DIMITRI
A Spirit research team. Lissa was sending me to Palm Springs.
Or course, she was right to investigate in this matter. And evidently Sonya and I were key figures when it came to former Strigoi research. Who else was there as a test subject? This was important. I approved of Lissa's decision, and I understood that she hadn't been able to run this by me before announcing it practically publically. Still, as I walked to my room in guardian housing side by side with Rose, I found myself resenting that it had to be Palm Springs of all places that I would have to go. It was so far away. Missing Rose during the week was bearable, but being away for months at a time? That was a different matter.
Rose seemed to be thinking along the same lines. She was uncharacteristically silent and snuggled her body as close to mine as she could while still being able to walk. It was the middle of the night on a Court schedule. Rose and Lissa had already finished their Thursday classes when Hans reached them. It was bright daylight outside, and Court was deserted. We could afford this open display of affection.
"I'm sorry, Rose," I broke the silence. "I have to do this."
"I know," she said unhappily. "I would have left too, if they had let me. But you had to have this brilliant idea of sending Angeline instead of me. We could at least have gone together!"
"Rose. You know that I would have loved nothing better than to have you with me, wherever I go. But we cannot disregard our duty."
"And Angeline is a better fit for an undercover high school setting than I am. Damn it, Dimitri!"
"It's not only that. Your position with Lissa is important. You're not as easily replaceable in her protection as you are in Jill's."
"I know, Dimitri. I know. It still sucks."
"Yes," I agreed, "Is does suck."
Rose chuckled.
"What?"
"It sounds funny when you say it!"
"What, it sucks?"
"You are such a language paragon, Dimitri. Colloquial words sound scandalous out of your mouth," she teased.
"Oh, really? Then I know some really scandalous words that I'd like to say to you tonight…"
"Why, Dimitri! Even this beautifully understated insinuation makes me want to call for censorship!"
I stopped her right in the middle of the central cross-Court walkway and silenced her with a kiss. Her arms went up and around my neck. She leaned into me, the length of her body fitting perfectly onto mine, the two of us intertwined like two trees growing into each other. Kissing Rose was a bonfire to the soul, even after the thousandth time. She was fierceness and tenderness all rolled into one. She could assault me with her most heated desire, and still touch me with hands so soft that every brush of her skin felt like the comforting waft of a desert wind.
I let myself dissolve into the feel of her warm lips on mine and the enclosure of her embrace. I wished we were already in the privacy of my room; breaking this kiss to make it there seemed like an impossible feat right now.
...
We did make it there, and it was worth it. Impending separation makes for some pretty intense emotions that find all kinds of ways to express themselves. We had taken turns rekindling the flame each time we had come to a rest in each other's arms; there was always some thought, some memory, that made Rose lock her eyes into mine and whisper my name; or that made me pull her face close to me so as to still the need to feel her lips on mine. The vampiric night had been drawing to a close when we started. Now we were lying side by side on my bed, letting the last hours of light pass us by in our own world of both bliss and aching.
"Does it have to be now of all times?" Rose said, out of the blue.
"When would be a better time to leave you?"
"You just started your classes with the Moroi. They'll miss you!"
"They will find someone else. A lot of guardians are interested, now that we have approval."
"Well, there's something else."
The tone of her voice told me that it was something important. I rolled over to face her, lying on her back with her glorious hair fanning out over her pillow. It flowed around her as she turned her head towards me.
"I'm sorry I have to mention it. Tasha's hearing. It's the weekend after this."
She watched me with attentive eyes as I took this in.
"Will you be going?" she asked, finally.
"Will I still be here by that time?" I responded with a question.
"Lissa wouldn't make you leave before that if you wanted to go," she said. She was remarkably composed, considering we were talking about the woman who shot her.
"I think I'll need to go," I said. I had been giving this some thought since my visit with her. "It would be wrong not to. I'm involved in this. We're involved in this."
"I guess you're right," she said contemplatively. "It's just that I have the feeling that this isn't very high on Lissa's agenda right now. She has so many important things on her plate, I'm not sure she remembers that it's coming up. There's not much she can do about it, anyway, the sentence is as good as made."
"You don't seem to be too troubled by this, Rose," I dared ask. "After all she did to you…?"
"It's over now. It's in the past. She will get what she deserves. It wouldn't do me any good to chew on it forever and be angry at her. She committed a crime. She made me suffer. But ultimately, it is her who will take the punch."
She smiled a thoughtful little smile which gradually turned saucy.
"And comrade," she added, "I really like my life right now."
She was over it. She was already over it. My Roza. She was so strong. People tried to kill her, framed her for murder and put her behind prison bars, and she brushed it off and walked steadily on on her way to glory. She was so strong. So incredibly strong.
"You're bothered, though, aren't you?" She asked cautiously. "She used to be your friend. How is it for you?"
"It is harder than I thought," I admitted. "I tried not to think about her. I thought I could just sever all ties and be done with it. But somewhere, there is still my old friend in the picture."
"Oh. Is there?" Rose squinted, angry suddenly. "Do you really think so?"
Sighing, I sat up and leaned against the bed's head board. I should have known better. Rose might be hiding her darker feelings from herself, but there were still lingering resentments against Tasha within her. And truth be told, how could there not?
"You know I do not condone what she did," I said. "But I used to like her. And I have to come to terms with the fact that I used to hold a person in very high regard who turned out to be capable of murder. I once deeply liked and trusted her, and this is what she became. I used to agree with her. I used to share her views, even admire her strength and courage. What she did resulted from qualities that I respected. I don't know how to explain…"
"You think that what she did reflects back on you?"
"Not openly, it doesn't. But in my mind, yes. Not on a very tangible level. But is does."
"The decisions she made were something you could never have anticipated," Rose said, frowning. "She was strong and courageous. But ultimately, she chose the wrong path. There is nothing that could have made you judge her any better."
"It's not that I blame myself, not for this. It's just this feeling… it's as if she wronged me by not being who I thought she was. But I had so much faith in her." It was hard to make her understand. I did not understand myself why the fate of this monstrous person still touched me so much. "You don't have to agree with me, Rose. Maybe I'm wrong."
"I don't," Rose said quietly. "I think you're too good to her, Dimitri."
"Maybe."
"I'll be there, too. At the hearing,"
"Rose, you don't need to go there for me. Please, don't do this to yourself for my sake. I can handle it."
"I know." Rose pulled me back down to her. "But I think, with your help, I can handle it, too."
