The Zora Mental Asylum

By the time Link managed to regain memory of everything, they were halfway up Zora's River. "Where are we?" he asked.

"Halfway up Zora's River," Navi replied.

"Halfway up Zora's River?"

"Halfway up Zora's River, yes."

"What's a Zora?"

"I'm the humanoid fish standing beside you," a Zora beside him said. "Hi." Link looked at the Zora, analyzing it.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Really REALLY?"

"Yes." Link was apparently satisfied with this and decided to lie back down on Gohma's back, her spines lethally impaling his own.

"Get off me," Gohma growled.

"I think I'm nerve dead…"

"Sadly, that means it won't hurt when I do this!" Gohma hurled Link at a nearby cliff, the a spiderweb of cracks blasting out from his impact.

"At least I don't feel..."

"As much as I love child abuse, shouldn't we get moving?" King Dodongo asked, tapping his wrist.

"Oh, that might be a problem," the Zora said, making his presence known again. "You see, near the end a Zora mental asylum was constructed, so no one can get to the domain now. We keep telling King Zora, real creative name by the way, that he should have thought of that, but nooooooo, he says 'A mental asylum for that slightly crazy Zora should be our top priority, not trying to access the domain'. But now what's he say? He says: 'You should have told me that it was blocking the domain!' And now we want elections, like the Gibdos have. Why are Gibdos so awesome at everything? Hey, why are you walking away! Come back! All I want is to be loved! LOVE ME!"

They approached the mental asylum, a large gray building that blocked off the roadway. "We'll have to walk through, passed all those craaazy prisoners," Link said. Gohma hopped onto the wall and climbed over. Navi flew. "I guess it's just me and you." King Dodongo contemplated drowning himself.

They both went through the big door. "Now these guys are sure to be truly insane, so watch out!" King Dodongo muttered something under his breath.

They entered the long hall, only to see that the prisoners were reading newspapers, talking and even playing checkers.

"Where're all the crazy people?" Link demanded.

"This place was converted to a recreational centre last week after the single crazy Zora blew up half the place and ran into Hyrule Field," a random Zora said.

"But we wanted to see the crazy people, right Kingy?"

"DO NOT CALL ME KINGY!"

They exited the asylum to see the other two already at the waterfall entrance. "So how do we get in?" Link asked, examining the intense flow. He could just barely see the path on the other side.

"We checked the strategy guide and you have to play Zelda's Lullaby," Gohma reported.

Link looked at Gohma. "What's that?" The arachnid facepalmed, muttering something.

"It's the first song you learned!" Navi snapped.

"Well can't one of you play it? I forgot."

"None of us were there..." Gohma groaned. "To hell with it. Brute force for the win." It jumped through the waterfall with ease. King Dodongo managed to get through using this method, followed by Navi's miraculous imitation.

"Just me and that firefly," Link said. The firefly in question flew into the water and died.

Link stood in place for a few minutes, poking the water and wincing every time he did so. "It looks like you're having trouble," a voice behind him said, chuckling. Link didn't like that voice…

He turned around and saw Kae Gae sitting on a branch, cleaning his wing. "Hey! I thought you said you didn't have to follow me!"

"My words exactly," Kae Gae said, raising his head. "I don't have to follow you, but I will regardless."

"I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE!" Link tried to jump into the waterfall, though Kae Gae pulled him back at the last second.

"Pull yourself together!" the owl said as he backhanded Link repeatedly. "It's only a waterfall! It won't kill you!"

"Unless there happen to be spiked rocks at the bottom," Link added. Kae Gae just threw him through the water and into the domain.

Link flew in and narrowly missed hitting the flames of a torch. Instead, he hit the torch base which fell over and set his hat on fire. For a while Link was running around in circles, asking for water with the others and a few Zoras staring at him, shocked and awed by the sheer stupidity they were witnessing. Gohma finally took pity on their minds and threw him in the large lake to the right.

Link climbed back out, haphazardly pulling out his blade. "Take us to your leader!" he shouted, trudging forward.

"Hello," a voice behind him greeted. Link jerked around and saw the fattest Zora in the history of the whole race.

Link jumped back and hit a wall, shaking the place and causing King Zora to begin falling. He landed on Gohma's back and deflated like a balloon.

"We killed the King Zora!" Link yelled out, running around in circles.

"No you little idiot." Gohma tossed the body over him. "You killed the King Zora. I was a hapless bystander. Don't drop the soap."

Suddenly, another King Zora appeared on the ledge, looking down at them. "What have you done to my balloon copy?" he yelled out, clutching his head in horror. "It was my late wife's last gift to me!"

"Nothing, nothing…" Link said, throwing it into the water. The current swept it down a tunnel and around the bend, a scream of horror quickly following.

King Dodongo and Navi approached them. "While you were annoying the locals, we found this in Lake Hylia," King Dodongo said, taking a message out of a bottle.

"I recognize Ruto's handwriting on that!" King Zora said. "What? It says she's in Jabu-Jabu's belly! Well, you four better rescue her!" King Zora mweeped over, but eventually fell off and accidentally rolled down and around the tunnel. There was a louder scream, a crunch and a splash.

King Dodongo looked over the drenched, destroyed sheet. "The ink washed off though."

"Maybe he's a psychic?" Link suggested.

"How is that supposed to help?" Navi asked.

"Navi, explain how it doesn't help."

She pulled out a notepad. "Let me list the ways! First-"

"Alright, I get the picture," Link pouted.

"I don't hear anything from where the fat Zora went," Gohma said, desperate to move on with life. "Maybe it died. Fortunately, I have everything in his will."

"I knew him longer!" King Dodongo argued. "That means I get more in the will."

"I edited his will."

"Clever bastard!"

"Well, we better save this Burrito person," Link interrupted. "So anyone know what the hell a Jabu-Jabu is?"