Clarke sat at her desk, sucking at her job. She couldn't get Bellamy's promise Sunday morning out of her head and it was driving her insane that she couldn't do anything about it. Her ideas sucked and Lincoln was giving her weird looks all morning at the usual Monday meetings making her question what happened after Never Have I Ever Saturday night. Bellamy said they were all sufficiently drunk and she's handsy when she's drunk which isn't good when she's been staying away from him and horny as hell with the loss of his impeccable dick and implausible stamina. Seriously, that man can refrain for hours on end, and he's proved it a few times when she was so sore and he hadn't come once.

Her computer pinged, notifying her of an inner office chat request.

BBlakeCEO: Lunch?

CGriffinAAD: This is how you properly ask for lunch.

CGriffinAAD: What were you thinking?

BBlakeCEO: All right, smart ass. No sushi for you.

CGriffinAAD: Not fair, I'm always a smart ass, it can't suddenly be a condition.

BBlakeCEO: 12:30.

Clarke smiled, wishing she were seeing him now, but she'll take lunch, even if it… two hours away, how was it only 10:30?

"Clarke, what's going on?" Lincoln asked at her door.

"What do you mean?"

"Your work has been slacking the last few weeks."

"I—okay, full disclosure. And you're sworn to secrecy."

"You're sleeping with Bellamy and it's been a month since it's last happened because he's been an asshole and doing things he shouldn't have if he wants to make it a relationship and not just casual fucking?" he guessed and Clarke just gaped at him.

"I'm dating his sister and you two are obvious if you know what to look for. I do because I practically did the same thing with O, though I was smitten with her and she's a force and gets whatever she wants, me included."

"Okay, since you know, that's kind of it, I keep second guessing it which I don't think I've ever done before. I—"

"Do you love him?"

"That doesn't matter, he has to realize that how he's acted isn't appropriate in any relationship, even casual sex relationships."

"Okay, I don't need to know that about my girlfriend's brother."

"You asked what's wrong."

Lincoln shook his head, "Yeah, just… fix it."

"I'm going to lunch at 12:30."

"So is Bellamy."

"We may be eating together," she tried biting back her smile but Lincoln caught on.

"You're a lost cause, Griffin."

Clarke thought about everything that's transpired this past year with Bellamy. The mind blowing sex, the sneaking around and secrets and though Clarke hated the secrecy but everything else was fun and it wasn't just sex. He'd watch tv with her and order take out. They didn't do birthdays or Christmas or Valentine's Day which told Clarke everything she needed to know about their relationship and for the most part it was exactly that, casual sex, but she woke up one morning and he was still there. To see him that vulnerable, that relaxed, she had the urge to be the one to do that for him, to be the one that he could be vulnerable around and could help him relax.

"I love him."

"I'm pretty sure I'm not the one you should be telling that to."

"I'm pretty sure he won't want to hear it."

"He didn't look at anyone but you Saturday, he wants to hear it."

"I'm not going to say it, I can't get hurt again and it's what he does. He doesn't know how to not hurt me."

"Then why are you staying?"

"Because I love him," she shrugged.

To be honest, she knew it was unhealthy, he was bad for her. There was a piece of her, deep down inside that whispered that she deserved it. Her father, Wells, Finn (and Raven), Lexa, she deserved everything he gave her. The anguish, the euphoria, the whiplash between the two, masochism was her normal.

Clarke's morning seemed to drag on and when twelve thirty finally rolled and she was waiting at the elevator, the doors opened and Bellamy stood inside with his phone glued to his ear.

She grimaced and Bellamy did too, gesturing five minutes and nodded for her to get inside. She did, swearing if he wasn't off the phone by twelve thirty five, she was getting sushi alone and charging it as a business expense.

"Yes, Mr. Emerson, I am aware that Miss Griffin's position has changed… As her boss, I felt her talents were being wasted as my assistant and she's too good an artist to let her spend her days reading books so I created our new illustration department for her… I can't help you if you don't make the required changes… No, I absolutely agree with you but you are under contract and even if you try to walk away, we will own your next three books with the amount of money you'll be paying us back with your latest advance and breaking contract. So, would you rather work with Nathan Miller, an excellent senior editor who just so happens to also be a fan and will critique the story from not just an editorial standpoint but also a fan of the series or pay me ten million dollars you will owe me?"

Clarke's jaw dropped before she promptly shut it, it's not like she doesn't have that money stashed from her inheritance from her father (and a trust fund she will never admit to having) but still, hearing Bellamy openly talking about that amount of money in a place other than a grand ball room filled with tuxedos and ball gowns, she wasn't nearly prepared for it.

"All right, Mr. Emerson, thank you for understanding our staffing change and I will have my assistant let Miller know that he will be seeing you on Thursday. Have a good day." He hung up and put his phone away without emailing his assistant—whoever her replacement was—and looked at her with a soft smile. "I'm sorry about that."

"No, I—I should have called Emerson myself. I—I totally spaced and didn't even think about my responsibilities."

The elevator doors opened on the ground floor and they stepped out, walking past security and out to the sidewalk where Bellamy's driver was waiting for them. Bellamy opened the door for her and closed it before getting in the other side.

"It's not like Emerson is all over us, we're a convenience for him. He's not all over us like every other neurotic author we've contracted, he slipped through the cracks, it happens."

The driver pulled out onto the street.

"Yeah, but this was because of me, because I switched jobs and—"

"Clarke, I switched your position unexpectedly, you didn't want it. I'm not blaming you."

"You'd blame Miller or Monty or Harper, don't give me special treatment."

"You deserve the world and I'm not going to stop short of giving that to you."

"Bellamy, we talked about this…"

"No, you talked and I listened, disagreeing with everything you were saying. Have I not given you space?"

"No, you… you have."

The car stopped and the driver stepped out and opened the door for Clarke and she stepped out, Bellamy following her.

"Mr. Blake, Miss Griffin, welcome back. Your table is waiting for you," Keiji smiled at them, grabbing two menus and bringing them to the back of the restaurant to the last booth and Clarke let Bellamy sit facing the door, watching the exits. It felt like their first night all over again.


"Clarke!" he called as he was leaving his office.

"Yes, sir?"

"You're new in town, do you need some take out places?"

"Yes, but I'm sure our tastes are vastly different."

"What do you like?"

"Japanese, Thai, pizza."

"I like those as well. Would you like to join me for some sushi tonight? I know the best Japanese food in town."

"Um…" Clarke grimaced.

"Not a date, an Angelino showing a newcomer the city's secret splendors."

"The city's splendors?" She smirked.

His attention went back to his computer, "Yeah, five thirty work for you?"

"Sure."

"Okay, I'll meet you in the lobby."

They didn't talk much on the drive to the restaurant or while they sat at the restaurant scouring the menu or waiting for their food and saki.

"Octavia said you're from Chicago," he said after they ordered.

"Yes and no, my grandparents lived there and I was born there, but I was raised in Manhattan. When I was deciding on schools, it jumped off the page and I'm grateful for finding Octavia there."

"Yes, well, she wouldn't shut up about how chill her roommate was."

"I feel like you're saying that in a derogatory manner but I'm still going to take it as a compliment."

"As you should. So what brought you to LA?"

"Medical school. My mother's a surgeon and it was always an unwritten agreement that I'd follow in her footsteps. I went to U of C for premed and med school at UCLA. I got my residency at CHLA and after all those years of studying and excelling in something I hated, I walked away. I didn't want to live my life in a hospital, I want to help people, but saving their life and them moving on doesn't really impact them, doesn't leave a memorable mark. The scar reminds them what they went through, not the doctor who helped them, you know? You do that with books, most of the books you publish have an underlying message behind it that sticks with people. I read Fruition and it changes how I saw sexuality, it was inspiring.

"I mean I'm bisexual so I understood the attraction to of the same sex and the opposite but transgender, pansexual, asexual, the rest, I admit that I was shortsighted towards them, open armed but not fully understanding. I understand more now and all because of that book," she said and looked over at the couple walking to a table across the room from where they sat in the back corner. Lexa, shit. She looked back to Bellamy who had a soft smile on his face she's never seen before.

"Clarke, this isn't a test, you don't have to read anything from our library, you can work here. You're actually the best secretary I've ever had and it's only been a week."

"I'm definitely not taking that as a compliment until I'm on Donna's level."

Bellamy grimaced, not knowing the reference and who would, no one openly admits to watching Suits.

"A character in a TV show, she does everything for her boss before he asks her to and it's rather inspiring but she's also worked for him for like a decade so they're in sync, but she's also regrettably in love with him so it's also a shit show when she gets fired for missing something she claimed to never have seen but was stamped with her name. Come to find out it was planted evidence backdated and her boss begs for her to come back and she gets the raise she wants but also has to see her beloved boss actually falling for another woman, breaking her heart. I'm sorry, I talk a lot when I'm nervous and I don't know why I'm nervous besides the fact that my ex is here with her new girlfriend."

"Okay, now that I know what's actually going on, don't worry about it. You're here with me, not her."

They talked while they ate and Bellamy asked if she needed a ride home, his town car was waiting at the curb, Clarke accepted. Her car was one of the things she had to give up but Raven lived a few buildings over and Blake Publishing was on the way to her lab so Clarke caught a ride in the morning and took the bus in the evening, Miller actually rode with her until his stop which was three before hers which was nice to learn.

"Clarke," Bellamy said when they pulled up to her apartment building.

"Yes, Mr. Blake?"

"I want to walk you up, make sure you get in safely."

"That makes tonight feel like a date and it's not."

"I'm aware. Still, I'd worry all weekend."

"Then walk me up," Clarke agreed, not knowing that she was going to kiss his cheek when her key was in the door. Or that he'd hold her waist to him and look at her with impossibly dark eyes. Or that he'd whisper how much he wanted to fuck her while gnawing on her earlobe, or that she'd let him do just that, bending her over the arm of her sofa.


"Do you remember the first time we were here?" she asked, dipping her green dragon roll into her wasabi/soy sauce combo, pointedly not looking at him.

"Dinner at the end of your first week. You were nervous, wearing that pale pink blouse with the black skirt. Your hair was shorter and you were rambling at first because you were nervous, but then because your ex walked in with another girl. You're cute when you're flustered."

"That was the last time I was flustered around you."

"That seems to be a correct statement," he nodded, popping his rainbow roll in his mouth.

"Why me?"

"Why you what?"

"Why did you choose me?"

He put his chopsticks down and takes her hand from across the table and Clarke wanted to pull away, but his touch… something about his touch always soothed her, calmed her racing heart and slowed its breaking. "I—in that moment you were there, but after that night I couldn't stop thinking about you. I never had that, where I couldn't stop thinking about someone I screwed. I liked it and I kept coming back for more, always needing more."

"You needed to fuck me?"

"I need you. I mean it when I say that I love you. I'm not going to push you, I know I can't. I just wanted you to know that Friday afternoons I'm not going to be in the office."

Clarke grimaced, "Okay? You never take time off, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I just have some things to deal with so I'm taking time on Fridays."

"You didn't have to tell me, we're—we're not…"

"I know, but I don't want you thinking I'm running around with other women. I don't think I can stop wanting you."

Clarke shook her head in disbelief, "Bellamy, you have to stop. It hurts enough as it is, I don't want to hear about any of this. I really shouldn't work for you anymore either but I'm actually having fun with my assignments. Could you not make it any harder?"

"That isn't my intention. Clarke, I heard you the other day, I heard what you want and…"

"Bellamy, please, we aren't good for each other." She sighed, pulling the napkin off her lap and stood to leave.

"Clarke!" Bellamy called after her, but Clarke was already at the exit, moving as swiftly as possible.