Disclaimer: Durarara! I don't own thee!


'I recognize this…'

He was standing on a rooftop, the midnight sky looming above him.

"Sky, you picked a hell of a night to snow." His hand moved on its accord, catching some of the snowflakes that had just begun to fall and crushing them. He laughed bitterly. "What an end…"

Psyche suddenly realized a pain on his arm and tried to look for the source, but his head wouldn't move and instead his feet began carrying him to the edge of the building.

'No, stop!'

The edge came closer, and he could see the street lights and cars flickering below him.

'No… Stop!'

He caught a brief glimpse of the source of the pain, blood seeping out of a wound on his arm through his black jacket. His heart suddenly clenched, the pain drowning out the throbbing from the wound. "I really did love you…"

'No! Don't jump! Izaya!'

Desperation… Anguish…

Love… Hate…

Death…

Guilt… So much guilt…

The feeling of falling, of wind against his cheeks…

He opened his eyes…

He was suddenly standing at a shrine, light fog surrounding him, his breathing hitched. He took a deep breath to calm himself, noticing that the air lacked the earlier chill on the rooftop. Rather, it was warm and almost protective.

"Tsugaru?" he called out hesitantly, his voice shaky.

"I'm here, Psyche," a voice replied, echoing around him from the fog.

He smiled and felt tears of relief well up in his eyes. "Tsugaru!" he choked, letting them run down his face.

"Don't cry," a whisper in his ear told him gently as he was suddenly surrounded by more warmth and kimono clad arms. He buried his face in the other's chest, comforted.

"I haven't found Saika…" he muttered guiltily.

"That's fine," Tsugaru said as he stroked the other's hair softly. "It's not time yet."

He sniffed. "And… and Dad told me not to change anything in the past, but the recordings you send me are always so different…" he continued, trying to stop another wave of tears. "What if… What if I changed something that'll make you disappear?"

"That won't happen," the other reassured him.

"You don't know that!" He pulled away, pink eyes meeting light brown ones.

Tsugaru smiled. "I won't disappear. I'm always here." The fog thickened. "Whether you can see me or not…"

"Tsugaru…" The fog began engulfing the other. "Wait, Tsugaru!"

"Remember, the memories are not you, my dear Psyche… but let them guide you…"

Psyche woke up with Tsugaru's name lingering on his lips, and he sat up slowly, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Tsugaru…" he muttered.

.

Izaya stared at his game board, fingering a white knight chess piece. His hand hovered above one of the spaces, and he hesitated for a moment before placing the object to the side, putting a hand over his mouth to stifle a yawn.

"Aren't you working on something big for that group you never tell me about?" Namie's voice disturbed his contemplation.

"I taking a break," he brushed the accusation off before rolling his chair back to the computer. "I'm starting again? Happy?" the informant nearly sang.

"Hardly," the woman grumbled as she returned to her own laptop.

Izaya sighed as he scrolled through the new emails. "Ikebukuro's going to be a battlefield soon."

"Isn't it always?" she replied dully.

Izaya laughed, knowing that she was referring to him and Shizuo. "It's a different type of war." Deciding against work once again, he rolled back to his game board for a second round. "Humans love to fight after all. They're so intent on killing each other."

"Ikebukuro, huh?" Namie repeated after a moment. Izaya rarely mentioned his jobs for the yakuza out loud, and she couldn't help but feel that this one was far more important than all the others she had seen him work on. She bit her lip, wondering if she should call Seiji and send him on a "vacation" to pass the time. She frowned at the thought; there was no doubt that the girl would be going too as well.

"Thinking of sending your dear brother out of harm's way?" Izaya interrupted her thoughts.

"Who asked you?" she snapped. "How big is this anyway?"

Izaya grinned. "Secret."

Namie glared at him. "If you withhold information from me that would even hurt a single strand of hair on Seiji's head, I'll…"

"Send him and Mika away then."

"Huh?" She didn't expect Izaya to answer so easily without first teasing her. She studied the other for a moment, who seemed a little too preoccupied with his board game. "Is it that bad?"

Izaya shrugged, moving away from the board a little so that he could examine its entirety easier. "Maybe, maybe not. Maybe it'll be people fighting on the streets with their fists. Maybe with guns. Maybe with scythes… Maybe…"

Namie raised an eyebrow. "Are you planning something with Celty's head?"

Izaya considered this for a moment. "No, actually."

"Really now?"

"Oh, you think too lowly of me." He finally decided on a place to put the knight and rolled back to his computer to read another email. 'So tired…'

.

"Where is Orihara?" Shiki asked as he scanned the room for the informant.

"Sleeping," Namie answered briefly as she returned to her place on the sofa after closing the door behind him.

"Seems I've come at the wrong time." She watched as the man made his way across to the room, tapping the computer mouse once before walking to the informant's room door, opening it little to peer inside.

"He's been quite unmotivated lately," Namie commented from behind him, returning her eyes to her own laptop screen. 'What the hell was that?' she thought as she kept her expression as blank as she could manage despite her curiosity.

Shiki closed the door softly before turning to the other. "Unmotivated you say? How so?"

The woman shrugged. "I can just tell. Besides, this is the first time he's taken an afternoon nap while I'm here."

"I wonder what's made him so overworked."

"Isn't it your job?" Their eyes met. "I'm under the impression that this one is quite big."

The yakuza executive smiled. "Really now? How much has he told you?"

"There might be fighting in Ikebukuro soon. Is it a gang war?" she asked, not breaking eye contact.

"I suppose that is an accurate enough representation of it."

"Aren't you going to stop it? I've heard that your company likes to keep things like this low key."

Shiki smiled. "Actually, I was expecting Orihara to stop it this time. He does love humans after all."

"Bullshit," Namie spat.

The man laughed. "So vulgar from a woman."

"If you want him to stop the war, you'd better tell him," Namie continued, finally looking away.

"He knows," Shiki replied. He checked his watch. "Well, I must excuse myself now. My schedule is quite tight."

Namie closed the door behind the yakuza, pausing for a moment. She looked back at the informant's door, frowning.

.

He blinked at the familiar streets, the indiscernible people, the midday sun. "Ikebukuro?" He almost laughed. "What a boring thing to dream about."

He walked down the street, wondering why his mind was so unusually clear in the dream world. He passed the café, some faceless people, some trees… He realized with a little comfort that nothing was registering; that meant he was truly dreaming.

"Dream dream, wonderful dream world…" he hummed tunelessly as he continued walking. It relaxed him, just walking. No one to chase him, no one to follow his every move, just him… A flight of stairs appeared before him.

Tapping as he went up the stone steps…

Passing under a tall wooden gate with peeling paint…

Gravel under his feet shifting as he walked…

He found himself in the middle of a shrine. A blond man dressed in a blue and white kimono stood at the offering box, his back to him.

The back looked similar enough, but something told him that this was not his bodyguard. "Shizu-chan?" he called out anyway.

The man seemed to hear him and turned around, a soft smile spreading through his features. Calm… Nothing like Shizu-chan…

"I am Tsugaru," he said.

Izaya stared at him. "I seem to have a fetish for Shizu-chan's in kimonos that I didn't know about," he muttered to himself.

The other chuckled. "No, I am here of my own accord, not because of a deep dark desire you've hidden."

Izaya examined the other for a moment. "You sure don't speak like Shizu-chan."

Tsugaru shook his head.

"So, assuming that what you are telling me is true, why are you here?"

"I am surprised myself. It seems that Psyche's connection with you was stronger than I thought."

"There's no way I'm connected with him," he replied, thinking of his innocent little lookalike.

Tsugaru chuckled. "Oh, more than you think."

"Right." Izaya looked around the shrine, memorizing its details. "Have I… been here before? It seems so familiar…"

"Perhaps you have, in another life…"

"Must have been a good life…" he muttered.

Tsugaru shook his head. "Don't say that. You just have to look a little more around you right now."

Izaya snorted. "I think I've looked long enough."

"Just a little harder…"

Izaya noticed that the fog was getting thicker. "Wait, I'm not done with you yet!"

"Oh, and tomorrow… something…"

"Huh?"

"Don't go…" He saw Tsugaru frown as he tried to keep the connection between them, but Izaya was waking up.

"Wait, what do you…"

Izaya blinked at the familiar ceiling above him. 'I was…' He jumped out of bed and nearly threw open his room door.

"That was fast," Namie commented as moved to his computer.

"I'm going for a walk," the informant announced. "You can leave after you finish." He grabbed his jacket from the chair.

"Shiki was here earlier."

Izaya stopped at the door, turning to his assistant. "He was?"

"He touched your computer, but it was off."

Izaya considered this for a moment. "Thanks." He left the woman staring after him.

Namie sighed, clapping a hand to her head before returning to her work.

.

Before he knew it, he was on the train to Ikebukuro, huddled into a corner next to the door, watching the outside city life pass him by as he got closer to his destination. He got off at Ikebukuro's station and walked among the busy streets, crowded this sunny but chilly afternoon. Izaya frowned at the moving streams of people and found himself moving farther and farther away from them until he was in one of the many alleys. He sighed, walking aimlessly through the streets before he noticed a familiar street.

"This is…" His steps quickened to a jog as he made his way down the street, past the faceless people, some trees… A flight of stairs appeared in front of him.

He climbed, refusing to slow down to rest his aching legs.

Izaya stopped at the top of the stairs, his breath heavy from all the running. He stared momentarily at the old shrine gate before walking under the archway into the pebble lined grounds. He stopped halfway to the offertory box, clutching his aching chest as he tried to calm his breathing. "I knew it! It's exactly the same!"

The informant surveyed the area but found no one. He was alone in this shrine. Izaya chuckled at the thought as he trekked over to the steps leading up to the main building and sat down, watching the steam from his warm breath disappear into the winter air.

"He's not here…" He sighed, almost wanting to hit his head against for the wall for his stupidity. "Of course he wouldn't be here. It was a just a dream after all." He looked down at his hands aimlessly. "Why did I even bother running all the way here? So stupid…"

He stared at the courtyard in front of him, only the occasional chirp of a bird in the distance breaking the silence. He drew his legs up a little closer to keep the warmth in, resting his head on his knees. "Why…"

He held his knees a little closer. 'I wanted…' He wracked his brains for the answer but only felt his chest clench unbearably. 'I wanted to…' He realized it. 'I wanted him to listen…'

"I…"

"Hey flea!" a familiar voice made his heart jump, and he looked up to see the bodyguard striding casually towards him.

"Shizu-chan?" The shaky voice that came out of his mouth frustrated him.

The bodyguard looked around as if he didn't notice the other's uncharacteristically meek demeanor. "Why are you in a place like this?"

"I could ask the same of you," Izaya replied, feeling his confidence returning.

The bodyguard scratched his head awkwardly. "I saw you running just now."

Izaya blinked at him. "Why aren't you chasing me out of Ikebukuro now that you've found me?"

Shizuo shrugged. "Don't feel like it." He took a seat next to the informant. Izaya remained silent and instead looked at the sky as Shizuo struggled to start a conversation.

'Damn flea,' the bodyguard thought. He wasn't good at these things. He had already given a lot of effort to be around the informant without losing his temper. The least Izaya could do was create a conversation. Finding nothing better to do, he studied the other's features. Izaya looked tired. He had bags under his half-closed eyes, and the grin was definitely missing.

"How's your brother?" Izaya finally broke the silence, to his relief.

"Fine."

"I see." They fell into silence again, to the bodyguard's annoyance.

"Working too hard?" he finally managed to say.

"Why do you care?" the informant countered.

"Just trying to start a conversation, damned flea."

"Well…" Izaya stopped, sighing, too exhausted to think of a comeback for once. He rested his head back on his knees, deciding that it was safe for the moment to let his guard down just a little since it didn't seem like the other was going to chase him anytime soon. "I'm not tired. Shizu-chan just has too much energy."

"I happen to get a normal amount of sleep every day."

"Well I do too!"

"No you don't."

"What? Are you watching me 24 hours now?" he joked.

"Anyone can tell, flea."

Izaya looked up at him. Shizuo had taken off his sunglasses, and warm brown annoyed eyes stared back him. Izaya wanted to laugh on impulse at the expression like he always did. He thought of the executive of the Awakusu-kai. Shiki's eyes were cold, calculating. What had attracted him to those eyes? The confidence? Izaya frowned at the thought, causing Shizuo to shift.

"What, flea?"

Shizuo's expressions were so organic, fluid. "I…" He averted his eyes.

"If you want to say something, then say it."

"Nothing." Izaya rested his head back on his knees, this time closing his eyes. "Nothing…"

"Izaya…"

He thought of Shiki again. There was no doubt that the other's eyes were cold, but whenever they were intimate, he was definitely… warm. The thought pained him, and he felt his heart clench again. "Just let me rest for a little," he said, trying to keep the irritability out of his voice.

Shizuo looked at the other for a moment before deciding to study the shrine grounds silently. After a few minutes, the informant seemed to finally relax next to him as his breathing calmed. Shizuo wondered if Izaya had fallen asleep and almost smiled at the thought. Almost. He considered lighting a cigarette but decided against it since the priests might come after him if they found out.

A bird landed on the pebbles, pecking at the rocks for food. Shizuo sighed softly. It was kind of nice, he admitted to himself, being so far away from the usual crowds of the city, even if his greatest enemy was sitting next to him right now. He looked at the other, now just a mass of black and white, the fur of his jacket and his arms covering his face. It all came crashing down just a few seconds later.

"Orihara," a familiar voice broke the silence.

Shizuo watched as the informant beside him struggled to compose himself. He turned his gaze to the newcomer, eyes narrowing.

"I knew it was you earlier," Shiki continued, ignoring the bodyguard as he focused his attention on the informant.

"Was there a meeting I forgot about?" Izaya asked, taking out his cellphone to check, eyes averted.

"Oh no, nothing like that," the yakuza answered easily. "I just wanted to see you."

"I see…" Some of the color seemed to have returned to his face. "I've just sent you some of the data I've gathered. I think it's enough to start acting on now."

"Actually, I've set up a meeting with the group tomorrow." This time Izaya looked up at him, eyes wide.

"A meeting? Isn't that a little… risky?"

Shiki smiled. "It's better to confirm it before acting, right? We wouldn't want to pass on a chance to become partners with the group."

Izaya frowned, throwing a sideway glance towards the bodyguard before standing up and brushing himself of. "I understand," he said. His grin seemed like it had been there all along. "I'll prepare for the meeting then. See you tomorrow!"

The two watched as the informant retreated out of the shrine, his footsteps echoing as he ran down the stairs. Shiki finally turned his attention to the bodyguard.

"Strange seeing you two together like this." He smirked. "Has he charmed you too?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Shizuo snapped.

"Informants are great actors, mind you. You have to keep a tight leash on them if you want to control them."

"Stay away from Izaya," Shizuo suddenly snarled, feeling his anger welling up under his skin.

Shiki laughed. "I'd never thought I'd live to see the day when you'd say something like that. What trick did he play to catch you?"

"You're breaking him," the bodyguard continued as if the other hadn't said anything.

"Don't be ridiculous." He turned to leave. "Think about it. You know as well as I do what sort of man Izaya is. Besides, don't you want him dead?"

Shizuo watched as the other disappeared down the stone steps before slumping back down onto his flight of wooden steps. 'What do I want?'

.

Track 8: (Footsteps) Hey… (A yawn) Tsugaru…

Ah, my schedule is so busy! Find this shooter, find that location… I'm in high demand! (Laughter)

Can't take this… I have to go back to sleep. I have a meeting tomorrow, so I might not be able to visit you. (Footsteps)

(Pause) Wait… I'm not going to let some insignificant meeting keep me from coming here!

I will see you tomorrow! (End of Recording)


Hello! Sorry this is so late!

I'm so sad about Japan… It's been frustrating, sitting here and not being able to do anything but give money. My host family is okay though, so that's a relief.

So updates on my random life hm… I've recently gotten into Heian Period things after reading Hari no Hana. I have a mountain of essays and midterms next week. Ah, when midterm season starts in college, they seem to run for the rest of the semester. Blah, I must go destroy my tests now. Hope to see you again soon!

Thanks for reading!