Disclaimer: look chapter one


CHAPTER EIGHT: MEMORIES

A week later:

"Oh, come on, Kaylena! I don't want to lose this bet!" She heard Evan's voice while she moved to the side to doge Ronon's hit, which would have had enough power to force her down. He missed her by an inch and she smiled while she twirled around. The next second she kicked him with her sprawled leg in his stomach but even though she hit him with full force, he only stumbled a step back.

He grinned wildly and she had little time to react before he attacked her again.

Damn it! He was quick. Normally she was the quick one while the others were powerful. But power was only useful if you hit your target. Unfortunately Ronon wasn't only powerful but also very quick and had an eye for soft spots.

Again she ducked away and was involved in a quick sequence from hits and blocks a second later. She kicked again but he blocked her easily with his leg and the next moment he had gripped her wrist and swung her around. That hit her unexpected but not unexpected enough to give in.

Instead of struggling against his grip she moved with the motion and flipped herself over and landed straight on her feet instead of falling flat on her back like he intended her to do. She jumped and kicked her bare feet against his jaw. He let go of her wrist by instinct and stepped back.

"Hey, big guy! Do something; I made a bet on you!" Sheppard's voice sounded somewhere from behind, combined with a satisfied laugh from Lorne.

And he did!

Before she could blink twice he threw her over his back and she landed hard on her back.

"That's it, buddy!" Sheppard sounded pleased again.

Ronon twirled around at full speed. He was behind her and tried to hold her down but he made a fault and the next second she swung her legs back over her head and wrapped them around his neck. He trembled and gripped her calves and she used the moment to toss him forward. Unfortunately for her, Ronon was too tall and heavy for this move and she only managed half of the way before he crushed into her.

She let out a protesting moan and had troubles to find her breath again. Ronon didn't need as much time to recover from her unexpected move and grabbed her again. She tried her best to defend her self and at first it seemed she would succeed. She punched him hard enough under his chin to make her fist hurt but a second later he had her hands pinned over her head and blocked her legs with his own. In a last effort of antagonism she lunged her head forward but he dodged the last second.

She stopped trembling and looked at him. He smiled wildly at her and she had difficulties to suppress an annoyed growl. Certainly without success, which only made him chuckle.

"Damn it! If you wouldn't be this tall I would have made it!" She muttered and tried to sound huffy but could feel a smile on her lips which grew wider and wider as Ronon laughed out loud.

It wasn't the first time she sparred with Ronon and sadly not the first time she lost the match. But it was always curtly. And always fun.

He got up and offered her his hand which she accepted.

"That was amazing, Kay!" Kaaron stormed towards her and his blue eyes smiled brightly. She smiled back at him and stroked his stubborn hair gently.

The moment she had entered the infirmary seven days ago he had clung his arms around her and hadn't let go of her till she promised him not to leave.

At first that had made it only harder for her. She asked him how he could believe in her promises after she failed with her first one. But he reminded her that she only promised to try.

Indeed she had and than he begged her again to remain at his side. A little helpless she had looked at Ronon who seemed highly amused about her irritation, but tried to hide it.

In the end she had promised him that she would stay –for now. Till they found him a new home. He wasn't happy about that, she could detect that in his eyes but he had nodded and relaxed afterwards.

She had no idea what she had done to earn such trust from him. He didn't know her but apparently she had done something right. First she felt a little bit uneasy around him. Kids were nothing she was used to. She wasn't born to be a mother –she knew that as long as she could remember but obviously Kaaron didn't agree with her.

After her promise he seemed pacified and allowed Carson to look after his injuries and didn't make any trouble.

"You were okay, too!" He smiled at Ronon after a short pause, which forced everybody to laugh.

"Okay, hu?" Ronon grinned and tousled the boy's hair before he gripped him in a quick move and turned him around so that he was hanging in the air with his head to the ground. Kaaron laughed out loudly and tried his best get out of the grip. Of course without any result.

"I mean good!" He giggled. "Really!"

"Give up, buddy she's his heroine. But if it makes you happy I'm still your fan." Sheppard grinned mischievously.

"You only say so, because you won your bet!" Ronon told him while he put Kaaron back to the ground

"Hey, that's not fair! Can't I be a fan and make some money with my trust in you?" Sheppard raised his hands in a protective gesture.

Lorne rolled his eyes. "Why did you lose? Again?!" He asked her while he shook his head and she couldn't avoid herself from chuckling because of his expression.

"I'm working on it!" She assured him.

Ronon chuckled again and she shot him a deadly look which lost its effect because of the smile which was still on her lips.

"Nonetheless, you're the only one beside Teyla who seems to be able to give him a beating." Sheppard grinned at her. "Should I ask myself why only women seem to be able to do so, buddy?"

"Only if you are looking for a beating, I would say!" Evan chuckled after a quick look in her direction. Apparently it wasn't that hard to notice what she thought about that.

It sounded as if she only was able to hit Ronon because he let her. Of course that was bosh, but she couldn't help herself from feeling pissed. She knew that Sheppard was only joking and tried to tease Ronon but meanwhile she had difficulties with John's easy –going.

But that was not his fault. She only wasn't used to things like that and she was sure it would take its time to come along with this stuff.

"Oh, come on!" Sheppard shouted outraged and ironed the situation instantly.

"Maybe that's exactly what he's looking for!" Evan grinned.

"Oh, yeah, sure as hell. One woman kicking my ass off is enough. Thank you!" He muttered and as if Teyla had heard that the door slipped open and the Athosean stood in the doorframe in company of another woman.

She was petite and small with hair that gave one the impression that it was burning. She was not such a beauty as Teyla but something about her long red hair, her green eyes and her shy smile made her pretty. In a special essential way.

"Speaking of the devil!" John muttered quietly and forced everybody to laugh.

"Is there something we should know?" Teyla asked while she walked over to them, the unfamiliar woman behind her.

"Colonel Sheppard is afraid you would kick his ass!" Kaaron informed her without a second thought, which forced a funny expression on Sheppard's face and made the others only laugh harder .

"Thank you, kid!" He grumbled while Teyla raised an eye-brown. But a second later she stepped aside and introduced the woman.

"I think, except for Kaylena and Kaaron you all knew Dr. Alyssa Biggelow."

She noticed the light blush while Teyla introduced her to everybody and she also noticed that her cheeks grew a little darker as Evan greeted her back.

"So, Teyla gave you a few extra lessons, doc?" Sheppard asked the shy woman and she nodded a little uncomfortable, but Teyla was already there to help her.

"Well I'm here to ask Kaylena if she would teach her, because I'm not sure if I have enough time. It's almost harvest time on New Athos and I would like to spend as much time with my people as possible. But Ally is interested in fighting and I thought Kaylena's fighting style is much more adapted for her than the one of some others." She said with a slight smile in Ronon's direction who only shrugged his shoulders.

"You want me as a teacher?" For a moment Kaylena was a little overstrained but then she eyed the woman a second time who blushed a little harder under her questioning look. She ignored her petite and gracile stature and looked a little deeper. Even it was obvious that she felt uncomfortable she held herself straight and radiated something that reminded her of the dancers from her home world. That was something she could work with.

"Are you a good dancer?" She asked her and could sense her surprise.

"Yes...I mean I like to dance!" The doctor answered.

"And you are sure about it? I mean, me teaching you my fighting style?"

The woman nodded.

"It can be hard and frustrating and there will be more than one time you will have bruises and arching muscles." She wanted to make sure that the doctor was fully aware of what she asked for, but the moment she saw her clenching her chin she knew the answer. Apparently there was more under the fragile surface as someone would expect.

"I know that, but I want to learn how to defend myself!" She told her with a firm voice.

Now Kaylena didn't hide her smile.

"Great! Let's start!"

"You will teach me?" The red-haired woman asked her surprised.

"I told you she would agree!" Teyla told her smiling.

"Then you can exercise with me!" Kaaron beamed at the doc.

"Maybe later, Kaaron. First the two of you will get private lessons, till I know which are your strong and soft spots." He nodded and fell silent again but all the while he was smiling so she thought she did okay.

"So in future you should be friendly to the doc, otherwise there will be a third woman who is able to kick your ass, if she's annoyed!" Lorne told Sheppard grinning and Alyssa blushed again.

"I would never do that!" She affirmed.

"Yes and I -" Sheppard confirmed "Would never annoy a woman!"

She changed a quick glance with Ronon who didn't say a word but the glance in his eyes told her everything she needed to know and gave her a hard time not to laugh.

"Sure!" Evan nodded and sounded everything but confirmed.

"So doctor –mind if we started?" She asked.

"No!" She smiled her shy smile. "And you can call me Ally, if you want!"

"Fine Ally and it's Kaylena for you –don't even think about calling me Miss Lirren." She told her and kicked Ronon slightly as he started to chuckle again, which forced Teyla and John to change a quick glance and sharing a grin.

She ignored them and was glad as Ally nodded in agreement. The members of the military seemed to have no problem with calling her by her given name but every scientist she was introduced to was calling her by this Miss –thing.

"Okay than. Someone hungry?" Sheppard asked and Teyla nodded while Ronon's stomach gave a rumbling answer, which forced her to roll her eyes.

"What a question!" She mumbled and jumped quickly aside to avoid Ronon's hand with which he tried to slap her.

"Seems that you really need a break –you're getting slow!" She smirked and earned a grumpy glint but the same time she could see a slight grin on his lips.

"Mind if I watch?" Evan asked her. She looked at the red cheeks of the doctor and raised a brown.

"Ally?"

She cleared her throat and tried a sly smile. "Yes, sure, it's okay for me!"

"Kaaron what's with you? Hungry?" Teyla asked the boy but he shook his head.

"I will watch Kay, I'm not hungry!" He assured the Athosean who changed a quick glance with her. They both knew fully well that it was a lie but Teyla also knew that he wouldn't leave the gym without her. So the petite brunette nodded with a slight smile.

"Have fun!" John told them while Ronon contented himself with one of his typical grunts and together the three team members left the gym.

After Evan and Kaaron settled themselves down on the ground she started her first lesson with Ally.

Her gut feeling hadn't abandoned her. She was a dancer and with that she could be a good fighter, too. In the end Dijiri was nothing else, beside that it was a deadly dance.


They went to the cantina and after filling their trays they sat down on their usual table. All the while Sheppard was smiling all over his face, while Teyla was anxious to stop him with telling glances. Ronon ignored it and concentrated on his food till he was tired of John's grin.

"What?" He growled even though he knew what was coming.

"Nothing, it's only I couldn't remember the last time I've seen you this…" The Colonel hesitated and did a god job in ignoring Teyla kicking his shin. "Well, happy!" His grin got even wilder as he added. "Maybe I've never seen you like this!"

He ignored the hint and let out a quiet growl which forced Sheppard to roll his eyes.

"Oh, come on, big guy, don't be grumpy again. Or is Kaylena kicking your ass the only thing which makes you laugh?" He teased him.

"Maybe kicking your ass makes me laugh again." He rumbled and eyed him with an angry glance but Sheppard wasn't ready to give up yet and tried another way.

"If she's willing to train the doc she's maybe willing to train some of the marines, too."

"She has a very interesting fighting style; I'm sure it would be a nice enrichment to lean some of her moves." Teyla agreed firmly.

"Yeah. Strictly speaking there are already some marines who seemed to be interested in some lessons." John nodded and tried to hide a smirk.

"Really!" The way Teyla stretched the word let him know that she sensed that John tried to follow a certain line.

"Yes!" John nodded and ignored her tone. "Mitchell, Lewis and one or two others who have seen her fighting in the gym during the match." He hesitated a second. "But that was before Laijuna. Since she's back the interest went up!"

"The interest in her fighting style or in looking at her?" Teyla asked with a raised eye-brown.

"Both I would say! Okay maybe the one or other is more interested in a good view, but you can't miff them that. Nobody could deny that she looked rather hot in her clothes and..."

"John!" Teyla snapped in while he gritted his teeth but bewared his calm image.

"What? I'm only..."

"John!" She hissed again with a quick glance at him but he remained still and watched the little match. It was obvious that John tried to force a reaction out of him.

He wasn't blind and was fully aware of the way some of the marines looked at Kaylena or spoke about her. It wasn't much different from the looks Teyla got. He didn't like it. Neither by Kaylena or Teyla.

"I'm only sharing some facts with you!" John raised his palms and added. "She's a big girl! She will kick everyone to the moon and back, who would try to touch her. And furthermore Lorne and Campell seemed quite protective over her. Not to speak about big guy here!"

"She's their team member!" Teyla reminded him and kept him from teasing further, as he apparently had planned.

"Since a week!" John muttered.

"You should be happy about it. That only shows that she fits in here and even though she isn't such an open person she tried to get comfortable. Apparently with success."

"Yeah, the two really like her."

Something about the way he said that let him frown. Teyla had sensed it too.

"She's a nice person if you know her a little better." The Athosean smiled warmly.

"Yeah, sure!" John nodded and Teyla changed a quick glance with him and Ronon saw a amused glance in her eyes.

"May it be that you feel a little uncertain around Kaylena?"

"Uncertain?" John snapped with a big frown.

"Yes, you seem always a little uneasy around her. Normally you are more...casual around women!"

"What?" John stared at her with open mouth.

"Yeah, Teyla's right." He added which brought him a curious glance from the Colonel. "You don't like her."

"No! No-she's a great one." John hurried to answer. "Apart from the fury thing!" He muttered nearly voiceless.

"The fury-thing?" Teyla looked confused but Ronon knew exactly what Sheppard was talking about. About her wild side. What he liked most in her seemed obviously to be the part John had troubles with.

"Yeah! You know –she's stoic and emotionless but then when she's pissed, she" He raised his hands "Wham! Like an exploding bomb. And tell me if I'm wrong but she's pissed most of the time. Especially, when I'm around."

"You didn't like her, because you think she didn't like you?" Teyla asked astonished.

"It's obvious!" He muttered and the tone in his voice showed a good part puzzlement.

So Teyla was right. The Colonel couldn't handle a woman who wasn't willing to fall for the famous Sheppard charm.

Ronon wasn't sure if he should be amused or annoyed by it.

"You're wrong. She doesn't hate you!" Teyla said firmly.

"I didn't say that she hates me, it's more..." He searched for the right words. "She seems quickly pissed when I'm near."

"You're strange for her." Ronon rumbled.

"I'm strange?" John eyed him with disbelief.

"What Ronon means is that she isn't used to your behaviour." Teyla tried to explain to him. "And maybe it's that you couldn't handle her, because she's not falling for your charm as easily as most women?" The Athosean asked with a wicked smile and Johns face forced Ronon to chuckle.

"What?" Sheppard snapped and stared at Teyla with an open mouth. But Teyla only grinned and devoted to her food again.

"That's not true!" Now the Colonel sounded like a little child which forced Teyla's grin to widen lightly.

"I only say that you feel a little uneasy because she didn't got on with your..."She hesitated a moment "easy character." She finally said and he agreed silently with her.

The easy going earth customs which were part of Sheppard, like the fury in Kaylena, wasn't always easy. He knew that from his own experience, just like Teyla but both of them had gotten used to it and he was sure Kaylena would handle it too. But for someone who was on his own for so long it was hard. Nobody could understand that better than himself.

He wasn't quiet sure why she spent all this time on her own. Kaylena hadn't been caught after the final attack on her home planet and as far as he could tell there had been no one after her at this time. She said she got a little lost but he had no idea what she meant with it. There was more than she was willing to say, that was clear for him but he hesitated to ask her further. Something told him that she wasn't prepared to tell him what forced her to spend two years on her own before she decided to go on the hunt. And he had the odd impression that even during this time she had been on her own. He never had a choice. He couldn't risk to rest among people even for a short time. The one time he had allowed himself to let somebody look after his injuries...

They were all dead because of him. Not only the woman who had had charity with him, who took great care of his wounds, who let him rest for a while till he was strong enough to go on. Her whole village was dead now. He made them a prey –two times.

He pushed this thought away. He couldn't change the past but again he asked himself what happened to her that she stayed away from other people.

"...with Ronon!"

"Hu?" He asked irritated as he heard his name.

Sheppard changed a quick glance with Teyla who took a deep breath as she saw him smirking.

"John!" She tried again apparently as tired of Sheppard's tries to tease him as he himself. Whatever he had missed, it was obviously only another comment about Kaylena and him.

"What?" Sheppard hissed. "They are really similar! And apparently they like each other and she's not afraid of him. I only say they would make a good couple."

"John!"

"We are no couple!" He rumbled.

"But you would like that!" John grinned amused.

He let out an annoyed growl but before he could do anything else, Rodney showed up with a tray full of food and muttering something over citrus fruits.

"What are you doing here?" Sheppard asked and turned his attention to the scientist and gave him a hard time not to sign in relief. He had not interest in talking about this point. Certainly not with Sheppard who liked to make fun of such stuff and would grin all the time. But again he asked himself if Sheppard was right.

He knew her for barely two months now but had the impression he knew her for years. The little episode on the planet had deepened the familiarity to a point he had never shared with somebody. A part of him was still unsure about this whole thing and tried to stay away from this strange feeling.

He opened up to a strange person and let her near a point were it would be easy for her to hurt him. Not only physical. It was not his usual habit to make himself a target for such things but the trust in her overweighed the fear. And the more he accepted her being this familiar, the easier it got.

Sheppard was right when he said he never saw him laughing this much. The last time he felt this easy and comfy was long time ago. A cold grip that suddenly appeared around his heart reminded him of with whom he had felt this happy.

Melena.

"I make a rest! Maybe you haven't noticed but I'm the one who work all night and day and I'm hungry!" Rodney snapped while he took a seat but he barely heard his voice.

The picture of Melena twirled around in his head and he couldn't avoid himself from closing his eyes. As if she wanted to reward him, her memory looked at him with a bright and warm smile with reached her eyes easily.

The grip around his heart tightened and the moment he heard Sheppard's voice he knew a painful moan slipped out his throat.

"Hey, buddy!" Sheppard's concerned reached his ear. "Is everything okay?"

His eyes snapped open instantly and he was confronted with the worried looks of the others. Even Rodney seemed a little bit concerned and he cursed himself for being this careless.

"Yeah! Everything's fine." He growled but wasn't sure if this was true. He tried to keep himself away from thinking about Melena but it was harder since he was back from Sateda.

Thinking about her and about what he had lost during that day hurt much more than physical pain could ever do to him. That day he had lost everything he ever knew and had meant something to him.

Family. Friends. Home. Everything that had formed him and made him who he was.

Again he saw the explosion behind Melena's back but before it could kill her he tore himself away from the memory.

He couldn't change the past! He had to remain himself about that. The present was everything he had and the only thing he should care about. But as always that was harder to tell than to do. Especially, when it came to Melena.

But then his thought drifted to Kaylena and again he asked himself if Sheppard could be right. He let the last two month pass by in front of his inner eyes. From the moment he found her in the ruins till the moment she dodged his slap with a wicked smile a few minutes ago in the gym.

He had loved Melena but what he felt for Kaylena was different. He felt linked to her but couldn't fathom it more specific. Maybe he should let it be this way without digging deeper. He wasn't sure if he wanted it to be deeper, if he was able to handle with anything deeper.

His inner animal flared up in protest but he ignored it.

"Hey buddy. You're sure everything's okay?" John asked again and couldn't keep himself from snarling which forced Rodney to flinch.

"Yeah!" He growled. "What's with the map he asked instead and was confronted with questioning looks. Apparently he had missed this point.

Unlike the little trip to Laijuna the search for her family treasure contained no sudden complications. Weir had sent them with Lorne's team to prevent troubles but luckily it was needless. They've found the map on which the coordinates of the armada were hidden and were quickly back in Atlantis where McKay found out that it was damaged.

Kaylena was shocked but Sheppard assured her that McKay would be able to repair it. Naturally Rodney had held an endless speech about the way he was treated: The pressure and the insolvable challenges they would saddle him. But in the end he had gripped the map and disappeared into his lab, all the while muttering some inapprehensible things in his usual arrogant tone.

This had been a week ago and apparently this map hold in more difficulties damages than they thought. But he knew McKay, the more he muttered the anxious he was to find a solution, in the end. He had no doubts that he would be able to repair it.

"What?" He growled as he got tiered of the questioning glances.

"No-Nothing!" McKay hastened to answer and he realized that his tone was a little too harsh. "As I said, I will be able to repair it." Rodney added.

"Hey buddy, maybe you should calm down a little bit!" The way the Colonel looked at him was serious but included a worried glint while Teyla was obviously concerned.

"Ronon is..." She begun but he stood up harshly before she could end the sentence.

"You are right!" He nodded in Sheppard's direction and left without another word.

He walked to one of the balconies. One which was far away from the living area. He didn't nee someone who bugged him. All he needed for now was some time on his own to clear his mind from the memories and confusing thoughts which dwelled up in him.

Again Melena's picture popped in his mind. She was dancing and twirled around with loud laughter. Her head was bent back in her neck, her eyes closed and her arms were spread. She whirled quicker and quicker till her blond curls flew high in the air. Suddenly she stopped and opened her eyes. She looked exactly in his direction and her brown eyes smiled warmly at him while she called him to come near.

He started to run. Running away from the memories and away from the pain linked with them. He got faster and faster but no matter how many meters he laid back he couldn't run from the pictures in his mind. But after a while the laughter died away.

He stopped on one of the balconies and gasped loud for breath. His hands gripped roughly around the balustrade till his knuckles turned white. His whole body was stiff and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't force himself to relax.

Why couldn't he stop thinking about the past?

All the years as runner he had been able to push this thoughts away. The only thing –the only feeling he had allowed himself was rage. It had worked well. Rage was his source of energy. The only thing that had kept him alive.

And now the rage was gone and the only thing left was pain.

Slowly he closed his eyes while his head sunk on his hands. Never in his life he had felt this weak and effected. He breathed deep and slowly but he was too weak to force the memories away.

He remained still and let it happen. That was not his usual self –normally he would grit his teeth and fight against it -but at the moment he didn't have the strength and the will to do something against it.

Ronon had no idea how long he stayed there this way till he felt her presence, but it was getting dark as he looked up, so it had been some time.

Kaylena didn't speak or expected him to do so. She only stepped beside him and watched the sun going down, plunging the ocean in different colours. They stood near enough that their shoulders touched lightly. He never turned his eyes from the ocean but slowly he felt his body relax. He hadn't even noticed that he had been that tense all the time till the moment it released.

The memories were still there but the pain faded away and he sighed with relief. She shouldn't have such power over him but at the moment he could only feel eased.

He lent a little more against her shoulder before he could restrain himself from it and felt her return the pressure before he could fear he had done something wrong.

Again he closed his eyes but only for a short moment. Melena smiled brightly before she threw her head back, spread her arms and twirled out of his view.

He sighed again and opened his eyes. He couldn't change the past so he should stop thinking about it. The present saved more than enough he had to handle with.

And not everything was bad , he reminded himself with a quick glance at Kaylena.

TBC


A/N: This chapter is maybe a little sad in some way, but I convinced myself (like always) that I need some slight romance in my story. So I thought Ronons past had to find its place here, so that I could go on with it...

Hope you enjoyed it.