The Banana Slug: We are now in the heart of Graboid territory, right in the heart of it! Right in the frickin' heart of it!
I love the Tremors series, even the crappy fourth movie, even though I knew it was pretty crappy. I really hope they make another, and do it right.
SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE: Bren Tenkage
You Got BatRolled!
By the Banana Slug
CHAPTER 8: Batridin' Dirty
Batmobile Confessions I
A fellow fanfiction writer named Bren Tenkage begins to walk down the street, with a smile on his face as he held his Manga of Case Closed to his face, reading it with joy, not a care in the world.
…
He was then hit by the Batmobile, sending him flying into the sky with a vapid expression, his Manga flying like a bird. He fell down onto a local fruit stand, run by an undercover Harvey Bullock, eating a banana.
Bren arose from the fruit with unamusement and yelled in anger, "Thanks for the cameo, you jerk!"
Meanwhile, Batman and Robin were on the front seat, with the Dark Knight driving with a emotionless stare as his ward looked behind the car, looking at the cameo that got screwed over.
"Hey, uh, Batman?" let out Robin, "I think we ran over someone…"
"He was reading Case Closed, Robin," replied Batman, his eyes on the road, "Conan Edogawa is a threat to my authority."
"Threat to…he's a fictional character!" argued Robin angrily.
"No, I met him at Youmacon a week ago," replied Batman calmly.
"Oh…oh…" replied Robin, he paused as he thought, then asking, "What's he like?"
"Like a threat to my authority," growled Batman, tightening the grip on the steering wheel.
"Okay…then," sighed Robin, finding a way to change the subject, then saying, "I heard the Giants won the SuperBowl."
"Yeah…yeah they did," said Batman.
"Mhm…" Robin looked around as he tapped his hands against his legs, "Did you know that…Two-Face lost all his money…""Betting on the Patriots, I know," finished Batman, "I brought him in for drunk driving."
Robin just nodded, then looking back down, then back at Batman, opening his mouth, but not saying anything as he shut it again, then remembering what to say and told Batman, "Funny…you say Conan Edogawa, because…his real name is Jimmy Kudo."
Batman was silent, Robin staring at him with a vapid expression, then Batman turned to him and asked, "I'm sorry…I didn't hear what you said, can you say that again?"
"Conan Edogawa isn't his real name, it's Jimmy Kudo," repeated Robin.
"…Oh, it is, isn't it?" asked Batman, returning to looking at the road, "I did not know that…not at all…no-siree…Not. At. All."
"Speaking of Cased Closed, have any idea who the leader of the Black Organization is?" asked Robin."Yeah, it's Simon Hurt, and the Black Organization is a front for the Black Glove," answered Batman.
"…I'm sorry, Batman, I have to disagree, your theory sounds like a bad fanfic," said Robin with a laugh.
"Oh, and what's your theory, genius!" growled Batman, glaring at Robin.
"Simple, it's Ra's al Ghul, using criminals to gather things he needs," answered Robin with a proud tone and swishing his finger around.
"…What things?" interrogated Batman.
"Y'know, things that…help his plan," replied a beaten returned to looking at the road, with a smug smile. "I knew it, you don't know either."
"Oh, yeah, and yours sounds sooo much more logical, Mr. Paranoia," argued Robin, "But then again, the leader of the Black Organization could be YOU!"
"No," grunted Batman in annoyance, "Just no."
Robin slumped into his chair with a frown, "Darnit, I failed!""Don't feel bad you failed Robin," advised Batman, "Opinions is what makes this country so great…besides our warring political factions…"
"Thanks, Batman," sighed Robin, then asking quickly, "What's your favorite anime and/or manga?"
"Azumanga Daioh," replied Batman with a straight face.
Robin just stared at him with disbelief, raising his eyebrow in suspicion. Batman sighed and twisted the handle. "Problem?" growled the Dark Knight.
"It's just…that…it doesn't seem like the Batman kind of anime you'd watch," replied Robin, "I was expecting Paranoia Agent, Hell Girl, Darker Than Black, Death Note…"
"Did you just say Death Note? I hate Death Note," sighed Batman, disgust in his voice as he said Death Note.
"What? It's a good anime and manga, and it has crime and mystery," defended Robin.
"No, we already know who Kira is, just some whiny wannabe that fails to comparison to the Batman," argued Batman in frustration, "L is the only good part, he's cool, but everything else is kinda dumb. I am pretty much tired of Light Yagami whine about how he is a god and all that crap, and come on, who names their kid Light? It's like if my parents named me Lightning! And don't get me started on that Harley Quinn-expy of his, she is so annoying that I prefer Mr. J's gutterskank to that annoying pop diva!"
"…But…It's got supernatural…things," poorly defended Robin."No, it's got Shinigami, I am tired of seeing Shinigami," ranted Batman, "Here's a message for Japan, there are other things in Japanese Mythology, use them!"
Robin sighed and face-palmed himself, "Okay, I admit Death Note has it's flaws, but you can't just hate it because of the over-use of Shinigami, it's a part of…""What anime do you like?" asked Batman, interrupting Robin and changing the subject. Robin paused and smiled. "I'm glad you asked, Batman!" cheered Robin, "I like Naruto, and…"
"Stop!" shouted Batman, putting his hand on Robin's head and said loudly, "You have been branded a loser for life, no one likes you."
"What! What the hell do you mean!" screamed Robin, glaring with his face all red, "Is this because of the whole Disney XD crap!"
"No," sighed Batman, "I like it's mythology, characters, plot, and main character, in fact, I like Naruto Uzimaki, but there is one problem that makes me hate the series…Sasuke Uchiha.""Oh, dear god!" groaned Robin, pulling his face down with his palms.
"And people say I deal with loss poorly," heckled Batman with a chuckle, "You don't see me trying to kill every man, woman, and child in Gotham City, right? Him, he's just a sad clown that listens to too much Linkin Park and cuts himself with his kunai!"
"For Moore's sake, why does every person I meet hate Naruto because of Sasuke Uchiha!" moaned Robin, raising his arms up in agony.
"Because, Sasuke Uchiha is a whiny little jerk that should know that friends are important," continued Batman, driving faster, "And in the end, Rock Lee will get Sakura Haruno…and yes, I did say that!"
"Speaking of which, do you think we are kinda like Rock Lee and Guy-sensei?" asked Robin with a raised eyebrow.
Batman was silent. Robin slumped as he thought he offended Batman, feeling incredibly ashamed.
…
"Robin?" asked Batman.
"…Bat-sensei?" whimpered Robin.
"Robin!" yelled Batman with a smile.
"Bat-sensei!" shouted Robin with happiness.
"ROBIN!" roared Batman with pride.
"BAT-SENSEI!" bellowed Robin with joy.
The two both laughed with happiness, then inhaling and exhaling, now slightly laughing. "Yeah, I'm glad you're my dad," said Robin with a twinkle in his eyes.
"That's nice, Tim," sighed Batman with a light smile, "You're a good partner too."
Suddenly, Bren Tenkage leapt out and pressed himself against the front window, both Batman and Robin screamed at the sudden cameo.
"This is a cameo!" roared Bren, "You see, this is a cameo!" He was then slightly tapped across the face with the bat-window wipers, and splashed in the face by the bat-window soap.
"Why isn't it getting off!" screamed Robin in fear.
"I DON'T KNOW!" roared Batman in fear and frustration.
"I know, use the stick!" screamed Robin, poking the stick on Batman's face. The Dark Knight grabbed the stick and rolled down the bat-windows.
"Take the wheel, pigeon," growled Batman, and Robin did so as Batman reached out and poked Bren Tenkage with the stick which will now be known as the bat-stick. He'll paint it black later.
"I. Will. Kill. You. Both." growled Bren as he was being poked, but was then poked in the eye by the bat-stick, screaming in pain as he fell from the Batmobile, the two felt a violent bump underneath the car and just ignored it, violently breathing in suspense.
"That was scary," sniffled Robin."Let's not speak of this again, Robin," grunted Batman, still driving across Gotham.
"Agreed," agreed Robin, swiping the sweat from his brow.
The two were silent again, Robin looking out the window as Batman drove the Batmobile. Robin then spoke and asked, "Where are we going again?"
"Oh, didn't I tell you?" replied Batman, Robin shook his head. Batman sighed and said, "It's something very important, something that can change all of Gotham for the worse, and it involves my greatest enemies, The Joker, Hush, and Bane, and that very evil plan is…"
We Interrupt This Reveal Of A Dastardly Plan To Present You With Something Else
Two-Face was in his office, flipping a coin with a glass of scotch in one hand. The office was split into two different styles, one was clean and well put together, the other side was ripped up and dirty as hell, with the desk in the middle of it all.
He flipped the coin, it turned up heads. And with that, he grabbed the remote and turned on the television. He was watching Dr. Phil, he was doing a segment on a fat mother trying to get her son to live with her and not with her well-adjusted and very kind daughter-in-law…who had sex with a horse!
He drinks his scotch as the door creaks open, revealing a nervous gang member, walking in as he twiddled with his hat. "Um, Harvey Two-Face?" grunted the man hesitantly, "We, uh, Me and the guys are…wondering…can we get pizza?"
"Maybe, let's flip on it," replied Two-Face as he watched Dr. Phil, they were bringing in the horse, "Tails, we get Indian Food, Heads, we go get pizza."
He flipped the coin as the mother-in-law slapped the horse, she was kicked in the face. Two-Face grabbed the coin and looked at it, coming in tails. He sighed and said, "No pizza, Indian food. Call the Indian Restaurant and…"
"Oh, man, I don't like Indian food!" groaned the henchman with displeasure.
"Well, I have to loves in this world, Pizza and Indian Food," argued Two-Face calmly, "And the coin says Indian Food."
"You don't have to follow that coin to the latter!" argued the henchman, "I mean, what if it told you to jump off a bridge?"
Two-Face didn't say anything for a while, then saying, "Coin says no pizza."
"But, sir!" interjected the Henchman.
"COIN SAYS NO PIZZA!" roared Two-Face, getting off his chair and holding the coin at the henchman.
"Whoa! Calm down sir!" pleaded the man."COIN SAYS NO PIZZA!" repeated Two-Face, knocking the desk over as he stomped to the henchman, pushing the coin at his face, "Listen to the coin! What does it say! WHAT! DOES! IT! SAY!"
The henchman looked at Two-Face in terror, Two-Face giving a death glare at him. "Um…no pizza?""Correct, ass-mite!" hissed Two-Face, walking away and cracking his neck, "And if you excuse me, Dr. Phil is about to bring this teenage girl who made a porno with her dog…and gave it to her teacher as a project."
"Um, yes sir, I'll order the Indian Food, sir," sighed the henchman, walking out of the office and looking at the rest of the henchmen, staring with hope and impatience.
"Sorry, coin says no pizza," groaned the henchman, the other thugs moaned in sadness, one even cried. One henchman yelled out with glee, raising his arms up, giving a thumbs up.
The others glared at him, he lowered his arms down and shrugged. "I like Indian food, sue me," argued the henchman defensively.
The Banana Slug: Don't wanna sound pompous, but that "Coin Says No Pizza" would make a funny meme.
P.S. I have no hatred for Bren Tenkage, he asked for the cameo and I agreed, and I even told him what kind of cameo he'd have. I am best friends with the man, I even know him in real life, one hell of a cool guy.
P.S.S. Please do not ask for a cameo, I will not give you one. I will give you a cameo if I want to give you one. But don't be so hopeful, I prefer fake people for cameos, real people give me the creeps. (:P
