Author's Note: This one is written by Agni!
The day was bright and cheerful, reflecting the giddy mood of one relatively normal blond fifteen year old. This day in particular was a very special day, though the girl in question did not yet know it.
Said girl, who goes by the alias of Agni, was in a very good mood today. Why, might you ask, is Agni in a good mood?
Well, I'll tell you. Be patient.
The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and last (and most importantly) she was free!
For the moment, anyway. Yes, Agni had successfully eluded the guards at the Wacky Shack for the Clinically Obsessed and Insane Rabid Twilight Fans. Also known as the Twilight Wacky Shack, for short. She and her two friends, Blondie and Riddler, had managed to escape the ever-watchful eyes of the Ridiculously Over-Armed Guards Who Slept A Lot and made a mad dash for the local Barnes and Nobles which was hosting a book discussion for none other than Twilight, itself.
That had been a very important event for the three girls. Once the discussion had ended, Agni had abruptly announced her overwhelming desire to find the "nice people with the lattes" and proceeded towards the coffee counter with a swiftness only seen in the hungriest of beasts hunting down their prey.
Once Agni had successfully purchased a delicious, piping hot latte, she began to roam the bookstore at a slow pace, enjoying the precious moments of freedom they had gained (at the expanse of one horribly confused Ridiculously Over-Armed Guard Who Slept A Lot or, rather the Ridiculously Over-Armed Guard Who Slept A Lot – and Dreamt Of Banana Sandwiches). While distracted, as she so easily was, Agni was not paying attention to where she was walking.
And, of course – she walked into something. That something let out a feral-sounding hisssss. It was then that Agni realized it was not a something she had walked
into, but a someone.
Hisss, it hissed; attempting to be threatening and failing miserably. Agni cocked an eyebrow questioningly.
"Can I help you?" Agni asked, bouncing up and down due to the effects of her latte now kicking in.
The Creepy No Named Someone attempted to growl convincingly and failed. "I'm a vampire!" they hissed.
Agni laughed loudly.
The Creepy No Named Someone Who Thought They Were A Vampire tried to growl again. And – no surprise here, failed. Dismally.
"Really, I am." They spoke in a raspy voice that Agni guessed they were trying to make sound vampiric-ish. They failed. (Am I sensing a pattern?)
Agni just laughed again, louder this time.
"Of course you are." She assured the Creepy No Named Someone Who Thought They Were A Vampire – And Failed. She gave the CNNSWTTWAVAF a curious look. "Do you sparkle?"
The CNNSWTTWAVAF looked truly appalled, and Agni absently wondered how many times they had gone through this. The look seemed well-rehearsed. Or maybe they were really just that deluded.
CNNSWTTWAVAF tried hissing again. Agni hissed back, more convincingly might I add.
"Of course I sparkle!" it all but howled. "What kind of vampire do you take me for?!"
Agni took a measured step backwards, saving her still-miraculously piping hot latte from a horrible, gruesome eternity spent as a coffee stain on the floor of a bookstore. She watched the CNNSWTTWAVAF with interest.
"Did you hear me? Helloooo?!"
Agni was brought back to the present by the sound of a raspy, wheezing voice that was quickly getting on her nerves. But she was drinking a latte, and lattes had a natural source of Caffeine which, for some odd reason she wasn't sure of, lent her a deep, deep well of patience.
At least, she liked to think so.
Anyway, the CNNSWTTWAVAF was growling again, and Agni was quickly becoming bored with the terrible sound. She would relate it to nails on a chalkboard, but that would be an insult to the nails and the chalkboard. So she'll just call it horrendous and cringe-worthy.
"Yes, yes, I heard you," Agni told the thing – if only to get it to stop screeching like a banshee. "You were telling the world the story of your vampiric childhood. That you were super fast and strong and could read minds – hey, that sounds suspiciously like a vampire I know, are you sure you aren't confused?"
The Thing hissed again, not seeming to realize how bad the sound effect really was. Maybe it was tone deaf. Agni felt the overwhelming need to ask, but contained herself, thinking of her precious latte and how she would rather be drinking it than licking it off the floor of Barnes and Nobles. Not that she would actually lick it off the floor, of course. She wasn't that insane. Right?
"I'm not confused! I know the vampire you're talking about! I met Edward Cullen the other day! I was in Forks yesterday for a bingo game and I decided to drop by and see the others of my kind."
The best thing to do in situations such as these was to just smile and nod. So that's what Agni did. Plus, this was just too amusing to pass up. She sipped her latte contently, wonderingly idly why the CNNSWTTWAVAF needed to be in Forks for a bingo game, but wisely decided to keep the question to herself.
"So," she asked, drawing out the sound. "How was Edward?" Agni had to try very hard to contain her laughter.
"He was amazing, of course!" the Thing then went on to describe Edward in detail. Detail that sounded suspiciously familiar; in fact, Agni was certain she could flip open her copy of Twilight to page eighteen and find it word for word. She made a mental note to do just that once this odd encounter was over and done with.
Another shrill, grating voice called over the mass of voices, and the Thing's head snapped towards the sound. After a moment, the Thing turned back to the blond with the latte, and spoke quickly. "I have to go now! That was my mom! She's a vampire too!"
Agni was shaking with laughter as the Thing fled as fast as its little "vampire" feet would carry it.
Laughing loudly Agni made her way to the elevator, and hit the button for floor one, glad that Riddler was not with her at this particular time – she did not need a repeat of before, thanks very much. It dinged and she stepped inside. She noted vaguely that the interior looked slightly different from the one she had seen earlier. When it dinged again, signaling a top, Agni stepped out and headed towards the door, still sipping at her latte.
She pushed open the door and merely walked, not paying much attention to what she was doing. When she finally stopped, she looked around and found herself at the entrance to a Target. This was disorienting for her, considering the last time she checked, Target and Barnes and Nobles were rather far away from one another.
Dismissing it, along with the fact that she had most likely left Blondie and Riddler back in Barnes and Nobles, she walked through the door, praying her two companions didn't have a run in with the Thing.
Immediately drawn to the books section, Agni made her way to the young adults section and looked over the shelves quickly, merely browsing.
What she found, however, was very out of the ordinary. And Agni had to blink quite a few times before realizing it was, indeed, there.
There, on the top shelf, next to New Moon and Twilight, was the Special Edition of Eclipse. Hesitantly, she reached out to touch the cover, praying it wouldn't disappear if she touched it. Once she was positive it was real, she quickly snatched it from the shelf and hugged it to her chest tightly – while somehow managing to hold onto her latte.
With a speed that could only be defined as Freakishly Scary and Freakishly Scary reflexes that allowed her to hold onto the precious book, and her delicious latte while whipping out her phone, Agni whipped out her phone. She texted both Riddler and Blondie quickly and in a daze.
Her message was something along the lines of: OMC GUESS WHAT I JUST FOUND? THE SPECIAL EDITION ECLISPSE. YESSSSS! –cheerdanceshoutcryforjoy-
She then proceeded to dance around, in the book isle of target, for a good two minutes in joy. She got odd looks from a mother passing by with a child, but she ignored them, and continued her little worship dance.
Once she was done dancing in worship to the Target-people, Agni swiftly made her way to the counter – but not before the temptation overwhelmed her and she allowed herself a quick, sneak-peek at the Breaking Dawn cover. Squeeing in awe, she quickly snapped the book shut, to avoid further tempting fate and ran to the checkout counter.
She gently placed the book down on the counter, not wanting to part with it, least fate decided to be cruel and snatch it away. The checkout-lady gave her an odd look, but said nothing and rang the book up. Agni was bouncing up and down in excitement and it was all she could do to keep from screaming. She had found the special edition of Eclipse! A week early!
The counter-lady gave her a weird look, holding the book in her hand carelessly. Agni wanted to snatch it from the woman and never let it go again.
"Excuse me? Miss?" counter-lady was trying to get Agni's attention.
"Yes?" she answered.
"Uhm, it says this can't be sold until the thirty-first." NOOOooooooooo.
"But…it was on the shelf." Agni explained helplessly.
"It was?" the counter-lady/spawn-of-demons looked confused. "It's not supposed to be out yet. Someone must have restocked the shelves and put it there by mistake." Agni wondered why the Spawn Of Demons was blabbering on about restocking shelves when all she wanted was her book.
"Oh," Agni replied nonchalantly. "Well…" she trailed off meaningfully.
"I'm sorry," Spawn Of Demons told her, hanging up the phone she was just on. Agni assumed it was the manager. "But, we can't sell this to you."
Agni was sure she felt something inside her break. "What?" she mumbled.
"I said, we're not allowed to sell this until the thirty first." Spawn Of Demons repeated, annoyed.
"WHAT?!" Agni growled, launching herself into the counter in fury. The Spawn Of Demons jumped back, frightened and still holding the prize.
Agni swiped and clawed at the air in an attempt to free the book from its horrible prison. It needed to go home with her! Now!
The Spawn Of Demons looked at Agni's snarling face and blanched. "I-uhm I'm s-sorr-ry." She stammered, still clutching the Eclipse Special Edition. She backed away quickly and yelled for help, taking off at a run.
Agni growled and clawed her way over the counter, stepping carelessly on the cash register in her haste to get her book back. The Spawn Of Demons was twenty feet away, cowering safely behind the counter three isles down. Agni made it over the counter and was airborne for a thrilling half a second before being tackled mercilessly to the ground by a group of Very Irritating Security Guards With Horrible Timing. They quickly immobilized Agni with a very familiar white jacket and dragged her unceremoniously out the nearest exit.
Outside the Store-From-Hell sitting innocently in the parking lot, in the still, deceitfully cheery air was a big, intimidating white truck. The logo on the side was easy to read; she would know it anywhere.
The Wacky Shack For The Clinically Obsessed And Insane Rabid Twilight Fans.
Agni was thrown into the back of the truck with little care, and snapped at the Very Irritating Security Guards With Horrible Timing, grinning wickedly when they fled in horror after dropping her like a hot potato.
"What happened to you?" a voice called.
Agni looked up. Blondie and Riddler sat two feet from where she was laying. Agni grumbled, shaking her head. "It's a long, terrible story."
Riddler looked intrigued. "We have time." She answered calmly.
Agni sighed. "Once upon a time, on a deceitfully sunny afternoon, three girls walked into a Barnes and Nobles…."
