Jesus Christ: You spoke Danish very well last chapter, my son. You will be rewarded with a eternal life in even with me. Because he used Google translate to write a chapter with no plot points whatsoever?
Thomas Brown: Tak meget. Stop.
Jesus Christ: What else do you demand of your devoted readers?
Thomas Brown: To write positive reviews for this great fan-fiction. But that's lying, isn't it? Read the ninth Commandment. I only will stop writing this holy story when I know that it is working that I am concerting good Christian men to my cause. First, not happening. You're shaming good Christians. Second, why would you want to convert a Christian? Third, not that many men on fanfiction. It's mostly yaoi-obsessed girls.
Jesus Christy: I will make that this happens my son. You are the best writer since William Shakes pear. You mean Shakespeare? You know, I'm not that fond of Romeo and Juliet. It's nice, but not his best work. Take Hamlet, Macbeth, Midsummer's Night Dream, King Lear, even. They're all better than Romeo and Juliet.
Thomas Brown: I am glad you think so. Amen and amen.
Chapter Five
LIES!
Annie Beth, Who? Michael and Jerry stood at the portal. Still with the portal? We went through it three chapters ago. They waited an hour while Percy Jackson and his group went out opt find if any daggers were there. Unless you go before the Stone Age, there will always be daggers. Big daggers, small daggers, sharp daggers, the dagger that is in my hand right now… After that hour they decided to go through.
"I will do the lord`s biding by walking through this portal by defeating anything that gets into my way. Did you ever think that in the future, the descendants of one of the people you kill invented air conditioning? And since you killed him, he'll never reproduce, and you know what that means? We'll all die of heat and it'll all be your fault! Jerk… I am able to kill the Greed gods with the aid of Percy Jackson by going into the depth of jell, so I am not going to be defeated by a group of satanic scum such as those Communists, You prayed and everyone exploded. Either that or you snuck up on them, or bored them to death. Face it, kid, when it comes to actual face-to-face fighting, you're nothing. I could take you with both hands tied behind my back. COME AT ME, BRO! who are a threat to our capitalistic system, which was given to us by our lord Jesus Christ, Jesus, a capitalist? I somehow don't think that works. a spiritual founder of the holy United Sates of Americana. Oi, gevalt. I pray to Go that he gives me strength to overcome this difficult time," said Jerry. You brought it on yourself, body-pisser.
"God is on our side Jerry. And I bet Percy Jackson is now being victory on the evil scum that are satanic evil breaths! Yeah, I hate bad breath too. I will follow you, for you give me wisdom and strength, enough to kill Dumbledore by knocking him off the wall, Ha! So it was you! and beheading that coward Harry Potter, You never beheaded him. One time he was killed by Ebony, another he was struck by lightning. who rain away just because he didn't want to face our lord Joust Chris, and instead deny my greatest love: Jesus! I LOVE YOU JESUS! I love you, Baltimore! Every day's like an open door, every night is a fantasy, every sound's like a symphony… But alas, I will follow you through this portal and kill whoever is behind this portal," said Michaela. Go through the freakin' portal already.
"Thank you Michele, I love him just as much as you love him. We will serve him vey much good. WE YOU? will go out there and kill them, and must then suffer from forcing such a satanic system called Communism I really should stick to one chapter a day for the sake of my mental health. on a group Christian system that treats people good. The Tsar is a lovely Christian man that would never harm a single soil. Rofl. The communist leader John Lennon will send it along, with love, from me, to you. I've got everything that you want. Like a heart that's oh-so true! Just call on me, and I'll send it along, with love. From me, to you. That's one of my favourite Beatles songs. Look it up, it will do wonders for your mental health. and army to kill anything that takes him on! We go forth and win! Amen," said Jerry.
"And with that, I will say a prayer: 'God, bless us very much and send us victorious into Russia so that we can defeat this communist. Amen'," said Anna Beth. Who the hell are you? What did you do to Annabeth?
And so they walked into the portal, and then out there they witness a warrior women Xena, Warrior Princess? being attacked by a group of coward satanic scum who were community. Communities are nice. Jerry went to one of the Satanists and attack it in the groans with the sword, Oh, that's gotta hurt! and then slit its throat. He then went up to another Satanist and stab them in the stomach, and stepped on their foot, and then slit its toad. No! Not Trevor! Another Satanist tried to kill him, but Jerry gouged its eyes out with a knife and then cut off the Satanists feet and arms. Jerry let him live, so that the satanic scum could live the rest of his life in pain suffering from his worms. It also gave it a chance to convert to Christianity and go to heaven like all good Christian men.
"To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your feet, below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next, your nose."
"Then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight!"
"I wasn't finished! The next thing you lose is your left eye followed by your right."
"And then my ears, I understand, let's get on with it!"
"Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out 'Dear God, what is that thing?' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."
"… I think you're bluffing."
Princess Bride is a cool movie. Kinda crappy title, but it's hilarious.
Micheal and Jerry managed to kill all the Satanists, We know. You wanna know how we know? 'CAUSE IT ALREADY HAPPENED. There. Now you know. and then they said a prayer: "Thank you good for giving us the strength to kill this Satanist. We will bless you a sacrifice of a lamb, What happened to not giving up part of your meal? and we will read the bible tonight for an hour."
And God said, "Read the book of Judges, and it will give you the knowledge to defeat these evils."
And Jerry said, "But the book of Judges is so boring! Why can we not read the Book of Kings instead?"
"Thank you good," they replied. They then went up to the Warrior women who turned out to be Clarisse La Rue, who had been attacked in the second introduction of this story.
Allow me to explain something to you, Tommy-boy. The thing about death is that it's final. When you die, you stay dead, you don't pop back up like nothing happened. It's the reason I can't talk to my grandfather anymore.
"I am a good women, who has lived an honest life. Yeah, I just dunked Percy's head down a toilet first time we met. But there is one thing I have not done that, and that is being baptised on the name of our lord Jesus Christ of Narrative. You converted to Christianity and became the second female Prayer Warrior, remember? Please, if you are a Good Christiane man is to baptise me and show me the true way, for only Satan sits communist scum like in this satanic place called the Soviet Union, which is what is left of the Christian empire of Russia," said Clarisse La Rue.
And so I baptised Clarisse La Rue, who renamed himself Clarisse of Christ, Why? What would that achieve? Is your name Thomas of Christ? No. It doesn't matter if you've been baptized, you don't have to change your last name. and we had many hours of prayer, along with Mellissa, McCarthy, the actress? who survived the battle, who I had given blessings to. And we plotted the attack on Satan and his false empire called the united Soviet Union. Doesn't seem very false to me. It seems it existed, no matter what you say, you silly little man. And now we had the knowledge of Clarisse of Christ. Amen.
"Yes I will," she said. "I knew you were not like anyone else. I believe you. We must defeat these evils gods and Satan before they destroy anything else! I will follow you and obey you every order. I will not speak out of term, Calm, obedient, who work fast-pace. With good breeding and a tiny waist, you'll bring honour to us all. and I will make sure I am a foot away from you at all times, for it is an offense for a woman to go suck a thigh. Beg pardon? I am a Prayer Warrior now and I want you to baptise me and my family, for none of us our baptised," said Clarisse of Christ as she left the waters of the baptising lake.
And so we travelled on to catch up with Percy Jackson and his group, who had now wandered far of into the distance. Jerks.
