"JAKE!" Jade yelled gleefully as she jumped on the end of the bed, awaking her cousin with a start. Jake shot up, mumbling incoherently, eyes searching the room frantically for some sort of danger. Jade laughed and scooted up the bed to sit by Jake's knees, leaning over to pick up his glasses and place them in his searching fingers.

"It's just me, Jake. It's time to wake up! We're meeting everyone in about an hour."

Jake rubbed his eyes groggily before putting his glasses on upside-down. "Pardon?"

Jade giggled even more as she plucked the frames off of his head and positioned them correctly over his ears. "It's paintball day! We start bright and early."

"Oh!" Jake blinked a few times, regaining his senses. He cracked the joints in his wrists before springing out of bed. "I just about plum forgot!"

He glanced over at Jade who had her long hair tied back in a ponytail and wore shorts below her atom-emblazoned baseball shirt. "Do I need to wear anything in particular?"

She thought for a moment before shaking her head, "Nah. Sometimes we color coordinate by team but today we won't know till we get there."

"I see!" Jake grinned excitedly as he fished through his drawers, searching for something acceptable. His heart sped up and a lump formed in his throat as he realized he would be able to see Dirk today. Jade said something about breakfast as she left the room, but Jake's head was too full of the illustrious Mr. Strider to hear.

He shook away the butterflies in his stomach as he settled on a black tank top adorned with a green skull. As he slid on his black shorts he realized they had grown to be a bit snug, but they were the only ones clean at the moment. Nobody would notice, probably. He clipped on his Laura Croft dual pistol holster to complete the look.

He brushed his teeth and spent a moment in front of the mirror to run his hands through his messy hair. He was drawn out of the bathroom by the delectable smell of pancakes. Jade was singing cheerily as she flipped flapjacks at the stove, Bec occasionally crooning along between bites of what appeared to be a large steak.

When she saw Jake walk in, Jade slid a plate of pancakes over the counter. "Those are yours!"

Jake's stomach grumbled in appreciation as he sat on a tall stool and began to devour the entire pile. "Mmm thanks!"

After a few moments Jade turned the burner off and sat across from him, heartily consuming her own breakfast. As they ate she explained the rules of the game and tried to quickly recap the strengths and weaknesses of the other players, excitement twinkling in her eyes.

"John is really strong but he likes to use a huge hammer and it slows him down. He's usually on defense. Roxy is a killer sniper so be on the lookout for her hidden somewhere, she picks people off easily but tends celebrates over a hit really loudly and give away her location. Nepeta is quick with those claw things, but she's short so she always launches surprise attacks from higher ground…"

Jake listened attentively, making notes and connecting names to faces of people he had already met. His ears perked up as she reached the end of the list, almost out of breath.

"Finally the Striders. They fight very similarly but Dirk is sneakier. They both use super shitty katanas and have a habit of appearing out of nowhere. They're fast. Like really fast. Your greatest advantage is going to be your range, don't get too close." Jade paused for a moment, trying to recall what other advice she could give him, when she was interrupted by a beeping from her phone. "Oh! We gotta go!"

She grabbed Jake's plate and threw all of the cutlery in the sink, running across the living room to swing open the door to a large closet. She pulled her own large rifle down from the wall and then threw Jake two black pistols. "I got those right before you came; I know they're your favorite."

She grabbed some ammunition for all of the guns and handed him his sheepishly. "I got you green paint to match mine, I thought it could be like, our thing. I know it's a bit stupid but-"

Jake smiled and wrapped her up in a huge hug, lifting her thin frame off the ground. "It's not stupid, it's perfect. Thank you!"

Jade smiled and hugged him back for a moment before jokingly slapping his arm. "Okay put me down! Now we really have to go!"

They both gave Bec a quick pat on the head as they walked out the door, Jake loading his new pistols and measuring their weight in his hands. Of course they were weighted perfectly and freshly polished; he had not been his grandmother's only student. He placed them in his thigh holsters before hopping into the passenger seat of Jade's green Jeep.

They were out of city limits after twenty minutes, concrete sidewalks turning into dusty roads and skyscrapers replaced by large trees. Jake rolled down his window, tempted to stick his head out like Bec, relishing the feeling of being surrounded by nature once again.

After what seemed like no time at all Jade pulled onto a narrow dirt path that led to a clearing littered with cars. People milled about, talking excitedly and holding weapons of all types. Jake scanned the small groups of people looking for Dirk but his attention was drawn to a short grumpy-looking boy who was talking to Jade.

"- and you won't believe what bullshit that asshole is trying to pull." He crossed his arms, dark eyebrows furrowing. "He never shuts up and everything he says is just such fucking garbage! And he WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE. It's like wherever I go he's just there appearing out of who the fuck knows where to fucking lecture me about who the fuck cares what."

Suddenly, as the boy was speaking angrily to Jade, a man who looked very similar to him but with an overly calm expression and a bright red sweater appeared, eyebrows raised and arms crossed. "Karkat, you know language like that can be extremely triggering to certain audiences it's really inappropriate for you to be speaking in such a way in-"

"AAUUUGHHHHH!" The angry boy threw his arms up and screamed in frustration. "Why are you even HERE!"

"If only you knew the impact your harsh language can have on others I'm sure you would reconsider your-"

"LALALALA I'M NOT LISTENING YOU INSUFFERABLE DOUCHEBAG!" Karkat half growled and half shouted, covering his ears like a child.

Jade swooped in to the rescue, stepping between the two and waving at the man who was still rambling incessantly. "Uhh Kankri I'll have to steal Karkat for a moment, he needs to go show Jake around."

Kankri turned to Jade and raised an eyebrow, "Surely you must understand the critical importance of clean language in order to maintain a safe environment for those that may be triggered by such unsavory conduct-"

While he was distracted Karkat grabbed Jake's arm forcefully and pulled him away, backing quickly away from Kankri and mouthing a desperate thanks at Jade. Jade gave him a look clearly expressing a "you owe me" before turning back to Kankri and listening politely.

Karkat marched away quickly, still pulling Jake. "Jegus that girl is a fucking angel. One more minute of that and I would have shot myself in the fucking foot."

When they had reached a safe distance Karkat turned and looked at Jake before extending an arm. "I'm Karkat."

Jake shook his hand briskly, "Jake."

Karkat was shorter than Jake by a good amount with thick angry eyebrows and untamable dark brown hair. He had tan skin and stormy gray eyes that were furrowed grumpily. He glanced down at the pistols strapped to Jake's thighs. "Can you shoot those things?"

"I might be a bit rusty but I can put up a fair show in a round of fisticuffs!" Jake smiled happily, light shining in his eyes.

"Are you serious right now?"

"About what then?"

"Do you talk like that all the time? You must be fucking with me." Karkat raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Err, yes. I mean, no." Jake fidgeted awkwardly, intimidated by the sheer force of the grumpiness radiating from Karkat.

"Why the fuck not. Okay let's see what you can do with those things." Karkat began to walk briskly toward a small practice area, Jake jogging a bit to keep up with his quick strides.

He was led to a smaller clearing than the one with the cars. This one was littered with make-shift targets hanging from the trees at various heights and angles. Many of them were splattered with paint and well worn, red and white circles still managing to show through the layers of color.

Karkat stood back slightly, leaning against a tree behind Jake. "You can just pick one and take some practice shots."

Jake nodded as he walked to the center of the clearing. He took a slow breath in, then out. He closed his eyes for a split second, clearing his head. Focus.

As his eyes shot open he unsheathed both of his pistols in a swift, fluid motion. His arms shot up in parallel, simultaneously shooting targets to the left and right. One. Two. He allowed momentum to carry both arms forward, shooting targets to the northwest and northeast as they made a tight arc, three, four. Looking down his arms and over his pistols he shot cleanly at a target directly in front of him, five. He spun around, rapidly letting off three shots high into the trees. Six. Seven. Eight. His right arm swung ninety degrees, a crisp shot at a target directly above Karkat's head. Nine. He took a breath for a moment, scanning the trees. Where was ten? After a split second he smiled and rolled forward, landing in a crouch and firing at a low target hidden from sight under a bush. Ten.

All of this took place in less than thirty seconds, and Jake bounced up happily. "Golly, that was fun." He sheathed his pistols and turned to Karkat, grinning.

The shorter boy's eyes were wide and his mouth hung wide open, not able to formulate a response. Behind him was a crowd of people with similar expressions, an impressive mixture of awe and disbelief. Jake turned in confusion to survey his work, precise green paint marks at the dead center of every target. Wait, almost every target. Jake put his hand to his chin as he examined shot number seven, green paint splatter almost an inch off of the bull's-eye.

"Oh shucks. Well, I told you I was a bit rusty." He turned back to Karkat and the crowd, shrugging.

The group was speechless. Jake averted his eyes to avoid all of the stunned gazes pointed his way. His breath caught in his throat as he noticed an extra spectator to his warm-up round. Leaning against a tree to the left of the assembly of players was Dirk. He was dressed in a white sleeveless shirt and long black pants, hair expertly styled and the morning sun glinted off of his shades. His face was difficult to read, but it made Jake blush furiously all the same.

"Fuck all of you, English is on my team." Karkat broke the silence, grinning. His comment caused a sudden uproar, voices arguing and speaking rapidly. After a few minutes of loud yelling Equius' tall frame cut through the crowd and his deep voice caused immediate silence. "Stop this foolishness. According to my latest count Mr. English will indeed be joining the blue tea-"

He was interrupted as a girl with short blonde hair and a bright pink shirt fell to the ground, clutching her ankle and wincing loudly.

"AH! Oh ow ow ow!" The girl rocked back and forth, face contorted in pain.

"Roxy! Are you okay?" A boy with thick square frames and messy brown hair rushed to her side.

Roxy paused her rocking for a moment to put on an alluring face, "Oh, hey John." She smiled flirtatiously for a moment before snapping out of it and remembering her injury. "Oh, uh, no. WOE IS ME! I AM LIKE, SO TOTALLY HURT."

Dirk stepped forward, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Roxy what are you-"

Roxy began flailing her arms, pushing him back. "OW MY ANKLE IS IN SO MUCH PAIN!" She turned to Equius dolefully, "I am so sorry Equius I just don't think I'll be able to play for this round."

Roxy gestured John closer, "John be a dear and pick me up, will you?"

"Um, okay." John leaned in carefully sliding one arm beneath her knees and using the other to support her back. Roxy wrapped her arms around his neck, giggling for a moment before once again moaning in pain, "OW OW OW WHY GOD, WHY? John here is going to have to take me to grab a bandage or something."

Nepeta stepped forward, concerned look on her face. "Equius and I brought a first aid kit, it's in the back of the truck-"

"NO NO, did I say bandage? I meant ICE! Oh silly me the pain has made me delirious." Roxy clutched John's neck even tighter, swooning a bit for good measure. "We'll have to drive over to the store and get some. It's no use, with the two of us gone Jake'll have to join team Strider."

Dirk, understanding the point of her obvious ruse, furrowed his eyebrows and shot her a look of disapproval. Roxy winked cheekily before collapsing into John's chest.

The more gullible of their friends patted Roxy sympathetically while Dave stifled a laugh. Equius just looked confused by the entire show and raised an eyebrow. "Well then. Due to the loss of two players, Mr. English will actually be joining the red team." Karkat's hands flew up in outrage, the whole group clamoring once again. "And that is FINAL!" Equius paced away, wiping the sweat off of his face with a towel. "We start in fifteen minutes."

Jake blinked, surprised by the sudden turn of events. He walked towards the group of people who had become his team, all of them patting him on the back and exclaiming how amazing of a shot he was.

Jade smiled, "We're on the same team now! Yay!" She wrapped her arms around his neck, whispering in his ear, "Grandma would be really proud of you." Jake closed his eyes and gave her a tight squeeze.

A boy with combed blonde hair and black aviator shades extended a fist which Jake tentatively bumped. "That was the shit, bro. I should have expected as much from Jade's cousin but that was fucking awesome." He wore a white shirt with long red sleeves over black pants. Jake recognized him from Jade's descriptions but even if he hadn't the resemblance to Dirk was uncanny. "I'm Dave."

Jake nodded, smiling. "Jake English." He exchanged remarks with some other members of the team, committing as many names to memory as possible.

Finally Jake turned to Dirk. He searched his face for some sort of response, and the two locked eyes for a breath. After what seemed like an eternity Dirk's mouth curved into sexy smirk for which Jake was entirely unprepared. "Good to have you. Now let's kick some ass."

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