Gosh, I am tired, and endings are hard. There were a couple of other things I could have done with this fic, but I didn't want for it to drag out unnecessarily so I ended it here. Now I'm gonna curl up and sleep for a couple weeks and maybe write some more nonsensical things. Thank you so much for reading. I really do appreciate it.
"Did you know that Zero used to be the captain of a spaceship like this one?" Tochiro offered, smiling. He hadn't been referring to the Independent as Tadashi's father, but he didn't correct the boy when the weary cook said "daddy" either.
"No," the young male murmured. He lay on his side, his arms around his snoozing mutt. Sadness and the restraint binding his wrist had made him quite placid, but only for the happy-go-lucky engineer and the little girl who always looked so worried. He was still testy around everyone else, especially the man with the eye patch. He hated that man.
"Well, I guess it wasn't quite like this one," the short man mused. "No spacecraft is quite like this one. And he certainly didn't have a pirate vessel… I mean, his ship was one of a kind like this one, but it wasn't supposed to be one of a kind. It was a part of a fleet initially, and there was this one time…" He shook his head, bringing himself back to his initial point. "Anyway, he used to be a captain, and he was a pretty great captain I'd say."
"Why did he stop being a captain?"
Tochiro hesitated, kneading his hands in his lap. "Ah well, that's… His crew got attacked, and it…it didn't end well for him."
Tadashi mulled it over for a moment, trying to understand. "Was he happy when he was a captain?"
"Yes," the elder frowned, nodding slowly. "I'd say he was. You seem to talk about that a lot – being happy."
A stretch of silence held the air. The boy took a few slow breaths, the weight in his now-lone eye growing. His left eye had been removed and the lid sewn shut, though he hadn't bothered to take much notice of it. "Daddy always looked so sad," he said finally. "He always looked so tired, even when he was smiling. But I just wanted to see him happy. I thought we were going to be…and then you came."
Tochiro sighed, rubbing his hand over his jaw in thought. "I think the reason he looked upset was because he'd done so much that he'd regretted. He felt such overwhelming guilt, and you were his saving grace. You accepted him, and I wonder if that was all he'd wanted. He wanted someone to love him because he hated himself." He broke from his musings as he realized the doe eye staring at him had filled with tears. "A-ah! But I'm just thinking out loud. You don't need to think that."
"But why would Daddy hate himself?" Tadashi whimpered. "He never did anything wrong."
The engineer scowled as he realized he'd thrown himself into a corner again. "Every man has his sins. Zero's were just… Did you know about the basement?" The words tumbled from his mouth before he could stop them. He scrambled to think of a way to gloss over the question, but the damage was already done.
Tadashi's eye was wide, void of emotion and focus. "Don't go in the basement," he whispered. "You're not allowed down there."
Tochiro was sure he absolutely did not need to press this any farther. "Uh…Why not? What's in the basement?"
The boy began to shake, trembling wildly as fear filled his distant eye. He didn't answer, and he wouldn't answer any further questions or attempts at consolation. Instead he curled himself into a ball and hid from everything, refusing to hear or see the outside world. It was only when Rebi arrived with the other two dogs in tow that he was finally coaxed back into reality. But by then, Tochiro had thought best to leave and had gone to see his irritable friend.
"You just can't talk about any of what was really going on without him closing himself off," the engineer sighed, messing his hair.
Harlock nodded slowly, staring out into the void of space from his seat on the bridge.
"This is a good spot," the short male offered. His friend nodded again. "Do we have a casket?"
"Don't we always?"
Unfortunately they did, just for such an occasion.
"You know we're going to have to actually untie the kid from his bed if he's going to see the funeral," Tochiro noted. Funeral wasn't exactly the right word. It was more of a send off really, but funeral sounded better.
Harlock had given up on facing his cook for the time being. Every attempt had only led to the boy screaming and causing his blood pressure to spike. "Perhaps he'll be so caught up with Zero that he won't try to kill me," the captain muttered.
"Er, that's the spirit. Look, I'm sure you can get him to like you again. He just needs some time. In his mind, his father just died. It's only natural that he'd be upset."
A dark scowl overtook the captain's expression. "But nothing about this is natural. The way he's acting isn't natural. It's all a delusion and a very unhealthy one at that. If we don't stop this, he could wind up just like Zero."
"You think he's going to get worse? Harlock, he hasn't been this way for very long. Ban said he probably put up this barrier in order to protect himself. Once he realizes we're no threat, he'll come back to us. I think the problem is the way we're treating him. He's like a prisoner. Let's just let him go back to his old routine. He hasn't been in his kitchen in ages. Maybe just letting him go in there will help something."
"We'll need to make sure he doesn't attempt to stab me with a kitchen knife though," the captain mused, not looking particularly worried about the idea.
"That is kind of your own fault. You didn't exactly start off on the right foot."
"He doesn't like Kei either, and she hasn't done anything," Harlock argued. So, alright, he'd made a mistake or two. It wasn't as though he hadn't tried to fix them. Tadashi just preferred screaming at him to, well, anything. The captain wasn't one for bribery, but he would have attempted it if he'd had anything he thought the cook might be interested in.
"He doesn't like Kei because she helps the doctor give him his shots," Tochiro reminded his friend dryly. "The funeral's probably not going to be the best place to try talking to him, but who knows? Leave him alone for a bit and see how he's taking it. Then maybe you can approach him."
"We'll see," Harlock muttered. All these "maybes" were making his head hurt. He wanted for something to be certain. No matter how sick Tadashi was, he couldn't leave the boy. He couldn't leave someone behind again. No matter what it took, he would keep his promises, and he would take care of his cook.
Besides Tochiro, Rebi was the only person whose company Tadashi enjoyed. It was nice to just watch her giggle and coo as the dogs sloppily covered her face with kisses. Really, that was why he liked her. She could smile. She could laugh.
She was happy.
"We have to give them new names!" she decided without warning while the pups continued to try eating her hair.
"Why's that?" he asked, tilting his head slightly in confusion, and so he could see her better.
"Duh! I am Rebi, and big sister is Kei, and the captain is the captain! It'll get too confusing if they have names like our names."
He nodded, slowly understanding. "Daddy told me to name them, but you can name them too."
"This one should be Gray." She pointed to the gray, having already decided on their names. "And this one is White and this one is Spot."
"She has a lot of spots though."
"Then we can call her Spots."
Tadashi stared at the three newly-named dogs. Such childish names. Just like… "Their dad's name was Black," he murmured.
"Then having a daughter named White is perfect," Rebi giggled, poking the pup's nose. "Where is their dad?"
"He…" The boy's eye hollowed. "Daddy had to put him down."
"O-oh…"
He picked up his favorite little gray pup, bringing it close to his chest. "Daddy got me the dogs because he wanted to make me happy. No one should ever be lonely. Domino would have been lonely without Black, so Daddy put her down too."
Rebi shrank back, worried about the dark murmur to his words. She decided a change of subject would do them good. "Your eye is creepy," she interjected, jumping from the bed to grab a roll of bandages.
"It is?"
She nodded as she scrambled back up onto the bed and began needlessly wrapping his face in order to cover up the ugly stitches. He offered no rebuttal, even as she tied the front with a bow. Her eager grin faded as she realized she wasn't going to get a response.
"I'm sorry it's creepy," he offered, unsure why she was upset. He never knew what it was, but he must have done things to upset her, because she'd stop smiling and laughing. He didn't want to take away her happiness. She needed to be happy.
"Why won't you come back?" she whimpered, tears welling up in her innocent eyes. "Come back, Brother. Y-you're supposed to get mad. Make fun of me, or call me names. Pick me up and spin me around. Make me a snack and then tuck me in for bed. Please, Brother."
"I'm not your brother," he frowned, placing his hand to her cheek and wiping away her tears. "I think you have me mistaken for someone else."
"No, no," she choked brokenly. "You're my big brother. You just need to come back. Everyone misses you. You don't need to be scared anymore, Brother." She placed her arms around him, burying her eyes against his shoulder. "Mr. Tochiro and Harlock will protect you. A-and me – I'll protect you too. No one's gonna hurt you ever again."
"I'm sorry," he whispered for whatever he must have done. Perhaps no one around him was allowed to be happy.
She didn't say anymore to him. She just left, still crying with sobs shaking her. The bandages came untied and fell out of place.
He wanted to follow her, to comfort her and to see the outside. This room was his prison. They were keeping him here for some reason. Trying to understand it made his head ache. He wanted to go home, but his father wouldn't be there waiting for him. His father was dead because of that man with the eye patch.
When the man came into his room without warning, he wanted to yell at him. But he was tired, and Mr. Tochiro was there too, smiling timidly at him. "Hey, Tadashi," he greeted while the man with the eye patch averted his gaze. "We thought you might want to say goodbye to Zero."
"What?" the boy questioned airily.
"We're having a small funeral for an old friend," the taller man said, finally looking at him. "Would you like to come?"
Tadashi didn't understand, but if it really was his father's funeral, he had to say goodbye. The thought made him feel hollow, made his entire body ache, but he nodded. He felt dazed at they freed his arm from the strap that had bound him. Every movement seemed automatic.
He vaguely took in the halls of the ship as he followed the two men through them. An odd sense of déjà vu washed over him, but it was just another thing he didn't understand. And once the closed casket came into view, every other thought left him. He placed his hand to the outside, afraid to ask them to open it.
"He wouldn't want for you to cry," Mr. Tochiro said behind him, "but he'd appreciate that you cared enough to."
Tadashi blinked, slowly bringing up his hand to wipe away the tears he hadn't even realized had begun to fall. "Why did you kill him?" he asked, turning to the quiet man who evenly met his gaze.
"He was looking for his place to die," the man answered softly. "He finally found it, and I couldn't take that from him. It wasn't my place to do so." He took a step forward, kneeling in front of the boy. "I think, had he truly gotten to meet you, he would have adored you, because he did love kids. And he probably would have yelled at me, because he said I was no good with them and under no circumstances was I allowed to have any." He sighed, pulling a small scrap of fabric from his pocket and tying it around the boy's face. "I never was one for listening to his orders though."
Tadashi shakily traced his fingers across the soft, black patch covering his eyelid. He remained quiet, unsure what to make of the man's words. All he could think was that maybe he wouldn't upset little Rebi now.
"I'm sorry," the man offered, his hand coming to rest on the boy's shoulder. "I'm sorry for what happened – all of it. The blame is mine, and you shouldn't have suffered for it. You don't need to feel scared, and you shouldn't apologize for anything."
"Neither should you," Tochiro grumbled.
"W-what are you going to do with Daddy?"
"We're going to let him rest. We'll give him to the stars that he always worked so hard to protect. And now they'll take care of him in return."
"That sounds so lonely," Tadashi whispered, but the pirate shook his head.
"I will never leave one of my friends alone again. Someday I'll join him, but for now his crew should keep him company for me."
"Is he going to be happy?" the crying boy asked, his lips trembling from the effort.
"I'm sure he's very happy, and he'd want for you to be too, so you don't have to cry for him. But if you want to, it's alright."
Once they'd let him go, out among the brilliant stars peppering the space around them, Tadashi had run out of tears. He simply felt drained from it all. There was no home for him to return to.
The tall man held out a hand to him. Hesitantly, he placed his good hand into it and allowed the man to lead him down the halls of the gently-humming ship. He could have pulled away, but he saw no reason to. Nothing would harm him. There was nothing to fear.
"I don't want to force you to remember," Harlock sighed. "And as selfish as it sounds, I don't want you to hate Zero either, even after all that happened to you. You'll decide for yourself, I suppose."
"Where are we going?" his cook questioned nervously. It certainly wasn't the way back to the med bay.
"To everyone's favorite room on the ship," Harlock smiled.
As they walked into the galley, Tadashi looked around as though everything was bothering him, but he allowed himself to be led to the table. He sat down without prompting and watched curiously as the captain moved to the kitchen area.
"I'm a useless cook," he noted as he began to wash a small batch of rice. "But I am better than Tochiro if that counts for anything."
"What?" Tadashi frowned.
"The first time we met, you wanted to kill me. I wouldn't say I'm worth the effort, but I was happy we managed to stop you then, or at least Tochiro did. I'm going to pull a page from his book."
"You don't make any sense."
Harlock nodded. "Are you hungry?"
"A little, I guess," the boy sighed. "I'm really just tired."
By the time the rice was cooked, Tadashi had taken to resting against the tabletop, but the scent of food brought him slowly to life. "It's burnt," he murmured.
"Maybe I should have let you cook it," the captain muttered, somewhat embarrassed. "Guess I really am no better than Tochiro."
"Can't waste it though," the tired voice echoed. "You should never waste food." His chopsticks shook in his hand as he placed a cluster of the rice in his mouth.
"That's why you're such a good cook. That's why you're the Arcadia's cook."
"And we're going to find Arcadia?" Tadashi whispered hopefully.
"We are. We're going to find it, and we're going to be happy."
The cook turned to face his captain, a smile easing onto his face as more tears traced the tired paths on his cheeks. His chopsticks fell to the table as he jumped up to tackle the taller man around the middle. "I'm sorry," he laughed through a sob.
"I told you not to apologize," Harlock reminded him. "You don't have a reason to."
Tadashi's mind was flooded with the past, with thoughts of a woman in mourning clothes, of playing board games and catch, and of a man who always looked so painfully sad, except the fleeting moments that he was called by a lie of a name. The boy suddenly had so many things he wanted to tell his captain, so many things he wasn't sure if his captain would want to hear. Instead he laughed, because there wasn't much else he could do. "You found me," he said.
"I said I would. I said I'd come get you. I'll keep my promises, and I'll protect you." He carefully pulled away, examining his puffy-faced crewman. "Now then, we're behind schedule. Let's find our Arcadia."
"For him too?" Tadashi asked softly.
"Of course," Harlock nodded. "For him, and for all of us."
