"Hello, Clarke."

Clarke's breath hitched. Lexa seemed like a whole different person up here in her vast office at the top of a tall tower. So calm, authoritative, and just a bit intimidating even though the two women were on much different terms than the last time they were in this room together.

Lexa spoke again, "I have to say I'm a bit disappointed, Clarke."

Clarke's face fell. "Wait, why?"

Lexa pinched her lips together to hold back her grin. "Well, I would have thought that if you were to come all this way to visit me, you would have at least brought some of those apple cinnamon fritters."

Clarke let out a surprised laugh, and just like that, the tension in the room dissipated. Clarke was also happy to note that it seemed Lexa had read all those texts after all. Maybe she only noticed the ones involving donuts, but something was better than nothing.

"Ha! Well, that's only because they won't be back in stock until Monday, but I can promise you will have some next week."

Lexa laughed. "Excellent. I'll hold you to it!"

As their laughter subsided some of the unease drifted back into the room. Clarke realized a beat too late that Lexa was obviously waiting for her to announce why she was there.

"So, what can I do for you, Clarke? I take it you didn't come just to discuss donuts. It is, of course, good to see you, though," she quickly added, realizing her previous comment may have sounded a bit too cool and distant.

"Uh, no, I didn't," Clarke replied, mentally kicked herself for sounding so lame. She laughed nervously. "I actually don't even know for sure why I came." She met Lexa's gaze again and saw a tinge of sadness in her eyes.

Clarke took a deep breath. "Okay, no. You know what? We're going to try this again." Lexa arched a questioning eyebrow in response. "None of this ever happened. I'll be right back."

Lexa leaned back against her desk and folded her arms as she watched the blonde walk out the door. She tried not to laugh when she saw her spin around and come right back in. Lexa quickly caught on to what Clarke was doing and delivered her opening line again.

"Hello, Clarke."

"Lexa!" she called in response, a bit braver now that she knew her friend was in a playful mood. Lexa laughed as the blonde approached and was surprised when she threw her arms around her neck, pinning her against the desk. Clarke felt Lexa stiffen in her embrace and started to pull back, afraid she had swung too far the other direction.

"Wait," Lexa urged softly as she corrected herself and wrapped her arms around Clarke's torso to bring her back. Clarke was pleasantly surprised at her response and they stood there quietly for a moment together. Lexa spoke again, still holding her close. "Don't you know that as the shorter person you should go for the waist, and I get the neck? Because now I have to slouch and you have to go on tiptoe."

Clarke giggled into her thick hair. "I'm hardly that much shorter, and who says you get to make up the rules of hugging?"

They both pulled back and Lexa shrugged with a smile. "I do. Plus, my turf - my rules."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll give you that." She let out a content sigh. "Well, this is why I came. I've missed you."

Lexa was surprised again at the sudden show of emotion. "I'm sorry I never answered your texts."

"I mean, sure it would have been nice," Clarke said with a teasing smile, "but I told you you didn't have to."

"I was grateful for them. I read every one."

"I'm glad." Clarke searched Lexa's face, trying to see what emotions were brewing beneath the surface. "But I admit I didn't just come to say hi. How are you holding up, Lexa?"

Lexa glanced to the side. "Not all that well."

Clarke looked to her, waiting for her to elaborate.

Lexa sighed. "I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk about this, Clarke. That's why I never answered your or anyone's messages."

"I don't want you to feel alone like this, Lexa. I want to help you."

Lexa shook her head. "No, Clarke. I have to do this on my own, and you have to let me."

"But you don't have to do it alone," she insisted.

"What would you know about this, Clarke?" Lexa scoffed as her voice rose. "You can't just walk in here and tell me how I should be grieving. You may be my friend, Clarke, but that is not your place."

That hurt, but Clarke was too stubborn to back down. "You're right. Maybe I can't tell you how to grieve, but you can't assume I have no idea what you're going through. I was in the fire that killed my dad and a few years later was woken up in the middle of the night to hear that my mom had died in a car crash, so you don't get to tell me I don't know what it's like to have someone I love ripped out of my life too soon and without warning."

Both women looked like they were on the verge of tears. Clarke sighed, using all her willpower to temper these sudden emotions. "I'm sorry, Lexa. I didn't mean for all this to come out."

"I'm sorry too."

"I think I should go now."

Lexa looked sad, but nodded. "That would probably be best."

Clarke turned on her heel and retreated for the door.

"Clarke, wait," Lexa called after her. She hated to see her leave like this. "Maybe we can get together next week? I'm obviously not quite ready for social visits just yet." She felt vulnerable in setting herself up for a very likely rejection after everything that had just happened, but she noticed the barely perceptible softening in Clarke's features.

"Of course. I was still planning on bringing you those fritters after all." A small smile tugged at her lips. "So maybe I can stop by some afternoon and we can chat and get our sugar fix?"

Lexa nodded. "Sounds perfect. Choose a day and time and let me know so I'm not out of the office."

"And you'll actually text me back?"

Lexa rolled her eyes and smiled. "Guess you'll just have to see."

Clarke returned the smile and left the city planner's office, her head spinning with the whirlwind of emotions that had just whipped through that room.


*one week later*

"Clarke, what's got you so damn agitated?" Raven drawled.

Clarke clasped her hands together to stop fidgeting. "What are you talking about?"

Raven laughed. "You're kidding, right? Or do you seriously not see how worked up you are right now? So what is it? Spit it out."

Clarke looked up from her computer screen to see Raven in her trademark hand-on-hip attitude stance. "Ray, seriously, I'm just reading about the spread of infectious diseases. See for yourself."

"Gross. No thanks. Anyway, I look over at you and your foot's tapping incessantly, you're wringing that poor blanket to a pulp, and your whole body is tense. And reading about infectious diseases usually makes you so calm," she quipped.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, really. I'm going to see Lexa this afternoon, so I guess I am a little nervous about that. She's just so hot and cold lately it's hard to know what to expect from her."

"Well, the woman did just go through a rather traumatizing experience and only recently started trying to live a normal life again. What is it you're so nervous about?"

"I dunno. I just hate seeing her sad I mean, it's not like I can expect that I'd be the one to pull her out of her funk, but I kind of want to be...?"

Raven shrugged. "You're driven to fix everything for everyone. That's what makes you such a good doctor."

"Maybe, but Lexa isn't one of my patients. And I just worry every time I think about her and wish I knew she was okay. Most of the time when we're together our conversation just happens so easily like we've known each other forever, but sometimes we clash and butt heads just like the first time we met and she told me she was about to demolish my clinic and there was nothing I could do about it."

Raven chuckled. "Yeah, you were pretty upset that day."

"Oh, I was furious! I just remember thinking she had a lot of nerve telling me what to do. Man, makes me feel anxious just remembering it all."

Raven studied her roommate carefully. "So already you've mentioned that you've felt nervous, worried, furious, and anxious because of Lexa - not to mention she gives off these hot and cold vibes and you butt heads while you also get along like you've known each other forever."

Clarke laughed. "Thanks for the recap." Her brow furrowed. "Most of that sounds pretty negative, doesn't it?"

Raven chuckled. "I'm sure you two will figure things out. You're just anxious in anticipating what's going to happen and what mood she'll be in, but as soon as you actually start talking you know you'll be just fine."

Clarke nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I'm making this more of a big deal than it needs to be." Clarke looked down at her wristwatch - the one her father had given her so many years ago. "Shoot, I've gotta go. I'm opening the clinic this morning." She closed her computer, threw on some shoes, grabbed her bag, and ran out the door.


*later that afternoon*

"So I'm running, running, running after the ball as fast as my little 7-year-old legs can carry me when I trip over my own shoelaces and BAM - I completely faceplant into the grass. Like, I even had green smeared on my forehead afterward."

Lexa chuckled. "I wish I could have seen that!"

"Oh, but just wait - here's the best part," Clarke continued, sitting up a little straighter and gesticulating excitedly. "So Raven's on the other team, right? Well, we're playing co-ed and this snooty little boy from her team who had scored all their goals starts laughing at me! I mean, it is pretty funny now, especially since I skidded for probably five feet, practically eating grass. But the little shit is bent over like he can't even hold himself together and pointing and laughing at me. The nerve! So then little Raven says to him, 'Hey, stop being mean. I've seen you slip and fall in a game too!' And then he's like, 'But look at her! She has grass stuck to her face! What a klutz!' Then he just keeps laughing and laughing and some of the other kids join in as I'm just staring up at them from the ground and trying to be brave, and then Raven marches right over and slugs him in the face!"

Lexa gasped. "She didn't!"

"She totally did! That got my feisty spirit back, so I jump up and get right in the kid's face as the refs and coaches and some parents are running onto the field to break us up, and I tell him, "I'm gonna score the next goal and then we'll see who's laughing."

"Oh god, this is too much!" Lexa was laughing so hard she had to keep wiping tears from her face. "Please, please tell me you scored!"

"Of course I did." Clarke smirked. "I had never been so determined to do something in my whole young life, so I immediately get the ball in the very next play and send it right into the net. Then Raven - who, remember, is on the other team - comes up and gives me a high five and says, 'Dude, that was awesome!' and we've been best friends ever since."

Lexa kept laughing until she finally steadied her breathing. "Wow, that was hilarious." She dabbed at the lingering wetness around her eyes. "I have a feeling you two have some great stories together."

"Oh my god, you have no idea." Clarke laughed. "I have loads of blackmail on that girl, but it's mutual, so none of it will likely ever see the light of day."

"I believe it! That totally reminds of this one time Costia..." Lexa froze in stunned silence. She had forgotten. For a short, blissful time Lexa had forgotten her reality. She stared at the ground, lost in thought. Clarke bit her lip - not sure if she should say something or not, and just watched as Lexa wiped the donut crumbs from her lap and pushed up off the floor. Clarke just leaned back against the wall and waited.

"I..." Lexa placed a hand on her desk for support and turned back to look at Clarke. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I thought I was... more okay with this."

"Hey, you don't have to apologize for anything," Clarke said as she stood and approached Lexa. "Nobody says you have to be at some level of 'okay' by a certain point in time."

"I know," Lexa muttered. She pushed herself up to sit on the edge of her desk and dropped her head into her hands. "I haven't even talked about her since then, so it was just kind of jarring to feel her name come out again."

Clarke nodded. "I get that. I didn't want to talk about my dad for months after he died. And it was hard for me to feel like I could be happy or do the things we used to do together because he couldn't be there."

"Yeah, I've definitely been feeling that."

"And it's completely normal, so don't be sorry for the way you feel. Plus, everyone grieves differently, so don't let anyone tell you how you should be feeling or pressure you to do anything you don't want to do."

Lexa looked at her intently. "Thank you, Clarke. I really appreciate that."

"You're welcome."

What Clarke had said reminded Lexa of something. She wasn't sure if it was a topic she wanted to chance right now, but she took a deep breath and went for it anyway. "So did you see your friend Jasper's article in the paper yesterday?"

Clarke arched an eyebrow, surprised at the abrupt change in subject, and especially what she was referring to. "Yeah, I did. The one about Nightblood, right? Where he was saying she hasn't been seen since that night and wondering if what happened had caused her to call it quits?"

"Yeah, that one." Lexa looked down at her hands and tried to keep from looking anxious. "What did you think?"

"I thought the article itself was quite good, and as for what I think about Nightblood... I don't know. I think she was put in a terrible position that night where she really couldn't win, but still managed to save a lot of people, and I'd say that's pretty heroic. But again, I don't think anyone can ever tell someone else when they're ready to return to an old way of life after things drastically change."

Clarke studied Lexa, trying to read her for any kind of response, but she kept her gaze down. Clarke spoke hesitantly, "You know, I actually met Nightblood a little over a month ago."

Lexa froze for a split-second. How would a normal person react to this? She looked up. "Really? Wow! What was she like?"

Clarke smiled. "She was pretty amazing. Fierce. Brave."

Lexa's face fell. "Well, no matter how amazing she seemed, she wasn't enough to save the woman I loved."

"I know you're hurting, Lexa, but it's not your fault."

Lexa scoffed, trying to keep the tears at bay. "It was, though." She sighed. "You have no idea."

Clarke stared her for a moment, then before her better judgment could stop her, she gently placed a hand on Lexa's upper thigh. "Maybe I do."

Lexa gasped - equal parts shocked at the intimate contact, pained from the pressure on her not-quite-healed wound, and terrified about what this might mean. She immediately recoiled from the touch. "Clarke, I'm sorry. I can't..."

Clarke shook her head because the touch communicated something different. "No, Lexa," she whispered. "I know." Lexa's eyes widened in shock and Clarke added, "So, how did my stitches hold up?"