Gahhh, I know I suck. Sorry for taking so long, idk I just wasn't in a mood to write. Anyway so it's like 1am where I am, NY, and it's been snowing/raining all day. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and if you want you can always give me suggestions about what you want to happen! :D Enjoy!
I gulped hard. I hated that moment when some said they needed to talk to you. And then she added please don't hate me? What the fuck was she going to say? I nodded slightly and had this look on my face like just say it already. I could tell she didn't want to say it, but now she had to.
"Well, San… I um. I'm just…-" Spit it out mom, I thought. "I'm seeing someone else…" What? Did she just say she was seeing someone else? No, I think I heard that wrong. But… she's still married to my dad? So how is she seeing someone else.
"Your… your seeing some ELSE?" She looked down and nodded. "God mom, have some confidence. Look at me in the eye." She looked up sheepishly. "Who is it? When did it start?" So many questions raced in my head. Who was this lady I called my mother. She didn't seem like my mother at all. Then again, it made sense. This is what she was doing all those nights she came home late. I didn't want to think it, but I couldn't help thinking she was such a whore. I shouldn't feel bad because it's HER fault not mine.
"It's a man I met at work. I didn't mean for this to happen, sweetie." She tried touching my arm, but I shoved it away the tears threatening to roll down my face. "I'm sorry."
I suddenly got very angry. Which I didn't think was possible. "You're sorry? Is sorry the best word you could think of? What the hell is sorry supposed to do? Make everything better, no mother it doesn't work that way. This is all your fault. YOU broke up this family. No one else. And all you can say is you're sorry. Why did you do this to us, huh?"
She looked heartbroken, but in honestly I couldn't give two fucks. She didn't deserve ANY sympathy. "I… don't know how to explain all this. It's complicated."
"Oh, okay it's complicated. That's the best response. You know what… you're just a little selfish whore." Woah, did I just call my mom a whore out loud. She lifted her hand and looked like she was about to smack me, but I was too fast for her. I held her hand back and said, "No mom. It's true and you know it. I know it. Dad knows it. Hell, even Ashley probably knows it. So don't blame me for speaking the truth. Isn't that one of your mottos? Oh, Santana always tell the truth. You hypocrite."
"Well, I'm glad you think that of me. But, you're going to have to deal with it because your fathers moving out soon." She smirked a little, knowing she just hit it where it hurts. At that moment, I never had hated someone more in my whole life. She knew I loved my dad more, or favored him. I didn't want to live with her, I wanted to live with him. But, I knew my mom wouldn't let that happen.
"You know what, I hate you so much. I hate you because you ruined everything and you don't even care. Bye, mom I hope your glad with what you decided to do with your life." I stormed off and grabbed Brittany's hand, the tears rolling down my face, as I walked out the door. I slammed it as hard as I could.
"Fucking stupid bitch, I hate her. She can go to fucking hell." I sobbed out. I grabbed Brittany and hugged her as tight as I could. She grabbed my hand.
"Let's go to my house, San. It'll be okay. Calm down."
I was leaning against her with almost all my weight. She was pretty strong though, from being a dancer. I hated breaking down, but at least it was with her. I kept muttering stuff about my mother about how much I hate her. Brittany just kept squeezing my hand tightly and saying it would be okay.
"No Britt, I don't think it's gonna be okay. You always say that and nothing ever turns out okay for me. My life fucking sucks. Everything about it has just turned bad. I don't remember a time when my life was easy, I really don't."
She looked sad at what I just said, and I kind of regret saying it, but I knew she'd understand. "Santana, but when I say it's going to be okay it's because I know for a fact it is. You're amazing, don't you see that? Maybe your mom doesn't, maybe you don't, but I see it. You can overcome so much stuff, that I know I couldn't. You hide your feelings like no one else. And no, that's not a good thing. But, the fact that you're so good at it, is amazing. You fool everyone else. But, you can't fool me." She smiled. "So just trust me when I say it's going to be okay. Don't question it, just believe it will be, and it will. Simple as that."
Oh my god, I loved her. I loved her unlike I love my own parents. I don't remember my life without her, basically because she changed it so quick. I looked at her and then she looked at me and it was just one of those cute moments when she put her hand to my face and wiped away my tears. She kissed my forehead. We were looking in each other's eyes for what seemed like a long time and I just couldn't look away. The blue was like an ocean, it mesmerized me. The funny thing about Britt, was whatever just happened in my life that kind of sucked, she could make it better so easily.
I really wanted to kiss her, but I didn't know if I should. She still never told me how she felt. And all this stuff, was making me love her even more. Why did I have to feel this way. I mean I wouldn't change who I am, but not feeling this way would be nice. I didn't know if I was bi, or lesbian. Like, being bi is kind of easier, but then again the weird thing was I kind of just wanted to be a lesbian. Hm, that's weird. But, I don't know, guys were cute and all. Maybe, I would give them a change.
I always wondered what Brittany was thinking about, when I was thinking about this. Like if she ever thought about stuff like this. I looked up at her and decided to ask, "What are you thinking about?"
She looked surprised at the sudden sound of my voice because it had been quiet for a few minutes. "I don't know, just about what happened. I kind of heard what happened, you know. I feel so bad for you, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how you feel and I know some other stuff has been bothering you…"
I knew exactly what she was talking about. The good thing about best friends is you can know almost anything the other is thinking. Kind of like you had the same brain. "I didn't know you thought about that kind of stuff, you know? Everything right now is just really hard for me. And I really need you. You're like the one thing that actually keeps me sane." She blushed a little and smiled.
"That's what I'm here for. But… I just don't know how I feel. I mean I know you're going through a lot, but all this is kind of hard for me too. I never thought about liking girls before, and I don't know if I do or not. Just… just give me time."
I didn't know why it was hard for her. I was just Santana and she was just Brittany. What was complicated about that. But, I decided to give her what she wanted because she always helped me. "Okay, I understand. It's okay." Inside, it really wasn't okay. None of this was okay. I needed her, I wanted her. But, I could only have a part of her. Not the whole thing.
I guess I had to take what I could get. It started to rain and I actually kind of liked it. I just stood there and let the rain soak up my hair, skin, and clothes. It felt nice. I never was one for rain, because it would mess up my hair, but now I didn't care. I decided to run with Brittany, still holding her hand. We ran all the way to her house and we were out of breath by that time.
We trampled in and her parents were asleep so Brittany said, "Shhhh, my parents are sleeping." So I quitted down and tip-toed up to her bed. I took off all my clothes and put on a big t-shirt because those were my favorite things to sleep in. Brittany did the same and we went into her bed.
I almost immediately went to sleep, once again forgetting everything that happened happened just a few hours before. It's funny how Brittany made me forget everything, but in a way I loved her for that also. She was like my medicine.
We wrapped ourselves together and fell into a deep sleep listening to the calming sound of the rain.
Well, there you have it. I have really good ideas, but they stray away from the show a lot. I'll probably do them though, to make it interesting. Anyway, now it's like 2am, because I procrastinated inbetween lol, so I'm going to sleep. Please favorite/review, it truly makes my day! Thanks a ton! :D
