"What is popular is not always right. What is right is not always popular."
This can't be my life.
Oh shit! I'm stuck in another girl's body! It's just like that Freaky Friday movie! Somehow when I woke up this morning, I was switched to live in someone else's body!
Wait a minute, never mind. That movie was when Lindsey Lohan traded places with her mom.
Ew.
Thank goodness that didn't happen!
But this can't be my life.
I, Bella Swan, am talking to and riding with the Edward Cullen on a daily basis. He's actually nice to me, and he's almost a decent guy, like he used to be when we were younger.
Almost.
Except for last night at the bowling alley when he ignored me.
And today, when he called me out for ignoring him. He really pissed me off, but I couldn't argue, because he was right. I did, I looked right through him - now, at least, he knows how it feels.
Like he cares.
Or like it matters.
I just hope he realizes why I choose not to talk to him in a very public places surrounded by so many of our peers.
It's not because I'm a snob, or too good to talk to him, or anything like that.
I'm not.
And it's most definitely not because I don't want to be his friend.
We used to be friends, really good friends.
It all boils down to the fact that right now my life is so crazy, so fucked up already, that school – my friends – that's the only thing I have control of. High school is the easy part for me. Among Jake and Ang and Leah and the rest of the gang, I fit in and feel normal. Happy. Content. The drama between my circle of friends is manageable and containable, and nothing that I can't handle.
And when there's smooth sailing and calm seas, you never rock the boat. Not on purpose anyway.
... *lg* ...
My phone rings from my bedside table.
I slap the wood searching for it, refusing to open my eyes. I hate being interrupted from a nap.
"Yo! Eddie! Whassssup?"
"What do you want Emmett?" I glance over at the clock, it's fifteen after seven in the evening. I can't believe I've been asleep for two hours.
"Let's go shoot some hoops. Meet me at the park in twenty?" He yells too loudly through the phone.
I rub my palm over my face still trying to wake up and remember what day of the week this is. Tuesday, I think? "Yeah, sure. Twenty minutes." I don't even hang up my cell, I just throw it toward the foot of my bed, two seconds later, it hits the hardwood floor.
Great. I hope it didn't break again.
... *lg* ...
On the drive to the park, I can't help but think of Bella.
This is not normal for me. I have lots of girls that are friends. A few girls that are a little more than friends. Tons of girls who want to be more than friends.
I'm around girls all the time.
So why is she any different? Other than the obvious, I mean.
I don't get it?
I tap on the steering wheel as I wonder who else will be at the park tonight? Emmett and I usually play a few games of one on one, but of course, Rosalie won't be able to stay away for long. She'll have to make an appearance. Check up on Em and make sure that no other females are in the vicinity. She might as well piss on his leg and get it over with.
I bet she'll bring Jess too.
Dammit all to hell and back.
I hope, at least, they hold off until later to show up. I want to talk to Emmett about the whole Ben Cheney thing. It seemed to really bother Bella today when I brought it up.
The altercation happened spring break of our junior year, I was out of town at an UDub baseball camp for the week. My dad told me when I got back that weekend that Ben had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and got the crap beat out of him.
He was out of school for over two weeks. He didn't press charges and it was never revealed who did it.
Ben was never a close friend of mine, but he did hang in our group, or he did until that happened. He even quit the soccer team and he had been the star goalie.
Our soccer team sucked ass after that, we didn't even win a game after finishing third in state the year before.
I never thought much about it until now, but I wonder if he quit because he wanted too, or if he was forced?
... *lg* ...
Even though Emmett is as strong as an ox, my long arms and legs, my ability to palm a ball, and my height works wonders every time we play basketball.
He's not the most coordinated ox either.
The longer we play, every time I beat him, dunk right over his fat head, he gets more and more angry and starts to play rough and dirty.
He can't stand to lose.
Pussy.
So after I hand him his ass, twice - he starts to complain about his knee hurting. Wah wah wah. We decide to take a breather and drink a Gatorade.
We sit down on the empty bleachers and I figure that now is as good time as any. "Last night, Newton mentioned that thing that happened Junior year with Ben Cheney, I don't think I ever heard what actually happened." I say right before I turn my drink up and chug it.
Emmett shakes his head, "From what I heard, it was nothing, man. He ran his mouth and he got put in his place."
Emmett isn't looking at me directly, but I can tell he's lying.
"Emmett don't give me that bullshit, I know you were there. What was it all about?" I ask as I take off my sweaty t-shirt and swipe it across my forehead.
He laughs. "It was just a misunderstanding, Eddie. All I wanted to do was talk to him. Talk some sense into that ugly head of his. He didn't appreciate it though." Emmett shrugs his shoulders.
"What were you trying to tell him?" I ask getting annoyed that Emmett is trying to play this off as nothing.
I can tell he's hesitant to talk and I know I have to keep myself in check. Emmett's a testy fucker.
"Well, he had just started dating whats-her-name? That... that bitch that he's still with, and I tried to tell him that it wasn't cool. She was a distraction and that he shouldn't insult us like that, by being with her. He didn't understand the rules though, you know?"
The rules? What in the hell is he talking about? I turn my head away from Emmett, hiding the anger that I feel starting to boil underneath my skin.
"What did he say to you?" I question in my pretend-most-normal-voice that I can.
"He told me to mind my own business, and that I had no right to talk shit about his girl. He basically said he'd date who ever he wanted and that I had no say in his personal life." Emmett's back straightens and his shoulders square.
"What did you say about that?" This time I'm talking though clenched teeth, all this shit is so fucked up.
"I told him he was mistaken and that he better do as I suggested… or else." He nods his head and I feel the arrogance seeping from his posture. He's such a cocky asshole.
"What do you mean or else?" Now I have to look him dead in the eyes. I have to. I have to know if he's telling me the truth with how far he took this thing with Ben. I shift on the bleachers, turning toward him. I try and mask my temper the best I can. "What exactly was you going to do?"
"Well, he wouldn't have been able to sit with us at lunch or hang with us all the fucking time or anything. That's for damn sure! And I knew I could get him benched on the football team, but no! That punk ass had to get all mighty on me and shit. He got up in my face, he even pushed me!"
"So you beat the shit out of him, Emmett? What in the hell!" My hands are flying all over the place.
"Fuck no. I didn't touch him; but my friends that were with me, they might have stayed after I left and played with him for a bit." Emmett looks straight at me and his eyes, they're so cold.
"So you thought it was okay that he got roughed up because he didn't follow your stupid ass rules? And then you were going to have our best kicker benched on the football team during our junior and senior year because he wouldn't break up with some girl that you didn't think was good enough for him? What about soccer? Did he quit because of you?"
It's getting harder and harder to wrap my head around this high school bullshit. I can't believe he would take it so far.
"No! Edward, don't be stupid. It wasn't that bad. He was weak, that's why he got so busted up. And it wasn't all about some piece of ass either, he just needed to be put in his place."
Emmett gets up and jogs over to the basketball goal. He starts shooting the ball again. I can't even stand to look at him.
He's supposed to be my best friend?
Who does he think he is?
Just then, Rosalie and Jessica pull up and I take that as my cue to get the hell out of here.
"I got to go Em. I'll talk to you later." I storm past him. Not knowing what else to say.
Jessica whines something as I pass by her standing near my driver's side door. I care more about the dirt that covers the bottom of my shoe, so I say nothing to her, or Rosalie for that matter.
I speed home, my grip tight on the steering wheel. I'm pissed and disgusted.
Bella has mentioned a few times that there are some tight cliques at Northwestern High, but I had no idea. Is this the way it's always been?
Have I been so ignorant and removed from it all that I haven't noticed this happening around me?
What is wrong with me?
... *lg* …
It ends up just being a girl night for me, Emily, Leah, and Angela at the movie in the park. Ang complains a lot saying that she misses Ben, so we all give her a hard time about it.
"Can't you just enjoy the movie without him kissing all over your face?" I pretend to kiss her, making smooching noises. "Without rubbing all over your back?" I rub up and down her back. "Holding your hand?" I grab her hand in hold it in both of mine.
"Stop it, Bella," she tries to pull her hand away from mine, but I hold on to it tighter.
"I love you. Angela." I mock in my best Ben voice.
"You're such a butt," but finally she laughs, so I pull on her hand to have her lie back beside me on our blanket.
"It's Dirty Dancing, Ang, you have to enjoy the movie. I mean, really. One of the best movies ever." I let go of her hand and roll onto my side so I can prop my head up.
She smiles at me and then focuses back on the large screen draped across the side of building.
I turn to watch the movie play. The dancing and grinding. It's hot for an old movie.
I stand up and start dancing, pretending to have a guy in front of me, so I'm more or less humping the air. I sing along with the song that's playing and quote the lines as they are said.
Before too long, Leah jumps up and jerks me back down to the blanket. "You are such an attention whore! Sit down!"
I laugh and roll over to put my head in her lap.
"Sorry," I say, even though I'm not.
I'd keep dancing all night if they'd let me.
... *lg* …
I go home and shower.
Still pissed and confused.
I stand in the water stream until the water turns cold.
I don't understand Emmett. Or this whole situation.
What was he thinking?
... *lg* …
There's nothing to watch on television, and I'm bored as hell in this big house .
So I grab my cell, my keys, and I get in the car to leave, not admitting to myself where I'm going. I just keep telling myself that I'm going for a drive.
Going for a drive.
Going for a drive.
Just a drive.
I park out in the back corner of Westside Park. I can see the movie screen, but it's at an angle, so that makes it blurry. I lean up against the hood of my car. I have no intentions of going in or getting any closer. I'm not even sure why I'm here.
Well, except that I do.
She's here.
I scan the crowd looking for her. There's a good couple hundred people scattered around the open field, some sitting in fold up chairs, some lying on blankets and towels spread out on the ground.
I want to talk to her, have her explain it all to me because, honestly, I still don't get it. I feel like I should apologize to her, even though I didn't do anything to her. Hell, I didn't even do anything to Cheney.
Except for nothing. I did nothing and maybe that's what makes me feel so guilty.
The scene gets brighter and then it's like one of those corny movies, where the crowd parts, and the lead woman is practically in a natural spotlight and everything around her happens in slow motion.
But the crowd is just one really fat guy who moves over to the side, and there's no actual slow motion, or spotlight, just the reflection of the movie but it's bright enough and it shines on her.
I see Bella.
She dancing around her friends and as usual, she's laughing and happy and very attractive. Gorgeous.
I must be the most narcissistic person ever. First, I wasn't aware that my friends are such snobby, mean, awful people. Not only that, but second, they're bullies of the worst kind - harassing and persecuting, unrelenting until they get their way. And last but not least, I never noticed that I go to school, share hallways, classes, and air with one of the most prettiest girls I've ever seen.
Someone in her group pulls her down to the ground, and I lose sight of her, but I keep my eyes trained on her general area.
She makes me smile, even from way over there.
"Well look who it is."
Tanya walks up with her sister Irene, who tells her she'll be right back and runs off toward the crowd to leave Tanya and I standing at my car alone.
"Are you here to meet Bella?" she asks with this sly grin on her face.
I think I stop breathing for a minute. "Whha- nnno. Www... why would you think that?" rushes out of my mouth in a jumble of letters and sounds.
Tanya throws her head back and laughs. "Calm down Cullen. I saw you two today, you was dropping her off at her house. So spill."
Damn.
"Uh, we, uh..." I stumble around, not wanting to lie to Tanya, but not wanting to divulge too much information about Bella either.
"Are you two dating?" She's so blunt.
And nosy.
I shake my head.
"So you're fucking then?"
"Would you keep it down!" I look around and make sure no one that matters heard her. "No, we're not fucking, we're just friends." It kind of sucks to admit it out loud, but it is what it is.
"And? That's all?"
"We, uh… we're both going to traffic school this week, and she needs a ride, that's it." There. Simple.
"Hmm. Interesting. So you are not here to see Bella then, because I know she's here somewhere?" Tanya stands on her tip toes and looks around.
That's it. I've told her enough. "No. I just drove over to see what movie was showing." I give her the evil eye hoping she'll drop it.
"Right." She nods her head and rolls her eyes.
"Wait, how do you know she's here?" I fold my arms and ask.
About that time, Bella comes into view again and I'll be damned, I can't not watch her.
Tanya sees her also, I can tell by the way she licks her teeth. "I have my ways. So is she dating anyone?"
I answer quickly, "no."
We both stand immobile and watch as she dances around her friends.
"Is she straight?" Tanya asks, biting on the tip of her finger.
"I'm... yeah. I think so, yeah."
Did I mention Bella's dirty dancing by herself?
"And you're not going out with her?" Tanya says out of breath.
"No, it was hard enough to get her to accept my offer for a ride, much less be my friend." I say before I've even realized what I've admitted to her.
Tanya drops her hand down to her side with a plop. "Why is that?"
I clear my throat and shake my head. I tell Tanya bits and pieces about the things that Bella has told me, and how we shouldn't be friends, and the whole hierarchy high school thing.
"And you didn't realize that before, Cullen?" Tanya asks with annoyance.
"No, I didn't. Why is that?" I hope she can tell me because I'm really freakin' annoyed by it.
"I'm not sure, but maybe you've just had your head stuck too far up your ass to notice."
Well. That helps a lot. Not.
I jam my hands hard into my jean pockets and go back to watching Bella - I mean the movie.
"What about you Tanya? You know that your friends are pathetic and you still willing hang out with them. Why is that?"
Tanya huffs. "Edward, Rosalie has been my best friend since we were in diapers, you know this. She's like that annoying cousin that you just love to hate. And I may hang out with them, but I don't tolerate their behavior nor do I encourage it. Sometimes I walk away, sometimes I voice my opinion. It depends. The big question is, what are you going to do with your new found knowledge?"
I don't answer her.
We both just stand there quietly and watch 'the movie.'
It gets to the sexy part. I watch Bella. I can faintly see her lips move as she recites that Baby girl's words to Patrick Swayze, "Me? I'm scared of everything! I'm scared of what I saw. I'm scared of what I did, of who I am. And most of all, I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life... the way I feel when I'm with you!"
Then Bella turns around and wraps her arms around herself and pretends to make out with herself.
Hot damn.
... *lg* ...
I see Irene heading back our way.
Tanya must see her too, she leans over, standing parallel to me, her devious smile back in full force, "Well, since you're not dating her, you won't mind me asking her out, right?" She giggles and so help me, I wanna slap her.
"Whatever," I answer. "Good luck with that."
I have no doubt, Bella won't go out with her. She's as straight as a board.
She walks away and finally, I get peace and quiet. I need more time to think, but the longer I wonder and think, the more aggravated I get.
The movie ends and the crowd begins to disperse.
I still haven't moved.
I lose sight of Bella and her friends and it makes matters worse.
I need to talk to her.
Now.
Beegurl, did you see your fav? ;)
A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry for the delay of updates, Might Have Been kinda took over my life for a month or so there, but I'm back & so is Losing Game. Hearts & rainbows to surething for reading over this & making sure it wasn't the worst thing she's ever read.
Review?
