IT"S SO FLUFFY! This chapter will have plenty of Shenko fluff. Includes the "Sanity Check" date with my own little twist. Enjoy! Some conversation is taken from the game so copyright goes to Bioware.

Chapter 8: Sanity Check

"Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it a while." -Wesley, The Princess Bride

Tara woke up feeling rested and peaceful. After a quick shower she went down to the mess to grab a quick breakfast. They would be at the Citadel soon and she had a lot to get done before her date with Kaidan. Tara barely suppressed a squeal of delight. She was going on an actual date with her love for the first time. When she stepped off the elevator she was surprised to find Kaidan cooking and Matthew chatting away with Garrus and Tali. Tara walked over to her son and sat on next to him.

"Good morning, Shepard," Tali chirped. Matthew waved a fork in the air, his excitement obvious.

"Look Tara! Kaidan made me pancakes!" Tara patted his hair affectionately.

"They look delicious." Kaidan walked over and set a plate full of pancakes on front of her.

"He made you some too," the little boy said with a smile. Tara grinned at Kaidan.

"Thanks Major. How did you know I was hungry?"

"Just a hunch." Kaidan went back to the stove before calling out to their newest team member sitting at the far end of the table. "Would you like some, Javik?" The Prothean grunted unintelligibly but nodded. He chewed his food in silence but Tara could tell he enjoyed it. Liara joined them shortly after and the three women chatted after they ate. Garrus went back to his calibrations and Javik disappeared to his "cave" on the engineering deck. Amidst the talking Tara watched Kaidan and Matthew wash the dishes after they finished their breakfast. Kaidan flicked water in his son's face and the boy shrieked in delight, flinging water back at his father.

Tali leaned over and whispered in her ear, "They are so cute." Tara nodded her agreement. She was happy that they were getting along so well. Joker's voice came over the speakers.

"We are approaching the Citadel in ten minutes." Kaidan dried himself and Matthew off before rejoining Tara at the table. Liara went down to deck 4 to interrogate the ancient Prothean but Tara knew it would be to no avail. Javik's cold demeanor would not be easily broken. Their discussions usually ended up in fights between the doctor and Javik, Tara had to keep them from busting the bulk head numerous times. Tali had left as well having to speak with the Quarian Admirals one more time to get a last count on needed supplies. Matthew was nowhere to be seen though Tara assumed he had wandered off to his room to continue his game. Kaidan addressed the Commander.

"I have some work to do at the human embassy but I can take Matthew with me if you want." Tara was uncertain about letting her son off the ship. Not only was he more accessible to any remaining Cerberus agents, she Kaidan also ran the risk of someone snooping into their business to find out who the mysterious kid was that they were toting around.

"That would be great Kaidan; I know he is getting bored. But I don't think it is safe to let him out in public."

"I won't let him out my sight for a second. It will be fine." He squeezed her hand in reassurance. It was like they had switched places. Kaidan used to be the cautious one and she never worried about a thing. Now she couldn't stop worrying.

"What about tonight? Are we bringing him with us?"

"No, Joker aid he would keep an eye on him tonight." Tara eyed him doubtfully.

"Joker is going to babysit?!" He nodded. "Well, there goes our son." They both chuckled though Tara was half serious.

"Relax Tara; everything is going to be great. Plus EDI will be there to make sure they both behave." She was still not completely convinced but she really wanted this date and had wanted it for a long time.

"Alright, I trust you." She sipped at her coffee that Kaidan had refilled for her. "Where are we going for dinner?" The Major shook his head, a wicked grin danced across his face.

"It's a surprise. I will send you the coordinates when it's time to meet me."

"You've got everything planned out don't you, Major?" He winked at her and leaned in closely.

"Don't I always?" He moved even closer and Tara thought he would kiss her, their lips only inches apart. Then he suddenly pressed his lips on her cheek and pulled away just as swiftly, mindful of their public surroundings. Tara groaned in frustration and Kaidan laughed at her obvious irritation. "I'll see you tonight."

"You bet, Major."


The Presidium market place was alive with the hustle and bustle of the elite shopping in their over-priced, extravagant stores. Tara wandered through with EDI hoping they would not be recognized. They had already completed Tara's assignments and EDI had taken care of stocking their supplies. Now Tara was looking for something specific. She stopped in front of a dress shop; the window displays caught her attention with stylish and elegant evening gowns. Though they were too lavish for her evening with Kaidan, she still wanted to look for something simple and tasteful. She hoped they might have a dress for her inside since she didn't have anything remotely suitable for a date except her dress blues. Tonight she wasn't an officer; she was a woman in love spending an evening with the most amazing man in the galaxy. When did I become so mushy? Despite EDI's confusion Tara went into the shop.

She scanned the racks and shelves for something to impress in but all the dresses she saw cost too much or were for formal events. A finger tapped her shoulder and Tara spun around startled. She was greeted by Tali and Liara.

"What are you doing here?" The embarrassed Commander whispered furiously.

"We saw you come in here and figured we would ask you the same thing." Liara explained, amused by Tara's reaction.

"Keelah Shepard, since when do you wear dresses?" Tali joined in, poking Tara on the shoulder.

"I wore a dress when I helped Kasumi at Hock's party."

"That was for a mission though." Tali quickly glanced around. "Are you on a mission now?"

"We have completed all assignments," EDI answered for the stuttering Commander. Liara and Tali exchanged a pointed glance.

"So what are you doing here?" Liara asked a mischievous grin on her face.

"I was just looking, which was silly because I have work to do." Tara moved toward the door. "The Reapers are at our back door and I'm wasting my time looking at clothes." Tali intercepted her from making an escape.

"You work too hard, Shepard, and you deserve some time to relax." She and Liara guided Shepard back to the clothing racks. "We are taking Rannoch in two days, enjoy the time off while we have it." Tara tried to protest but her friends would not budge. They spent an hour in the store while Tali and Liara picked out dress after dress insisting Tara try on each one they chose. EDI watched in fascination of the unfamiliar routine of organic females. They finally settled on a dark purple dress made of soft silk. It dipped below her knees and was tight from the waist down but loose up top; a perfect fit for a woman with voluptuous curves like Shepard. Tara was skeptical when they showed it to her but after she put it on and looked in the mirror she was amazed by the transformation from the battle-hardened commander to the petite and pretty woman before her.

Tali and Liara cooed their approval and even EDI complimented her. Tara debated on whether or not to buy the dress but with her friends' encouragement she decided to buy it and hoped Kaidan would like it. The asari working gave her a special discount for all she had done for the galaxy. Tara grabbed her bag and thanked the woman for her generosity before leaving.

"When are you going to wear it?" Tali inquired.

"I doubt it will be anytime soon. Unless the Reapers will start taking us seriously if I run around in evening wear."

"That would be better than underwear." EDI spoke up; the three women stared at her in shock. "That was a joke," she supplied. Tara put her hand on the AI's shoulder.

"You are spending too much time with Joker."


Stepping off the elevator to the Normandy's current dock Tara walked by Garrus who was sitting casually by a rented speeder. He waved her over.

"Shepard, glad you are here. I wanted to catch up with you during your free time."

"Sure Garrus, what's up?"

"I was hoping we could take a breather and relax for a little bit." Tara checked the time she still had a couple of hours before she was supposed to meet Kaidan.

"Sounds great, what did you have in mind?"

"Something that doesn't involve fighting the Reapers," Garrus said with a laugh.

"I don't think they have conquered the bar yet," Tara pointed out; she could use a drink to calm her nerves. Garrus shook his head in disagreement.

"If this was my last day alive I would actually like to remember it." He turned toward the speeder and climbed in beckoning for Tara to follow him. "So I had an idea." Tara set her bag in the backseat and climbed in after Garrus. He sped off into the traffic and kept climbing. As they flew above the traffic level Tara grew slightly concerned; she hated heights.

"Where are we going, Garrus?" The turian flexed his mandibles in a smile.

"Somewhere we are not supposed to."

"Since when do we go places where we are allowed?" Garrus laughed with her but grew somber quickly.

"What is that one thing you've always wanted to do before you died?"

"I don't know. I guess I want to get married and have kids." Her best friend spared her a strange look but said nothing. "I've been too busy living to think about it. What's yours?"

"The whole time I was at C-Sec I would stare up at the top of the Presidium and say to myself: I want to go up there. But I never did because there were 137 regulations telling me I couldn't."

Tara was confused. "So you got them changed?" Garrus pulled the speeder to a stop on top of the ledge.

"I didn't change them. I just don't give a damn." They both hopped out of the speeder and Tara wandered cautiously towards the edge. Garrus was fidgeting with the speeder. "I figured it was time I did something stupid just for the hell of it. Might be the last chance I ever get." Tara frowned at his tone.

"You don't know that, Garrus." She looked back at him. "There is always plenty of chances to do something stupid." Garrus walked over to the edge to stand beside her and she gestured to the Presidium Lake thousands of feet beneath them. "Feel like a swim?"

"You obviously haven't seen turians swim. It's a lot of flailing and splashing with occasional bouts of drowning." Tara grinned evilly.

"So I shouldn't push you in?" Garrus bestowed upon her his most mocking glare.

"If you did that you wouldn't have anyone to do your calibrations." She shrugged.

"Your right, I'd just have to save your ass again." Garrus went to the speeder and began digging about in the backseat.

"It would make up for all the times I've had to pull your ass out of the fire." He stopped digging and pulled out her bag. He held the garment up for her to see. "Is this a dress?" Tara rushed over and carefully snatched it out of his hands.

"Yes," she retorted in annoyance. "Were you trying to use it as a flag?" Garrus grinned.

"What do you need a dress for?" Tara blushed but dodged his question.

"So what are we going to do up here?" Her friend decided to be merciful and let his question slide. He pulled out two sniper rifles and handed one to her.

"It's been one hell of a ride, hasn't it Shepard?" She nodded and took the rifle, following him back to the edge.

"It's times like this when you learn who your real friends are. They aren't the ones looking for an escape route." Tara felt grateful to have such a reliable friend. Garrus had been there for her when even her lover had turned his back on her. Garrus faced death on multiple occasions just to help her and she would always be in debt to him for that. "They are the ones who stand at your side through the worst of it, they never give up on you. I'm lucky I can say I know someone like that."

"So am I." He hesitated then put an arm around her shoulder. "You aren't going to propose marriage now are you? Cause I think that might piss Kaidan off." She punched him lightly in the arm and he laughed. "Before we head back there is one thing I would like to settle once and for all." He picked up a bottle and walked back to her.

"I'm not saying you don't know how to handle a gun. I'm just saying some people know how to make it dance." Tara inspected the weapon she was given.

"There are a few people in the galaxy who survived long enough to see me in action. They seemed impressed."

"Yeah, but I've actually seen you dance. No comment." She gave him a mock glare replicating his from earlier.

"Alright Vakarian, you are going down." Garrus through the first bottle and she shot it easily and when it was his turn to shoot he hit his mark with ease despite the rapid breeze. They went on for several more rounds before Tara decided to miss on purpose. He threw it far and her shot went just above the bottle. Garrus threw up his hands in conquest.

"I am Garrus Vakarian and this is my favorite place on the Citadel!" Tara rolled her eyes at him but was delighted to see him so happy. It was ok to let him think he was a better shot than her. "I think I'm going to erect a monument right here. Bronze this gun so the whole galaxy knows."

"That you're the king of the bottle-shooters," Tara interrupted playfully. "I'm glad you're around Garrus, you never know when the bottles might revolt." They both shared a laugh and stared at the beauty of the Citadel in companionable silence.

A few hours later Tara was primped and clean; wearing the new dress she had bought earlier. The speeder dropped her off at the coordinates Kaidan had sent her and she got out carefully to avoid ruining anything. She gazed at the restaurant in awe. Kaidan had really outdone himself. It was intricately and elegantly designed and had a masterpiece of a garden decorating the front. Much better than the Apollo's café her and the crew frequented on a regular basis. Before she entered Tara smoothed her unruly curls and straightened out the uncomfortable dress. It was tight and she felt awkward in it. She really was beginning to regret letting Tali and Liara pick it out. The host led her to the table and the look on Kaidan's face when he saw her made wearing the dress all worthwhile. He jumped up from his chair and pulled hers out for her, ushering her to sit down. Kaidan looked amazing, wearing a stylish dress suit, making him look like an attractive business man rather than the fierce biotic warrior she loved. He sat down opposite her and the look in his eyes made her feel beautiful.

"You look absolutely incredible, Tara." She blushed fiercely and looked away.

"Thank you. So do you." He poured her a glass of wine and then one for him.

"It's a shame we can't dress up more often, you look great in a dress." Tara blushed again and studied her menu intensely. She felt incredibly out of her league. A charging brute she could handle, having a proper date with her former lover was proving difficult. She could barely form a coherent sentence without turning tomato red.

"Everything sounds delicious." Her stomach rumbled its agreement. Kaidan chuckled.

"Are you hungry?" She nodded.

"I haven't eaten since this morning." Tara set her menu down after making her choice. He looked like he wanted to say something but changed his mind. A moment later he spoke up.

"I'm glad we're taking time to do this. I know I could use a sanity check." Tara nodded her agreement.

"Things have been pretty crazy." Crazy was an understatement. Less than a year ago her biggest concern was surviving the boredom of house arrest. And three weeks ago she had no idea she was a mother. With everything coming at her it was nice to take a moment to breathe and enjoy Kaidan's company, uninterrupted.

"On Mars I saw my life flash before me and there weren't enough moments like this. With the people I care about." He glanced out the window displaying an impressive view of the stars surrounding the Citadel.

"How are you doing Kaidan? You took a big hit on Mars?"

"I'm feeling up to whatever the Reapers throw at me." His soft brown eyes met her blue ones in an intense gaze. "And I'm grateful I was able to convince you to sit down for a half a second and relax." She took a deep breath and decided to put her heart on the line once again.

"Me too. I think it's a good time for us to have a heart to heart." Her stomach plummeted to her feet when he looked away, clearly gathering his thoughts. She panicked. What if he's changed his mind?! Tara didn't think she could take another rejection from him; she barely made it through the last one. He finally turned back to her.

"I feel really good about our chances." She cocked her head, confused. Who's chances, theirs or the galaxy's?

"Really?"

"Yeah, it helps me sleep better at night." She could sympathize with that.

"You aren't sleeping, Kaidan?" He shrugged indifferently, taking a large sip of his drink.

"Maybe a little restless. The war isn't the only thing keeping me up at night. I wonder about us."

Here it goes. It's over, he's going to tell me he doesn't want me anymore. He just wants to be friends for Matthew's sake… It finally occurred to her that he was expecting some sort of response but the only thing she could manage was, "Oh?" This apparently was enough for him to continue.

"I stay up at night thinking about the time we spent together and it never seemed like enough. After Alchera my biggest regret was that I never got to tell you that I love you." Tara's heart leapt to her throat. She wanted to tell him she loved him to do but he continued his speech. "I thought I had lost you forever and that I would never have the chance to tell you how I felt. And then you came back and I was given a second chance, a rare gift." His eyes grew angry though she suspected it was anger at himself.

"But what did I do with that chance?" Tara assumed that was a rhetorical question. She was right. "I called you a traitor and turned my back on you. I hated myself after Horizon. I had fallen asleep every night after you died aching for you and waking up to find you still gone. But when I was given a second chance, I wasted it." His gaze was pained and Tara ached to hold him but the server was back and forth from their table and even as Spectres they could not risk being caught. "I have been given more chances than any man has a right to but each time I screwed it up. What I am trying to say is that I am the galaxy's biggest asshole and I hope you can forgive me."

Tara blinked away the sudden moisture forming in her eyes. "Of course I forgive you, Kaidan. I completely understand why you reacted the way you did. I would have done the same thing." He chuckled in self-depreciation.

"No you wouldn't have. You are a better person than I am." He took her hand in his. "I love you Tara, I always have. I'm not telling you this because of our son. I want to do right by him, but this is about you and me." She knew he was telling the truth. Kaidan was a good man and no matter what happened between them he would always be there for his son and he would still treat her well if they didn't work out.

"I want to take whatever this is between us and make it real. I hope against hope that you will give me one more chance. Just one more chance to love you the way I should have the past few years."

Tara did not respond immediately. She looked at their entwined fingers and thought about what she wanted to say. He was putting himself out there and risking heart break for her, because he truly loved her. That had been all she needed to hear.

"When I found out I was pregnant I was worried about what would become of us if we got caught. But a greater part of me was excited. Excited about becoming a mother but more excited because I had finally found someone that I wanted to have a baby with. I had finally found someone I wanted a future with." Kaidan's smile grew wider. Tara finally lifted her face, blue eyes met brown.

"I love you, Kaidan and I can't imagine my life without you in it." Kaidan squeezed her hand tightly before bringing it up to his lips to kiss the inside of her palm, her sweet spot. Tara felt a tingle run through her entire body.

"That makes me so happy, and there are benefits to that happiness." The server approached again and Kaidan put her hand down gently. "But more on that later."

Oh hell no! Tara's eyes widened in surprise. "Later?! We need to get to the Normandy, ASAP," she whispered furiously so as not to be overheard by the server. Kaidan chuckled softly.

"You know I like to take my time." Tara ate her meal as quickly as she could without choking. They talked about the next mission and about Matthew. He told her of things he had done during his time alone and she told him about her time with Cerberus. He listened without getting angry and that's when Tara knew they would be ok. It had taken a long time and a lot of heartbreak before they got to this point but it was well worth it. Their omni-tools both went off and Tara groaned, she was not ready for the night to end. It was a message with a picture of a sniper rifle next to a pile of bottles. The only thing it said was, "I am Garrus Vakarian, King of the Bottle Shooters!" Kaidan was confised but Tara just burst into laughter. It had been a perfect day.

After dinner Kaidan suggested a stroll through the Presidium. The streets were surprisingly empty and Tara was glad for it. She and Kaidan walked side by side, their hands laced together in open defiance if the rules. Thankfully there were few people to see it. The artificial night cycle had come and it was dark save for the street lights. Kaidan led her across the bridge to a spot she quickly recognized.

"Didn't that relay statue used to be here?"

"Yeah, it's hard to believe that the statue was a mini relay." Tara smiled, remembering their first trip to the Citadel. Her, Kaidan and Ashley had wandered around the Presidium while waiting for the Council to contact them.

"Ashley liked it. I'm sure she would have been shocked to find out it was more than a piece of art." Kaidan looked away and she knew he was feeling the same guilt she was. Ashley was a constant reminder that their love was forbidden and it had consequences. Though Ashley had known about them and she had encouraged Tara to pursue it. Ashley had told her that love was the most important thing in the galaxy and if you don't take risks for it then it isn't true love. She knew that loving Kaidan was a risk. They might not be caught but she could still lose him to the damn war. But Ashley had been right and Tara knew that she wouldn't trade the time she had with him for anything in the world.

She put her hand on Kaidan's arm in an effort to be closer to him but any further thought was forgotten when he placed a hand on the back of her head and pushed his lips against hers. It was not a gentle kiss like she was used to. This kiss was heated and passionate; he opened his mouth to her and delved his tongue inside where they clashed in desire. He pulled her impossibly closer, his other hand reaching around to grip the small of her back. Tara gripped the front of his shirt tightly, aching to remove it and feel the burning skin beneath. Kaidan broke away suddenly, his breath coming out in short pants. Tara's face was flushed and she was light headed from the lack of air. He took her hand and fairly dragged her down the street.

"Where are we going?" Tara barely got out, still having trouble regaining her breath from the kiss and now his race to whatever destination he was taking them to.

"To my apartment." Tara yanked on his hand to slow him down.

"Why don't we just go back to the Normandy? I have a huge officer's cabin," she suggested with a sly grin. He smiled but shook his head.

"No. Tonight we are not soldiers, we are not in a war, and there are no responsibilities waiting for us." He took her in his arms. "We are just two people in love who need a little privacy." He kissed her again and she believed that she would fly the moment he let her go. He finally did and led her towards his apartment.

"What about our son? He might be wondering where we are."

"Don't worry. Joker messaged me and said Matthew was fast asleep." Ok then!

They made it to his apartment quickly and Tara barely had time to take in the details before Kaidan picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. Clothes were discarded in a frenzied rush and Tara sighed contentedly once there was nothing between them but the sweat of their hot skin. The passion between them exploded as they finally came together after three years apart and it was wonderful. Tara cried out Kaidan's name as she toppled over the edge and he followed her seconds later, swallowing her scream in a searing kiss. They fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms, peacefully drifting off into dreams that could not compare to the happiness they felt together.

I

'm sorry this was such a long chapter but I just had to add in the competition with Garrus. It's one of my favorite parts of the whole series! Let me know what you think!