Maura's hand on my thigh seemed to be burning my skin, I tried to reach out and cover her fingers with my own but my arms seemed glued to my sides and I struggled to clear my mind of the three thousand and one things that were bombarding me all at once.
We sat in silence, wishing the other would talk first, it wasn't an uncomfortable silence but it was knowing, and it was terrifying. To say I wanted to run was an understatement, after all, it's what I usually do, I'd get out the car as soon as possible and run in any possible direction just so I didn't have to face the reality of what was happening.
But I knew that I couldn't, and I wouldn't, this was Maura, my best friend and the one person who I cannot live without. Up until tonight I never thought it would happen but the way her thumb is twirling across my thigh and the way that a slight smile is creeping across her face lets me know that I can do this.
Keeping my hand steady on the steering wheel had never been so impossible, the desire to pull over and pull Jane into a crushing kiss was so intense that I had to tighten my grip until my knuckle turned white.
I didn't know where this was going and I didn't know what it meant, I wanted to talk to Jane, ask her how she really feels, find out if she wants me like I want her. But I also wanted to take her right there and then, pull her into the back of my car and do all the things I've ever imagined doing to her in one go. The constant battle in my mind meant that I drove home without even thinking, and as I pulled into the driveway of my home it almost shocked me to see that I was there.
Stepping into the home where I spent more time than my own apartment suddenly felt strange, I'd usually go straight to the fridge for a beer and then to the couch to try and find a game to watch but this was different.
I didn't know where this was going and I didn't know what it meant, I wanted to talk to Maura, ask her how she really feels, find out if she wants me like I want her. But I also wanted to take her right there and then, pull her onto the couch and do all the things I've ever imagined doing to her in one go.
"Oh hi girls, I wasn't sure when you were going to be home" The voice from the couch startled me, oh god, the couch, the very couch I was just thinking about throwing Maura onto, this is so wrong. "Hey ma" I said, not even trying to hide my annoyance "What are you doing here?"
Uh-oh I was definitely in trouble now, my Janie never has been the most affectionate person in the world but I'd definitely done something wrong. I looked between her and Maura, they were both shooting each other glances and the tension in the room was almost laughable. Oh. I must be in the way; I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and realized it must be Vince with an update on how things at the Robber went.
"I was just waiting for Maura to get home so I could say hello, but don't worry, I'll be on my way, you girlies have fun now". As I left the room I threw Maura a wink, she blushed the darkest shade of red and I couldn't help but laugh as I closed the door and made my way to the guest house.
As Angela left I saw her wink at me, our conversation from the other night lingered in my mind and it seemed like everyone seemed to be in on some kind of conspiracy. Jane's voice woke me from my reverie and I tried to stop smiling like a fool as I looked up at her.
"It's getting late, I should probably get going too, I'll see you in the morning Maur" She turned and left before I could even say anything. If the situation hadn't been so confusing the open mouthed expression and darn right confused face I was wearing would probably have been comical to anyone lucky enough to see it.
But for now I was just hurt.
'Hell no Jane Rizzoli, you don't get to walk away, not this time, if you're not going to be brave enough then I will'. As I snatched up my keys and slammed the door behind me I hoped that Jane Rizzoli was ready to deal with one pissed off Maura Isles.
Oh god I'm a fucking idiot. She's going to hate me, why did I do that? I didn't even want to do it, it just happened, it wasn't even my intention, why am I such an idiot. I tossed my bottle of water into the trash and tried to take my mind off what I had done. What an idiot.
I had to go make this right, but maybe in the morning, right now I needed to think and I needed comfort, pulling a beer from the fridge I waited for the pizza guy to arrive and as I heard footsteps outside I made my way across the room and opened the door.
"Hello Jane."
This chapter was meant to be the big one where it all comes together but i seriously couldnt seem to get my words down onto the page. I feel like im back into the swing now and once ive posted this im going to start writing the next one. Thanks for the support and your opinions on carrying on this story its amazing to hear feedback from all of you, im getting close to 50 reviews now which is crazy considering i had only hoped for about 5!
Thanks for reading, new chapter will hopefully be up soon!
