I own nothing….SM owns these characters

Between God the Devil and Our Very Souls

Chapter eight

The Letter

Rene's point of view

One might call it a sixth sense or simply a mother's intuition. However, I had a bad feeling where my baby girl was concerned. I've sensed it for a number of days as of late.

Charlie and I both had a bad feeling about Bella's state of mentality. She hasn't acted right since Carlisle had been absent from her life. She wasn't my Bella any longer, and I had gradually gotten to the point where I hated the 'Cullen's, including Carlisle. Why the boy just wouldn't cut the crap and be with my daughter. Sighs

I knocked on the bathroom door and Bella didn't answer me, so I called her name a couple more times. There was no response from her giving me that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. However, fear engulfed me as I called out her name once more…silence.

I screamed for Charlie and he came running. Tears were streaming down my face. I just knew my daughter was on over load stress wise and something bad was happening. Charlie broke the door down and there lay our daughter with her wrist sliced open. I instantly started slapping her face to try and bring her around. She came around but just barely- the only word that came out of her mouth was a whimpered 'Carlisle'. Always, thinking of that boy, I regret the day I allowed them to play together.

The whole place was lit up with sirens within minutes. They had stopped the bleeding and had Bella stabilized and on a stretcher, moving her down the stairs to the ambulance. It was then that I noticed a letter addressed for Carlisle lying on a towel. I placed it inside my pocket.

After Bella was loaded up I told Charlie to ride with her, and I wouldn't be far behind him. I had a stop to make first. I went to the Cullen's door, and I pounded until my fist bled. This had gone far enough, and I was going to put a stop to this foolishness. Amanda opened the door with a concerned look on her face.

"What's happened Rene? Did something happen to Charlie? We saw the lights flashing and…" I interrupted her; I gritted my teeth and said "I want to see your son right fucking now. I didn't have to wait long he was already down the stairs with big eyes that held fear.

"Bella" he asked as crocodile tears streamed down his cheeks. One look at me, and he knew something bad had happened. "NO, NO, please God no, not my Bella." He pleaded.

I felt for him- but I felt more for my daughter fighting for her life. "She left this note for you before she sliced her wrist Carlisle. I said gritting my teeth trying to control the seething anger that I felt. "I want you to read it in front of me now. He took the letter from my shaking hand and read it sobbing.

"Do you want to read it Rene?"He asked barely above a whisper.

"No it said for your eyes only. I wouldn't disrespect my daughter by going against her wishes right now. I'm going to the hospital and then expect a visit from Charlie and me."

"OK" he whimpered out. "Rene is Bella going to be alright?" he asked sheepishly.

"She's alive and I am thankful for that." I answered as I left slamming the door behind myself.

Carlisle's pov

It all still feels like a dream to me. My thoughts are scrambled and jumping from one extreme to the other. She wouldn't have done something like that to me, to herself. I know I taught her better than that. She knows how I perceive the bible. She had called me not even forty-five minutes ago. I should have known when she hung up on me that something was about to happen. I had feared something was wrong then. I had started praying that she would be ok. That it was just me over reacting to her changing personality recently. I was shocked that she had done this to herself. I had never perceived her as being this fragile. My poor Bella had tried to kill herself and for what, me.

Rene hates me; I can see it in her eyes. She was my second mother for all those years. I can see why she would hate me, nonetheless. Bella is her only child after all.

However, the real proof of what happened lies here in the letter that I hold in my hand. I feel so terrible for the pain I have created; part of me wants to slice my own wrist. Nevertheless, I won't do that to her. I wouldn't want her to experience what I am feeling right now. I read the letter again just in case I missed something the first few times.

Dearest Carlisle,

Have you ever loved someone deeply enough that the ache of losing them bears an immeasurable amount of pain? I would rather have no life if it means feeling this way daily, to escape that sense of this loss of Love I feel, I love you that intensely. These past months have been harder on me than you can ever know. I feel like I cry nonstop, and every time I try and take a step forward you are there to remind me that I can't have you, I can't get over you. It feels like every good memory that I have of you, of us, has been over shadowed by this horrific nightmare.

My heart breaks that you would believe that I would so carelessly sleep with someone I didn't love. You are the only man that I will ever love, the one person I would share my body with, married or not, I would make love to you and never be ashamed of it.

I hope your fingers are better. I know that sounds silly at a time like this, but if you're going to be a doctor than they need to work correctly, sweetheart.

I want you to know that I said my prayers before I did this. I'm sure I'll go to heaven knowing you had baptized me when I was seven, and I have faith in my Carlisle. Faith enough to know that the God you believe in can understand a pain this great. You are my heart, my whole heart. I wish things could have ended differently, but it seems that destiny turned the tables on us. I will not be your girlfriend, wife, mother of your precious babies. I will not know what it was like to make love to you and how beautiful your face is in the mornings when you wake up. I'll never even hand you your coffee on the way out the door when you're late getting to the hospital. However, I will tell you what I do know Carlisle Cullen; any woman who is lucky enough to have your heart will have the most compassionate, loving man in this world. To be honest, I did kind of like it when you were jealous that day. I liked the feel of your body against mine. You felt very warm against me, your eyes mixed with rage and passion. That stirred things within me that I had never felt before. Well, I guess I should close this letter. I have written a lot. Please don't blame yourself for my weakness. My heart just couldn't handle anymore. It's my mistake- not yours. I will be watching over you from heaven.

All my Love,

Bella

How will I ever live in the kind of existence she describes without her? I won't, I can't.