"And I love you more than I did before
And I'm sorry that it's this way
But I'm coming home I'll be coming home
And if you ask, I will stay
I will stay"
-Stay by Miley Cyrus
Time was killing Finn inside because every second was a second closer to seeing Rachel get married with someone else. Most people would rather feel hurt than nothing at all but for Finn, he'd rather feel nothing than the intense sadness he has been dealing with since Rachel walked away from him. He considered to not attend her wedding but he doesn't want Rachel to feel guilty for his absence. He wanted to show her that he will be alright even though it would pain him to witness the beginning of her life with someone else. He knows he'll have to deal with it eventually, but not now when his heart is still freshly aching for her.
Everything was taking place for Rachel's wedding, there was only a few things to finalize then it's all good to go. Rachel hasn't spoken to Finn for three days. She wanted to but it wasn't so simple for her. She couldn't face him again, walking away from him was hard enough. Rachel was terrified that her last goodbye to him was her final one.
Things between her and Jesse were okay. Jesse said that they both just need to forget everything and focus on the day they will become each other's forever. He wasn't being distant from Rachel anymore but that didn't make Rachel feel certain about their relationship. It was probably because she couldn't stop thinking about Finn. She felt like she needed to make the right choice but niether of them feels right because no matter who she chooses, she will still end up breaking someone's heart and Rachel didn't want to be the cause of someone's heartbreak.
Kurt has yet to hear from Finn, he tried calling him but he wouldn't answer. He couldn't get in touch with Rachel either so he knew that something has happened between them. Rachel is getting married tomorrow, if he doesn't figure out exactly what's going on, he wouldn't have a chance to try and fix their mess. Even though he isn't responsible for their fallout, Rachel is his best friend and he cares about her so much. He doesn't want her to waste anymore of her time with someone just to have another horrible fallout in the end.
"Please tell me you were able to talk to Rachel," Kurt said with desperation as he gripped the phone that was resting on his ear tighter — hoping to hear the answer he wanted.
"I did. She was hysterically crying Kurt. It was so bad."
There was a hint of sadness in Santana's voice. He didn't want to think of Rachel being so broken.
"Did she tell you what happened between her and Finn?"
"She just told me how difficult love is, and how confused she is. Then she said she doesn't know what to do and all I can tell her was to follow her heart which was probably a bad idea because of the state she is in right now."
"Well at this point there's really nothing we can say about the situation she's in — not without her possibly getting angry at our opinions or suggestions. We would have to take action."
"Behind her back?"
"If she knew, she might stop us."
"Her wedding is less than a day away, what is your plan?"
"I don't know."
Kurt could hear Santana groan on the other side of the line before she hung up on him. "Great," he mumbled to himself as he put down his phone. He tried to come up with a plan but he couldn't. Maybe — just maybe — it was too late.
It was exactly two o'clock in the morning and someone was banging on Kurt's door causing him to wake up from his much needed sleep. He groaned as he got up from his bed and tried to walk to the door with his eyes half closed. "Whatever it is, it better be good," He said tiredly when he opened his door. Assuming it was Santana, he was completely surprised when he saw someone else standning on front of him, someone he knew. Jesse's sister. "Karen? What are you doing here? Rachel isn't here," Kurt said confused. Karen gave a response that caught Kurt's attention who is now fully awake.
"There's something I need to tell you about Jesse."
9:30 AM
Rachel wasn't excited or enthusiastic, she wasn't even nervous. She was having more of a "I just want to get this over with" feeling and she knows that's not a good feeling to feel on her wedding day. She's going to become a wife in a few hours and she's still having second thoughts. Rachel didn't know exactly why she felt like crying. Was it because it's her wedding day and she's just being emotional, or was it because of Finn? A part of her wishes Finn wasn't in love with her so that life wouldn't be hard — so that choosing to marry Jesse wouldn't be difficult. Rachel didn't know what to do to figure out if the choice she was making was the right one so she walked over to the huge closet — since Miranda had chosen two separate suites for her and Jesse — and got her wedding that was covered in a white vinyl garment bag.
Rachel couldn't stop looking at herself in the wall mounted mirror. The feeling she felt when she tried on the dress was still there — beauty and excitement — but the person that was on her mind was Finn. Maybe she was making a mistake. Maybe Finn's the one she needs — the one she wants to hold onto for the rest of her life. Maybe she's in love with him. Maybe she never stopped. She couldn't do this to Finn, and more importantly to herself. "Rachel?" She heard someone call out from outside the door. Rachel looked at the peephole to see who it was before opening it.
"Santana," She breathed out as she opened the door.
"What the hell are you doing? You still need to put the makeup on! I know you're excited but you still have lots of time before-" Santana stopped talking when she saw the tears on Rachel's eyes. She immediately closed the door and pulled Rachel towards the king sized bed motioning her to sit down. "What's wrong?"
"This was a mistake!" Rachel sobbed.
"No honey, the dress is perfect. You look beautiful," Santana said as she rubbed Rachel's back.
"Not the dress. The wedding. My whole relationship with Jesse. I wouldn't be in such a difficult position if I didn't stay with him in the first place."
"Is this about what went down between you and Finn last week?" Santana asked.
Rachel nodded, "Now I would have to break one of their hearts."
"And whose heart would that be?"
Rachel swallowed the lump that formed in her throat before answering, "Jesse."
"I'm sure he would understand."
"I'm scared he wouldn't. He loves me just as much as Finn does, Santana. The only thing is my heart doesn't belong to him but to Finn. I don't want to do this to Jesse especially on our wedding day. I don't know what to do." Rachel couldn't bare with the thought of breaking Jesse's heart. He told her several times that she was her world, now he's about to lose it.
"People would usually say that you should focus on the present, but on this situation you should focus on the future. Think about it Rachel, it would hurt even more if you just figured out your feelings later down the road when you already have kids with Jesse. It would be even more difficult."
"You're right. And I'm sorry I have been so difficult with you these past few months. I was just confused I guess."
"It's alright. It's worth it."
Rachel let out another sob as Santana hugged her tightly, "It'll be okay Rachel."
"I hope so," Rachel said quietly.
"So what are you gonna do?"
"Talk to Jesse."
"Want me to call him?"
Rachel nodded in response. Santana kissed the side of Rachel's head and made her way towards the door. When she opened it, she saw a very exhausted looking Kurt standing in front of her. His hair was messy, and he was only wearing a plain white shit paired with simple jeans which was very odd for him. She didn't even know he owned those type of basic clothing. Santana furrowed her eyebrows, "Kurt?"
Kurt pushed Santana back inside the suite as he made his way in, "I need to talk to Rachel," He looked over to his left where the bed stayed, "Why are you wearing your wedding dress? It's too early," Kurt said to Rachel.
"I just wanted to know if it felt right."
"But you said it was perfect when you got it," Kurt said confused.
"That's not what she—"
Kurt lifted his right hand to silence Santana, "Okay we have no time for this," He walked over to Rachel who was still sitting on the bed, "I'm going to tell you straight to the point on what Jesse's been up to."
All of Rachel's attentions suddenly went to Kurt. She tilted her head, "Wait, how did you know anyway?"
"Karen went by my apartment last night, we stayed up talking about him," Kurt explained.
"No wonder you look like a zombie," Santana commented.
"Stop it Santana," Rachel hissed then looked at Kurt, "What has Jesse been up to?" she asked.
"Filing for divorce," Kurt answered quickly.
"What?" Santana said with a raised voice.
"But we're not even married yet," Rachel said not catching the gist.
Kurt sat down beside Rachel on the edge of the bed, "Sweetie, do you remember when he went to Vegas?"
Rachel just looked at him quietly but he knows what the answer was so Kurt continued, "He married a girl there who turned out to be Karen's friend so when Karen told her about the news of you and Jesse's engagement, the girl told Karen everything that happened between her and Jesse in Vegas. So Karen told Jesse she knows the truth which reminded Jesse that he has yet to file a divorce. Which is probably why he's been acting so strange." Kurt explained.
"That's it, I'm going to find that asshole and I'm going to beat him up," Santana said angrily as she stormed out of the hotel room. Kurt didn't try to stop her, he was too busy trying to read Rachel's face.
Rachel was angry and hurt. Did she not deserve to know the truth? She would've been understanding if Jesse just told her the truth instead of sneaking around behind her back. "I know he cheated on me," Rachel finally spoke up. The sadness in her voice was very evident.
"And you're okay with that?"
"I was okay with it when he confessed to me last year because I thought that Jesse slept with someone once. I had no idea he had a quick marriage."
"Woah, woah, wait. You never told me this," Kurt said completely shocked.
"I know I'm sorry. So is Jesse divorced now?"
Kurt nodded, "Yeah she finally signed it."
"Why did it take her so long?"
Kurt hesitated before he answered, "She got pregnant," he said slowly.
Rachel stared at him in disbelief and shook her head, "But the child isn't Jesse's right?"
"The child is Jesse's. And he only found out recently. They were making agreements because he wanted to be a part of his daughter's life."
Rachel inhaled a sharp breath,"I need to talk to him," She said through her tears. Letting Jesse go would be harder than she thought. The comfort she felt with him would soon be gone. She wished she could forget about everything that Kurt said so she could stay with Jesse a little longer but she had to do something for he is not what her heart wants. "Can I have some time for myself?"
Kurt nodded, "I'll go look for Santana." He stood up from the bed and made an exit.
Rachel placed deep thought into the situation Jesse was in. She thought about what he did and what his intentions were. Even though it was unecessary to lie, he did what he thought was right. He tried to fix the mess in the past he has made. And the fact that he didn't want to abandon his daughter touched Rachel. She knew from the moment she started dating him again — despite the things he says and the mistakes he made — Jesse has changed for the better. And Rachel hopes whoever he ends up with would realize how amazing he actually is.
Rachel made her way to Jesse's suite, she didn't care about the stares that were thrown on her way since she was still wearing her wedding dress. She didn't want to take it off since Jesse was curious and excited to see her in a dress. Rachel didn't have to wait long for the door to open when she knocked on it. When she saw it was Santana who opened the door, Rachel was nervous to see how badly Jesse was hurt — if she did hurt him.
"How badly did you hurt him?" Rachel asked immediately.
"I didn't hurt him I just called him out," Santana said annoyed with a roll of her eyes, "Why didn't you take that off?"
Rachel ignored Santana's question, "I need a moment alone with Jesse," she said.
Santana sighed, "Kurt lets go," she called out before moving to the side to let Rachel enter.
"Rachel," Jesse said breathlessly when he saw her enter the room, "you look beautiful."
Rachel smiled and waited for Kurt and Santana to leave before she says anything.
"Thank you," Rachel said when she was finally left alone with Jesse in the room, "We need to talk."
Jesse sighed deeply, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I am so sorry Rachel, I dont want you to think of me like how your friends thought of me when we were in high school. I didn't want you to think I haven't changed since then."
"It's okay Jesse. You honestly didn't do anything wrong, you were just trying your best to fix things from the past and you didn't give up no matter how unfortunate your situation was."
"I did it all for you — for us."
Rachel walked towards him then caressed his cheek, "I know you did," she said quietly, "And I appreciate the effort you made to keep our relationship working."
"So is the wedding still on?" Jesse asked hopefully.
Rachel tore her gaze away from Jesse's eyes. She couldn't find the courage to tell him no so she just shook her head. She could see tears form from the corner of his eyes. "I'm so sorry. But we can't keep lying to ourselves. We know that we aren't in love with each other. I think we have always known that but we kept choosing to ignore it."
Jesse stayed quiet for a while trying to take in Rachel's words. He didn't feel like fighting anymore. He didn't want to waste more of his energy for something he knew wouldn't last forever. "You're right," He finally spoke up, "but it still hurts to lose someone special," Jesse said. He tried not to breakdown because he didn't want to make this harder for Rachel.
"But we can still be in each other's life. Maybe not now because we need to be okay to see each other without hurting even just a little bit. But you won't completely lose me just like how Kurt and Santana won't ever lose me. You're my best friend. Always were and always will be." Rachel said softly as she was wiping his tears away.
"Okay Rachel Berry," Jesse smiled slightly, "can we make that a deal?"
Rachel giggled, "It's a deal."
"Thank you for showing up in your dress by the way. I really wanted to see how it looked like."
"You're welcome." Rachel paused for a moment before continuing, "I wish you all the best Jesse."
"I wish you all the best too. Finn better not let you go this time."
Rachel bit her lip and looked at Jesse with apologetic eyes.
"Don't feel bad for being in love with someone else. We're just learning the hard way."
Rachel nodded then took a deep break and held onto Jesse's hand one last time. She kissed his cheek before she retracted her hand, "I'll see you around okay?"
"Okay," Jesse said.
And with that, Rachel left the room. It was painful but unlike walking away from Finn, it wasn't draining. It didn't take up all her stregnth to turn around from Jesse. Because walking away from someone who has your heart will drain everything in you in every possible way.
Jesse sent Rachel a text that he'll be the one to explain everything to his mom so Rachel made her way to her own suite to remove the dress and put on comfortable clothing. She knows she has a lot of things to worry about like what her fathers and everyone else would think about her sudden decision, but she honestly didn't care. The only person she was worried about was Finn. She hoped Finn didn't stay in Lima, she hoped he isn't seeing someone else already. As selfish as it was, she hoped he was still waiting for her.
It took Rachel 15 minutes to reach Finn's building. She rushed up the stairs to reach Finn's apartment because it was only on the fourth level and she didn't want to waste anymore time taking the elevator. She was out of breath and completely exhausted once she reached his door. She knocked three times and waited a few seconds before she knocked again.
"Rachel?" She heard Finn say when the door was opened. Rachel threw herself at Finn giving him a tight hug.
"I'm sorry for leaving you. That was the biggest mistake of my life," She mumbled.
Finn was taken aback, "Wait what?"
Rachel pulled away and began to ramble, "I'm still in love with you Finn. I always will be and I'm sorry for being with Jesse. No one could take your place but I still tried to replace you with him. I'm sorry for not figuring that out any sooner and—"
Finn cut her off with passionate kiss which Rachel immediately returned. They both forgot how long it was since they last shared a kiss — but right now, what happened and will happen between them wasn't on their minds. Right now, all they can think of was the feeling they were sharing at this very moment. It took Rachel thirty more seconds for her before she pulled away.
"I know you blame yourself for our fallout buy I want you to know it wasn't just your fault, it was also mine," Rachel said after she pulled away.
"I won't disagree with that," Finn said truthfully.
"I miss you so much," Rachel choked out.
"I miss you too, Rachel. God I miss you so much. I don't ever want to lose you again."
"You won't." Rachel assured him, "But Finn, you have to be patient with me. I just got off a relationship with someone I've been giving my love to for the past four years. I won't instantly be okay just because we shared a long awaited kiss," she explained.
Finn nodded, "I understand. If you're not ready, I will wait for you. I don't care how long I'm going to wait. As long as you'd be in my arms in the end."
"You promise?"
Finn chuckled as he remembered that one night when they were watching The Notebook — that one night when he promised her they would always find their way back It's probably one of Finn's favorite memory to look back to because look at where they are now — they both turned out to keep their promise at the end. One more chance. That's the only thing they both need from each other to make things right. Finn planted a kiss on Rachel's forehead before giving her a reply.
"I promise."
Alright, there you have it. I guess it's a bit St. Berry centric but I'm posting one last chapter to complete this short story. Thank you guys so much for reading this story and for favoriting/reviewing it. It's ver much appreciated.
