. She was shocked by his behavior at first, but could not quell the desire to help the beautiful stranger. Since that day, her life had changed. She suddenly felt the desire to take care of someone, to help the young man become whole. It took only a year of having the man living with her to realize that she harbored more feelings than friendship for the younger man. She yearned to see those occasional smiles that he tried to hide, to hear his voice trail softly through the wooden barrier of his room as he sang softly while playing his guitar. His voice always had the ability to incapacitate her, and she often found herself frozen just outside his door. These were the moments she cherished - those very moments that made her wish that he could return her feelings. No matter how much she wanted him, however, she knew that he did not feel the same way about her. These things were always left unspoken, but she was content just having him by her side.
But now...
Now he was lying in an operating room while countless doctors and nurses struggled to sew shut the seams he made in his attempt to leave everything behind. She could not stop blaming herself for the situation. I should have seen it coming. I knew that he was being more distant than usual. I should have been there to stop him...
"Miss Harrison?"
Her thoughts interrupted, she snapped her head up to look at the man in front of her. He was one of Shuichi's doctors, that much she remembered. His face was tired, but his eyes were collected, hiding the answer to her question. "Yes. How is he, Dr. McQuin?"
The doctor sighed, sitting in a chair facing her, leaning his elbows on his knees and regarded her carefully. "He is out of the operating room right now and has been transfered to ICU. It is hard to tell which way things will go, but for now, his wounds have been sutured. At this point we have managed to stabilize him. He has received a blood transfusion and we are giving him fluids and electrolytes through an IV, as his body has been malnourished. He has received some medication for the pain, but as of now he is unconscious."
She let his words sink in slowly, nodding her head. Making an attempt of using her voice, she croaked,"W-When will he wake up?"
The doctor sat back and removed his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "Like I said, we cannot be sure. He had lost a great deal of blood and was in pretty bad shape when he came in. His body needs time to recover. This coma may last a few hours, or a few weeks. The next twenty-four hours are the most critical. The longer he takes to wake up, the worse his prognosis." Replacing his glasses, he looked at her, a serious expression on his face. "Do you have any idea why he chose to do this?"
Nicole felt wet tears run down her face. "H-he's always had...problems. I only met him three years ago...he was troubled, even then. He w-won't talk to me," she broke off, sniffing quietly. "I'm not sure what caused him to be...this way. I...only tried to be there for him. I didn't think that he would do this."
The doctor nodded understandingly. "It may be important for his recovery that you try to identify what had changed in the last few days that caused him to go over the edge. If and when he leaves here, I'd hate to see him again under similar circumstances." He stood up, placed his hand on her shoulder, and gave a reassuring squeeze. "I suggest you get some rest tonight. If his condition changes, we will contact you."
"Wait!" she stood up quickly. He turned back to look at her. "Can't I see him? Just once, then I will go home?"
The doctor hesitated for a moment, but relented at seeing the desperate look on her face. He nodded and let her down a series of halls to his room. He stopped in front of the door and motion to her. "I can't let you stay for more than a few minutes, since it is past visiting hours. He will be asleep." He stood aside and she pushed the door open.
Shuichi looked like a pale angel wrapped up in the white hospital sheets. He had an IV running from the back of one hand and a thin tube attached under his nose, leading to an oxygen machine. She was relieved to see that he was breathing on his own. She approached the bed cautiously until she stood above him. Her eyes lingered on the thick bandages that encased both of his forearms and cringed. She lifted her and and let the back of her fingers trace his soft, cold cheek. "I'm sorry, Shuichi," she sobbed. Tenderly, she wrapped her fingers around his, desperate to feel his warmth and ensure her that he was alive. What if I didn't get there in time...would he be...
She closed her eyes, trying to erase the image that was forever burned behind her eyes. She remembered the advice the doctor gave her. What changed? she asked herself. She did not know what happened in the previous weeks that caused him to return to America, so she could not know if something happened there. Then there was that friend.
She gasped and unconsciously pulled away from his fingers. That man, she thought. He must have been with Shuichi right before. What if he did something? She looked down at the sleeping man and silently apologized. If she had never left...
She leaned down and pressed her lips gently to his forehead, listening to his soft breathes. Goodnight, Shuichi. She turned around and walked out of the room. She quietly thanked the doctor and made her way home, deep in thought.
Eiri walked out of the hotel and slipped on his sunglasses to fight against the blaring sun. It was almost noon, but he felt exhausted, having been unable to fall asleep the night before. He promised himself that today's visit with Shuichi was going to be different. He felt guilty for having been so forceful with his questions, and decided to let Shuichi tell him only what he was ready to say.
Because the day was comfortably cool, he decided to take his time and walk to the singer's apartment, which was only a few blocks from the hotel. The streets were, unfortunately, congested, as people were leaving work for their lunch hour. Because of this, it took half an hour to reach the familiar brick building. He entered the building and began walking up the stairs to the third floor. Rounding the corner he stopped in front of the apartment and knocked lightly. He waited patiently, but when no answer came, he knocked louder.
The door was yanked open revealing a disturbing site. The same head-haired woman from yesterday stood in the doorway, but she looked horrible. Her hair was unkempt, large bags surrounded her puffy eyes and her face was flushed. Was she crying? She wore an over-sized long-sleeved T-shirt and sweatpants, also too large for her.
She looked at him blankly, but stood aside, allowing him to enter. He walked in cautiously and heard the door close behind him. "So, how is he today?"
Without warning, Eiri found himself being thrown roughly against the hallway wall, the air knocked out of his lungs. Spinning him around, her hands twisted in his collar and slammed him back against the wall again, a look of rage in her eyes. "What did you do to him, you bastard?!"
Eiri, needless to say, was dumbstruck. When he did not respond immediately, she raised her hand and made a motion to punch him across the face. Fortunately, Eiri broke out of his stupor in time to catch the fist mid-way and held her wrist firm. "Calm down!" She removed her other hand from his collar and tried to hit him again, and he, again, was able to catch it before it hit its mark. Having both wrist secure, he turned her around and pinned her arms to the wall. "What the hell has gotten into you?!"
Tears began to run out of Nicole's eyes and she became limp in his hands. "I just want to know what you did to him. He never did anything like this before. What did you do?!"
Eiri quickly concluded that 'him' must have referred to Shuichi, but what was it that the boy did? Locking his eyes with hers, he started calmly. "Why don't you calm down and tell me exactly what happened?"
This seemed to enrage the woman more and she spat, "How am I supposed to calm down when Shuichi is laying in a hospital bed and they don't even know if he's going to wake up?!"
Eiri felt his heart stop. He dropped her wrists and she slumped to the ground, sobbing. "W-what do you mean?" Eiri managed to croak.
"H-He tried to ki-kill himself. I...found him in t-the bathroom..." she trailed off, unable to stop her tears.
Eiri felt his world begin to crumble. Tried to kill himself...not sure if he's going to live? "What hospital?"
"Good Samaritan Hospital." she whispered.
Eiri did not waste any more time leaving the apartment. He rushed down the stairs and quickly hailed a cab, his thoughts running together in incoherent jumbles. He could not help blaming himself for Shuichi's condition. I knew he was upset when I left...I shouldn't have left him like that...I didn't know that he would...
Although it felt like hours, they reached the hospital in a few minutes thanks to the light traffic. He quickly paid the driver and ran inside through the automatic doors. Scanning the area, he found the reception area and jogged up to the young woman behind the desk. "May I help you, sir?"
Trying to compose himself he gave a weak smile. "I am looking for Shuichi Shindo's room."
The woman typed a few things into her computer before looking back to him. "He's in room 38c, in the Intensive Care Unit. Take a left, down the hall and then turn right. You should be able to find it without any trouble."
"Thank you," he said quickly before following her directions. It took all of his self-control to force himself to walk instead of run. He turned down the last hallway and found the door marked 38c, which was closed. He placed his hand on the doorknob and took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. Slowly, he turned the knob and pushed the door open. He stood in the doorway for several minutes, letting his mind absorb the scene.
If he thought Shuichi looked like an angel before, he looked even more-so now. His pale complexion blended beautifully with the stark-white hospital sheets that wrapped snuggly around his frail figure on the bed. Thick white bandages wrapped around both of his arms, indicating to Eiri exactly how he had tried to kill himself. His hair was the only splash of color in the white room. Machines next to the bed, connected to the body with wires and tubes, hummed and beeped, filling the silence.
Eiri's legs felt like lead as he took the few steps towards the bed. He looked down at the porcelain face of his lover, who seemed to be sleeping peacefully. How long has it been since he's slept so well? He gently tucked a few strands of rebellious hair behind the small ear, running his fingers along the soft skin of the boy's forehead, which was thankfully warm to the touch.
Looking behind him, he spotted a chair in the corner. Walking over, he retrieved the chair and situated it next to the bed. He wrapped his hand around the lifeless fingers of his left hand, the only part of his arm which remained uncovered. With his other hand, he brushed his fingers over the boy's delicate cheek. "Gods, I'm so sorry, Shuichi. Why didn't you tell me? I want so much to be what you need." He let his head drop, laying it on the sheet covering the boy's stomach, allowing his tears to stain the pristine blanket. He felt his mind wander, allowing the hum and beeps of the machines convince him that the boy was still alive.
He did not know how long he laid there before the door creaked open. He did not bother picking his head up, not wanting to break his contact with the singer. However, when the intruder cleared his throat, he forced his head to the side and looked at the man. Based on the man's appearance, he immediately realized that the man must be Shuichi's doctor. When he made eye contact, the doctor gave a warm smile. "I am Dr. McQuin. Are you one of Shuichi's friends?"
Eiri nodded. "How is he?"
The doctor took a few minutes to examine the printouts from the various machines before answering. "Well, there has been no change in his condition. It is still within the first twenty-four hours, which are the most crucial. I am pleased that he has remained stable, but unfortunately only time can tell how well he will do. The longer he stays in this coma, the worse-off he will be if and when he wakes up."
Eiri nodded. "What happens if he takes to long to wake up?"
The doctor frowned. "Well, the longer he is unconscious, the higher the risk of brain damage. In that case, he may suffer varying degrees of memory loss and motor function. We can only hope for the best right now."
Eiri fought to keep himself composed. "Is there anything I can do?"
Dr. McQuin nodded. "Yes. You can visit with him, talk to him. Studies show that comatose patients respond better when they are interacted with. Many doctors, myself included, feel that they can still hear and feel you, even though they are unconscious."
Eiri nodded and looked back at the sleeping face. He heard the door close behind him as the doctor left. He gently stroked the boy's face. "Come back, Shu. There are people here who miss you." When his thoughts touched on K and Hiro, he realized that he should call them with the news. He gave the hand a firm squeeze before continuing. "I have to leave for a few minutes. Hiro is worried about you, did you know that? I have to let them know you are here." He stood up and leaned down, gently kissing his cheek. He whispered into his ear, "I'll be right back. Please, wake up."
He laid the hand back on the bed and walked out of the room. He found his way outside, in desperate need of nicotine. After lighting a cigarette and savored the calming effect. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed the number and waited for it to be answered.
XXX
Hiro was sitting in a chair in the sound booth tuning his guitar when he heard the familiar ring of his cell phone. K, who sat on the other side of the glass, raised an eyebrow and nodded. Hiro walked out of sound studio and took the phone out of his jacket pocket. Reading the caller i.d., he answered quickly. "Eiri?"
"Yeah, it's me."
Hiro smiled hopefully. "K-san told me that you found Shuichi. How is he?"
There was an uneasy pause, causing Hiro's heart to race. "Not good."
Hiro waited what seemed like an eternity, but when Eiri did not continue, he prompted, "What do you mean, 'not good'? What's going on?"
Eiri sighed. "He's in the hospital right now. He...he tried to kill himself."
Hiro almost dropped the phone, his heart stopping in his chest. K-san saw his young charge pale and walked towards him with a questioning look. "W-what did you say?"
Eiri hesitated before repeating himself. "He tried to kill himself. He's in a coma right now, but stable. The doctors don't know...I don't know what set him off...I didn't think..."
Hiro began to grow angry. He did have an idea what caused his friend's sudden desperation. His decision made, he kept his voice unwavering. "Thanks for letting me know, Eiri-san. Calm me the instant his condition changes."
"I will. I'm going back in now. I will talk to you later."
Hiro hung up, gripping the phone in his hand. Those bastards...they did this to him. Without saying a word, he threw on his leather jacket and began walking towards the door. K rushed to him, grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. He was taken aback by the fiery look in the normally-calm man's eyes, but did not hesitate. "Where do you think you're going?"
Although his voice was calm, his words were venomous. "I am going to make those bastards pay for what they did to him. I should have done it a long time ago, but the one person I care about stopped me. I have no reason not to anymore."
K ran the words through his head, trying to come to an understanding. "Who do you mean? Does this have to do with Shuichi?"
Hiro nodded. "Aki and Katsuki...they caused him to be this way. They are going to pay for it."
K tightened his grip on the brunette's shoulders. "You are not going to do anything that could get you into trouble. Shuichi wouldn't want that."
Hiro became enraged and ripped the blonde's hands away. "Don't you dare presume what Shuichi would want! My best friend is in a hospital bed right now fighting for his life, so don't you dare think that I'm not gonna go after the one's who did this to him! They need to pay for what they've done to him!"
K was at a loss for words. He managed to piece together the information he knew about the two men and was able to get a pretty good idea of what was going on. This conclusion infuriated him. He looked into Hiro's challenging eyes. "We need to stop by my apartment first." He walked past the younger man and opened the door. He stopped when a hand touched his shoulder. Hiri looked at him questioningly, a hopeful gleam in his eyes. "We need some supplies. On the way, you need to fill me in."
XXX
The drive to K's apartment was silent, both men lost in their own thoughts. Hiro had given the American a brief version of what Shuichi had gone through, and K had been respectfully silent. On the inside, however, his anger burned. He could not believe that someone could hurt another person like that. He sympathized with his singer, and vowed to make those men regret every second they hurt the young man.
Arriving at the apartment building, K led the way to the elevator and into his apartment. Hiro was surprised at how...normal it looked. For a crazy, gun-toting American, his place was neat and cozy. K disappeared for a few minutes, leaving Hiro in his living room to look through his collection of c.d.'s, mostly of bands he himself had managed. When he returned to the living room, he tossed an object to Hiro, which he caught. Looking in his hands, he saw that it was a regular handgun. Although he knew that he needed something to get the job done, he looked at K questioningly. "Why can't we just use-"
"These two are unregistered," he said, holding up his own gun, a smirk on his face.
XXX
Finding the two men was unexpectedly easy. While driving back to the studio, Hiro spotted Katsuki sitting at a table outside of a cafe. Signaling to K, they pulled over and watched as the man was approached by Aki. Hiro pointed the two out, and K nodded. They watched as the two men shared lunch, every smile and laugh the two shared served only to increase the brunette's hatred. Because of you, Shuichi never had the opportunity to laugh like that, he thought bitterly.
They watched as the two finished their meal and paid the waitress. When the left the cafe, getting into a silver SUV, Hiro and K followed, keeping enough distance so not to draw attention to themselves. They were relieved to find that the two men drove to a deserted section of downtown Tokyo, filled with abandoned buildings. It was opportune for them, considering that not many people traveled this far out of the business area. As the SUV pulled under the bridge overpass, the two made an unspoken agreement. They pulled up behind the vehicle, blocking it in.
They watched as Aki and Katsuki got out of their vehicle before stepping out of the car. They approached the two, no longer concerned about discrepancy. Katsuki was the first to notice their presence. Narrowing his eyes, he glared at the two. "What the fuck do you want?"
Hiro pulled out his gun and, before the man could react, he shot a bullet into his leg. Katsuki screamed in pain and fell to the ground. Aki immediately charged at Hiro, but was stopped halfway by a bullet in his thigh. Clutching his leg in a desperate attempt to slow the blood and suppress the pain, he fell onto the ground in a heap. K grabbed him by his hair and dragged him to lay by his friend.
Aki looked up angrily. "Who the hell are you?"
Hiro smirked, an evil glint in his eye. "What, Aki-kun, don't you recognize me?"
Aki looked at the brunette confused. "Do I know you?"
Hiro glared. "I am a friend of Shuichi's. Surely you remember him."
Aki and Katsuki paled. "We don't know where that brat is. What do you want from us?" Katsuki asked.
K laughed. "Oh, we know where he is. That is why we were looking all over for you." K raised his gun and shot Katsuki in the right shoulder, eliciting a bone-chilling scream.
Hiro knelt down in front of Aki and grabbed a fist-full of hair. "You don't seem too tough now, Aki-kun," he spat. "Did it make you feel like more of a man to treat Shuichi that way, huh? To rip apart his spirit like that? To rape him again and again? You stole his life from him, and I am going to return the favor." Hiro stood up and took a few paces back. He raised his gun and shot Aki square in the forehead. His lifeless body fell limp to the ground as Katsuki stared in horror. Hiro turned to him and raised his gun. With a single shot, Katsuki joined his friend.
XXX
The events of that day would never be spoken about by a certain brunette and a certain American. The police would find the bodies in two days time. The 'victims' would be identified through fingerprints and confirmed to be two criminals who had evaded police for two years. Although there would be a small investigation into the matter, which would warrant no suspects, authorities were relieved to have the two men off of the streets. The case closed shortly after, determined to be the result of gang-related violence.
TBC...
A.N. I know, I know, this last part was very OOC for Hiro, but honestly...what would you have done in the situation? Anyway, there was more I was going to put into this chapter, but if I kept going this chapter would have been rediculously long. I hope you guys enjoyed this one, and I will get the next chapter out soon. Once again, C&C appreciated, so R & R please!
