Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma, Sialor Moon, or the rights to any anime domestic or imported. I do however own my own Ideas as crazy as they are
A Twisted Tale of Ranma
Chapter 7 (part 1)
written by Gabriel R. Lopez
Mikado had to get up early to go to the recording studio at 5am sharp. His manager had decided it was time to capitalize on his and Azusa's popularity by having them record a live performance of 'loving you' which would be simulcast live on channel three. After a brief meeting with the press, wherein he dedicated the song to Charlotte, Mikado regretted not chasing after her into the hall closet…I mean honestly, there was only one exit that he knew of, how was he to know that his closet was the gateway to Narnia. At the mention of Charlotte's name Azusa started crying like a two year old who had lost their favorite toy, fortunately once the managers bribed her with cookies the bi-polar princess forgot all about her widdle Charlotte.
Mikado Cleared his throat "LOVING YOUUUUUU IS EASY BECAUSE YOU'RE BEUTIF-"
"What's this thing do? "Azusa asked no one in particular as she unplugged Mikado's Microphone. she then pulled a magic marker from one of her pockets and proceeded to draw Girly heart heart shapes on the camera...until she knocked over the tripod and the camera was destroyed except for audio. after a moment of static there was a jump-cut to an overhead shot of the Golden pair that had been rigged using one of the security cameras. Mikado was wrestling the marker away from the Azusa...
Why the Managers insisted on giving her sugar cookies was beyond all reasoning. Mikado was pissed, if Azusa ruined his chances of becoming the next J-pop Elvis- "AZUSA! Would you quit acting like a baby and pay attention for once. " Mikado forcefully took the pen from the annoying kleptomaniac and then looked directly at the flashing light on the security camera. Uh oh, Mikado lost his cool on national television, how could he pick up women if they all knew he was an insensitive Jackass, he could only pray this footage wouldn't find its way on you tube.
"Oh, so I'm a baby am I!" Azusa replied, drawing Mikado's attention from the camera, she stormed off into the control room cranked up the volume and blasted Mikado's ear drums with the most annoying sound in the world, which was surprisingly similar to her whining in her typical New Jersey or New York accent. Mikado having no experience with hearing curses in the English language assumed she was barking at him or something.
Elsewhere Ranma was giggling like an idiot as he watched the whole drama unfold on the Monstoone family's plasma TV, sure there was a large crack in the screen, left over damage from when Ranma went through the dreaded inu-ken. Stupid talking cat, stupid brain demon, stupid Hello Kitty posters in the guest room staring at him all night…it was a relief that for the moment he didn't have to think about anything except Mikado getting what he deserves.
Ranma munched on a dry cake of instant ramen. It was comfort food for Ranma, because when you are illegally traveling through China, the Philippines, Australia, Hawaii, California, other countries along the pacific, and your father doesn't feed you, you quickly discover how good a diet of uncooked ramen noodles can be …they were salty and crunchy and oh so tasty and best of all CHEAP!
Munchies were not however a solution to Ranma's current problem, Ranma was bored, really bored, it was 5 am and no one was up except him. About the only thing interesting he could think of was the crazy girl they dragged in through the front door kicking and screaming the night before. After the news the station aired an episode of Transformers Cybertron, Ranma spent the better part of fifteen minutes trying to figure out if Jolt was a boy or a girl. That's right, even Ranma Couldn't determine Jolt's true gender and gave up. Why he cared was another question that plagued the mind of the starving martial artist.
There was nothing left to do except wait for the rest of the family to wake up…lazy bastards.
Normally the first person to wake up was Luna, followed shortly by her slave. Sammy would wake every morning at around 6:30 clean the cat's litter box, feed the cat, and then he made himself a bowl of cheerios before sitting down in front of the television. Sammy completely ignored Ranma as he sat down next to the otherworldly martial artist until-
"what's up?" Ranma asked his recently acquired cousin
"AHHHH!" Sammy cried in shock as he threw his bowl of cereal at the shape shifting alien, who immediately turned into a pink haired girl "JEEBUS CHRIST YOU'RE REAL!!!" Sammy screamed
Ranma spit out a stray cheerio that had fallen to her lips as milk dripped from her pink locks of hair…stupid curse. Sammy's girlish screams of terror woke up his mother, caught the attention of a certain moon cat, and had absolutely no effect on Usagi whatsoever as she was peacefully slumbering in dreamland…no more of those naughty lesbian dreams for her. She was fantasizing about Jadeite…in a speedo.
Ryoga, unfortunately, was awaken from her slumber and was immediately traumatized when she realized she was still a girl… and she even didn't have any boobs to play with either "DAMMIT!" she cursed as she adjusted and closed her oversized pink pajama top. Wait, why was she wearing panties? Ryoga looked around her and noticed she was in a small bedroom, to her right there was a second unmade bed and on the walls were hello kitty posters, and an assortment of sailor moon memorabilia. An inspectiuon of the closet revealed clothes both male and female in an assortment of sizes ranging from pre-k to ones closer to her size…and a tuxedo that smelled of pickle brine. She momentarily tried to place where she had smelled the tuxedo before but gave up when she heard the sound of running water and had to go tinkle.
