I know...I am fully aware that it has been a while. And for that, I apologize. (If you don't really care why [which is what I'm going to explain now] then you might as well skip to......)
So, I was crazy busy for the first week, because it was the first week of school, and I have Math and English all in one Semester, so I was adjusting to that. Then, the second week, amidst some drama that I had going on, I decided to put myself on a technology strike. Which means that I didn't use my laptop, my iPod, my DS....anything at all that I have that's electronic. It was just something that I was trying, that's all. After that, I kept trying in completel vain to write this Chapter, but many things kept arising and preventing me from completing it. Like, first the words weren't coming out. Then, I was having a fight with some people over MSN, which took up most of my time. And then I was helping my little sister with some homework. So, I was completely booked.
-------- about here.
But the important thing is that I'm here now...and I'm posting this now. So...enjoy!
Disclaimer - I do not own SWAC or JONAS
Chapter 8
There are two main types of pain – physical and emotional. It's one of the unwritten rules of life that emotional pain hurts a lot more than physical pain. When you fall off of your bike the first time that you ride without training wheels and skin your elbows? That's physical pain. It's easy to get over, because with a bandage, an ice cream cone and a Kleenex, your tears are long forgotten, and your body gets to work and starts to repair the damage. Your skin grows back, the bleeding stops and you move on with your life, all happy and smiles.
When your heart gets broken right down the middle, and it feels like it was ripped in half? That's emotional pain. Usually, depending on your situation, the pain is either better or worse. Like if your best friend dies in a car accident, then it is harder to get through that amount of pain. But if you got a bad grade on your math test, sure, it hurts for a couple of minutes, but soon, it's forgotten, some other peer drama already filling your thoughts.
I tried to concentrate on filming the first episode of JONAS, but my mind kept drifting to hours earlier in the day, when Chad had kicked me out of his dressing room. I couldn't forget the hurt in his eyes when I had told him that I had to break another date, or how deeply his words had cut at me.
"Sonny?"
I shook my head and glanced around me, trying to locate the source of the hushed whisper. I turned my head to the side and saw Kevin leaning on the wall next to me, his head cocked to one side. His hazel eyes were studying me intently, and one corner of his mouth was twisted down into a lopsided frown.
"Sonny...are you ok?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
I nodded my head, biting my lip in what I hoped was an innocent manner. My eyes – which seemed to be permanently filled with tears – widened slightly, completing the look that I was going for. "Yeah, I'm fine."
He raised one eyebrow. "Really?"
"Yes," I lied. My voice raised an octave, and I clenched my eyes shut in embarrassment. Thanks to Selena Gomez (who had leaked the story to the press); everyone knew that I was lying when my voice got higher. Which was the reason why Kevin just looked at me, a small smirk gracing his face. "Ok, fine, maybe I'm not," I confessed, letting out a deep sigh and looking up at the ceiling.
"I realized," he replied. He uncrossed his arms and let one drop to his side, bringing the other up and patting me gently on my back.
I wiped a wayward tear from my cheek and looked up at him. "How come?"
Kevin gestured to the set, where Chelsea and Nicole were filming a scene about Velcro. "Sonny, you're an amazing actress; we've all seen you on So Random! and also during rehearsals for our show. But honestly, every time you get on stage tonight, when the cameras are actually rolling, you just freeze up. You don't know your lines as well as you did yesterday, and your eyes are seriously bloodshot."
I brought a hand up to my face and patted the skin around my eyes, trying to push down the swelling. There was nothing that I could do about the natural red eyeliner, because even though it would eventually fade, every time that I cried it would just reapply itself.
"Sonny...what's wrong?" Kevin asked. He stopped patting my back and instead re-crossed his arms, although his eyes never left my face. "It must be bad if it is making you this upset. You're usually so happy and bright. I mean, you didn't even get mad when Joe spilled his coffee all over your new white shirt last week, remember?"
I smiled weakly at the memory. "You're right, it is bad," I said. My eyes swam with salt water yet again, and I idly brushed the back of my hand over my eyes, trying to catch the tears before they could escape. With a deep breath, I launched into the whole story, starting with all of the missed dates, and ending with Chad kicking me out of his dressing room. By the time I was finished with my story, I was full out sobbing, my cried muffled by the red plaid handkerchief that Kevin had given me. It was a good thing that I had asked the makeup artists to use waterproof mascara tonight, or else I would have been in some serious trouble.
"Sonny...don't worry," Kevin said. He rubbed my back in a comforting manner, and I turned my face upwards to look at him. "You guys will get over this, because you two are made for each other. It's just a minor speed bump in your relationship, that's all. Because it's obvious from the way that he looks at you – the way he's looking at you now, to be honest – that he loves you. And you love him too, or else this wouldn't cut you up so much, right? So don't worry, everything will be fine. Besides...you guys are my favourite celebrity couple," he leaned forward and winked at me. "But don't tell Zanessa, ok?"
I laughed. It was a weak laugh, but it was the best that I had done since the little escapade with Chad earlier. I leaned forward and hugged Kevin, squeezing him tight with gratitude. "Thanks Kevin, you really are the cute, romantic one."
Just as he hugged me back, something that he had said clicked in my head, and I pulled back to look at him, both confusion and hope shining in my eyes. "Wait...did you just say that Chad was looking at me now?"
Kevin nodded, and one curl that lay against his forehead bounced with the movement. He twitched his towards the live studio audience, urging me to look over in that direction. I followed his advice and found myself looking at a gaggle of pre-teen girls, all of whom were staring at my (possible ex) boyfriend with love struck expressions on their faces. He wasn't paying them any attention, choosing instead to keep his eyes trained on me.
I got a sudden sense of déjà vu. Back on the day that I had tried out for the part of Penny, after I had exited the audition room, Chad had been in the same predicament that he was in now. And just like that time, he wasn't milking all of the attention that he was getting. He was completely focused on me.
"Should I go and talk to him?" I asked Kevin, wringing my hands. I was suddenly nervous.
Kevin glanced over on set, just as Nicole and Chelsea were finishing up their scene. Ben, the director, called cut and walked over to the two girls, clapping his hands slowly. He was saying something to them, but they were too far away for me to hear what it was. I assumed that whatever he had told them was good, though, because Chelsea clapped her hands excitedly and high fived the brunette at her side.
"I think that your scene is next, so probably not now," he replied. When he saw my whole expression drop, he gently nudged me with his elbow and gave me a small smile. "But your scene is the last for the whole day, Sonny, so you don't have to wait too long."
I nodded and returned his smile before heading over to the set. The stagehands were getting the props ready for the next scene – namely, mine – and Ben was shouting orders through a megaphone. Nick, who was my scene partner, strolled onto the set, his guitar slung over his shoulder, and my whole body stiffened. Kevin must have noticed, because he called out my name. When I turned to look at him, a knowing smile spread across his face, causing his eyes to crinkle in the corners.
"And Sonny, don't worry about Nick, ok? I know that sometimes, he can be a little...overbearing, but it's only his personality. When he feels something, he feels it too strongly, and in this case, it's a crush on you. It'll pass," he told me. He seemed so certain, so sure of his brother's behaviour that I found myself nodding in response, and actually believing him. Sure, a part of me was a little offended that Kevin thought I was that easy to get over, but a bigger part of me was relieved. Once Nick left me alone, a whole lot of tension between Chad and me would disappear.
I walked over to the set, determined to do well in this scene and get it done is as little takes as possible. The sooner I was finished here, the sooner I could get to Chad, and that was all of the motivation that I needed.
In this scene, Nick and I were supposed to sit in the little outdoor atrium in the middle of the hallways of Horace Mantis, and Nick was supposed to sing a song that he wrote for me. Then we were going to cut to a fantasy, which involved me wearing a giant pair of angel wings and roaming the school, a dreamy look on my face. We had already filmed the fantasy scene, so all that was left was our exchange while sitting on the bench, and then the first episode of JONAS was officially finished filming.
I took my seat on the bench and closed my eyes. I could hear the director counting down, and knew that he was waving his left hand, signalling to the camera man when he was to turn on the device and record what we were about to do. I took a deep breath and tried to put myself in Penny's shoes.
I had to be Penny. I was going to be Penny. I was Penny.
Just as soon as I reopened my eyes, Ben gestured for the camera man to start recording. I heard the little click of the camera as the tape started to roll and I busied myself with strumming the pink bejewelled guitar that was cradled in my lap.
I heard Nick barge into the outdoor atrium, holding his own guitar in one hand. He said his line, but it sounded like gibberish to me. My mind was split in two – one half focused solely on Chad, the other getting into the character of Penny.
I answered him as if on autopilot. My lines poured out of my mouth with little or no thought behind them, but I could tell from the look on Ben's face that I had nailed them. Before I knew it, we were finished with filming. Ben called out for the camera to stop rolling and the whole room was suddenly full of applause. The studio audience was giving all of us a standing ovation, and the whole cast rushed out onto the set, their smiles so big it looked like their faces would split in half.
The next thing that I saw was Nick's shoulder as he swept me up and hugged me tightly, smiling into my hair. He twirled me around before setting me back down. As soon as I met ground once again, I pushed away from him. I stepped backwards, putting extra distance between the two of us.
Nick shot me a confused look, and scratched his brown curls. "Um, Sonny, you were really good out there!"
I smiled and rubbed my shoulder. "Thanks, you too." I scanned the room, but all I could see were audience members swarming around Joe, Kevin, Chelsea and Nicole, swinging cameras and pads of paper in the air. A few of them kept sneaking glances at me and Nick, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before they ran over here, wanting autographs and pictures. "Nick, I gotta go and talk to Chad, ok?" I backed up even more from him before turning on my heel and walking away from his frustrated expression.
I had to find Chad.
I was wrong.
I know, I know, Chad Dylan Cooper is never wrong, but this time, I actually was. And I acknowledge that fact.
The things that Sonny made me do...
Anyways, the point is that I shouldn't have blown up at Sonny like that. I knew that she was only trying to do her job as best as she could, which meant, incidentally, that she had to be on rehearsal call 24/7. I should have been more understanding, instead of attacking her like that.
And when I had kicked her out of my dressing room, she had recoiled like I had slapped her. Her eyes had darkened with hurt, the natural chocolate brown transforming into the colour of mud. As soon as she had left, Portlyn had poked her head into my room, looking sympathetic. I bit my lip and turned away, but she invited herself in and snuggled into my couch, resting her head on the arm rest.
"Chad...Sonny was crying outside," she said quietly.
I cringed. I hated when anybody cried, but it hurt the most whenever it was my bubbly, perpetually happy girlfriend. And to pour more salt into my wound, it was me who had made her resort to tears.
"She had to break our date again," I explained. "We kind of had a...fight."
Portlyn nodded her head, and her long brown waves slithered down her back like snakes. "I heard," she said. She grimaced before adding, "We all heard. Chad, you should go tonight and see the taping of the show, ok? I know that you hate the Jonas Brothers," her eyes took on a dreamy look at the mention of those-who-must-not-be-named, but she was quickly snapped out of her trance when I sharply cleared my throat. "-but Sonny's going to be there, and I think that you should talk to her. So...just go, ok?"
Wow....Portlyn could be smart, although it was a rare occurrence. Who knew?
I ran out the door and headed down to the set of JONAS. I threw open the doors – luckily, they hadn't started filming quite yet – and down the aisle, taking the steps two at a time. I found a seat right in the third row, not too showy, but not too concealed either. I wanted Sonny to be able to keep all of her attention on the show, and be the best that she could have been, or else all of the date-breaking would have been in vain.
When she first came on the set, her eyes had a slight, pinkish tinge to them. The makeup was doing a good job of covering up the damage, so it was almost impossible to tell that she was upset. But I knew Sonny well enough to know that her shaking hands weren't so much a product of nerves, but of sadness.
And it was my fault.
I watched Sonny work through her scenes, sometimes having to perform up to seven takes for a simple two-line shot. She was clearly struggling, I knew that it was because of the fight that we had had earlier. When she had finally gotten her lines right, she trudged off of the set, her shoulders hunched. The director spoke to her for a few minutes, and then she nodded before turning and walking away from the set, towards the back of the room.
"I call it, Stell-Cro!" Chelsea said jubilantly, holding shirt up to show Nicole. They were filming a scene, but I wasn't paying too much attention to what they were doing. I was too busy looking at Sonny, who was having a conversation with Kevin (otherwise known as the least bad Jonas). She wiped her cheek and seemed to be telling him a story, waving her arms around wildly to animate what she was saying.
Kevin replied with what seemed to be a little pep talk, which made Sonny laugh weakly. They hugged, and then Sonny was looking right at me. Even from the distance, I could see her eyes light up, and I let out a sigh. She wasn't mad at me.
Sonny's last scene was about to be filmed now, and I sat straight up in my chair, anxious to see how she would do. I didn't have to worry though, because she breezed through this scene without any problem at all. For the first time tonight, she actually seemed like Penny.
"And...cut!" The director called out.
The whole room erupted in the sound of applause as the audience stood up and cheered, clapping their hands together. The whole cast of JONAS rushed the stage, grinning wildly. As all of the fans started to run to the set, I slipped between them and made my way over to the back of the room, the exact place where Sonny and Kevin were talking earlier. I leaned against the wall and tapped one foot absentmindedly.
"Chad?"
I turned to find Sonny standing a few feet away from me, a cross of longing and apprehension on her face. I pushed off of the wall and stood in front of her, face to face. Without a word, I opened up my arms and Sonny charged at me. She tackled me, burying her head in my chest and I wrapped my arms around her. We stood like that for a few minutes, and I placed a soft kiss on the top of her head.
"Chad, I - ,"
"Sonny -,"
We both started at the same time and our eyes met for a moment before we both started to chuckle.
Right in front of us, Tawni hobbled over to Joe in her impossibly high heels, squealing the whole way. He lifted her up and hugged her, before setting her back down and kissing her cheek. She threw her arms around his neck and lifted herself up on her tiptoes to return the favour and kiss his own cheek.
I watched this exchange with raised eyebrows – when did they get together? – but Sonny just smiled contently at the couple. "Guess the date went well then," she said quietly to herself. She looked up at me and grinned in a stupid cute way, which I returned. We kept this up for a while, just happy in each other's company. But we both knew that we had some unresolved issues, and decided to break the silence at the same time.
"Sorry," we said in unison, and then Sonny dropped her head against my chest again.
"I'm sorry, Chad," she repeated. "I shouldn't have kept breaking our dates like that. I'm sorry."
I shook my head. "No, Sonny, I'm....sorry. I shouldn't have overreacted like I did. I was just frustrated, and I took it out on you." I pulled her closer to me and kissed her lips. When we pulled away, I smirked at the bright blush that was flooding her cheeks. "Yeah...CDC has that affect on people," I said, tapping my index finger against her flaming cheek.
She bit back a smile and then punched my arm jokingly. "Shut up, CDC," she said, her eyes shining. They dimmed as she regained her seriousness. "So...we're back together then, right?"
My eyes widened. "Back together? Sonny, how can we get back together if we had never broken up in the first place?"
Her cheeks turned a deeper shade of red. Her hands fluttered around as she tried to make a coherent sentence. "No...I jus...well...I-I just thought that...well..." she trailed off and dropped her hands in defeat. "I guess you're right," she said quietly.
I chuckled again and was just about to pull her in for another kiss when the familiar voice of Nick Jonas (otherwise known as the girlfriend stealer) interrupted us.
"Sonny? Oh, hey Chad," he said, sliding his gaze from my girlfriend over to me. His eyes narrowed slightly, and Sonny didn't notice.
"Nick," I said stiffly.
Sonny reached a hand up and trailed it over my cheek. I looked down at her in surprise and she shook her head the teeniest amount, trying to get me to play nicely with her ex cast-mate. I sighed, but complied, sending one of my charming smiles his way.
He didn't even pay any attention to me. "Sonny, we're having a party in a few minutes, kind of a celebration that we finished the first episode. For cast only," he added, shooting me a smug look.
Sonny looked up at me underneath her eyelashes and shook her head slightly. "Nah, I think that I'll pass, Nick."
"No," I said. She turned to me in surprise, and I smiled at her. "You should go, Sonny. Have some fun at the party. You worked really hard to be Penny, enjoy it until it's over." As much as I didn't want her to spend any extra time with Nick, I could tell that Sonny really wanted to go and hang out with everyone.
She grinned at me and kissed her index and middle fingers, which she then pressed against my lips. "I'll see you later, right?"
I nodded my head and watched as she left my side and stood next to Nick. He slung his arms around her, and she tensed, but he didn't let go. She turned to look at me one last time over her shoulder and smiled wanly. When she faced front once more, Nick turned around and fixed me with a haughty glare. A glare like that said one day your girlfriend WILL be mine, so take that. A glare like that meant a challenge.
"Well, Nick," I said under my breath, rubbing my hands together in anticipation. "If it's a challenge you want, then it's a challenge you'll get."
And mark my words...he was going to fail.
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