Author's Note: I have taken your reviews into consideration and so this chapter should include most of what you guys wished for to happen! :3 As usual thanks for the views and reviews! This chapter will be very long in comparison to the previous! And hopefully just as good if not better!
Also:
"blah blah blah" = talking.
blah blah blah = thinking.
"blah blah blah" = Chaos speaking.
Rating: M for violence, language, and some lemony goodness in later chapters! Also; character death!
Pairing: Vincent x Tifa.
Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII or any of its characters~
| [vii] |
He hadn't drunk this much in a long time. But his entire body ached and he was too furious with himself and absolutely miserable to not drink himself into a coma.
He hadn't stopped running for a single second until the mansion had come into his sight. He was going to lock himself up again, he decided. Chaos needed to be locked away and you know what? So did he. He was the one who jeopardized Tifa's life. And he wouldn't do that to her or anybody again.
He felt bad for ditching her, of course, and especially to the children whom he left without so much as a word in the middle of their playtime but the guilt he felt for putting Tifa's life in danger surpassed any other guilt he felt. It rivaled the guilt he felt to Lucretia and that was terrifying.
His vision was blurry and the Planet was starting to spin beneath his feet. He stumbled less than gracefully down the stairs and into the basement, staggering his way to the coffin.
He felt at peace with the world as the worn red silk that was the interior of the coffin came into view. He lay down and pulled it shut, reveling in the absolute blackness that overtook his vision.
Nobody else will get hurt because of me now.
"You can't lock us up again, Vincent."
I can and I am. I cannot rid myself of you or die so this is the only solution. He shut his eyes and let his alcohol-muddied brain go to sleep. Chaos was shouting more adamantly than he could ever recall happening before, but the alcohol he had all but drowned himself in earlier kept Chaos from interfering with his sleep.
•••
Is that light? Vincent couldn't open his eyes just yet; his head hurt too much and he feared what pain such bright lights would add.
But somebody was shouting and that hurt even more than the light ever would. Was it Chaos? It certainly sounded too feminine for him.
"Vincent Valentine!" His eyes flew open when he felt hands grasping at his leather bound chest, yanking violently.
Tifa was looming over him, trying to shake him awake as tears streamed from her eyes. When he began to sit himself up she let go of him and they both locked eyes. He was quick in his movements and reflexes, but he was too dazed to see her hand coming to him and didn't even register her movement until his cheek stung austerely with what he recognized to be a slap.
"T-Tifa," He rasped, looking away from her.
"Cloud left me constantly and I didn't do a goddamned thing about it and I'm done with that. Either you're going to join me again or look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't want anything to do with me and I won't bother you ever again." She muttered through gritted teeth, awaiting his reply.
It had been two weeks since he left her in Del Sol. In that time Elmyra had taken her for proper testing at the local clinic and confirmed that she was in fact pregnant with Cloud's child. She had told Yuffie who promised to see her as soon as possible which made her happy. Nobody other than her and Elmyra knew yet but the emotional support from her best girlfriends was absolutely necessary.
Perhaps it was the new hormones that surged through her but sitting around for two weeks thinking about Vincent's leave had grated on her. She had let Cloud do it to her for so long but always took it. Her relationship with Vincent was much different but she wanted to do something she should have done a long time ago; stand up for herself. She was a woman capable of strength that struck fear into the hearts of the strongest members of SOLDIER so why couldn't she stand up for herself?
Eyes the color of the finest red wine met her own as Vincent stood and stepped from the coffin and stood so that he towered over the shorter girl.
Tifa's heart skipped a beat but she didn't falter, she stood her ground and kept her gaze with his. She was closer than she had ever been to him and he was absolutely intimidating. Intimidating enough to make anybody else run off screaming. But she wasn't leaving until she got an answer.
"I don't want anything to do with you. Now leave me be."
She felt as though she had been slapped now. She hadn't expected that in the least. But what hit her even harder was the look of absolute sadness in his eyes that he was trying desperately to conceal from the younger girl.
He saw her hand coming again but didn't move, deciding he deserved the slap that was coming. But instead her fingers just stroked his cheek idly as she moved closer to him, her arms winding themselves around his chest while she nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck. "Vincent," She started, her lips unintentionally brushing against the cloak which did not go unnoticed by him. "Let go of all of your guilt. It's absolutely senseless. Don't you see what it did to Cloud? I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore."
His body tensed up at her touch and his body burned. He was disgusted; why would she touch him? Was she trying to get herself tainted? But he couldn't deny how dizzy her touch was making him. He hadn't been touched by another human being in decades like this. His heart was pounding so hard he thought he'd go into cardiac arrest.
But now that she was closer he noticed that her scent had changed subtly since he last saw her. Her hormones were different. Was she…? No, she couldn't be!
"Vincent?" Tifa pulled herself from the man who seemed to have frozen completely. "I'm s-sorry," She stammered, blushing fiercely. She knew better to touch him so freely. He could barely talk to others so she shouldn't have expected him to tolerate such touching.
"Tifa, are you…carrying…?"
Her blush deepened and she looked at the ground. Growing up she had a simple dream that reoccurred every single night: she and Cloud would run a bar and get married and have four kids together. So she should've been thrilled to be carrying his child now. But the thought brought tears to her eyes. Their precious baby would be fatherless. And a constant reminder that she would never see Cloud again. But she nodded, her eyes still not meeting his.
He wasn't sure what to say or even feel. But he watched helplessly as her hand went to her stomach and rested there.
"I can't join you again." He said suddenly as he took a step back so he was closer to his coffin and further from Tifa.
"But you can!" She shouted abruptly, tears pricking her eyes. Please don't leave me. Not like Cloud.
"Tifa. I put your life in grave danger. How could I ever forgive myself for that?" He rested his hand atop the coffin as he brought his eyes to hers again.
"Vincent Valentine!" She stepped forwards and with her hands against his chest shoved him hard into the wall. "Chaos put my life in danger. And Chaos is not your fault! What is it with you men and blaming things that are beyond your control?!" The barmaid let her tears run as free and wild as they wished while she stepped up to Vincent, facing him head on.
"Nibelheim was burned to the ground. Cloud's mother slaughtered. My own father slaughtered. As I watched on helplessly. Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep thinking 'what if' this and that? I should have been able to prevent all of that! But you know what, Vincent? I realized that I couldn't control any of that, so you shouldn't—"
"I am the reason that Nibelheim burned to the ground, the reason that your parents were slaughtered. I am the reason Sephiroth was born. I am the reason for everything that's happened. So of course you were absolved of your guilt because in all reality it's my guilt to bear." He began to stalk forward, his steps following her own as she stumbled back in fear at the smoldering anger in Vincent's eyes.
She was pressed against a wall now, Vincent dangerously close as he rested his hands on the wall next to her head, trapping her beneath him.
"No, you're not!" She shouted, her hands gripping his wrists tightly in an attempt to get him to move. "You can't control the actions of people around you! Lucretia made her own choices! She decided to foolishly pick Hojo over you! She chose to have Hojo's baby and use the baby for all sorts of sick lab experiments! She did it! Not you! Her and Hojo!" She let go of his wrists and swung her arms back as far as the wall behind her allowed and began punching and hitting at his chest in absolute frustration.
Next to him the woman was rather small in stature. And not much could hurt him physically after the hours he had spent in Hojo's lab. But Holy Planet! Vincent couldn't believe how much power she packed into her tiny fists. It hurt like Hell!
Now he grabbed her wrists to stop the punches. He held them tightly in one hand, not wanting to use his gauntlet for fear of cutting her wrists. "I should have stopped her." He said sternly before letting her go and turning on his heel, walking away from her.
The girl was ready to scream her head off and kick Vincent's right from his shoulders but she stood motionless as Vincent walked away from her. For a moment she swore that she was watching Cloud as he walked out of her bedroom and from her for an indefinite amount of time.
Her knees gave way and she collapsed. She held her head in her hands as sobs began to wrack her body. She couldn't take it anymore. She hated how easy it was for the people she loved to leave her but even more so to watch them beat themselves up over things that weren't their fault. It was literally killing her.
Vincent paused in the doorway, the sound of her crying hurt worse than her punches. But even worse than the crying was the frail whispering that was almost inaudible to even his sensitive ears.
"Don't l-leave me," She whispered, "p-please."
Tifa Lockhart was a strong, independent woman who could thrive on her own. But she didn't want that. She wanted to make everybody else happy and with each day she realized how miserably she failed at that.
Vincent kept his back to her as he began to speak: "Chaos needs to hunt at least once a month so I will leave at the end of every month for that. I'll go prepare a room for you now." He deadpanned, his tone completely flat as he began the flight of stairs to go prepare a spare room so that it was habitable.
•••
"I don't have any food here." Vincent murmured, trying to break the awkward silence.
Tifa nodded, looking around the room her travel partner prepared. It wasn't the nicest but it was definitely cozy and would work for the purposes it served. "I'd like to take a walk around the town," She started, her puffy eyes avoiding his. "we can get some food then."
He nodded, heading towards the doorway. He would leave her be for a while to rest. She had traveled far, was carrying a baby, and had just had a long, intense emotional outburst. She was due for a good nap, he reckoned. And more than anything he just desperately needed to be alone.
He had taken to the bedroom two doors down, assuming Tifa wouldn't like him spending his nights tucked away in the comfort of his coffin. He didn't bother preparing it, preferring to take to it in its dusty, unused state.
With one hand he swiftly undid the buckles that held together his cloak and placed it over one of the bed posts before sitting on the foot of the bed, running a hand through his hair before pinching the bridge of his nose.
What the Hell had he gotten himself into? Perhaps when AVALANCE found him in the coffin originally he should have just stayed put. He should've let them go off and save the world without him.
But what he couldn't figure out and what bothered him the most was why Tifa was so hell-bent to keep him around. She was beautiful, no, more than that; she was absolutely breathtaking. He had seen that today when their bodies were so close it was tantalizing. And she was strong. The subsiding ache in his chest where her fists had connected was proof of that. And she was more caring and loving than anybody he had ever meant. What did she want to do with him? He was repulsive.
He stood and looked in a mirror then, something he seldom did.
His hair was blacker than the darkest night and an unruly, pointy mess. His skin was relatively smooth but so pale that he looked sick, he realized. And he was so thin that he looked frail and weak. He didn't even want to look at what lie beneath all of the leather; it was enough to make any sensible person run screaming.
He pulled the mirror from the wall and set it on the ground facing the wall so he wouldn't have to see himself again.
And now Tifa was pregnant. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. She'd be the world's greatest mother, he knew. But could she handle that? She was only just coming to terms with Cloud's death. And now she would give birth to a baby he imagined she had always wanted without the man she had always wanted. He frowned thinking about that.
•••
"Vincent?" Tifa knocked hesitantly on the door.
"You may enter."
And she did, not so much as actually stepping in the room. Instead she stood in the doorway, watching nervously as the door creaked open.
She wanted to apologize for earlier. But she wasn't sure what to say. So for now, she decided, she'd just try to get things as close to normal as possible. "I was just wondering if you wanted to go for a walk around the town. I want to see it and we need food and I have to get a few things."
He nodded, keeping his gaze as far away from hers as he possibly could. He dreaded the thought of doing anything with her like now. He was still furious at himself and a bit annoyed with being told how he should feel. But he wasn't sure how to say no to her. The look on her face when she asked him not to leave her would be ingrained in his memory forever, he guessed. It made him sick and that was for two reasons: one, why? He didn't understand why she was so desperate to have him around and two, seeing her in that much pain was unbearable. She was the last person on all of Gaia to deserve such sadness and heartbreak.
He stood but didn't move any closer to her.
"Shall we go?" She asked, fiddling with the zipper on her jacket.
He said nothing but picked up his cloak and placed it over his shoulders and buckled it properly before following Tifa out of the room and out of the mansion.
Nibelheim didn't look much different than it did before Sephiroth, Tifa noticed. It made her happy to see how good the reconstruction had gone. It was funny, she thought, as they passed where her childhood home was. What had remained of it had been torn down and a shop specializing in martial arts supplies had been built in its place.
They made it to the town centre quickly and in a very awkward and unnerving silence. Tifa peeked at Vincent and saw that, even with the cloak, he looked both angry and annoyed. That hurt.
Vincent watched wordlessly while Tifa shopped. She purchased a lot of food, most of which he knew was for him and grabbed some prenatal vitamins from the pharmacy. Luckily his famous red cloak had kept the blush that formed hidden from view when the pharmacist had given him a wink that said, "Congrats!" when his travel mate picked up her prenatal vitamins.
"Is there anything you need to get? Because I'd like to head back soon." Tifa was absolutely winded. Being pregnant was a lot more work than she ever could have imagined.
The man next to her didn't respond but turned on his heel to head in the direction in which they had come. But before he actually started walking he turned back to face Tifa, taking all of the bags from her hands. He was not happy about this situation but it was absolutely rude to let a woman, especially a pregnant woman, carry so many bags. And they were pretty heavy.
"T-Thank you," She blushed. Normally she'd have fussed and held onto a few of the bags but she was too exhausted to protest his politeness.
•••
"Vincent?" With the grace of a skilled waitress Tifa managed to balance a buffet of food on her arm and knocked on the door to his bedroom.
She hadn't heard any movement or footsteps so it startled her a bit when his door opened; startled her enough to jump, trip over the rug in the hallway, and start to fall backwards.
But before her back and the plates could hit the ground she found herself suspended in the air. Her face heated with the intensity of a Fire 3 spell when she realized that Vincent was leaning forward and over her with one arm wrapped securely around her waist. His gauntlet brushed against the exposed skin of her midriff and the feel of the cool metal against her flesh sent shivers up her spine. He had his other arm extended, she noticed, with all of the plates settled neatly atop it.
Neither said a word as Vincent straightened himself upright, standing Tifa back up. He turned his back to her and settled the plates on the foot of his bed, taking in the sight. As usual she had made enough food to feed the entire town of Nibelheim, or in this case, Vincent. It all looked and smelled delicious.
"There's more food all cooked and packaged for you in the kitchen."
"…"
"It should last you a week or two."
Vincent looked up at her then, raising a brow. Something was off.
"I'll go stay with Barret, Elmyra and the kids." She started, twirling a piece of her hair idly and keeping her eyes low. She felt her heart breaking again as she spoke. The look in Vincent's eyes while they were shopping made her realize that maybe he had meant it when he said he wanted nothing to do with her.
"…"
"You're always more than welcome to come visit if you're in Edge but I'll leave you alone now." A lump was forming in her throat now and her voice was thick. Vincent could smell the salty scent that came with the tears spilling down her cheeks. She moved towards him and finally looked up to meet his confused gaze. "I hope you think about everything I t-told you," Crap! Her voice was quivering now. She needed to leave as soon as possible before she completely broke down in front of him again. "earlier. I meant all of it. You've no reason to carry so much guilt and you deserve endless happiness. I hope you can find it." She leaned onto her toes and planted a gentle kiss on his cheek.
"If you let her leave you'll regret it. And then I'll be forced to listen to even more of your self-deprecating whining."
Chaos was, to Vincent's utter shock, right. He would regret it.
He hated being alone all of the time. But he was alone all of the time as punishment to himself for his past failures. All of AVALANCE had tried talking to him, tried befriending him, but it was Tifa that cared the most. She loved him the way she loved Yuffie and Barret and Red XIII and the rest of the gang. She was the first person to ever hold him near and dear. He didn't deserve it but he'd be lying if he said that it wasn't an amazing feeling that somewhere in his subconscious was craved.
Tifa turned then, her long hair swaying as she began to walk to the door. The older male's cheek burned where her lips had been and before he could even register what he was doing his arm had shot out, his fingers wrapping around her thin wrist, stopping her dead in her tracks.
"If you truly wish to leave then you may go," He tugged on her wrist lightly so that she was facing him again. "but I'd," He paused; I want you here more than anything Tifa. When you're with me it feels like some of the weight is lifted right off of my shoulders.
Tifa smiled then. Before he could figure out what to say she stepped up onto her toes again and placed another kiss on his chilled cheek, her lips lingering for a moment longer than they had before.
His cheek burned and he felt something he hadn't felt in a long time.
"I know you're not a talker, but I hope you can feel comfortable coming to me to tell me when you're upset and why so I can try to help you through it. I'm your friend, Vincent."
Friends don't put each other's lives in grave danger.
"I think she's forgiven you already, boy. All your guilt whining is doing is giving me a headache."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd hate to be causing you a headache.
"Vincent?"
He blinked and looked back down at her. "Chaos and I talk to each other." He undeniably did not want to explain any of this to Tifa but he did owe her an explanation. And while this wasn't what she was referring to when she offered to help him through whatever discord he had he knew it'd make her happy that he was talking to her.
"Is that what happens when you zone out sometimes?"
"Yes. Chaos' favorite hobby is irritating me."
Tifa giggled, earning a brow raise from her male counterpart. "I just pictured Chaos prattling on like Marlene does and it's kind of a funny picture."
"I'm starting to like this woman a lot less."
He smirked at that. "He also requires to be fed regularly. On the 24th of every month I go out somewhere free of all human life to let Chaos loose to hunt on whatever animals and monsters are out. If I don't do that he will break free and go after anyone in his path." He gulped then, the guilt washing over him in a violent wave again. "You have my deepest apologies, Tifa. I ignored his needs and because of that you had to see something I wouldn't wish my worst enemy to see and more so I jeopardized your safety."
"I would love to forgive you for all of that, but I can't."
He nodded. "I wouldn't expect you to."
"Let me finish." She moved around him to sit on his bed and pull one of the plates of food into her lap. "I can't forgive you because there's nothing to forgive. I don't know how hard it is to contain Chaos but you managed to steer him away from me. I should be thanking you." She speared a piece of asparagus onto her fork and ate it. "You had me worried sick though, Vincent." She whispered, her eyes lowering once more. "When I found you in the morning…there was so much blood. I couldn't even imagine the agony you went through. I thought I'd lose you."
Vincent sat on the bed and grabbed a plate himself. He chewed on one of the dinner rolls before looking up to her again. He wasn't sure what to say to all of that. "How are you, Tifa?" He asked out of the blue. She had been to Hell and back; raising two kids that weren't hers, practically by herself, being in love with somebody that left her alone rather often, running a bar alone, the love of her life dying, and now she was pregnant? She had a lot more on her plate than she deserved.
"I'm…I'm okay." She looked up at him and gave him a gentle smile. "I'm coming to terms with things, I think. I miss Cloud a lot but I'm sure he's much happier in the Lifestream where he can be with Aeris and Zack. And this…err, baby. I'm starting to wrap my head around it. It hurts knowing that the baby's father is gone for good, but I've always wanted children of my own and I know that Cloud will be watching over us." For what felt like the hundredth time that day, she blushed. "Sorry, I'm rambling."
"Tifa?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
She grinned from ear to ear and shifted herself so that she could rest her head against his shoulder. When he tensed up she was about to apologize for going past his bubble and run from the room and hide forever but didn't when she realized that he made no attempt to move away from her.
They sat like that for a few more hours; Tifa snuggled into Vincent while he wolfed down the meal and listened to Tifa blather on like Marlene about this and that until she fell asleep. And when she did he carefully picked her up bridal style and carried her down the hall and into her room.
He went back to his room and for the first time in perhaps all of his life he slept through the night completely free of any nightmares.
