"It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then."
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


She stood staring at herself in the mirror. She longed to be dressed in her BDUs gearing up for a week-long trek through the mountains off world instead of putting on her crisp, clean dress blues trying to keep herself together enough to speak at her father's funeral.

She hadn't heard him, but tears formed in her eyes once again as she saw Jack's reflection as he stood in the doorway behind her.

At least she wouldn't be alone.

She needed him today. She needed him so much that she wasn't afraid to let anyone see it. His strength was holding her together. There was no way she could pretend, no way to get around their feelings, without him she would not be able to make it through this day.

"I don't think I can do this, Sir." Her voice hitched as she turned to look at him. "I can't…how am I going to do this?" She couldn't stop the tears again. God, she felt like all she'd done these last few weeks is cry. Tears for Daniel. Tears for herself. Tears for Jack. Tears for what she'd done to Pete. Tears of joy over the fleeting thought of freedom to finally make the right decision. Frightened tears, sad tears, and now tears of desperation and devastation.

"C'mere."

It was all he had to say to send her into his arms where she clung to him for dear life.


Pete came to the service.

He made no move to stand with the family or with Sam's team. In fact, he stayed near the back of the church and on the periphery of the crowd at the gravesite. He came only to show support for his ex-fiancé and her brother.

Yet, he couldn't help but notice the interactions between Sam and the three men on her team.

A steadying hand from Daniel as she stood to speak, a reassuring nod from Teal'c when she faltered during her speech, the unwavering gaze full of unspoken affection from her CO that kept her from falling apart, and the same reflected in her sparkling blue eyes as she sought his gaze for support.

And, it was in a subtle movement that he saw her reasoning for ending their relationship and he knew for certain that she was right. It was the way O'Neill touched her and the way her body responded to his touch. His hand at the small of her back as she cried at the cemetery, the way he steadied her shaking hands with a caress of her arm as Taps was played and finally, the gentle way he clasp her shoulder as she was handed the flag from her father's casket.

This might have gone unnoticed by any ordinary onlooker, might have looked to the outside observer like nothing more than a caring commanding officer comforting his second-in-command. He doubted her brother would even have noticed, but he'd heard her speak of her team with such passion that he now realized why he had been so jealous of them.

They were already a family. She was a part of them and they were a part of her. She needed them. She needed them in a way that she had never needed him. She couldn't commit to him because these three men already held her heart. And perhaps one held it more closely than either of them would ever admit.

Yes, to anyone else, it was nothing more than the support of a fellow soldier and comrade-in-arms, but to those who knew Jack and Sam, the intimacy in those moments was so much more.

Pete approached the family with apprehension to say his goodbyes and express his condolences. Sam looked at him and he could see the sadness in her smile. He knew without a doubt that she had never meant to hurt him, but she'd been unable to fight the truth.

And so, he kissed her gently on the cheek, whispered, "I'm sorry," and slowly made his way back to his car.


AN: OK, so don't hate me because of Pete. I couldn't help it. This chapter just came out. I hope it worked. –S