Bold= Conscience Italicized= Thoughts/Lyrics
Rydel's POV
My blood boiled and the thumping of my heartbeat was so powerful, I'm surprised that the kids from three feet away couldn't hear it.
How could she be so ungrateful and risk loosing the luckiest thing she could possibly have?
Ellington Ratliff.
The boy slowly pulled away. "Why are you pretending to go out with that loser skinny kid?" he asked. "Back in California, he had this crush on me and now it's slipping away for that ugly, bony blonde girl.. Rydel," Kelly sneered.
I couldn't stand to hear all of the shit coming out of that bitch's mouth. I turned around to find Ratliff walking down the hallway.
Quickly, I ran to him. "Ratliff, I need to tell you something," I panted. "What?" Ratliff asked.
I needed to look both ways and made sure no one was paying attention. I quickly pulled him into the janitor's closet and shut the door.
"Whoa, what was that?" Ratliff asked surprised. "Ratliff.. Kelly's cheating on you," I admitted. I felt bad being the one to have to tell him, but I'd feel terrible if he found out months later while I knew the whole time.
"W-What?" Ratliff asked confused. "I just saw her making-out with this dude and she said she's only dating you so that crush you had on her before won't go away," I explained.
"How could-" "I'm sorry," I frowned. "How could you make up some stupid lie?" Ratliff glared. If this were a cartoon, my jaw would go down to the floor.
"Wait, what?" I gasped. "So first, you pushed me away since day one and now you suddenly make up a lame excuse that my girlfriend is cheating on me?!" Ratliff growled. There was a darkness in his eyes that I've never seen before. And I didn't like it one bit.
I was at a loss for words. Why would I do that? I mean it's one thing that I was upset that he got a girlfriend that wasn't me, but I would never do that to him. That's just wrong.
"Do me a favor, stay away from me," Ratliff hissed before storming out of the closet, slamming the door behind him.
The familiar feeling of abandonment burned in my chest, but harder than I remember it being last time. Then I realized.
I let him get too close to me.
I fell into the trap again. I'm such an idiot! I couldn't stand it anymore. I kicked over an empty bucket in fury before bursting out of the closet, slamming the door even harder than Ratliff did.
There was still three classes left in the day, but I had no interest in sitting next to Ratliff all day, or him moving his seat and giving me dirty looks the whole time.
The cool, autumn breeze was blowing in my face. I just needed to be alone.
Slamming my apartment door behind me, I finally let my emotions run free. I sank down to the floor as I sobbed. I told myself over and over again not to get close to him and look what happens.
Suddenly, a strong desire came into my mind.
Cutting.
You can't cut again. You promised Ratliff you wouldn't.
Yeah? But where is he now?
It was all probably just a misunderstanding.
What's there to misunderstand? He made it clear..
But-
NO! Just go away! You've caused enough trouble!
Fine..
The voice in my head finally went away. And not even a minute later, I was in the bathroom rummaging through the cabinets in the bathroom, in search for the unused blade that was stuffed into my locker.
Slowly, I slid the blade across my wrist. The familiar burning in my arm made me hiss in pain, but it felt so good. By the end of it, I had cut seven new slits in my right arm and seven on my left.
Luckily, I still had left over cotton balls and gauze from when I used to cut. After rinsing out the blade and drying it off, I opened the cabinet again and placed it on the shelf. Then, my hand wandered to the left and I grabbed the gauze and the cotton balls.
I winced in pain as I placed the cotton balls over my cuts. Lastly, I wrapped some gauze over the cotton balls.
Now what did that solve?
Nothing..
I told you not to do it.
Just leave me alone!
One Week Later
I know what you're all thinking. Why am I going to a school dance even though I know that they're going to be there?
Well back in freshman year, I made a promise to myself to go to every dance of my senior year. Stupid, I know. But I knew I'd feel guilty to miss it.
I had bought a tight, pink strapless dress back when school first started. Luckily, my cuts just look like I scraped myself on my bike or something, so I didn't have to cover them, but I covered them with concealer anyway, just in case.
After applying make up to my face, I slipped on my heels and walked across the street to the school for the dance.
The dance had already begun when I came through the door. When I had entered the gymnasium, there were already at least seventy people dancing to the music.
There were red and white balloons and decorations everywhere because our school colors are red and white. The plastic cups, plastic silverware, napkins and paper plates were also red and white.
My temporarily happy mood suddenly drained a bit when I saw Ratliff and Kelly linking arms as they entered the gym.
I turned away and hid myself in the crowd, just so they wouldn't see me.
Ratliff's POV
30 Minutes Later
So I lay my head back down,
And I lift my hands and pray,
To be only yours.
I pray,
To be only yours.
I pray,
To be only yours.
I know now
You're my..
Only hope.
Mmmmmmm..
Mmm mmm mm mm mmm..
Oooooooh... (1)
Kelly and I swayed back and forth as Many Moore's voice echoed through the speakers. As she sang her last note, I leaned in and connected our lips together, which she kissed back.
Before long, our lips departed and Tik Tok began to play. "I'll be back, I need to use the restroom," I whispered in her ear. She nodded and I left the gym to the men's room.
Rydel's POV
I looked up from my almost full cup of fruit punch and saw Ratliff press his lips to Kelly's. Why was I doing this? This is the last homecoming dance I'll ever go to and I'm letting them ruin my good time.
I ended up going over to the desk in front of the DJ's turntable and writing down a selection.
If I Knew Then by Lady Antebellum.
As I stood up, I looked over my shoulder and saw Ratliff walking out of the gym. As soon as he was out of sight, I saw Kelly walk away and go up to the boy I caught her kissing last week.
"Hey, babe," she smiled before pressing her lips to his. My blood boiled as I watched the two of them make out.
After two minutes, I couldn't take it anymore. I marched over to them just as they pulled away.
"Okay. You may have Ratliff wrapped around your finger in this lie, but you can't fool me. I don't care if he ignores me for the rest of our lives, but he doesn't deserve to be with someone that he thinks loves him, but doesn't at all. And you're a selfish bitch for manipulating with his emotions. He deserves someone who actually loves him!"
Kelly glared at me. "You're going to wish you didn't say that," she growled. I wasn't backing down. Suddenly, her bony fist collided with my eye. I lost my balance as I clutched my eye in pain, but managed to regain my balance. The crowd of people were all surrounding us. As soon as I could stand normally, I felt all of the fruit punch in the large bowl being dumped over my head.
I could hear everyone laughing at me. I couldn't take it anymore. I sprinted out of the gym as if it were on fire.
I didn't even know where I was running to, nor did I care. But after a few minutes, I looked up to see that I was on the opposite side of the main entrance, I turned around and ended up crashing into someone.
"I'm sorry," I sniffed. I didn't even realize that I was crying. I lifted my head to face the person, but I came face-to-face with..
Ratliff.
I gasped in fear. "Ryd-" I cut him off by turning around and running away."Rydel, wait!" Ratliff yelled as he chased after me. After trying to run for about a minute, I felt him grab my hand and turn me around to face him.
"Rydel, I-I'm so sorry," Ratliff whispered as my cries turned into sobs. I hate anxiety. It makes me seem like I'm crazy. Ratliff looked heartbroken, which only made me cry harder. As I began to tremble, Ratliff tried to pull me into a hug. My mind was telling me to pull away, but I just couldn't find any strength to do so. My body felt like it was paralyzed.
My knees were bucking down and I could feel myself begin to sink to the floor, and Ratliff sank down with me.
"It's okay. Let it out. Just let it out," Ratliff whispered. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking as he said the word 'sorry'.
I pulled away and looked up at him. I could see a tear trying to escape his eye, but he kept trying to blink it away. It finally fell down his cheek slowly, until I wiped it away with my thumb.
He wiped away my left over tears with his thumb afterward. He then looked down at my arms and he just stared for a moment. He gently grabbed my arms and brought them closer to his face.
"Rydel.." he whispered as he looked me straight in the eyes. "Did I make you do this?" he asked, referring to the fourteen new cuts on my arms. I didn't want to tell him the truth. I thought silence was my best option, but it was the worst.
His face went pale. "R-Rydel.. I'm so so sorry," Ratliff whispered brokenly.
My mind snapped back into reality and I realized..
He's trying to break my walls.
I gasped and stood up as quickly as I could. "Rydel, what's wrong?" Ratliff asked concerned. "Don't you see? I've been trying my best not to get close to you and now look what happened?!" I panicked. "What do y- Why were you trying to not get close to me?" Ratliff asked confused. "Because I don't need to be broken again!" I yelled.
Ratliff took a step back. "What do you mean? Rydel please tell me what's wrong. I want to help y-" "No! Just leave me alone," I said shakily before running off.
Ratliff's POV
I never realized how deep her pain truly was until she ran away from me. If I ever find the person, or people that took her trust and broke it like that, I'll make sure that they don't live to see the next day.
Nobody deserves to go through whatever pain that she's gone through. And I made the stupid mistake of betraying the small shred of trust she had in me.
What's wrong with me?
Wait, don't answer that..
After Rydel was out of my sights, I ran back to the gymnasium and give Kelly a piece of my mind. And there she was, lip locking the same boy I saw her with before she humiliated Rydel.
"Hey," I growled. Kelly recognized my voice and quickly pulled away.
"Ratliff, he kissed me, I had nothing to do with-"
"Save it!" I yelled. "We're done!" I yelled angrier. "And we're done too," the boy growled. Kelly looked over to the taller boy. "W-What? Why, Kyle?" she asked heartbroken. "Because whatever plan you had was stupid! And I don't want to hurt these innocent people!" Kyle turned to me and put his hand on my shoulder.
"Ratliff, I'm so sorry for all this trouble," he apologized. "It's cool," I assured. He sighed of relief before walking away and joining some of his friends.
"Oh and Kelly?" I asked sickeningly sweet. She turned her head to face me. I picked up a full cup of punch and dumped it over her head. She gasped as the red liquid oozed down her white silk dress.
"Oops?" I said sarcastically before dropping the cup and walking out of the gymnasium, ignoring her forceful pleads to come back and apologize.
The cold autumn breeze hit me as I walked out of building. I needed to apologize to Rydel. I can see in her eyes she needs someone right now. Looking around, I saw an unattended flower cart. I approached it slowly. There were flowers of all sorts of gorgeous colors. Looking down, I saw a white sign with fancy printed words written on it.
Vases- $2.00 Bouquets- $2.50
I didn't remember seeing a vase in Rydel's apartment the last time I had been there, so I decided to buy her a bouquet of pink roses and a vase. I set the money on top of the cash box before running across the street as fast as I could.
"3B, 3B," I chanted nervously as I ran down the endless hallways. Finally approaching it, I knocked on the door three times.
No answer.
"Rydel, I know you're in there. Please let me in," I spoke to the door.
Still no answer.
My stomach began to churn. Endless possibilities of what she could be doing in there scared me to no end.
Was she cutting?
Was she trying to commit suicide?
Was I too late and she already did it?
Luckily, she forgot to lock her door and I ran in. I set the vase and roses down on the kitchen table. "Rydel?" I asked nervously.
Just then, the gorgeous blonde walked into the kitchen with her Nickelback t-shirt and fuzzy black pajama pants. Her wet hair was tied up into a ponytail.
"Ratliff.. What are you doing here?" she asked nervously. I managed to block the flowers from her sight and pick them up. "What's behind your back?" she asked.
"Rydel.. I-I'm so sorry I betrayed the little trust that you were slowly giving. I'm such an idiot for doing that to you. You're a beautiful girl and I know something happened to you and made you not trust. But please forgive me," I whispered softly. I pulled the roses from behind my back and she gasped.
"Ratliff.. Did you buy those for me?" she asked in awe as she gently took them out of my hands. I nodded. "But I don't have a v-" I cut her off by stepping away from the vase that was on the table. Rydel gasped.
"Ratliff," she sighed before putting the flowers down. "Look, I don't know if I c-"
I cut her off by gently grabbing her arms and placing gentle kisses on all of her scars. "Ratliff! What're you doing?" she whisper-shouted in shock. I kissed the last scar and lifted my head, not daring to let go of her hands. "Making sure I heal what I'm not around to heal," I whispered.
Rydel had tears in her eyes before engulfing me into a hug. I hugged back, wrapping my arms around her torso. "Shh.. Baby, please stop crying," I whispered.
Rydel slowly pulled away. "Did you just call me baby?" Rydel asked. "Uh-um.." I stuttered nervously. I cut myself off as we got lost in each other's eyes.
I chuckled nervously and she smiled. I decided to take a chance. I gently wrapped my arms around her torso as she looked up at me. I gave her a look, asking for permission. She smiled and nodded.
Gently, I leaned in and connected our lips together. I felt her kiss back in no time as she wrapped her arms around my neck.
We just stood there and enjoyed the kiss for about fifteen seconds before pulling away for air, but our arms were still around each other. "Please don't let me go," she whispered. "Never," I whispered. She closed her eyes as she pressed her cheek to my chest. I could tell she was tired as her breathing evened out.
I gently lifted her into my arms and carried her to her bedroom. I bent down and placed her on her bed and tucked her in. "I'll see you tomorrow," I whispered before turning to leave. I felt her grab my hand, causing me to stop and face her.
Her eyes could barely stay open and she looked at me pleadingly as she uttered the words "Please stay." "How could I say no to that?" I asked before slipping off my shoes and laying down next to her.
I slid under the covers and gently wrapped my arms around her torso. She rested her forehead against my chest and we fell asleep in that position.
This took me FOREVER to write! So happy it's up.
So my friend's mother, my friend and I had this conversation a few minutes ago.. And this friend knows I write fanfictions on here, she's read them all..
Friend's mother: *Reading off her list of books on her kindle* Oh, don't read that book, it's sexual.
Me: *Looks at my friend with a certain face*
Friend: *Looks at me with the same face*
Yeah.. That was actually really ironic because her mom doesn't know I write fanfics (Neither does my mom...)
(1)- Only Hope by Mandy Moore
Anyway, please review! :)
