Chapter 8

"Pain changes people. Crying isn't a sign for weakness. It's a sign that you've been strong for too long." – Johnny Depp


The Blue Monster

What is justice? Some would say that it represents fairness in protection of rights and punishment of wrongs. While all legal systems aim to uphold this ideal through fair and proper administration of the law of the land, it is possible to have unjust laws. It's always been that way.

When a poor man steals, he is named a thief and ends up in jail. When a rich man steals he is named minister and no one dares stand against him. Now where's the justice in that? Where was justice when a rich man bought his way out of prison? Where was justice when someone poor or of color or from a shady environment was immediately sentenced to jail just because there was no way someone educated and rich to commit a crime?

Justice is all about equality. But there was no equality in this place. Not in this world. It is believed by many people that justice is controlled by a god, energy, or force. It is also believed that this entity is infallible and exhibits perfect justice. Ask a Hindu what justice is and they will explain Karma to you, ask a Christian and they will explain Judgment Day. These are both examples of a form of justice that goes beyond human intervention being controlled by a supernatural force.

But each and every religion discriminates its followers. Each sin, every single crime, misdoing and mistake is judged and inevitably sentenced to the one of the nine circles of the Inferno*. Or the bitter touch of Karma that is said no one can escape.

But not Death. Death doesn't discriminate. It doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints. It takes and it takes and it takes. Until there is nothing left to take. And people keep on living anyway.

Humans rise and they fall and they break and they make their mistakes. And if there was a reason Ritsu was still alive and breathing when everyone who had loved him in the past had died, he was willing to wait for it.

That thought itself brought an unmistakable peace to his core, each and every single time he was making something atrocious. Every single night the dead plagued his dreams. Every single day he was forced to face the monster he's become. Why should he apologize for being who he was? The ones who made him be that way never did in the first place. Ritsu learned to live with that.

Because Ritsu was smart. Because Ritsu knew what the ones that refused to obey were sentenced to. Because Ritsu himself was one of the fools that opposed Phantom and was tortured mercilessly for it.

Death was kind. Ritsu often reminded himself that when he was quietly slitting a man's throat. Death was and had always been the easy way out. The coward's choice. Death was not an option for the ones like him. Ritsu was strong.

If he dealt with the weight on his shoulders all those years ago, while being constantly raped and drugged and beaten up and used for others amusement, he could sure as hell do that now. He owed it after all to himself and the ones that put him back on his feet again. To the ones that never gave up on him.

But Ritsu will never forget. Death was always following his footsteps. Death was everywhere and he knew it in his bones that everything he touched would be inevitably tainted with its shadow. Death was waiting for him. Always waiting. The peridot eyed man knew that someday he'd have to indulge it and fall into its arms. But what do we say to Death?*

"Not today." Ritsu whispered as he shot the shocked woman in front of him without hesitation, before given the chance to scream for help. Blood painted her pale features as it drained into a red river down her temple, before she fell to the floor like the weightless sack of flesh and bones that she was now.

Hiding his Sig Sauer P226 SAO Legion* inside the inner pocket of his coat, the chestnut haired man headed to the window before jumping effortlessly and silently into the nearest bush.

Like a shadow, he slipped quickly past the guards and in a few minutes he was already out of Haruno Eru's domain. He'd met the woman once or twice before. He knew that she was a good person. After all she was working on framing Phantom. Too bad that someone ratted her out and Ritsu was sent to finish her. He made sure to apologize first of course. He was a monster alright, but he still had a sense of nobility.

It didn't take him long to get in front of a familiar café with the logo of duck. Even though he's been free for quite a while he didn't visit the café until he had to warm Misaki about the threat laid ahead.

Climbing down the stairs, the ex-editor pushed the wood door open before he let himself in the warm and dimly lit place. The air smelled of freshly crushed coffee and mulled wine with oranges and cinnamon. The place was lively, full of people seated at tables, chatting about their day and their easier or difficult problems.

It didn't take Ritsu long to spot the manager of the café behind the counter brewing some of the most amazing coffee the peridot eyed man has ever tasted on his tongue. The elderly man gave him a wrinkled smile and made him a sign to take a seat in front of him, on the counter height bar stool.

"Good evening, Ojii-san. How are you today?" Ritsu smiled kindly, yet with an unmistakable tiredness.

"Very well actually! I was just talking to Aoi-kun* about how many customers we've had lately." The man gave a soft, song-like laugh out, as a young lad, probably in his mid-teens, came out of the Staff Only door.

"Nii-san…" Aoi said with a powerful shock imprinted in his voice, as he gave a tense smile. "It's been so long since I've last saw you." The navy haired boy said as his black eyes shone with an unmistakable uncertainty.

"It's been indeed, Aoi-kun," Ritsu bowed his head in shame before he gave a tense smile back himself. "You've grown so much in these past six years."

"You bet I did!" He said as he gave him a cheeky grin before returning back to the old man's side.

"You'll have to excuse my grandson." The old man chuckled as the navy haired lad huffed under his breath. "He's as excited as he was when he was a little child."

"That's not fair, Grandpa! I only get excited when there's a good reason to!" Aoi countered back. "But he's right. We've had a lot of people here lately." The boy said as he closed his eyes thoughtfully. "I can't help but remember the early days of this café."

He was right. Even though Aoi was nothing but a child at that time, no one could ever forget the dark history the café was built on. No one could ever forget the initiation of the pawns. Neither the exhausted huffs of their dying victims and the overflowing red that stained the floors for weeks afterwards.

"Aoi…" His grandpa warned, but Aoi didn't listen.

"Listen, Nii-san... I really wanted to say this for a while. And I want to say it now that I have the chance." He said pleadingly, as he threw a glance at his grandfather who was brewing some coffee quietly.

"I don't want you to blame yourself for that day." He said as he threw Ritsu out of his comfort zone. "I… I didn't understand what was happening at that time. I didn't understand that the whole situation was out of your control." He confessed as he tightened his hands into fists.

"No…I shouldn't have pulled the trigger in the first place. I killed an innocent woman because I was told to. That's wrong on all the levels I can think of." The peridot eyed man said as he took the coffee form the manager's hands, bowing his head in gratitude. "You have each and every right to condemn me."

"I don't." Aoi said tirelessly. "I did condemn you when I saw you shoot her… when I saw Misaki-onii-san and Sekhmet-onee-san shoot the other men in the room. But that was until you three came and saved us from the fire 8 years ago." He countered fiercely as he looked straight into the chestnut haired man's eyes.

"You… you didn't have any obligation to save us in the conditions, your Boss is the one who ordered the fire in the first place."

"We've just done what any human being would have done…" Ritsu said uncomfortably. He wasn't used to being praised for pretty much anything.

"Wrong. You people are good people forced into doing other's dirty work. I don't blame you for that. I know you have your reasons for obeying in the first place." Aoi smiled sadly as he squeezed the other man's shoulder. "And that's fine. Sometimes we have no choice in life but to do what we're told."

Ritsu's mouth broke into a pained smile as he ruffled the teen's hair. "You're a good kid, Aoi." He said as the teen blushed with embarrassment. "Thank you for your kind words."

"It's not a big deal…" Aoi said as he blushed further causing both Ritsu and his grandpa to chuckle with amusement.

The rest of the evening they chatted about anything and everything related to anything but his line of work. It was nice, Ritsu thought. Talking to normal people about normal things. It made him feel normal for a while. That until his cellphone's ring brought the reality clashing upon him violently.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" Sekhmet asked, as Ritsu heard the distinct sounds of the traffic.

"At the Smuggling Duckling's." He answered her curtly.

"I'm coming to get you." He could hear her smile. "Wait for me in front of the café in 5." The dark haired woman instructed before she finished the call.

Turning back to the older man and his grandson, Ritsu gave them a polite smile as he put his trench coat on. "It's been a delight to talk to you again." He said sincerely as he wrapped his scarf around his neck.

"Likewise." The manager smiled kindly. "Feel free to visit anytime you want, Ritsu-kun."

"Thank you, I will!" He promised as he headed to the door.

"Take care!" Aoi said urgently, worry flashing into his eyes.

"I will. You take care as well." Ritsu smiled one last time before he showed himself out.

Night had fallen fast upon the land. No more than two hours ago the sky was painted with hues of red, orange and pink, but all color had faded leaving only a matt black canvas with no stars to be looked upon. The darkness was thick and the dim light coming from the street lights hardly lit his path allowing him to see at most an arm's reach in front of himself.

Other than the darkness and himself all that seemed to exist was the chilly wind that's harsh bite could be felt through his trench coat. He could feel the hairs on his arm raised and the bite of the wind had left its mark in the form of small bumps that were tingling on his arms, but its bite was more than flesh deep. His blood ran cold through his veins and his bones were chilled.

"Ricchan?" A very familiar brought him back from his reverie, as he turned around to face the none other but Kisa Shouta, which bore the same shocked expression as himself.

"Kisa-san…" Ritsu whispered, before he shook his head in a poor attempt to recover himself. "How have you been? How is work going?" He asked pulling off the best cheerful voice, giving off a surprised smile.

Kisa seemed to buy it. "I'm tired as hell!" The shorter editor complained. "Takano is working us to the bone ever since you've left…" He drifted off as he tried to catch a better look of Ritsu's face in the dim light. Too bad Ritsu wouldn't let him.

"Ahahaha, sounds like Takano-san alright!" The chestnut haired man forced the tight knot in his throat with a laugh. "How…How is he?" He dared to ask as his hair covered his eyes.

Kisa wasn't stupid. He knew something was going on between the Demon Editor and the "noob" of the department. Why did they break it off? He didn't have an idea. But he figured that if it was meant to be, everything would work out in the end.

"He's become a workaholic. He's always been a workaholic." Kisa huffed under his breath. "But he's overdoing it. Everyone can see that…" The black haired editor stopped when he noticed the guilty expression on the other man's face, but chose to continue anyway.

"Yokozawa-san is doing his best to make him relax, but…he wouldn't listen. It's as if…as if he is trying to forget something by drowning in his work." Kisa said finally as he gave Ritsu the finishing blow.

"I see…" The ex-editor said regretfully. Kisa eyed carefully the stiffened form of the other man and cleared his throat. He watched how the other man composed himself, like an actor going on the stage, out on that empty and lonely street.

"Why did you-?" Kisa tried to ask but he was cut off by the powerful sound caused by the stopping car right beside them. The door was swung open, and the only things the short editor could have noticed were the womanly form of the stranger and her light, bright blue eyes.

"We need to hurry." The stranger said curtly, eyeing him almost as a hawk eyed its prey. Kisa fought down a shiver. He turned to look back at his ex-workmate to notice how he was already bowing respectfully to him.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you…" Ritsu apologized as he rose up to reveal a tight smile. Why? Why was he looking at him as if that was going to be the last time they were going to see each other?

Don't look at me like that… That's what Kisa would've wanted to say, but the careful, calculating, blue gaze prevented him from doing so.

"Please send the others my regards." Ritsu continued as his hands trembled. "Please…Tell Takano-san that I miss working with him." He asked the shorter male before he squeezed his shoulder.

"May we…may we never meet again, Kisa-san." He said lastly before he hopped in the car and disappeared into the dark night, leaving Kisa Shouta more shaken than he would've liked.

"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting." Ritsu only but whispered softly after a long while, loud enough for Sekhmet to hear him.

"Don't apologize. It's okay." She assured him as she began driving out of the big city. "It's okay." She repeated.

Only that it wasn't.

Whenever the guilt comes, it would always take Ritsu down the old familiar path. He always wants to refuse to walk it, pretend that he was the person he demanded that he was. He wanted to see himself in sepia tones, not perfect colors. He wanted to scrub his head, but if he did he'd never learn from what happened.

And it's true what they say, "Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

He couldn't bare that. So he would keep his eyes on the horizon and his mind to creating a positive future; because really, isn't that what everyone needs?


"You've got to be kidding me." Akihiko frowned suspiciously at his older brother, as Takahiro sipped his tea nervously.

"I am not." Haruhiko dodged his accusing tone easily.

Akihiko gave out a humorless laugh before smiling dangerously. "So you're meaning to tell us, that while we were waiting in that lounge full of drunken men and whores, you have been talking to a damned woman?" He asked as he brought his hands together into a fist.

"That is correct." Haruhiko affirmed calmly as he wrote something down in his notebook, annoying Akihiko further.

Takahiro was already sweating from the thick tension in the living room, when Akihiko smashed his fist into the coffee table, causing the later to almost drop the half empty tea cup on the floor.

"Stop fucking around! You knew we wanted to see Misaki! And you just left us there when you probably even had the chance to talk to him!" The silver haired man yelled angrily.

Haruhiko finally raised his eyes from his notebook before tossing the said notebook into his little brother's face. "I was getting information, dumbass. It's more than you could do." He said as he crossed his legs and looked at him smugly.

Akihiko wanted to make him eat those words back, but chose against it when Takahiro rushed to his side to see the notes Haruhiko succeeded in getting.

The moment they finally finished reading the notes, both of them the best friends frowned in displeasure.

"There's nothing here about what and how Misaki is doing…" Takahiro deadpanned as Akihiko struggled not to rip the notes apart.

"Misaki is fine. What you've just read are the plans of their next mission in a few months. "The businessman explained, getting a little annoyed himself. "Phantom wants the "Happy Team" find and steal a relic that from what I've understood if kept somewhere safe in Russia. The Queen tells me it's impossible to get it without Misaki's knowledge on High Valyrian." He explained further. He almost snorted when he saw the teary eyes of Misaki's brother.

"Misaki is okay? Oh thank goodness!" He smiled as he cried with relief. Akihiko patted him awkwardly on the back, being relieved himself. "There, there."

The moment Takahiro wiped the last tear from the corner of his eyes, he cleared his throat and frowned worriedly. "How…How did you get in touch with the Queen in the first place?"

"It wasn't that hard." Haruhiko admitted. "Remember that old fool who feel down on me? The one I offered to take to the toilet?" He asked as he gazed carefully at the two other males.

"Of course. What about him?" Akihiko asked.

"Well, let's just say that he started blabbing about how he was about to have sex with the most amazing woman in Phantom. With the Queen herself." Haruhiko said with a cold smile gracing his features.

"And let's just say that the said man was knocked out by accident and I just got to get his lucky card." He explained as he waved to the two males a golden card.

Akihiko was the first to recover from the discovery, as he gave out a tired snort. "You lucky dog…" He praised as he mirrored his brother's smirk.

"How do you know that what she said is true?" Takahiro asked as he massaged his temples for the countless time that evening.

"I don't. We'll just have to trust her." Haruhiko sighed, as he brought the tea cup to his lips. "One thing is for sure. Next week, the pawns will be picking up their apprentices."

"Their what?" Takahiro frowned with confusion.

"Their successors."


The drug abuse treatment was a joke. It was all about the drug and nothing about the problem that drove the teen to take them in the first place. When the soul is arid, when darkness comes and they have no love to ward it off, chemical substitutes are tough to resist. It made the treatment as effective as telling a hungry person not to eat. Misaki knew better than someone his age should have.

"Pour in the love first, show them how much they matter and then try your "treatments" and see how much better the mind can defend itself against the addiction."

That's what their doctor, Chika-san had told to their Boss, who noticed the drugs made them weaker than usual. So weak it was pathetic.

"They have to want to live, want to get better, want to heal, and it takes love to bring them to that better place." She had said.

But the Boss only dismissed her with a cold laugh. "They are not human beings Chika. They are nothing but lifeless, useless pawns that were created for doing my dirty work. To make Phantom the best. Nothing more, nothing less." He had said.

Misaki had grieved so many times. The drugs had taken his self away a piece at a time. Once he had been the boy that held his mother's hand on the way to swings, squealing with delight and demanding to be pushed higher. He had been generous with his smiles and free with his hugs.

Until he was ripped away from his family. Robbed of his origins, of his own name. Forced to hold either a combat knife or a gun. Alongside with his teammates. That's when he first made acquaintance to drugs.

What are drugs anyway? Well, a drug is any substance other than food, that when inhaled, injected, smoked, consumed, absorbed via a patch on the skin or dissolved under the tongue causes a physical or physiological change in the body.

Most of the drugs he's ever taken were the ones that made colossal changes to hi body. He won't deny that he'd been drugged with something that made him lose his mind in his early teens. No one knew what was named. So they called it The Blue Monster.

And while most of the pawns escaped their addiction to the Blue Monster, Apep was the only one who was still fighting it.

"I can't do this." The blond man vomited into the Chika's sink. "I…I can't." He repeated over and over as Misaki rubbed circles into his back.

Sure, Apep has done nothing but torture them all when they were in their teens, but he believed in second chances. And Apep deserved at least that much.

"You can." Misaki said before he gulped. He felt it. The addiction he overcame screamed into his veins. His brain craved the Blue Monster, but he wouldn't indulge it. Never again. "You can do it." The brunette said again, with more strength in his voice.

"There's been a great improvement since out last session, Apep." Chika said softly, as she turned off the ECT* device. "You're so close. Don't give up now." She tried to man him up as he handed him a handful of pills and a glass of water. "These should help you."

The sweating man gulped the pills and the water immediately, as he literally clung to Misaki. His usual pale skin was white as sheet, graced by purplish lips and dark circles around his red rimmed brown eyes.

Misaki brought up all of his strength and pulled the massive man up, before helping him lie on the nearest bed from Chika's laboratory. Apep was panting hard when Misaki brought the back of his fingers to his cheek.

"He's burning, Chika-san." The forest green eyed male said with worry. "Apep?" Misaki shook him by the shoulder. When he didn't open his eyes, Misaki shook him a little harder. Panicked, the young man brought his fingers to the blond's neck, feeling for the pulse. When he felt the quick, strong pulse of the King, he sighed relieved as he fell on the chair beside the bed.

"He's passed out." Misaki told Chika, as she wiped the sweat off Apep's face and neck.

However the moment Chika's hands touched the blond neck, Apep's eyes flew open and in a fraction of a second, he had her pinned to the floor as he circled his hands around her throat.

"Nina, you fucking bitch!" He yelled loudly and started squeezing Chika's wind pipes, as she chocking and helplessly scratching at his face with her nails, leaving bloody red lines in their wake. "You thought you could kill me?! Think again!" He said as he started laughing manically.

His laughter was however cut by a powerful kick to his side that threw him off the good doctor into the metal tray on which Chika kept some of her surgical instruments.

Misaki quickly raised Chika up and pushed her towards the exit of her lab. "Get out of here!" Misaki yelled urgently at her, before Apep tackled him into a door that was made of glass, causing it to shatter into millions of big and little pieces of broken glass.

"Hahaha, you brought one of your friends, Nina?" He said amusedly as he punched Misaki straight into the corner of his left eye. "No problem! I'll just kill him before I kill you!"

"You fucking idiot! You're hallucinating!" Misaki screamed before another punch landed on his cheek. "Nina is dead!" He tried again.

"Hahaha, you think I'm crazy? Pfffff, I'm not the one screaming his head off!" He laughed as he punched Misaki in his guts.

"Have it…your way." Misaki hissed between his bloody teeth and brought his knee high up into his tackler's crouch.

Giving a long hiss of pain from the blow, Apep froze for a few seconds, giving Misaki more than enough time to escape.

"Where do you think you-"Apep's scream was cut off when Misaki sunk in the skin his arm a vile of a clear liquid, knocking the blond out instantly.

After he rubbed his face a bit, Misaki knew he'll have a nice purplish makeup tomorrow. He guessed it could've been worst. He finally decided to pick the panting and sweating mess of a man up from the floor and tuck him back in the bed.

Chika finally came out from beneath of her desk, rubbing around the already forming bruises around her neck.

"Thank you…" She said in a raspy voice. "If you hadn't been here…I would've been dead." Chika concluded, as she caressed a blond lock out of Apep's face. "He didn't want to do this."

"I know." Misaki agreed. He himself went through the same treatment with Ritsu, Sekhmet and Set. It hadn't been easy. They killed a lot of people on their way out of their addiction.

"Let's get you patched up." Chika smiled tiredly. "We need to put some ice on your eye as well." She continued as she pulled him towards God knew where.

"Let me help you clean up this mess first." Misaki offered.

"No, let the cleaning staff do that…" But Misaki didn't listen. He never really listened to anything she said. She watched him as he picked pieces by pieces of glass. She bent down and started picking up the pieces herself. Until a familiar redness started painting the floor.

"Misaki!" Chika yelled in alarm as he frowned at her in confusion. Her expression faded into a pained one as her gaze dropped on his hands. "...You right hand." She whispered, as she took his hand and pulled the large piece of glass that was stuck into the side of his hand, letting his blood flow rich and continuously on the floor.

As she stitched his and bandaged his hand up, Misaki thought about his condition. He was born with Congenital Insensitivity to Pain (CIP), also known as congenital analgesia, is one or more rare conditions in which a person cannot feel physical pain. The forest eyed man has never felt pain in his life.

Except one time, that he did.


An 8-year old Misaki found himself being dragged to a white room with no windows. There was a surgery table in the center of the said room, a white lamp hanging above it, highlighting the rows of beeping machines and the shining surgical instruments on either side.

It didn't take him long to realize that those were to be soon used on him, and like any other child, he began to scream. He thrashed and kicked his legs, trying to get away, trying to run away from his captors with fear eating away at his ragging heart. But what could a child his age do against three grown men?

He saw rather than felt the needle injected into his arm and his voice left him in seconds. Misaki tried to make up words, but nothing came out of his little mouth other than ragged gasps and chocking sounds. Tears soon started falling out of his eyes like rain poured on the ground in late autumn nights.

He wanted home. He wanted back to his amazing Onii-chan. He wanted his Mother and Father to rush in there and save him from those monsters. But they never came. Why? Why didn't they come to save him? Didn't they love him?

Misaki started sobbing even harder when they removed his shirt and his pants, elastic trousers pulled in their place. He wondered how metal would feel on his skin when laid on his stomach, his back exposed to the manic eyes of his captors. He soon found himself incapacitated by the strong belts of the table. He couldn't move and that made him panic more, every instinct bent on survival but unable to be fulfilled.

"Don't cry, child." A kind voice was heard. Misaki turned his head to see the kind smile of a man in his late forties. "They're not going to hurt you." Misaki stared into the kind red eyes that were contradicted everything that was happening. The kind smile morphed into a feral one and Misaki started crying again in sheer fear. "Too much that is." The man laughed as he left his side, leaving monsters in white surgical coats.

He was scared even further when he couldn't do anything but stare at their waists as their started doing something that sounded wet. What where they doing? He couldn't understand. Nothing made sense. Until he see one of the monsters bring down a red thing that seemed like a knife.

He didn't want to die. He didn't care that he couldn't feel pain. The teary forest eyed boy didn't want to be torn apart by them. The horrible wet noises lasted for what seemed like hours, one of the monsters let out a low whistle.

"Yup, he's got nerve endings but they're shut off. He's perfect." The monster started giggling. "We've found our little Knight!"

Ever since that day, Misaki has hated Knights in shining amours and on white steeds.

They were nothing but a lie.


AN: I'M SOOOO SORRY FOR UPTADING SO LATE! I was so anxious about the results on my college admission that I couldn't type anything, no matter how much I tired. Btw, GUESS WHO'S A FREAKING MED STUDENT STARTING THIS OCTOBER? ME, holy shit I'm crying again.

*sniffs* Anyway, this chapter was a whole deal longer. Like 25 pages or more? (I haven't finished writing everything.) But then I thought that it might be too ridiculously long so I split it in two chapters.

I really hope this chapter was to your liking. I really did do my bestest lol. I've a whole deal of research and of reading before writing this so yeah XD

Hopefully, I'll be able to post the next chapter on September 15th, because on that day my baby (this fanfic) is making a year!

INFO TIME:

* The Inferno - Inferno =Italian for "Hell" is the first part of Dante Alighieri's 14th-century epic poem Divine Comedy. It is followed by Purgatorio and Paradiso. The Inferno tells the journey of Dante through Hell, guided by the ancient Roman poet Virgil. In the poem, Hell is depicted as nine circles of suffering located within the Earth.

*"What do we say to Death? Not today." – Taken from Syrio Forel from ASOIAF/GOT

* Sig Sauer P226 SAO Legion – Pretty much a 1911 Tactical drag queen

*Aoi - From Japanese 葵 (aoi) meaning "hollyhock, althea" or an adjectival form of 碧 (ao) meaning "green, blue". Other kanji with the same reading can form this name as well

* ECT device - Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), formerly known as electroshock therapy, and often referred to as shock treatment, is a psychiatric treatment in which seizures are electrically induced in patients to provide relief from psychiatric illnesses.

PS: If you notice any grammar mistake or typos please tell me! I don't have a beta-reader :*)

Until next time,

Fel