A/N: Gomen nasai. I have no excuse other than laziness. So let's just read and move on with it shall we?
Disclaimer: We've been through this. Not mine.
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The Daring Rescue!
It had been three hours now since he'd first seen the silver speck in the woods and had started following it. The pattern since then had consisted of tree, tree, rock, tree, cliff, tree, tree, clearing, tree, tree, tree, spring. Annoyed and bored he flicked his katana back and forth chopping leaves as he jumped through the forest. He was surprised a few minutes later when he passed a tree that was missing leaves. His path was full of trees with no leaves. Knowledge hit him like the tree he ran into the other day. He was going in a circle. No wonder there were the same amount of trees between each rock, cliff, and clearing. He stopped jumping and pondered his own incompetence for a moment. I need to calm down. Thinking about him is only making me distracted. Relax, relax… His mind began pulling up an image of the day he bought a schoolgirl outfit for Iruka and gotten him to wear it after much deliberation and persuasion. DAMNIT!!! Stop that! Now he got from before he and Iruka started dating, they had been walking in a forest when Kakashi tripped over a root in the ground and dragged Iruka down on top of him. One thing led to another and…. ARG! CUT IT OUT!!!! Now is not the time to be having a good time with myself! Iruka's in danger!
But…it was such a good day because you taught him how to give bjs! The other part of his mind argued.
I'm not arguing that it wasn't, but there are more important things happening right now! said the sensible half.
Nothing is ever more important than porn. said the pervert.
Iruka is! He will always be more important.
Porn.
Iruka!
Porn.
GODDAMNIT! It's because of Iruka you have such naughty experiences! Now let me go be a hero!
Having finished his inner pervert battle, he took off again hoping he was headed in the right direction.
Iruka was breathing heavily, having spent the last few hours being tortured (pleasurably tortured) by Orochimaru. He looked up at the monster angrily.
"What do you want with Kakashi and me?" he demanded. Orochimaru's grin stretched as far as it could go.
"I want to know why you two are attracted to each other. Right now he is speeding his way to you in the hopes he can rescue you and his student. When he arrives I shall either confirm or void my hypothesis." He stated rather matter-of-factly.
"But why do you need to know that? What are you planning to do once you know?"
Grinning, Orochimaru said, "So I can make Sasuke-kun fall in love with me."
Iruka froze, or rather stopped wiggling seeing as he was still tied up. "W-what?"
Orochimaru thrust out his chest proudly, "I am the founder and head of the Dark Prince's Lovers, a.k.a., Sasuke-kun's fanclub." Orochimaru's eyes began to sparkle. "Why, I fell in love with him at first sight. The pale skin, the cruel black eyes, the body. Now that he's broken up with that blonde haired fox, I thought I had an opportunity. Yet, I was foiled when he took up the bedspace of Itachi-kun." Iruka was unable to believe what he was hearing. "However, after I analyze you two, I will finally know the secret of mens' love and will draw him into my embrace and he shall be mine. I shall call him Saucy, and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Saucy."
Iruka fought to keep his expression serious, when Kabuto flashed in.
"Orochimaru-sama, He's about three miles away from the facility. Shall I set up the trap?"
"By all means, yes. The sooner we have him, the sooner Sasuke-kun will be mine. Off you go." Kabuto flashed out.
"Hey, Orochimaru." Orochimaru politely turned. Iruka was smiling at him from the floor. "I think I have a better way for you to get Sasuke to like you." Orochimaru's fingers twitched
"Oh, really? Do share."
"Untie me first and then we can talk."
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Kakashi felt his Iruka sense tingling. He must be getting closer. But something else was registering on his radar or someone else rather. He sensed the body heat about two trees away. Unsheathing his sword he snuck up to the tree, on the opposite side from the body. His sword slid up to grace the man's throat.
"Now, Kakashi-kun, is that anyway to greet a long absent comrade?"
"You're no comrade of mine. Where's Iruka?"
"Come with me."
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"KAKASHI!!"
"Iruka…" Iruka flung himself into his lover's arms Kakashi began a thorough check of Iruka's body, taking in every injury he had obtained since Kakashi had seen him last. "Are you alright? Where's Orochimaru? I'll pound him for doing this to you!" Kakashi raved.
"No, it's alright. You see, Orochimaru and I came to an agreement."
Kakashi tensed and looked at the snake-man standing across the room. "What kind of agreement?"
"He's going to let us go unmarked and unharmed, under one condition."
"Which is?"
"We have to have sex in front of him."
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Haha, a terrible ending. But I need some time to put together a good smex scene. Sumemasen. I also foolishly am starting a GaaNaru fic. That makes...4 active stories? Joy. I had to do this when finals are coming. ...
