Scene 8: Davy Jones' Locker

(EVERYONE washes up onto the beach of the Locker. They look around for JACK.)

ALL:

The real world was having trouble
What a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore
Its former glory
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found
The man for you and me.

(They see the Black Pearl approaching with Jack atop the mast, much like his entrance in the first film. EVERYONE runs over to him. ELIZABETH starts to, but holds back after glancing WILL out of the corner of her eye.)

GIBBS:

And now it's...
Springtime for pirates and Shipwreck Cove!
All of us are happy and gay!
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the roguish race!
Springtime for pirates and Shipwreck Cove!
The sea's full of glee once more!
Springtime for pirates and Shipwreck Cove!
Watch out, Beckett
We're going on tour!

JACK:

Mr. Gibbs, there has been a perpetual and virulent lack of discipline aboard my vessel! Why is that, sir?

GIBBS:

You're in Davy Jones' Locker, Captain.

JACK:

I know that! I know where I am! And don't think I don't!

BARBOSSA:

Jack Sparrow.

JACK:

Ah, Hector! It's been too long, hasn't it?

BARBOSSA:

Isla de Muerta, remember? You shot me.

JACK:

Ha ha, no I didn't. Ah, Tia Dalma, out and about, eh? You lend an agreeable sense of the macabre to any delirium.

WILL:

He thinks we're a hallucination.

JACK:

William, tell me something—have you come because you need my help to rescue a certain distressing damsel, or rather a damsel in distress? Either one?

WILL:

No.

JACK:

Then you wouldn't be here, so you can't be here. Q. E. D., you're not really here.

ELIZABETH:
Jack. This is real. We're here.

(JACK locks eyes with her as if he's jogging his memory. Suddenly, he knows exactly who he's looking at and runs as far from her as possible.)

GIBBS:

Whow, Jack, what happened?

(A musical intro comes out of nowhere. EVERYONE gets into position.)

JACK:

Black Pearl lovin' had me a blast

ELIZABETH:

Black Pearl lovin' happened too fast

JACK:

Had a girl crazy for me

ELIZABETH

Knew a guy, Crude as could be.

JACK and ELIZABETH:

Black Pearl days driftin' away

To uh, oh, those Black Pearl nights.

WILL:
Tell me more, tell me more

Did you get very far?

TIA DALMA:

Tell me more, tell me more

Was the sex just sub-par?

JACK:
Tried to kiss me, said I was a good man

ELIZABETH:

Lied to me when he said he had a plan

JACK:

I saved your life! You nearly drowned!

ELIZABETH:

Such a man-whore, sleeping around!

JACK and ELIZABETH:

Black Pearl sun, something's begun

But uh, oh, those Black Pearl nights

PINTEL:

Tell me more, tell me more

Is she a good reward?

BARBOSSA:

Tell me more, tell me more

So can she handle a sword?

ELIZABETH:

Now we're here, we found the guy

JACK:

No, you kissed me and left me to die

ALL:

Black Pearl dreams ripped at the seams

But oh, those Black Pearl nights!

(The spotlight dims and the musical changes tone quite dramatically.)

BARBOSSA
Whatever Barbossa wants
Barbossa gets
And little man, Barbossa wants you
Make up your mind to have no regrets
If Beckett takes over the seas, you're through
The brethren court song's been sung
And you're the one I came for

Whatever Barbossa wants
Barbossa gets,
Get in MY ship
Don't you know you can't win?
You're no exception to the rule,
I've got the charts to get us back…Give in!...Give in!

(JACK opens his compass, the arrow spinning wildly. He looks up at his "crew," sighs, and joins them.)


A/N: I do not own The Producers, Grease, or Damn Yankees.