The weeks following my breakdown were smooth. Hayley and I decided that her and I would take things slower than we had planned in that first night, and it was working for us. We did move out of the Farro's place, but instead of moving to the city like we thought we would we moved in to Jeremy's basement. Hayley went home every Tuesday night, because the Farro's had family game night planned. It was nice for me and Jere to hang out. Band practice was still in the basement twice a week minimum, depending on Zac and his homework and everyone else's jobs. Hayley was a cashier at the local grocery store. Josh and Jeremy worked for a construction company in the city. I was spending all my free time with Charlie. She was so excited to be the reason me and Hayley met.

Hayley and I hadn't slept together since the first time, and she wasn't shy about letting me know how unhappy this was making her. Today was probably the worst day since I'd left. It was our first real fight. It almost ruined both of us.

"I've been waiting for you to be ready again for almost a month Sel, is it ever gonna happen?" she sighed. I knew she meant it as a joke, but for some reason I wanted to fight. Things had been getting too predictable, I needed something new. I wanted there to be somewhat of a change in our textbook lifestyle. It had begun to make me nervous.

"If you don't wanna wait go! Find someone who's a little more your pace. I'm sorry Hayley but I am not ready to have sex yet. We went too fast, and I thought we had both agreed to slow it down. Like fuck sakes. You never got it last time when I ran? I can't do that yet. I just... I can't."

"Yeah, just turn it all on me Selena. My parents fucked off on me too remember? I've lost people I loved more than once."

"My parents didn't just leave Hayley, they were murdered. Five months ago tomorrow. They killed my mother first, for her purse. My father, blind with rage took off after the killer. My father was killed trying to avenge her." my voice was barely a whisper.

"I, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. Oh, shit. Baby, how... How do you know the details?"

"I was there. I shouldn't have been. I was out with Troy, my boyfriend at the time. I'd told my parents we were going to watch a movie with my girlfriends and instead Troy and I were out at dance clubs with fake ids and ecstasy tablets. But yeah, we came out of the club and I saw my parents, then I saw the guy shoot my mom, and then my dad chase after him. Then I saw him pull the trigger on the last thing I had left." I stopped for a minute to recoop. "Troy took me home that night, and I lost my virginity. I thought he was gunna be my everything. When I woke up he was gone, and later that day he dumped me."

Hayley had gotten up and was over by the mirror. "Is that why you are so scared to be intimate with me? All because that goof screwed up the best he ever had?" she whispered to me.

"Hayley... It's more than that. I have never had sex with the same person more than once. The idea of hurting you the way Troy hurt me terrifies me. I thought and believed he was gunna be there for me the way you know I will for you. But I want to be steady here and stable. I promise, give me one more week and I'll be ready." she kissed me softly.

"Baby, as long as you need. I'm sorry I pushed you." she laid down on the bed and reached for her pipe. As she reached across the bed and her shirt rode up I felt a surge of insane need for her. Her creamy skin exposed to me made me want her more then I ever have. She sat back down and her shirt fell back down. I shook my head, trying to get those thoughts in check. I couldn't cave now, not after that, not after telling her about Troy. If I did it would ruin everything. She passed me the pipe. I started calming down as I exhaled the smoke. I saw the problems fade to nothing in it. Her and I could be ok together in this basement forever.

"Baby... I have to talk to you. Paramore... it's taking off. We got offered a recording session, with Fueled by Ramen. That's so huge baby, but we'd need to go away for a few weeks. Josh is trying to talk down the Farro's to let Zac ditch school for a couple weeks. This could be our big break and if it is... I want you to be there every step of the way. After all my favorite song on our tracklist is about you. You're my muse lately baby." she rambled out her sentence.

I took a huge haul on the pipe. I coughed it out and put it down. "Of course babe, I want you guys to make it. You're everything to me and if this is what will make you happy then by all means we'll go away. How did it happen?" I asked, smiling inside.

"Apparently someone dropped off a demo with one of their artists. I wish I knew who, because thanks to them my dreams are finally coming true." she looked at me. She caught my grin. "It was you? How... Why? Thank you so much." she kissed me harder than ever. As she straddled me, I couldn't control myself anymore. I ground my hips upwards. She moaned and looked at me helplessly. I nodded.

It was on.