A/N: Apologies for the rather large delay on this one. I had fully planned to have this chapter up before I left for vacation in America but alas it would not let me. So many tries later, here it is. I hope you like it. Chapter nine may take a little longer, sorry about that. Once again, thanks to my beta Dee who even though she is not a fan of CSI:NY puts up with me.
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI:NY. Though this story is mine as is Joni, Kit and any other characters you do not recognise.
It took a week after being shot for Danny to go back to the lab. Not wanting to rush back into work- not that he could in his current state anyway- he took the two weeks extra leave that Mac offered him. He only went in that week after the incident because Mac had requested he come in to make his statement, and so Mac could refer Danny to a psychiatrist- something he made sure all his staff did after a traumatic event.
Danny had been to the psychologist several times before. He didn't like going, but he knew it was a necessary part of his job. He knew that Mac would not let him get on with his work if he didn't go. Giving his statement had been straightforward. Now he had to survive the psychiatrists probing.
He chose to visit the psychiatrist on Lindsay's day off. As much as he would have loved to spend his whole day with Lindsay, he felt that there was no point in him dropping Joni off at Maeve's for an hour when he could wait until Lindsay's day off. Lindsay however, was not putting up with Danny's bravado anymore and told him that she was coming with him- even if it was just to sit outside and wait for him. Lindsay knew him all too well. Danny would probably be feeling rattled after the psychiatrist, he had in the past.
Doctor Khan had been with the NYPD for six months as their psychiatrist. She worked long, hard hours but not nearly the long hard hours that her patients did. She had not met Danny Messer before, but she had heard about him and his wife, Lindsay. Both had had several visits to the psychiatrist before her, apparently not for some time though. In fact, Doctor Khan could find no record of Danny having an appointment for around three years. Something had obviously worked in keeping his mind away from all the death he dealt with.
She knew he was here because he had been shot on scene just over a week ago. She also knew he was only coming to see her because he had been ordered to. Danny was no longer the type to disregard orders, marriage and fatherhood had clearly matured him.
Danny felt awkward when he entered Doctor Khan's office. Glancing once more over his shoulder at his wife and daughter as he closed the door, Lindsay smiled at him; Joni was paying no attention to him at all. He greeted the woman by shaking her hand, and then sat himself down on the firm green armchair opposite her desk. Glancing around the room, he could tell that Khan had not quite settled in here yet. There were no personal items around, nothing comforting. It was a blank canvas, but perhaps that was the look for which she was aiming. Danny fidgeted; he had never liked this room, no matter who had been in it, and he hated sharing his feelings with anyone at all other than his wife. Lindsay had always been the only one he truly opened up to.
"There is no need to feel awkward, Detective Messer," Khan smiled. Danny smiled back, it didn't reach his eyes. She eyed the sling holding his right arm. "Are you going to physical therapy?"
"I have appointment on Wednesday," Danny answered. He pushed his glasses up his nose, something he did out of habit.
"Have you given your official statement to the police department?"
"Yes."
"Will you talk me through what happened?" Doctor Khan inquired, flipping open her notebook to a clean page.
"Sure," Danny sighed.
"Whenever you are ready, Detective Messer."
"It's Danny," he corrected.
"Danny," she amended with a smile.
Danny adjusted himself on his chair and cleared his throat.
"I arrived at the scene with Lindsay, my wife. I had weird feeling, like something was wrong, y'know?" he said, looking her in the eye. Khan nodded in encouragement. "Lindsay got mad at me, thought I was telling her to stay put because she is pregnant."
"How far along?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Six months now," a real grin lit up Danny's face, lighting up his eyes this time. Khan jotted something down. His face straightened. "I learned the first time not to hold her back."
"Did you voice why you wanted her to stay?"
"Yeah…she looked real worried. I told her to look after Kit and got out the car." Danny cleared his throat again, his gaze dropped to his knees. "I pulled my gun before I entered the building, it all happened so fast," he whispered as he whipped off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.
"Take your time, Danny," Khan said softly, scribbling something else down in her notebook. She watched as he returned his glasses to his face.
"I was barely a foot in the door when I heard a gunshot go off. I didn't even realize I had been shot, I fell to the ground, aimed my gun in the direction I thought the gunshots came from, firing twice. I didn't know if I had hit him or not, I passed out. The next thing I remember after that is waking up with Lindsay in the hospital."
"Did you shoot the gunman?"
"Yeah, one bullet got him in the leg, the other bullet grazed his side," Danny replied.
"How did it make you feel, knowing that you shot a man?"
"No different than all the other times," Danny said quietly. "That man could have taken my life in there; he could have left my daughters fatherless and my wife alone. Do you think what I did was wrong?"
"It's more important if you think what you did was wrong," Khan said, writing once again in her notes. Danny met her gaze, a new fire in his eyes.
"I did what I had to do to protect myself, to protect my family. I feel no guilt in that," Danny stated hotly "Andrew Morrison killed two people. I did not shoot an innocent man; I did not shoot a police officer, not like last time."
"The Minhas incident still dwells on your mind?"
"Not as much as it used to," Danny said honestly. "This time I caught a bad guy."
The Doctor scribbled a note, flipped through the folder on her desk then met Danny's gaze again. "Have you been having nightmares?"
"Not about the shooting, no," Danny said evasively.
"You still have nightmares?"
"It's hard to do this job and not have nightmares," Danny explained, "But it's a lot easier to deal with when married to someone who shares that job. We understand each other, help each other through everything."
When Danny finally came out of the room an hour later, Lindsay was sitting in the waiting area, reading to Joni who snuggled at her side. Both his girls looked up when they heard the door open and stood up to greet him. He smiled as Lindsay wrapped her arms around him in a hug; he returned it with his one good arm. Joni collided with his legs, hugging his thigh as she looked up at him.
"Is Daddy all better now?" Joni asked. Danny grinned at her.
"Daddy's getting there," he replied, letting go of Lindsay and bending down to pick Joni up, "Now, how about we go get some lunch?"
A/N: Please let me know what you think.
