Dean wakes up the next morning to warm sunshine falling through gossamer curtains and Castiel sleeping, curled up into Dean's side. Getting to watch Cas sleep like this fills Dean's heart to bursting. Unable to keep the dumb smile off his face, he brushes stray hairs back from Castiel's face and trails his hand, feather light, down Cas's arm to his hand which is resting on Dean's hip. He twines their fingers together, and the lack of metal in the touch sets off butterflies in his stomach.
Not for the first time, he thinks about how this could be real, about how he could wake up next to Cas every morning and get to watch him sleep. He thinks about how they would lay in bed on weekends, tangled between the sheets and each other's legs, until they finally heeded the grumbling of their stomachs and their need for coffee. On weekdays they would dance around each other in the bathroom and kitchen as they got ready for work, an intricate choreography to which only they knew the moves. They would never leave without a kiss and a parting "I love you." In the evenings they'd cook dinner together and curl up to watch TV before falling into bed to sleep, wrapped in one another's arms. Then, in the morning, they'd wake up and do it all over again, but Dean would never mind the monotony.
It isn't the first time he's thought about it, but with no wedding rings as solid reminders between them, it is the first time it's ever seemed so attainable.
"What are you thinking about?" Castiel's sleep-rough voice draws Dean back into the here and now.
Castiel looks as content as Dean feels, and Dean squeezes his hand unconsciously. "Just thinking about how lucky I am."
Cas's smile broadens, and he squeezes Dean's hand back. "That makes two of us."
Dean rolls on top of Cas, never dropping his hand, instead pinning it to the pillow by Cas's head, fingers still entwined. He kisses Cas, deep and slow, tongue licking languidly into his mouth.
Cas tangles his free hand into Dean's hair, trying to pull Dean closer to him while simultaneously angling his head to deepen the kiss further. He gives a quiet whine when Dean pulls away.
Cas's cheeks are flushed pink, and Dean can't help feeling smug over it. He focuses in on Castiel's eyes, pupils dilating while the rings of blue shine brightly in the errant rays of morning sun.
Cas smiles dazedly at him. "Good morning."
Dean grins back. "Morning."
Cas lifts his hips slightly, making a point to brush his morning wood against Dean's hip. A pleasant shudder runs down Dean's spine in response.
"You're incorrigible, you know that?" he asks in amusement, nuzzling his nose against Castiel's.
Cas presses a chaste kiss against Dean's mouth before pulling back and saying, "Are you complaining?"
Dean kisses Cas again, lingering a little longer. "Never."
Dean trails kisses across Castiel's cheek, down his jaw, his neck, his shoulders. Every soft press of his lips is worshipful, silently swearing fealty to feelings he's never voiced aloud for the man. When Dean swirls his tongue around a nipple, Cas hitches a quiet breath, arching and squeezing the hand still in his grasp.
Dean kisses back up the trail he just made, ending at Cas's lips and saying, "God, you're beautiful. Anyone ever tell you that?"
Cas is giving him a dreamy look, smiling contently. "No. I can't say that they have."
"Only me?" Dean ask.
Cas gives a small nod. "Only you."
"Good." And then Dean is kissing him again, kissing him like a he's a man dying of thirst in the desert and Cas is an oasis.
Dean slides his free hand down between them, gripping both of their cocks and stroking long and slow. Cas makes a noise somewhere between a whine and a moan, arching further into Dean and twisting his fingers tightly in the short hairs on the back of Dean's head.
Dean is startled when Cas presses something against his chest, and is surprised to find a bottle of lube in his boyfriend's hand. He glances to the bedside table and finds it gone from where they had the foresight to leave it last night. He looks back to Cas, whose eyes are boring into him, their intensity making his heart skip a few beats. Then he cracks a smile and chuckles.
"We've got all weekend, man, what's the rush?"
Cas scowls at him, though it's more of a pout than anything with a real bite to it. "I'm horny and my boyfriend is on top of me, that's the rush."
That rips a full laugh from Dean, one that shakes his whole body as he rests his forehead on Cas's shoulder.
Cas pokes him petulantly in the side with the hand still holding the lube. "Hey, are you making fun of me?"
Dean shakes his head and then lifts it to place a kiss on the tip of Castiel's nose.
In that moment, as he's watching Castiel and they're under the covers on the bed in a romantic little B&B, Dean almost says it-almost says the thing that neither of them have dared utter in over a year. Instead, he just says, "Of course not," before giving a pointed stroke and twist to Castiel's cock, which has him bowing off the bed with a gasp, eyes rolling back in his head.
"This what you want, baby?" Dean asks, lips ghosting along the shell of Cas's ear.
Cas answers with a nod, the scruff of his cheek catching on Dean's own stubble and sending sparks across Dean's skin.
"Then help me out," Dean whispers.
Cas flips the lid of the bottle open with a swift click, pouring it onto Dean's hand and making a mess.
Dean gently strokes Cas's perineum with his index finger, evoking almost purr-like sounds. He circles Cas's hole with another finger, pushing against the entrance gently but never breaching it.
Cas about knocks the breathe out of him when he reaches down and takes Dean's dick in hand, stroking it quick and desperate.
"Damn it, Cas," Dean groans out, movements stuttering to a stop for the briefest of seconds before he slips his finger into Cas.
Cas gives a relieved sigh, melting further into the mattress, thumb roving over the slit and spreading precome across the head.
"Dean, please," Castiel gasps, head tipped back into the pillows as he watches Dean through half-lidded eyes. "Fuck me."
Dean seals his lips over Cas's, their tongues pressing hotly together, tangling and mapping out each other's mouths. Dean slides in a second finger, and Cas bows up, keening into the kiss.
"Anything you say, baby," Dean pants into Cas's mouth as he pulls away.
He crooks his fingers, rubbing over the bundle of nerves that has Cas crying out and gripping Dean's hand almost painfully. Dean does it again and swipes the fingers of his other hand reverentially against the smooth bit of skin where Cas's ring normally resides.
"Dean, now, please" Cas begs, breath coming out in short puffs against Dean's cheek.
Dean places a sloppy kiss to the corner of Cas's mouth. It's too wet and off center, but it catches Castiel's attention. He turns his head to fully capture Dean's lips, needy. Dean removes his fingers from Cas and pushes away the hand still holding his cock, though it has stopped moving. He positions himself at Castiel's entrance, pushing in slowly.
It's a tight fit, not enough prep, and it has Dean's head spinning. Cas obviously enjoys it though, as he hooks an ankle at Dean's back, urging him forward. Dean's arms almost give out, he's so overwhelmed by pleasure and heat.
When he's fully seated inside Cas, he pauses, catching the breath he didn't even realize he was holding as he takes in the perfect picture Castiel makes-dark hair standing starkly against the white pillow cases, color high in his cheeks, lips wet and full and kissed red. The only thing missing is those baby blues, which Cas has closed.
Dean squeezes Cas's hand. "Cas, baby, look at me."
Cas's eyes flutter open, staring up at Dean like he's just found God. Dean swallows around the lump that has suddenly formed in his throat.
He could stay like this forever, Dean thinks, hidden away from the world with Castiel Novak in his arms. He'd love to, in fact.
Cas lets out a low, frustrated whine, canting his hips enough to catch Dean's attention. "Dean, move."
Dean blinks owlishly, trying to return to the moment. "Right, sorry."
He fits his hand over Cas's hip, and Cas slots his hand over Dean's bicep. Dean draws out ever so slightly, then rocks slowly back into Cas. He sets a sedate pace, reveling in the drag of skin on skin and each noise Cas makes below him.
His orgasm builds slowly, and he feels the tell-tale tightening in his stomach long before it ever happens. He slides a hand down to Cas's neglected cock, stroking him as slowly as he fucks him, taking Cas apart piece by piece, so that when he finally does come, it's silently, mouth slacked open in a cry that never comes out. It's only a couple more thrusts before Dean is following after him, tumbling headlong into his orgasm, and then he's slouching into Cas, forehead resting in the dip of Cas's collar bone as they both catch their breath.
They contemplate ordering room service again and spending the day in bed, but, ultimately, they decide to head out on the town. After all, it isn't every day they get to walk around like they're a couple in public.
The town is small yet quaint. It's the kind of place Dean thinks he'd go crazy in, the kind where all the locals seem to know each other and make the tourists feel the same. However, Castiel seems to flourish here, and Dean is sure he could see the guy camping out in one of the cabins by the lake and philosophizing.
Despite the tininess of the town, they find enough to get into to keep them busy for the whole day, between stopping for meals and window shopping and going down to the waterfront to feed ducks. It's every date cliché someone could conceive, but it's the best damn day Dean remembers having in a long time. Every broad smile Cas makes gets pointed in Dean's direction, Dean's alone to soak up, and they hold hands almost the whole day. Cas never did remember to put his ring back on, and it just makes the fantasy all the more real.
They get back to the hotel after sundown, and Cas calls dibs on the shower. Dean contemplates joining him, but instead flops down on the bed when Cas insists they need to actually get clean, not any dirtier. Dean can't help but laugh at the cheeky smile Cas throws him over his shoulder as he says it.
It isn't ten minutes after the water starts running that Cas's phone starts vibrating on the bedside table. Dean spares it a glance, but doesn't bother it. Whoever it is can leave a voice mail. Except that as soon as the buzzing stops, it starts back up again. By the third time this happens, it's grating Dean's nerves enough that he considers answering if it rings a fourth time. However, after that call ends, Dean's phone is the next to go off.
His brow creases when he picks up and sees Lisa's name on the caller ID.
He swipes to accept the call and answers, "Hey, Lis, what's up?"
"Dean, where's Castiel?" Lisa sounds frantic on the other line.
Cas picks that exact moment to emerge from the bathroom, towel slung low across his hips, water still dripping from his hair and down his skin.
"He just got out of the shower, why?"
Cas tilts his head at Dean, who just shrugs in response.
"Dean, you guys need to come back. Meg is in the hospital."
The drive back home seems to take twice as long as the drive out to the resort despite the fact Dean is sure he's breaking enough traffic laws to land him in jail.
Tension stretches out between them as Cas doesn't say much, just wrings his hands in his lap, twisting his wedding band around his finger, as he stares out the window. Dean spends the ride rubbing soothing circles into Cas's thigh while trying not to stare with disdain at the ring.
Now isn't the time to be petty and jealous, he reminds himself, but it doesn't stop the unpleasant churning and clenching in his gut.
They don't know much. All Lisa had said was that Meg had started having contractions, and when Lisa took her to the hospital, the doctor had seemed concerned. Then there had been a flurry of activity, and Lisa had called them.
"She's going to be okay," Dean promises, even as the words feel like ash on his tongue, heavy and awkward. In all honesty, there's no way to know if she'll be okay, never mind the baby.
Cas nods mutely.
"I mean, come on, this is Meg," Dean tries again. "She's too much of a spitfire for anything to happen to." Still, he can't mention the baby.
Cas doesn't respond at all beyond gripping Dean's hand tightly.
When they arrive at the hospital, they sit in silence, listening to the hum of the idling car as Cas makes no move to leave. Dean reaches over to take one of Castiel's hands in his own, squeezing it gently in reassurance. Castiel doesn't respond, just continues staring out the window at the building that looms over them. The pit of Dean's stomach drops out.
This is a far cry from the intimacy of that morning, which feels like a whole lifetime ago (and it very well may be, but Dean tries not to go down that path, vehemently stamps out and feels sickened by the brief flicker of hope that it leaves blooming in his chest). No, something has changed, and it may be irreversible. Panic wells up in Dean, tightening his throat and making him stupid.
He uses his other hand to cup Cas's cheek and turn Cas to face him, capturing chapped, teeth-worried lips with his own. Dean kisses Cas with a desperation he's never felt before, but Cas is unmoving beneath him. When Dean pulls away, he can't do it completely, still gripping Cas's hand and face.
Cas is staring at him, eyes wide and lost and scared, and Dean feels like the scum of the earth for thinking only of himself when Cas is at risk of losing so much. It doesn't stop Dean from doing what comes next, though.
"I love you." He blurts it out, all the fear and desperation and disillusion from their past year together propelling it forward. He couldn't have stopped it if he tried, if he'd even wanted to, which he realizes now he doesn't. Selfish as it is, bad timing though it may be, he feels better for saying it.
Cas just continues staring at him, unmoving and expression unchanging. Dean bites his tongue to keep from saying anything else.
Finally, Cas extracts himself from Dean's grip, which quickly loosens once he realizes just how tightly he's been holding on. Castiel's motions are stilted, almost robotic in how devoid of feeling they are, as he exits the car without a word, closing the door behind him and walking into the hospital, to his wife's bedside.
Only two chapters left! (Unless something just really runs away from me). I'm hoping to get them out quicker then normal, and I'm placing an extra emphasis on this while putting my other fics on the backburner. However, between work, my own original story, and working on my DCBB, don't expect anything TOO quickly. But I'm trying!
As always, huge thanks to pharocomics for being an awesome beta!
