Hi Everyone! I hope you had a great holiday. I apologize for the delay! Life has gotten busy these last couple of weeks. I'm working on my MBA right now, plus I work full time so I had a lot of things to catch up on. Thank you to all of you that messaged me. I will catch up on your messages and reviews and reply to you soon. This chapter picks up after Rick and Carl discover Michonne has left. Enjoy!

Chapter 7 - Divided

Rick headed out the door to meet Daryl and Abraham. His head was spinning from the shock that Michonne had left. Or had she? It was quite possible that she had just left for the evening. Maybe she was next door with Sasha or across the street with Glenn and Maggie. That didn't seem likely. Since they had settled in Alexandria, she hadn't spent much time with the group. But, she would not leave. She had no reason to. Everything she had was inside Alexandria.

They didn't talk like they use to and barely spent any time together. Rick couldn't remember the last time he had an actual conversation with Michonne. Lately, their only time together had been brief moments they met in passing. He was not sure if he was purposely keeping his distance from Michonne or if she was doing the same to him. An invisible barrier had formed between them and Rick was not sure what had caused it. She changed, Rick thought as he walked down the front steps. But he had changed too.

Rick was different. Alexandria had changed him. He no longer had to worry about where they would sleep at night or when their next meal would be. Most importantly, he didn't have the burden of being in charge of those things. The burden of protecting the people he loved had fallen on his shoulders for too long.

He was tired. The pain of loss after loss had numbed him inside. The carnage he had left in his tracks no longer haunted him at night. He was fallen deeper and deeper. He was starting to lose himself.

But now he had Alexandria. It had been months since he had to raise his gun. Most importantly, the stress of being in charge belonged to Deanna and not him. It was the first time since everything started that Rick had the chance to simply just rest. With rest came the time to reflect on everything he had been through, everyone he had lost and everyone that had died at his hands. The things he had to do to survive and the blood he shed, were behind him now. He yearned to go back to who he was before this all started. If that was even possible, he was not sure. But he had to try.

"Rick!" Jessie called pulling him from his thoughts. She ran to meet him. She was dressed in a pink robe and slippers. Her blonde hair fell neatly around her face as she stopped in front of him. She carried a pair of black boots in her hands. "Carl left his shoes at my house," she said with a smile. "Is everything okay? Are Carl and Judith okay?" she asked.

"Carl and Judith are fine. Judith wasn't feeling well so he decided to take her back home," Rick said. He decided against telling her about Carl seeing them on the couch. He was not sure how she would react. "Can you just leave the shoes on the porch. I have to go take care of something," Rick said, looking towards the direction of the cracked gate.

"Um, sure," Jessie said in confusion. " It's kind of late to be wandering around. What's going on?" she asked, reaching for his hand.

Rick knew she was expecting something more than that. He had abruptly left her in the middle of the night without much of an explanation. As much as he was embarrassed by Carl seeing them on the couch, he was also relieved that he did not have to face her in the morning. She had caught him by surprise on the couch. He had not expected their relationship to go there. He wasn't even sure they had a relationship. But it happened and he had not had time to consider what this meant. She was kind to him and his children. At times she reminded him of how Lori was when they first met. Though he was not sure if that was a good thing. He liked spending time with her because she was familiar. Familiar was good to Rick. He had enough of the unpredictably in people. Yet he could not ignore the emptiness he felt inside at the touch of her hand.

"To be honest, I'm not sure. I think Michonne might have left. I can't confirm that yet, but it looks like it," he said. He looked at Jessie. She gave him a half smile and looked towards her house. She suddenly looked anxious to return there.

"Did you see Michonne at the party? Abraham said she was there, but I didn't see her. Apparently, she was looking for me" Rick said.

"Um, no, I didn't see her. I figured she didn't come. She's not very social so I wasn't surprised. I'm sure she's fine. Um, I better get back home. Sam couldn't go back to sleep so I should go back and check on him," she said as she turned around and headed back to her house. Carl's boots still in her hand.

Rick stared at her for a second as she walked away. Something was wrong. Whatever her problem was, it would have to wait. He headed towards the east side of the compound.

When he arrived, Daryl and Abraham were down on their knees examining the opening. Abraham shined his light through it and stuck his head out of the opening. It was bent as if someone had gone out.

"She must have left through here," Daryl said not turning around to look at Rick.

"We don't know if she has left," Rick said, more to himself than to Daryl. He still could not fathom Michonne would leave. She wouldn't leave Carl and Judith. She wouldn't leave him.

Daryl stood up and stared at Rick. "Where do you suppose she is then?" he asked.

"She could be anywhere. Maybe she's at Glenn and Maggie's or at Sasha's. She could be anywhere," Rick said.

"Negative. She is not at any of those locations. I checked on my way here. I can see some footprints out there," Abraham said pulling his head back in and standing up to look at Rick. "They look like small feet. Two different sets. It's too dark for me to see what direction they went past the opening. So what do we do now?" he asked.

"Wait, you see two different sets of prints?" Rick asked Abraham.

Abraham nodded. "Probably walkers. I didn't notice anything unusual while I was on patrol. I don't think we have to worry about anything inside here."

If she had left, did she find trouble on the other side? Rick thought. He shuddered. It was too dark to search for her now. The opening was too small for any of them to fit through anyway. They would have to go through the gates to get to the other side of the opening.

"Let's wait until morning. We need to make sure she's gone before we go out there," Rick said.

"You think she's in here playing hide and seek with us?" Daryl asked sarcastically.

"No, I don't think she's playing hide and seek," Rick said. He was beginning to get annoyed. "I need to make sure she is really gone before we go through those gates. I'm not putting anyone in jeopardy. Anyway, its Deanna's call if she wants to look for her. I don't make those kinds of decisions," he finished.

"And what if Deanna doesn't want to look for her? You telling me you're going to leave her out there?" Daryl spat. He was getting angry.

"I'm not saying that," Rick said defensively. "I'm not in charge here. It's up to Deanna how she wants to handle things. That was part of the deal with them allowing us here. Look, if Michonne did leave, she left for a reason and I'm not sure she would want us coming after her. She will come back when she is ready," Rick said, wishing he was more confident about that statement.

Daryl glared at him. His hand flenched. Rick wondered was he resisting the urge to throw a punch.

"You know what," Daryl said walking to Rick and stopping inches away from his face. "I know your comfortable here walking the streets like Barney Fife and making googly eyes at blondie," he pointed his index finger at Rick's chest, "but the Rick Grimes I knew, wouldn't ever say some shit like that. Especially not about Michonne. If she left, she left for a reason. Whatever that reason was, it don't mean we leave her out there. You more than anyone should be out there looking for her. As much as she has saved your ass."

Rick opened and closed his mouth. He was not sure what to say. He would never want to leave Michonne in harm's way. He had not meant to sound as if he would. But deep down inside he didn't want to go out there. It had been so long since he had been out those gates. Going out of those gates meant going into harm's way. It meant putting people in danger. It meant people could die.

Before he could think of something to say, Daryl turned and walked back towards the house. Rick knew he would go to look for her. No one could stop him from doing what he was determined to do.

"I guess we should head back," Abraham said. Rick forgot he was standing there.

"Yeah, we better head back. I will talk to Deanna in the morning. She will figure out what we are going to do about Michonne. We need to get that opening patched up also," Rick said.

Abraham nodded and gave Rick a worried glance. "I guess we will convene in the morning," he said.

"Yeah, I guess so," Rick said.

Abraham turned to leave, but stopped and stared at the opening one more time. "You know, I tried to hide who I became. I hated myself and the things I've done," he said. "But one thing I do know is that you can't cover wounds with dirty bandages," he finished as he turned and walked away leaving Rick in the darkness.

Carl was waiting for Rick when he returned home. Judith had fallen back asleep and lay peacefully in Carl's arms.

"Did you find her?" he asked nervously as he got up from the couch to meet his father at the door.

"No," Rick said tiredly as he reached out to take Judith from Carl.

"I don't understand why she would leave. It didn't seem like anything was wrong when I saw her at the party," Carl said walking back to the couch. He sat down and covered his face with his hands. His hair fell down around them.

"You saw her at the party?" Rick asked. It seemed like he and Jessie were the only ones that hadn't seen her.

"Yeah. Enid and I were walking to the party when we saw her at the front door. She looked really nice. I've never seen her look that way before. I should have told her that. She seemed different. Not bad different. Just different. I should have talked to her more, but Enid and I went upstairs to meet our friends," Carl said.

This was news to Rick. He had assumed Carl was already at the party when he got there. He had left before him.

"I'm sure Michonne will come back if she left. It's not like her to go running off. Especially out there. There isn't anything out outside these gates. I know she has been different these last few months. Maybe she just needs some time to herself," Rick said.

"I guess everyone is different now," Carl said. "Are we going to go look for her?" he asked.

"I don't know," Rick said. "That's up to Deanna."

Carl stared at him. His face was a cross between anger and disbelief.

"Are you really going to let Deanna decide if we look for her? She's one of us! Deanna doesn't decide what we do. If Michonne is out there, we need to find her," he said as he stood up and headed for the stairs.

"Carl wait!" Rick said reaching for his arm to stop him. Carl pulled his arm away. "I will speak with Deanna and we will figure out what needs to be done," Rick said.

"What happened to you?" Carl asked Rick, tears forming in his. As much as he was becoming a man, it was moments like this that reminded Rick he was still a little boy at heart. "I know you're happy now that you don't have to make the decisions. I get that. But you act like we haven't been through everything we went through. Michonne has always been there for us. We can't just let her go out there on her own without finding out why. Maybe it's our fault she's gone. We should have known something was wrong," Carl said. "If you won't look for her, then I will," he finished and ran up the stairs.

"I don't want you outside those gates!" Rick yelled after Carl.

Rick waited for the sound of Carl's door slamming. It came a few seconds later.

"Dammit," Rick cursed to himself. Judith let out a tiny cry. "Shhh," Rick whispered, rubbing her back to soothe her back to sleep. "I'm sorry, shhh," he said to her. He walked to the couch and sat down. His head was beginning to throb. Rick knew whatever he had been trying to build in Alexandria was over. There was no going back in this new world.

Carl had never been so angry with his father. Since when did Deanna make decisions about our group? Carl thought. As he lay down on his bed, his anger briefly shifted from his father to himself.

He had seen Michonne. Why hadn't he noticed something was wrong with her? She was his best friend. She was the closest thing he had to a mother. If anyone should have known something was wrong with her, it should have been him or his father. They shared a house. Why hadn't they noticed? Carl racked his brain for answers to these questions.

It's his fault, he thought. He did not understand why he felt such animosity towards his dad, but seeing his dad with Jessie and Michonne leaving made him resent his father. If he won't look for her, then I will, Carl repeated in his head. He wasn't going to sit back and let someone decide Michonne's fate. Getting outside the gate wouldn't be easy, but he knew just the person to see.

Before the sun had fully risen, Carl had made a plan. He would wait until his father went to meet with Deanna. He needed to go to Olivia's to get some supplies. No one was allowed to keep a gun in Alexandria unless they had a specific reason. This was one of the rules Carl hated. There was no way to justify why a 15-year-old would need a gun. No matter what he had done outside, it didn't matter inside Alexandria.

He would get his supplies and find Enid. She had been over the gates before without getting caught. If anyone could get him outside to find Michonne, it would be her. His plan was set. At least part of it. He looked down at his feet. He still needed his boots.

...

"And you're sure she left?" Deanna asked. She sat directly across from Rick in her dining/conference room holding a cup of coffee. She had been about to sit down for breakfast when Rick, Abraham, Sasha, Rosita, Tara, Glenn, and Maggie knocked on the door. The news that Michonne had left meant that bagel would have to wait.

"Yes, she is gone. I checked with the group and they have not seen her. Her things are gone and she left Carl a note. I'm not sure it was meant as a goodbye letter, but it sure seemed like it" Rick said. He could feel the eyes of the rest of the group burning into him. They insisted on accompanying him to meet Deanna. They wouldn't have it any other way. Rick got the sense that they all shared some kind of responsibility for not noticing something was wrong with Michonne. He also got the sense that they all blamed him more than they blamed themselves.

Deanna sighed. "I knew she was working out somethings but I didn't expect her to leave," she said. "Did she speak to you yesterday?"

"No," Rick said quietly. Even Deanna knew Michonne wanted to speak to him. Everyone knew but me, Rick thought. "Abraham mentioned that she was looking for me, but I never saw her. I didn't get back home until early this morn-," he stopped. He didn't feel like getting to the events of that morning.

"Look, Rick, Michonne came to me yesterday because she wanted to quit her job. She wanted me to tell you, but I thought it would be a good idea that she spoke with you first," Deanna said.

"Did she say why she wanted to quit?" Rick asked in surprised. Why would she tell Deanna before me? Rick thought, and what things was she working out? He knew their relationship wasn't as strong as it once was, but for her to confide in Deanna and not him made Rick annoyed.

"She said she wanted to figure out what she wanted for her," Deanna replied. She took a sip of her coffee. "So, what do you want to do?" she asked.

"That's not up to me to decide," Rick said. He was beginning to feel anger towards Michonne. Why would she quit and leave without telling him? How could she leave Carl and Judith without saying a word? Surely she knew they would come looking for her. Now she was putting people at risk. It was not like her to be so reckless.

"You're right," Glenn said, turning his head from Rick to Deanna. "It's not up to Rick to decide. It's up to all of us. She's a member of this group first. We will do whatever we have to do to find her," he finished.

The rest of the group nodded. Rick looked down at his hands.

"Rick," Deanna began, giving him an authoritative look. Rick looked into her eyes. He imagined that was how she used to talk to other politicians. "I know you are probably angry with Michonne for leaving. It is not like her to do something like this. But I know she was having a tough time lately. I'm not sure if she was thinking straight when she left. Whatever her reasons, we should do our best to find her. If she doesn't want to come back then we will have to accept that." Deanna's expression softened.

"We better go prepare. It looks like a storm is coming so we should head off soon," Sasha said. "That is if you're coming with us," she added giving Rick a look of defiance as she stood up to leave.

Before Rick could reply, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," Deanna called. Olivia came into the room. She was holding a binder under her arm. Her face was flustered and she eyes were red.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt," she said looking from Deanna to the rest of the group.

"It's okay, we were was just leaving," Rick said as he stood up.

"No, I wanted to talk to both of you," Olivia said looking from Rick to Deanna. She set the binder down on the table between them. "I was doing my morning inventory and I noticed a few items were missing. Not much though, just some food. But," she gave Rick and Deanna a worried glance, "A gun was also missing." She let out a breath and waited for a reply.

"Thank you for letting us know Olivia," Deanna said.

"I'm so sorry, I must have left the garage open. No one has ever taken anything before. I should have checked before I went to bed. I prom-," she stopped as Deanna motioned for her to leave.

"Thank you for letting us know," Deanna repeated. Olivia got the hint that she was dismissed. She gave them one last worried glance and left the room.

"Well, I guess Michonne stopped for supplies first," Deanna said. She stood up and walked towards the door.

"I'll leave you to figure out what your plan of action will be. I would appreciate if it didn't leave your circle. There is no need to alarm the whole community," she finished, turning around to look at them.

"It will stay between us," Maggie said. The rest of the group nodded.

Deanna gave them a quick smile and left.

"You can leave too," Tara said to Rick.

Rick was taken aback. "I'm sorry?" Rick said in confusion. No one in his group would have ever dared to dismiss him.

"Look," Tara said, "We all know that you don't want to be in charge anymore. We get that. So let us figure out what we are going to do about Michonne. If we need your help, we will let you know. I'm sure we can find you at Jessie's or something," she finished. She gave him a smile like an adult to a small child.

Rick was getting angry. He could feel his blood began to boil as it ran through his veins. So that was it. They all thought he was a coward now. He got the sense they had already decided to not include him anyway. Fine. Let them see what it's like to call the shots, Rick thought. He did not speak to them as he left nor did he make eye contact. They would look for Michonne without him. Let them, he thought.

But what would Michonne think if they found her and he was not there? Would they tell her how he was hesitant to leave Alexandria to find her? Would she understand that he didn't want to leave Alexandria because he was afraid and not because he didn't want to find her? Or would she think he did not love her enough to find her?

He could not let that happen. As angry as he was with Michonne for leaving, he would not allow her to think she was not worth finding to him.

Rick headed home. He needed his gun and his ax. He would find Michonne and he would bring her back.