Enjoy

Things I Never Needed

The silence in the room swallowed everything in its path. There was no light, no sound, no remnants of the past few minutes, no words hanging in the air, no moisture on the ground from the tears still spilling freely. Annabelle felt her heart skip a beat more than one time as the sound of the door clicking shut still echoed in her mind. She looked toward that door, more than once, each time, not wanting to blink, just in case she would miss that door open back up, blonde hair stepping through, blue eyes shining, pulling her into a warm embrace. She was soon facing the realization that the warm sensation would not come to fruition, that the cold tile would be her only comfort in the aftermath of the one confession that finally lifted a thousand pounds off her shoulders but that weight was soon settling back into her, full force, within her heart.


"I think I misplaced that memory card. I only had about fifty pictures on it though. I can just re shoot those tomorrow before we leave" Simone stated as she continued to look through her camera bags for the small black item as James began breaking down his own equipment from the day of field work on the shores of Lake Geneva. The summer had reached the midpoint welcoming the many musicians and artists who could be seen walking the streets at all hours of the day and night, taking in the scenery and sounds that would appeal to old and young alike. She had decided to go on this assignment herself, even though job title had changed. She wanted to get away, focus on her work and dive into some of her creativity that would have her mind focusing on life through the lens one more time.

"I think if we go first thing in the morning, we should be able to move around a bit better, less crowded" James replied as he put the last lens cap on as he set the item in his bag after putting his equipment through hard labor as the tourists, performers, and local residents shuffled about, as well as taking in the distant views of the Rhone Valley.

"You're right, let's plan on that. Now go get some rest and I will see you in the morning, say, seven a.m."? Simone said as she leaned on the door as James left the room with his shoulders bearing the weight of both of his bags.

"See you then" James replied as he looked back over his shoulder before beginning to travel the short distance to his own room.

Simone didn't even bother to change her clothes or rinse the day's efforts away. She fell fast on the semi-soft surface and closed her eyes, trying in vain to not see the pained expression on Annabelle's face as she recounted her actions in that room. That room that was the last place she saw those eyes, that have haunted her dreams ever since. As much as she needed to get her sleep, the nights were long and the days to short, feeling as if she were in a waking dream, only to find herself forcing her eyes closed, but her mind would continually keep them open. She couldn't breathe in those quiet moments, those moments when she wasn't seeing the breathtaking views of another city, the local people as they made their way through one more day, and the sun come to rest, saying goodbye to another day. She would fight with her emotions, day in and day out, barely able to concentrate on the task at hand. The missed calls and unanswered texts were coming less frequent. She wanted to talk to Annabelle. She wanted to hear her voice as it changed tone as she described the night's events during her shows, talked about the euphoria she felt during the shows and the utter exhaustion she felt afterward. She could get wrapped up listening as her tone became barely more than a husky whisper as her vocal chords demanded this quiet side of Annabelle after the collection of songs performed each night. As much as she wanted to hear that voice, she couldn't bring herself to push the button on her phone that would connect them once again. What she couldn't hear, was the less than lifeless tone that would follow her greeting, begging for forgiveness, only bringing Simone spiraling back to that night, when all of her insecurities came flooding back about their relationship, about her decisions, about her willingness to just walk away. The pain in her chest had merely subsided to a dull ache, a constant reminder of what love and an open heart can sometimes bring. At this point in time, there was nothing anyone could do or say to diminish the sensation of not only feeling the distance from this revelation, but feeling the distance of the last two years increase ten fold. Even though their contact was minimal, and most of the time hurried, that emotion was still lurking, without mention of the past, somewhat only on hold for the time being, but still very much resting in each others hearts no matter what the present situation found themselves in, miles apart. This was more than miles apart, more than a misunderstanding, more than she could have ever imagined. She never thought it was possible love and hurt so much at the same time. She didn't think that those two emotions could exist at the same time. This was the first time that all of her education couldn't explain something, couldn't help her find reason, couldn't solve a dilemma. She could not remember a time when she had learned such an important lesson. A lesson that would have her question the reason her heart was beating more slowly, or even beating at all.

She turned off the light, thinking that would encourage her eyes to close sooner. All it did allow her eyes to notice subtle glow of the streetlights filtering in through the thin sheath covering the window. All it did was remind her of the time of day when her heart was officially broken.


"Can we just stop for today"? Annabelle asked quietly as she leaned forward into the microphone, taking off her headphones.

"This is the last track. It doesn't really need much reworking but, just one more take for the vocal, then the next few days are yours" Jason replied in a comforting tone to persuade her to finish another one of her heartfelt musings deep from within.

"Okay, one more time, just for you" Annabelle stated with a smirk and an eye roll toward her former band mate who had made the transition from musician to the ultimate behind the scenes creator making sure the finished product would be road and radio worthy.

"That's more like it" Jason snickered as he nodded his head in a mock arrogant manner.

"Ready when you are" Annabelle said in a sing song voice as she grabbed the headphones one more time to put the vocals for this last track to rest for the night. Bringing her voice to fill the room with her story of regret and a sincere quest for redemption. The notes of her guitar filled her ears as she took one last quiet breath, allowing the words to release themselves with just enough force to compliment the notes recorded about an hour before.

Take a long hard look at my face
Take away the things I can't replace
Take my heart, go on take it away
I've got nothing to say

Take away this sense of regret
Take the things I need to forget
Take the mistakes I haven't made yet
They're all I have left

I don't want to be the one who lets you down
All I did was run myself around
I wish I could have seen through your eyes
Maybe then I would have realized
I'm the only one who's bleeding
For the things I never needed
The things I never needed

Take a good long look at yourself
Take the weight off everyone else
Take the hardest blow that was dealt
It's all on your shoulders

I don't want to be the one who lets you down
All I did was run myself around
I wish I could have seen through your eyes
Maybe then I would have realized
I'm the only one who's bleeding
For the things I never needed
The things I never needed

I don't want to be the one who lets you down
All I did was run myself around
I wish I could have seen through your eyes
Maybe then I would have realized
I'm the only one who's bleeding
For the things I never needed
The things I never needed

The enclosed room was silent. No buttons were being pushed, no chairs were being moved away from the console. The only sound was the subtle movement of Jason running his fingers through his hair, feeling the whole emotion of the song that Annabelle just relayed from her heart through the microphone. He just stared into the other room, his heart feeling a little twinge of its own at the sight of his 'little sister', eyes closed and headphones in her hands, as she looked down at the floor, seemingly waiting for further directions as to what to do next. Breathe? Move? Think? She was only met with knowing eyes as she looked up to see Jason's expression, giving her both the feeling of a job well done as well as his sympathy.

"Come on" Jason stated simply in to the microphone as he turned a few knobs, pushed a couple of buttons, then got up from his chair and made his way through the door that would lead him to where Annabelle was still sitting, motionless, deep in her own thoughts.

"She hates me" Annabelle whispered, still looking down at the floor.

"Just the opposite" Jason replied as he took the headphones from her hands, putting his hand on her back to guide her from the stool she was sitting on.

Annabelle just looked at him, taking in his features, appreciating his soft demeanor at the moment as well as appreciating the fact that his eyes reminded her of a time when things seemed perfect, seemed right, seemed like it would go on forever. It reminded her of his older sister and her gentle looks that would make the worst days disappear.

"Just give her time" Jason stated as he looked at Annabelle like he could read her mind.

"I don't blame her you know. For not wanting to talk to me" Annabelle said as she picked up her guitar case and kept her pace in front of Jason out the door of the studio.

They continued their trek down the hallway in silence. Both seeming to be having a conversation within each others minds. Both thinking about the music that was just floating through the air a few minutes ago that was now almost ready for others to hear. Both were thinking about their current conversation, being quietly unspoken with words, just thoughts, hoping to make sense of everything.

"I think I am going to take a few days off. The tracks are done and I will be back to re do anything that you think is necessary. I just need to some time to myself" Annabelle said as she set her case in the back seat of her black beauty.

"Well, I am sure we don't need you for anything. So, go, your 'me' time is waiting" Jason said with a smirk but was soon wrapping Annabelle up in a big bear hug.

"I am glad I got your approval your highness" Annabelle replied as she smacked his arm on the way down from Jason's firm grip.

"Just let me know when you get back. I will let you know then, if we need to do the whole thing over" Jason finished his statement with a smile and a final squeeze of her forearm as he leaned into the window while she started up the car.

"Thanks Jas, I will. Uh, Jas, thanks for not hating me" Annabelle said as she looked straight ahead with her hands on the steering wheel.

" I could never hate you. I may think you are stupid from time to time, but I will never hate you. I love you and I love my sister. You both have a lot to talk about, I just want to see you both smiling again. But Annabelle, you have got to stop assuming the worst. Just allow time to do its job. However, I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't say one last thing. You need to beef up your security to keep away the stalkers" Jason quipped as he quickly moved away from the window just missing Annabelle's attempt at smacking his arm.

"Love you too" Annabelle replied as she looked at the older version of the young man that still insisted in giving her a hard time, teasing her mercilessly, no matter what the situation. She put the car in drive and sped away, arm straight up, out the window waving goodbye to the younger Bradley as well as the side of her that allowed herself to be free to let the words flow from her heart. She was leaving all that behind for a few days, to go try to find her other voice. The voice of reason, the one that will tell her to fight for her heart, for its peace, for its survival.


"Hey did you get my package yet"? Jason asked as he set his keys on the counter.

"I haven't had a chance to look through my mail yet" Simone replied as she propped her feet up on the coffee table.

"Well, dig through your pile and give my package first priority, okay"? Jason said as he leaned into the fridge looking for something to drink.

"Alright, I will as soon as I hang up with you" Simone sighed loudly wishing the tension behind her eyes would disappear.

"I know you only got back yesterday and I am looking forward to seeing the pictures. I just wanted to make sure it got there" Jason stated as twisted the cap off the bottle of water now in his hands as he rested the phone in the crook of his neck.

"Yes, and I did absolutely nothing. Just relaxed. I couldn't fall asleep even though I was seriously jet lagged. So I am going to try to lie down again to get rid of this headache" Simone breathed out as she leaned back further into the couch.

"Okay, I will let you go and I will want to hear about your trip later on" Jason replied as he took on last sip of his water and relaxing more into his chair, after a long day of trying to teach studio etiquette to a new band whose oldest member was all of seventeen.

"Thank you. Wait, here it is, I found it. What is it"? Simone questioned as she flipped the package back and forth for any signs as to what the object was.

"Just open it and you will see. Okay I am hanging up on you now. Go rest and I will talk to you tomorrow" Jason insisted as he tossed the bottle in the recycle bin.

"Okay, I will talk to you later, bye" Simone quietly stated not wanting to make her headache even worse.

"Bye" Jason replied as he hit the end button on his phone and just sat back with a satisfied grin.

Simone wrestled with the package for a moment until she opened it far enough to let the item inside to fall out unrestricted. The plastic case clacked a couple of times on the glass table as it came to rest. She picked up the case and turned it over and only saw the word "Demo" written across the top. Her curiosity was piqued enough for her to remove herself from the comfort of the couch and put the CD into her sound system. It didn't take long before the notes echoed from the speakers and Simone was now being overwhelmed by a voice that she would never not recognize and never get tired of hearing. She was not expecting this intrusion on her senses. She just wanted to close her eyes and sleep away her headache. She didn't have a choice now, she had to hear these words, had to hear this melody, still not fully understanding why she was listening to this at the moment. The sounds had stopped, a silence fell over the room when the whir of the CD player filled the air as Simone hit the play button again on the remote.

She was about to hit play for the third time when she thought she heard a noise at the door. She set the remote down and picked up her phone just in case. The noise got louder as the sound of the lock clicking was now taking the place of the music that was echoing throughout the room. A few more clicks later, the door slowly creaked open and right as Simone was about to hit the send button on her phone, she couldn't believe her eyes when she saw the owner of the voice that was just flowing from the speakers, standing in doorway, a duffel bag in one hand and a key in the other.

The Things I Never Needed is by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

Have a great rest of your weekend and even better for those that had a 3 day weekend!

Peace and Love!