Thank you for the reviews! Here's my gift for you guys. Please continue with the reviews, I never know if I'm doing the right thing or not. :)
*takes bow*
Nothing could have prepared them for this. They always knew Natasha was a fighter. They just didn't know how much fight she had in her. Bruce had asked everyone else to leave but Clint. Clint could stay a few minutes before they had to cover her. In those few minutes Clint held himself together, only letting a single tear slide down his face. He wasn't going to show them how broken he was inside because that was who he was. He admitted to himself that he was weak. He was most definitely a broken man. He was just glad she saw him one last time. Clint kissed her lips one last time before removing himself from the room.
Once he was out of that room he ran, and he didn't stop. If he could fly, he would have. When he finally stopped he looked to the sky.
In that moment he thought of every possible way to end his life. He didn't care anymore. He was done with the world. They couldn't save her. What hope would they have of saving him? In the back of his mind a voice kept calling out telling him to stop thinking those things. Nothing good would come of it, he'd only end up dead. There was no heaven or hell waiting for him, or for anyone, it was just dark and lonely. There was nothing he could do. He had to survive.
When he made it back to their apartment he didn't know what to do. There was no way he was packing her stuff up. There was no way he was getting rid of her memory, her legacy. And yet everything in that small space screamed pain at him. Though she didn't live there long with him, her memory was etched in the walls. Clint smiled, thinking of the time the two of them nearly burned down the kitchen. He walked over to the couch and sat down, laying his head back, wishing that it was all just a horrible dream.
When he came to it was light out. He hadn't dreamt or woken in that time. He wondered if it was Natasha that allowed him to do that. She had always said she'd protect him too.
There was a knock on the door and he answered it. "Come in." Pepper walked in, slowly at first to see if anything had changed. The room was still in order, which shocked her.
"We hadn't heard from you in a couple of days…we were worried" she said softly, sitting down next to him.
"What are you talking about? I saw you yesterday" Clint responded, looking confused.
"It's the 16th today Clint" Pepper answered, checking her phone. "We just wanted to make sure you hadn't done anything that's all"
Clint was now shocked. He'd slept for two days. What had happened in those two days? Where had they gone?
"Okay" he said slowly. "What's up Pepper?"
"We're making arrangements for Nat. I was wondering if you had a picture of her that you like the most" she responded, still not looking at him. Clint chuckled.
"I like them all…but the one by the door, that's my favourite." He answered. Pepper smiled slightly before getting up and taking the frame off the wall. Tears formed in her eyes as she looked at her best friend, laughing, care-free, now to be buried in two days.
"Thanks" she murmured as she left. Clint felt even worse without that image there. But he wasn't about to let them see the damage. He made his way over to the desk and sat down, pulling over a pad of paper and a pen. He began to write.
Those two days came and went quicker than expected. Clint woke up and went about his usual routine. When it came to dressing, he wasn't going to wear SHIELD attire. He was going to wear what she loved most, and the thing he despised most, a suit.
After he had straightened it out he practiced what he was going to say, over and over again, attempting to keep a straight face.
There was a knock at the door and Pepper walked in.
"You ready?" she asked, shimmying her dress down. Clint looked at her and could already tell she'd been crying. He just nodded and left the room without saying anything.
At the cemetery a small number of people were gathered around a casket. This was all becoming real. Clint didn't want it to be real.
"Today we are here to say farewell to Natasha Romanoff. A beloved friend, colleague and sister to many of us. She fought a good fight. Now it's time to wish her safety in a new life" the priest began. Clint looked at the Cedar polished casket, an engraved bronze plaque on the side read: Natasha Romanoff. Friend. Colleague. Love. Gone but never forgotten. 13.3.2013.
Clint's eyes filled up with tears and he hurriedly wiped them away. The priest gestured to Clint to walk forward. And he did so, like the good little soldier he was.
He cleared his throat and pulled out his piece of paper.
"You know when I first met Natasha, she held a gun to my head and asked me why she shouldn't shoot me now? And you know what I said? I told her she shouldn't because I wouldn't look too good spread all over the bell tower. And she smiled. Her first genuine smile. I know I was a smart ass to her those first few months, but after I got her into SHIELD, she was perfect. It took time for us to get to know what the other person was like. Now I know. She was a fighter, a protector, a promise keeper. She was everything she wanted to be and so much more. She meant more than anything to me, and the last twelve months of her life, although she wasn't here to see it, made me realize who she was to me. She was the love of my life. The promises we made to each other, we kept. The nightmares we had, the other would calm us down; allow us to focus on what was real. Yes Natasha had a hell of an upbringing, but piece by piece that guard in her head was coming down. She'd kill me for saying this, but she was softer than people thought. I loved her more than my own life. I know it and she knows it. She'd also tell you all to stop crying and carry on, because that's how it is. She was real. She didn't sugarcoat anything. You wanted the truth, you got the truth. So thank you Natasha, for showing me how to be real and true to myself and others around me. I love you. Forever" he finished. He'd managed to stay emotionless but it was only a matter of time before they overcame him
No one else could think of anything to say after that. The priest said some more prayers, but Clint had zoned out.
The time came to lower her casket into the ground. Clint rose from his seat and placed a single white camellia on top of her casket. The others looked on in wonder. Then in turn, Tony and Pepper, Steve, Bruce, Thor and Jane and Director Fury each placed a blood red rose where his lay.
As it was lowered into the ground Clint let out two words.
"Goodbye Nat"
Across the field stood a figure in a black long coat. Her hair, fire red.
;)
