I paced the length of my bedroom, rubbing my hands, thinking of what to do. So many thoughts were tearing through my mind. I know what would already have happened. Mikey had most likely cut himself. Pretty badly, I guessed. I shuddered at the thought and wrapped my arms around myself. I knew I had to go up and talk to him but I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. I slid down my wall, onto the floor. 'Stop being so childish,' I thought. I found myself screaming as if I was in agony – it was all psychological, and I knew that, but I couldn't stop. It was as if I had lost all control.

Someone knocked on my door. Please, oh fucking please, let me have locked the door this time. It creaked open. Shit.

"Gerard?" It was my mum. He voice sounded thick with sorrow; I guessed she had been crying. I was lying on my side facing away from the door at the point that she walked in. I heard her approach me and she tentatively placed her hand on my shoulder causing me to flinch. I rolled over to look at her and saw she was sat cross legged on the floor opposite me, looking at me as if I was going to disappear. "Gerard… Mikey won't come out of his room. And I saw Frank leave… he looked really upset. And now you're screaming. Please…" her face crumpled. "What's going on right now?" I shrugged. "Gerard, I think you forget… I can hear everything that goes on down here when you don't shut your door properly. I understand now that you are… gay" she paused and bit her lip. I broke.

"Oh mum, please please don't hate me. I-I… I can't help it," I sobbed. She shushed me.

"Gerard… I'm your mother. I don't care what you want to fuck. I still love you the same as always." I smiled through my tears. I was sure now that she would understand mine and Mikey's incestual activities, but I knew it wasn't worth risking telling her. "So… do you know what's going on with Mikey?"

"I think that he had a crush on Frank," I lied, "And because of what just happened with us, he's a little upset."

"Wait… Mikey's gay too?" Mum looked slightly puzzled.

"I guess. Well, that's what I gathered from what he's said."

"Oh, Ok. Thank you for letting me know, honey. I'll go and try to talk to him again. Damn, I guess that's killed my chance of grandchildren, hasn't it." I giggled.

"We could adopt." Mum smiled weakly at me and left.

The second I heard the door close I stopped holding in my emotions. I felt awful for what Mikey bust be going through right at this minute, but I knew it would do no good to dwell on these thoughts. Once the tears had slowed, I decided that it was probably a good idea to check on my brother as I was scared as to what he was doing up there on his own. I climbed my stairs and was confronted almost immediately by my mother.

"Gerard… Mikey still won't come out of his room, and I'm so scared after what happened the other night." She bit her lip.

"Don't worry, mum," I said, giving her a quick hug. "I found his razors and confiscated them." My mother's face became slightly more relaxed.

"Gee… I think you should give them to me. I haven't forgotten the time before the hospital incident." I winced. Her lack of confidence in me was disheartening.

"I can handle it Mum. I'm going to go and talk to Mikey now – wish me luck!" I flashed a nervous smile at her and ran up stairs.


I tried Mikey's door, there was no lock on it but for some reason it would not open.

"Mikey?" I shouted, still rattling the door handle.

"FUCK OFF!"

"Mikey… Please open the door," I begged. I heard a dragging noise from the other side of the door and suddenly it flew open with an incredibly loud bang. Before I knew it, Mikey's fist collided with my face and I staggered backward, clutching my now bleeding nose. He walked over to me and grabbed my shirt in his fists.

"Where. Are. My. Razors." He hissed. I shrugged. "I know you took them you fucking bastard. Give them to me now Gerard."

"I can't do that, Honey. I don't want my baby getting hurt," I croaked, tears beginning to form in my eyes.

"I am not your 'Baby!'" He screamed, making me jump. I saw that Mikey was in no shape to cause anymore physical damage to me, but it was horrifying how weak he looked.

Mikey slumped to the floor at my feet, clutching his chest and sobbing loudly. I crouched down.

"Hey…" I said, placing my hand on his back, "You will always be my baby. I just want you to know that I felt nothing just then with Frank. And to be honest, I couldn't get you out of my head." His breathing became more even.

"Gerard… why does my heart hurt so much?" His innocent tone caused the tears to spill down my cheeks.

"Because I broke it, baby. I think you should go to sleep, and we can talk about it tomorrow." Mikey nodded and feebly attempted to stand up, but failed. I picked him up and carried him to his bed, where I tucked him in and kissed his forehead.

"I love you, Mikey. Forever and always," I whispered as I left.

As I began walking down the stairs, I saw my mother sat on the bottom step.

"Mum?" I asked. She jumped up looking astonished, as if I had disturbed her thoughts.

"Oh Hey, Gee. Wait. What's wrong with your nose?" She shouted, rushing to my side.

"Nothing, Mum - Mikey just punched me is all," I replied, flinching when she touched it.

"Well it doesn't look broken, honey. Anyway, how did it go up there?"

"Just fine, mum. His crying had tired him out and his room is trashed from searching for his razors, but I put him to bed and said we would talk in the morning," I replied.

"Oh ok honey. Well, it's nearly 11 o'clock. You should probably go to sleep."

"Yeah, I'm shattered. G'night mum," I said, kissing her on the cheek and beginning to walk down my stairs. I was so tired that I collapsed onto my bed fully clothed and fell asleep immediately.