Part 8

EJ essentially acknowledges that he was lurking and watching us rather than making up a story about how he just happened to be at the airport for such-and-such. "It's done, then," he says to Will and Sonny, who are standing in front of the window with their arms wrapped around each other and debating eventual honeymoon locations. As close as they are to their wedding, who can blame them for casting off the afternoon's torrent of emotions so quickly?

Sonny nods, all business, and shakes EJ's hand while Will comes up with the signed papers that sever Nick's professional ties to EJ. But then Gabi says she needs to hold Ari, and Will and Sonny want to go with her. Chelsea and Max have lists of things to do and people to see a mile long.

When I'm left alone with EJ, it's more natural than contrived.

I think I would have preferred contrived. I don't want to feel that EJ is somehow what the universe wants for me.

"It's not private enough around here," he says delicately. "Join me in my car?"

Another nefarious planning session in his car. I remind myself that this is better than clandestine meetings at the Horton Cabin or in the shower at the gym. I don't quite believe myself.

"All right," I agree. I'm exhausted and starting to get dizzy again, so I don't object at all when EJ takes me by the arm and settles me into the backseat before climbing in himself and telling his driver to take the scenic route back to downtown Salem.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath while I'm waiting for him to start.

But he doesn't start.

I open my eyes again and he's watching me as if he's never seen me before, blinking rapidly while he searches for words.

It frightens me. EJ might be lying to himself about his oh-so-perfect life with Sami, but he's otherwise one of the most self-assured people I've ever met. He's already advised me that our affair was just a top secret hiccup on his path to eternal bliss with his fiancee. If he could say that to me, what wouldn't he be able to say?

"Oh God," I breathe, suddenly alight with panic. "You paid someone to rig the plane to explode and Nick and Doug and Julie are all going to die, aren't they?"

My tired mind snaps back into action. I'll call Hope first because she has the best chance of knowing someone with airport security who can ask the plane to turn around-

"Abigail, for heaven's sake, of course not," says EJ. Now he's looking at me like I'm just a bit ridiculous, which is totally fair and also more comfortable than the way he was looking at me before. "Is that what you think of me?"

"Three days ago you told me that you were planning to take a hit out on my cousin."

"Technically, that's not what I said," EJ replies. And of course he's correct. He never said. He implied. He let his silence do the communicating. He led me to a conclusion and let me go from there.

I sigh.

"If I had been planning something of that nature, I never would have told you. For one thing, it would have made you an accessory."

"Did Sami know?" I ask. It's the stupidest thing I could possibly have said, but sometimes that's how things go when you're chatting with your ex-liaison who just forced you to get your cousin out of the country on pain of death.

"Samantha and I are to be married. We share important things with one another."

"The family that slays together, stays together," I agree. "You must feel so wonderful about yourself."

"No, Abigail, I bloody well don't!"

I jump, not because I'm frightened of EJ but because I'm startled by his abruptness. He doesn't seem to notice.

"At least this should get the idea of you and me out of your mind forever," EJ continues. Now he's looking through the car's tinted windows at the highway outside instead of at me. "The photographs are gone and whatever romantic notions were dancing around your beautiful head are gone, too. They're certainly gone from mine."

"So you've mentioned," I tell him icily. "Look, I went to London to get away from you. You followed me there. And you followed us to the airport. And you asked me to get in this car with you. I get why you did all those things, but you're still the one following me and not the other way around. So if you're trying to paint me as some kind of crazy stalker who's boiling bunnies and not taking no for an answer the last time you told me that we have no future-"

"That's not what I meant, Abigail."

"By all means, enlighten me. What did you mean?"

"I meant that even if I were free, you are far too good for me."

I open my mouth to protest. As far as condescending brush-offs go, "you're too good for me" takes second place only to "you're too young for me." I've heard them both too many times.

EJ puts one finger on my lips to stop me from speaking. "What you did today amazes me," he continues. "I truly didn't think it was possible. I didn't think there was any way out of this without bloodshed. But you found a way. Your intelligence and your tenacity and your compassion are beyond compare, Abigail. Beyond compare. I, on the other hand, am a dangerous and damaged man who resorts to violence without exhausting the other alternatives first. If you and I were ever to try to make a life together, I would destroy you, Abigail."

I hate the underlying condescension in his words. But I hate hearing him tear himself down more. "If I'm so intelligent and tenacious, you wouldn't be able to destroy me," I chirp with false levity.

"You were obviously able to reach your cousin. But, Abigail, there is not enough brightness in this world to illuminate the darkness of the DiMera family."

"That's not how the quote goes. It's 'All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.' My great-grandmother liked to say it. It's Saint Francis of-"

"Saint Francis Assisi. He never met the DiMeras."

"Are you sure? The DiMeras didn't have any holdings in Assisi in the thirteenth century?"

He ignores me. "What I wanted to do was thank you for saving me from myself this one time. For saving me from causing yet more bloodshed and suffering. Nicholas Fallon had to be dealt with, but he is still William's family and by extension he is Samantha's family. So thank you, Abigail. I hope I won't have to take advantage of your kindness again."

"Why? What have you got against kindness? That's against the DiMera code, too?"

"I merely don't want to continue to disrupt your life. You were correct when you said that I've been interrupting you at every turn when you deserve to move on from the mess that we made. I, more than you."

"I'm an adult," I remind him for at least the thousandth time.

"A very young adult who needs to be allowed space to explore and grow without being chained to one mistake. Not that I necessarily agree that you should be exploring and growing with Maxwell Brady, but-"

"Max and I are just friends."

EJ raises an eyebrow sardonically. "Does he know that? Because it seems to me that he's about ready to brand 'property of MB' across your forehead."

"He's just being protective. He's like that with all of his friends."

"He seems to be able to keep his hands off of Chelsea, and the two of them dated for quite a long time, didn't they?"

"Yes," I admit.

"If he makes you happy, then of course you have my blessing. Not that you need it."

"Why shouldn't Max make me happy?" I challenge. "He's loyal and he's funny and he's good with children."

"I have a hard time imagining the two of you discussing the nuances of your father's novel or Raphael's work, is all. Maxwell had an opportunity to study medicine at one of the finest schools in the world and decided that he would rather be a mechanic instead."

Says the person who wants to marry Sami Brady.

"Max knows who he is and what he wants. That's one of the things I like best about him." It's something that seems to be in short supply among the men in my life, family and otherwise.

"Very well."

"Yes, it is very well." I wonder where Max will be sleeping tonight. Probably at his mother's. I may very well join him. This time tomorrow, I will have finally made love to a man who is not a DiMera, and EJ can very well mind his own business. "You don't think I belong with you and you don't think I belong with Max. Where do I belong, EJ?"

"You belong at home, getting a good night's rest. I heard William mention that you fainted this afternoon?"

"Not exactly. I'm just tired."

"Don't overdo it these next few days with the wedding preparations. William and Sonny love each other. That's all that's necessary to make the ceremony a success. But I'm sure they'd prefer that their best woman not collapse at the altar from sheer exhaustion."

Then EJ lowers the partition to ask the driver to stop circling and bring me home. In no time at all, we're there. EJ jumps out of the car to open my door and hand me out rather than letting the chauffeur do it. When I'm holding his hand, I can't resist.

"Those things you said, EJ, about you being a bad man who doesn't look for alternatives to violence? They aren't true. That's why you came to London to find me. You knew I was the alternative. And you made the right choice. Thank you. For all of my family, for Nick, thank you. But mostly, thank you from me."

He doesn't respond. He just lets me go after giving my hand the tiniest squeeze.

***

That night, I don't sleep with EJ or with Max. Instead, Chelsea crawls into my bed like she hasn't done since we were sixteen years old and her adoptive parents died. I'm so fuzzy with the need for sleep that it takes me long moments to realize that she's crying. I reach over to hug her and we lie close together until her breathing is normal.

"Do you think it's my fault? Do you blame me?" she asks at last.

"Blame you for what?" For coming over here and keeping me from running after Max? There's time enough for that in the future, so no, I'm not upset. Tonight probably wasn't the best choice for our first time anyway, not when I'm spinning so hard off of my conversation with EJ.

"For Nick," says Chelsea like it should have been obvious, and maybe it should have been.

"There's nobody to blame for Nick but Nick. And that monster who attacked him in prison and the other monsters who let it happen. You weren't even here when Nick started acting crazy, Chelsea."

"Exactly. Doesn't it occur to you that I should have been here? Nick was right. I said I would visit him in prison and I didn't follow through."

"You had to go to London to take care of your mom. You didn't have any choice."

"I could have come to visit when he got out."

"What could you have done that the rest of us didn't do?"

She doesn't answer, since there is no answer. "It was awful seeing him that way, not even knowing who he is. That was always one of the best things about Nick, you know? Even way back when we first met him when he was wearing those dorky clothes. When he was talking about how he mapped the Horton genome and how he learned to get an olive into a brandy snifter without touching it in his nerd frat."

I laugh. "He saved your ass with that."

"Yeah, he did. And I treated him like crap and told him to lose the glasses. But that didn't phase him. He knew that he wasn't the most, you know, classically handsome guy. But he knew that he was good and smart and sweet and that that was enough. He didn't apologize for what he was. He flew that nerd flag, that good guy flag. That was what made him sexy. That was what made him Nick. Now he's broken, and maybe if way back before he went to jail I had been paying attention to him instead of panting after Dr. Dan-"

"That wasn't your job."

"I should have told that little shit Melanie to shut up instead of letting Nick go to jail all nobly for her. I should have ripped her red hair out by its dyed roots."

"Chelsea."

"What? You can't tell me that you believe that that's her natural hair color."

I giggle again. "She's not so bad. Not anymore. She was good to me, really, back when I had that stupid crush on Austin."

Chelsea sighs. "So speaking of your crushes on older men."

"Let's not."

"EJ DiMera. Of all people. Is it still going on, Abigail? I saw you get into his car when we left the airport."

"I never said it was EJ."

"You pretty much did," says Chelsea bluntly. "Nick let you say everything but the name. If Nick passed around pictures of the best woman having a tryst with some random guy, that would be annoying, but it wouldn't ruin the wedding. But if he passed around pictures of the best woman with the groom's stepfather? Yeah, that's a problem. That's why EJ would fly to London to get you involved with this. Those pictures were of both of you."

"Does everyone know?" I squeak shakily.

In the dim light, I can make out Chelsea's expression. She really doesn't want to tell me this. "Well, Gabi was probably too upset. And Max's brain doesn't usually work along those lines. But Sonny, definitely."

"And Will?"

"He's not a moron."

"They haven't asked me to step down as best woman." I sigh. I'd been so honored to be asked, but even when Will had asked I'd been afraid that something like this would happen. "I guess they haven't had a chance yet. At least you're here to take my place. You're cousins with both of them, too."

"The wedding is not my major concern here. You getting involved with- with-"

"It's over."

"You deserve better."

"I don't want better," I say, and my voice takes on a plaintive whine. "I want him."

Because as stupid as it is, I still do.

And it's my turn to cry while Chelsea hugs me and swears that everything will be just fine.

I doubt it, but it's nice to hear.

TBC