Chapter 8 - My Old Man

The next night in the barn, everything went to hell and back.

It started out all right. The barn was warm enough, the group was cheerful enough, and everyone left Daryl to his thoughts – as per usual. The rain hadn't let up, so they'd been cooped up in the barn the whole day. Daryl tried sitting with the group around the makeshift fire Tara had started in a trash bin they'd found nearby, but he couldn't stand to hear them telling jokes. Not now. Maybe not ever. So he went off to his own corner to try and keep the noises out.

It didn't work. Try as he might, he couldn't help but hear everyone. He couldn't help but hear Michonne start to hum to herself. He knew the tune – knew it by default. She was humming a Joni Mitchell song, and suddenly Daryl couldn't breathe again. He closed his eyes to drown out the sound, but he could physically feel himself being pulled back there – back to the funeral home, back to more memories of Beth.

He could practically feel the coffin beneath his back again. He had joked to her that it was the comfiest bed he'd had in years. She'd smiled at him before going back to playing the piano, a smile that he'd started getting used to receiving. It made him feel like he'd won a contest, and he could hear the sound of his own heartbeat echoing loudly in his head at the sight of it. Of her. Sitting there, playing that damn old piano.

He didn't remember nodding off in that coffin, but he did remember waking up to a familiar song. It had invaded his dreams and slowly roused him from slumber:

My old man, he's a singer in the park

He's a walker in the rain

He's a dancer in the dark

We don't need no piece of paper from the city hall

Keeping us tied and true

No, my old man

Keeping away my lonesome blues

"Joni Mitchell," he'd said matter-of-factly, staring at the ceiling.

Beth jumped, clearly startled by the sound of his voice. She turned around and cocked her eyebrows at him.

"You don't seem like the Joni Mitchell type, Mr. Dixon," she replied, a teasing tone making it's way into her voice. "Besides, I thought you were out cold, figured it was the best time to practice the one song I'm still terrible at."

"Sounds nice," he'd responded. When she continued to look at him questioningly, he sighed and sat up. "My mom, before she went too far off the rails, she used to sing that song to us. To me and Merle, when we were kids. I always liked it. Think Merle did too."

Beth beamed at him. It was a rare smile, her secret smile. It was reserved for the moments when he opened up to her like this. Daryl had slowly begun realizing that Beth was easy to talk to – about everything. She loved hearing about his past, even when he had nothing but boring memories to share. She always made him feel heard – he no longer felt uninteresting around this woman. Daryl couldn't remember a time where he had spoken more than he had in the past few weeks with Beth. She made it easy.

"I always liked it, too," Beth said. "I'm sorry I couldn't sing it better for you, there's not much time to practice these things anymore. As you can see, I'm a busy woman."

Daryl let out a gruff chuckle. Beth had a great sense of humor. He hadn't expected it, but it was a pleasant surprise. "You're doin' just fine. It sounds good."

Beth was still smiling at him. So without bothering to think about it, Daryl smiled right back. She let out what sounded like a content sigh and turned back around. "Well, I hope you really love this song 'cuz I plan on playing it until I get it right."

She turned back to the keys and started again.

Daryl nestled back into his new bed. "I dunno if you want me to clap or not, since I never been to a concert before. "

"There's a first time for everything," she'd replied with a laugh.

Daryl opened his eyes again. Michonne was still humming, and he couldn't listen to it anymore. He never wanted to listen to that song again, not if Beth wasn't around to sing it.

He stood up and decided to head back downstairs. He could find solace there in the dark. Maybe even try to sleep for once.

He realized his mistake the moment he set foot on the ground and came face to face with Maggie. She'd clearly had the same idea as him. Her face was tear-stained and gaunt. She looked at him, completely startled.

"Oh, it's you," she'd said. "I can leave if you want." She wiped her nose on her sleeve.

He didn't know if it was the lack of sleep, the constant reminiscing, or the fact that he hadn't faced her yet, but Daryl was overcome by a searing anger.

"Yeah, you'd better fuckin' leave then," he growled suddenly, surprising even himself.

Maggie stared at him. "I know you're mad at me, Daryl. I can see it, I feel it every time you look at me. Can we talk about it?"

"You wanna talk about it? You think I'm pissed? After you didn't bother to give two shits about your own sister? After you fuckin' up and left for DC without a second's hesitation? After I told you she was alive and she needed us? Needed you? You think I blame you for all that? Well holy shit, maybe you're not fucking senseless after all."

Daryl hadn't said this many sentences in a row since before it happened. But he was on a roll now, he couldn't stop himself:

"She was alone, Maggie. She was alive, she was alone, and you didn't give a fuck. Do you remember when the governor took you and Glenn? Remember that? Know who was first in fucking line to go save your useless ass? SHE WAS. BETH WAS THE FIRST FUCKING VOLUNTEER TO SAVE YOUR LIFE AND YOU LEFT HER TO FUCKING DIE."

Tears were streaming down his face, and in the back of his mind, Daryl realized this was the first time he had said her name since it all happened. But he didn't have time to think about it, because Maggie exploded at him.

"I THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD, DARYL. I JUST LOST MY DAD, I HAVEN'T GOTTEN OVER THAT, AND I THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD. I DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU, I COULDN'T BELIEVE YOU. I COULDN'T BRING MY HOPES UP LIKE THAT JUST TO SEE THEM FUCKING DESTROYED ALL OVER AGAIN. I COULDN'T HANDLE THE PAIN AGAIN."

Daryl opened his mouth to retort, but Maggie surprised him by pushing him violently backwards with both hands.

"YOU SAID SHE WAS TAKEN AND NOWADAYS TAKEN IS A GOOD AS FUCKING DEAD. WE BOTH KNOW IT. IT WAS EASIER TO BELIEVE SHE WAS DEAD BECAUSE ALL HOPE I EVER FUCKING HAD FOR ANYTHING DIED THE DAY MY DAD WAS DECAPITATED IN FRONT OF ME AND I COULDN'T DO IT ALL AGAIN. I THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD, I EVEN THOUGHT SHE WAS BETTER OFF BECAUSE THAT'S THE PIECE OF SHIT PERSON THAT I'VE BECOME."

She broke down in front of him. Daryl was speechless. Hot tears were still spilling from his eyes, but he barely noticed them. He had hated her. He had hated Maggie, he had felt it down to the tips of his toes, and he had wanted her dead. He had even wished it had been her instead. And it horrified him. But her excuses weren't enough for him either. He couldn't just forgive her, could he? Too many conflicting emotions buzzed around inside his head. Maggie was sobbing now.

"You think I don't blame myself, Daryl? You think I don't spend every night awake wishing it was me instead? You think I don't go over every second of the last three weeks in my head and think about how I could have done it all differently? You think I don't see her every time I close my eyes and try to breathe? Maybe I could have saved her. Maybe if I had gone with you it would have been different… Maybe my baby sister would be here smiling and singing and – and -…"

But she didn't finish her sentence. She couldn't. Daryl could see it in her face – no one hated Maggie more than she hated herself. He knew that feeling well. And he felt a twinge of sympathy for her.

I miss Maggie, I miss her bossin' me around.

He could hear Beth again in his head. She wouldn't have wanted any of this. She would have wanted Maggie to be happy, she would have wanted Daryl to forgive her. He had to try, if not for himself and for Maggie, then in honor of Beth. He looked around and saw Maggie plant herself on the dirty ground. Her shoulders were shaking and she was facing the wall.

He walked over to her and sat down beside her silently, saying nothing. He'd forgotten in his anger that Maggie was feeling a lot like him. He'd been blessed to have a few weeks with Beth, to feel her warmth and strength and love. But Maggie grew up with her. They both lost Beth, and with the loss of Beth, Maggie had lost a sister – Daryl knew something about the loss of a sibling.

As he sat in silence with Maggie and his thoughts, Daryl felt her head droop down onto his shoulder. He didn't move. It seemed the Greene girls didn't care much for personal space. But he didn't really mind.

"Thank you," she said to him quietly.

Daryl remained silent. But he didn't move away. He could feel a warm tear drop onto his shoulder.

"Thank you for being with her, for watching out for her. Thanks for making her happy, I know you must have. I've been watching, I can see how you feel. We lost our girl, and I don't know what to do without her, Daryl."

"Me neither," he said quietly.

Maggie grasped his hand and squeezed it for a second before sitting back up to face him. She smiled a watery smile at him. Maybe he didn't hate her so much after all.

"Did I ever tell you about the time she found pot in my bedroom? I was maybe 17, experimenting and causing trouble, but she was still a little kid, didn't know nothing about it. But she found this little baggie filled with green stuff in my drawer and decided to use it in her kitchen stew. She liked to pretend to be a chef, back when she was little. She'd make these nasty stews out of anything she could find in the kitchen and force us all to take a bite. This time she made a stew out of a few sticks of butter, a couple of raw eggs, a whole bottle of canola oil and my pot. Lucky for me, I was her first 'customer,' so when she pulled it out of her pocket to garnish her stew I saw what it was. But Bethy didn't know, so I had to make up some story about how it was magical oregano from the garden that gave you superpowers, and it should only be used on Italian food. So when she went downstairs to grab a can of Spaghetti-O's I flushed it down the toilet quick and told her that I'd eaten it all because I was too hungry to wait for her to bring up the food. She waited hours in my room to see if I would start flyin' or turn invisible, but I never did. She was so disappointed, but she told all her friends about the magic oregano and they spent the next month looking for more in the garden. Killed all of the roses our daddy had tried to grow. I don't think I ever smoked weed again. Too much of a hassle with that nosy kid."

Maggie was crying again. "God, I love her so much."

Me too, Daryl thought to himself unexpectedly. He smiled at the thought of little Beth, probably dressed head to toe in frills and lace. What a little troublemaker she must have been. What a powerful creature she had become.

A sudden knock at the barn door had them both scrambling to their feet. They both rushed to the door, peering through the cracks. Daryl cursed under his breath. It was a horde of walkers. He couldn't tell how many, but just as he thought they might pass by without any trouble, the group upstairs erupted in a loud, ridiculous laughter.

"Shit," he heard Maggie say next to him as a few walkers turned their heads and began to walk towards the door. It didn't look strong enough to keep a horde of them out.

"Go get everyone," he said to her urgently. "Make sure they bring their weapons. We might need 'em."

The door banged violently as a few walkers slammed up against it.

"Go!" he said again, loudly. Maggie nodded, wide-eyed and ran up the stairs and out of sight.

It was going to be a bad night.

...

Hey guys! I'm so sorry I took so long to update! It's been a busy few weeks for me, but I promise not to ever forget about this story! I'll update whenever I can until it's finished! Also last week's episode of TWD really upset me (and I don't want to spoil it for anyone) but that really big thing that happened isn't going to happen in my story. All of Team Family (from Coda onward) is still alive and well in my story. Also I really wanted to deal with the Maggie dilemma in this chapter. I know a lot of you hate her, and I don't blame you! I hope you still like my story, but I wanted to redeem her because I used to adore her and I wanted to finally forgive her for the bad writing the Walking Dead writers put her through last season. And she's Beth's sister after all so I just can't bring myself to hate her. Anyway thanks for reading and liking and following and commenting! You are all awesome! Back to Beth next chapter!