{The Client}
Summary- I have nothing to fear but fear itself. And my incompetent stylist. I just asked for Spanx, but his hand is raised and…this isn't going to end well.
Characters- Edward, Bella, and their many shenanigans.
Rated M- Don't tell me you're just in it for the malarkey.
Chapter Eight: Incest Is Only Illegal If You Get Caught
Jessica meets Edward and I at The Bistro on Royal Avenue before we continue our quest shopping for my wardrobe. I'm trying to convince her the omelets are to-die-for and the battle about suicidal eggs ends with Ariana being fed grapes by Edward. I swear, she is purposefully licking his hand with her tongue. What a pervert.
"How's the shopping going?" Jess asks nonchalantly.
Fine. Just fine. If you like being the lovechild of a Christmas tree and a dead butterfly…
"Great," Edward chimes in. "Bella is really open to changing her image. She's going to knock the socks off of everyone."
I take a loud slurp of my orange juice and pretend to be too occupied to join in on the conversation.
"That's awesome, Bells!" Jessica nods in approval. "I'm glad-"
Edward's phone rings loudly in the middle of our conversation. He fumbles as the song 'I Kissed a Girl' by Katy Perry plays continuously. "Excuse me, ladies, I have to take this."
There's only one person at that table who looks more forlorn than I do and she's too busy digging up her nose for treasure.
"Oh my gosh!" I hiss towards Jess. "I knew it! I knew he had a girlfriend. You hear that, Ariana? He's a taken man. So you can stop with your slutty advances."
"BELLA!" Jess reprimands me with a slap on my hand. "Will you cut it out? Who said that was his girlfriend? Geez, you jump to conclusions too quickly. Besides, why do you care?"
I sulked back into the chair. "I don't. I'm just saying, he should stop the flirting with me if he has a girlfriend. I'm not the kind of person who wants to be the 'other woman.' Why else would he have that ringtone?"
Jess rolls her eyes and takes another bite of her pancakes. "Maybe because it's a great song. Maybe it's because-"
I kick Jessica underneath the table as Edward starts to walk back to the table. He seems a bit agitated and plops into his chair with a huff.
"Something wrong?" I ask in concern. Girlfriend get hit by a bus? 'Cause I can totally send flowers. Or another bus.
"It's my sister. Alice. She's coming into town. To see me."
"Edward, that's wonderful. She's more than welcome to stay with us."
"I…don't think that's possible," Edward complains. "She's a lot to handle."
I shrug. "It'll be fun. So how old is she? What does she do? Tell me about her."
"She's nineteen, three years younger than I am. She's in design school and she's the bossiest female I have ever met. You two will get along great."
"Har. Har." I reply sarcastically. "Why do I get the feeling you're not too fond of your sibling?"
"Have you ever known someone who tried to pry into every aspect of your life? They think they know what's best for you but they have no real grasp on reality? And no matter what you do, you'll never please them?"
An image of my father pops instantly into my head. "Yes."
"Then I'm hoping you'll understand. That's my sister Alice."
It's at that moment I totally get where Edward is coming from. It sucks having family members try to infiltrate their beliefs on you. Finally, I get a sense of who Edward truly is and I began to feel a bit of sympathy for him.
Except for one little question.
"Um, Edward?" I twist my napkin into knots and glance at the wall for support. "Why…why do you have that ringtone? For your sister? I mean, I'm not judging you or anything. Maybe you're into kinky shit and if kissing your sister gets your jollies off, then so be it. I'm cool with that. Ain't nothing wrong with a little West Virginia lovin'. It's just that incest is illegal here in California and I don't want to harbor fugitives. I mean, I'll do what I can, but if the bail goes over a million dollars, I'm going to have to deduct it from your paycheck and I can't bail you out after ten 'cause I need my beauty sleep and I'm sure my mornings are pretty busy too…"
Edward looks at me in shock before bursting into laughter. "Are you serious? You should see your face right now!" Edward's chuckles die down with a pounded fist onto the table.
"Sheesh, Bella. She's a lesbian. The ringtone is just a joke."
"Oh."
Jess nudges me with her painfully, bony elbow and the glare I give her is enough to melt an iceberg. Just not the iceberg for the Titanic because that was a tragedy. Poor Leonardo DiCaprio. That would have sucked if that had happened in real life…
As Edward and I begin to discuss which store to go to next, Ariana opens her perk, little mouth for another grape.
I'm really proud of myself. I don't plot her ultimate demise. I don't call her harsh names like cockblocker and I avoid poisoning her grapes with Clorox.
Even when Jess screams and puts my hand down to stop me from cutting off Ariana's pigtails, I let her.
See? That means I'm maturing.
I mean, what would I look like, cutting off a three year-old's hair like a crazy person?
Ridiculous.
That's why I'm reaching for Edward's lighter.
Thanks for reading & keep on laughing.
XOXO,
ThisIsReallyHappening
Edward's reasoning/background is going to be explained. Hang tight, people. He's not a bad guy. This is a comedy, remember?
New Banner on profile! :D
Thank you to all of you lovely readers and the 100th reviewer ASlover! I don't know if that means "ass-lover" or if all of you potato-whores plotted specifically just so she could be number 100. I'm on to you…
